A

Bonus segment. Before we do the bonus segments, I'm going to do this in the regular segments and the bonus segments because we didn't do a good job of it during the sponsor question. The code is Trek15Topo for 15% off a pair of topoathletics@topoathletic.com. okay.

B

All right. Today's bonus segment is about a tiger.

A

Oh, I'm intrigued.

B

Yeah, we don't talk about tigers often here.

A

Not at all.

B

The animals.

A

No tiger facts.

B

We don't. But you know what? We're about to have some. Some tiger facts.

A

Okay.

B

This is a story about a tiger named Champawat. Definitely pronouncing that wrong.

A

Sure.

B

But that's how it looks to me. And. Sorry, I have a burp. Hold on. There it is. This is like a late 1800s, early 1900s time frame. So put yourself back then. And we're in northern Italy. Or Italy. Jesus. No, we're in northern India.

A

Okay.

B

If we were in northern Italy and saw a tiger, we'd really.

A

You're at the zoo.

B

There'd be other substances involved. Yeah. So we're in northern India, like around Nepal. There's this female Bengal Tiger, late 1800s, early 1900s, named Champawat. And she lives in the forests around Nepal and northern India. And she. This is like a really good number for a tiger, bad number for humans, but she is responsible for an estimated. This isn't confirmed. An estimated 436 deaths.

A

Damn.

B

Yeah, this bitch was hungry. Which is still considered the highest number ever attributed to a single man eating tiger.

A

Is this what the movie Ghost in the Darkness is based off of?

B

No idea. Okay.

A

No, because those are lions.

B

The only movie that I've recent. The only. Well, this shows a lack of culture on my part, but the recent movies I've seen that focus around India, I would say are rrr. Which does have tigers and is a great movie.

A

I've never heard of that.

B

Incredible. Oh, my God. It's long. Yeah, but it was worth every minute. It's intense.

A

Do they not have guns in India? Like, what is going.

B

Obviously going to get. But anyway, yeah. And then spoiler alert. Okay, so rr, you should watch that. There's a tiger in it. It's at the end. They like let them loose on people. Anyway. Okay, so what makes it fascinating is this wasn't just like a few weeks, which actually probably would have made it more fascinating because that's impressive on its own.

A

But it's just a massacre.

B

This went on for years. This is years of Champawat Champawading Champ. A lotting champ. A lot. Champ A lot.

A

Once you get a taste for human, it's hard to go back.

B

So imagine living in a mountain village during that time. Most people at that time in a mountain village in this area would have traveled on foot everywhere to get either water, to gather wood, to work in fields, visit neighboring villages, what have you. So the forests weren't like distant wilderness. This isn't New England when the pilgrims got here. And they're like, ah, we don't go in those hills. You know, this is like part of their everyday life. They've got to go through these forests. So now suddenly, here's your. Here's your main Highway 6, or Route 6, whatever you call that road that I come to get here. Now there's a fucking tiger out there actively hunting people.

A

Yeah.

B

And I gotta drive that every time I come to the podcast. Like, shit. So basically, whole routines started changing so people stop walking alone. Villages become quieter because no one wants to leave after certain hours. Some paths through the forest were basically, like, abandoned altogether because too many people had disappeared there. So kind of like trails on the east coast when we think, like, after World War II, even the ATN parts where it's like, people didn't use them as often, so the trail gets overgrown. Same shit here where it's like buddy system up. And if, you know this trail has had so many people go missing, we're just gonna just not do that one.

A

I feel like a tiger could take on two people.

B

Definitely the buttock system is not gonna do shit.

A

Yeah.

B

So what's especially wild is how intelligent Champawat seems to become. So tigers normally avoid humans, but she had learned human behavior. So she reportedly waited near trails that people regularly used and attacked quietly or quickly before disappearing back into, like, dense jungle terrain. So she was doing these, like, ambush, like, stealth gotchas. And then the governments in the region tried to stop her. So hunting parties go after her. They start offering rewards. Soldiers are even involved, honestly, at certain points. But terrain's in the tiger's favor, right? There's thick forest, there's hills, there's ravines. Every time they try to go looking for her, they can't find her. Now people are just more scared. So eventually, she crosses from Nepal into the Kamoan. Kamawan. Kamawan. Kumawa. Kumaon. K U M A O N region of India, near a town called Champawat. Now we know where the name comes from. And so this dude named Jim Corbett enters the story. This is the less fun part depending on if you're on the side of tigers or humans. So Corbett later becomes famous as both a hunter and a conservationist, which seems like a oxymoron and. Well, I guess it depends because there's nevermind. And he approached the situation differently than others. So he wants to understand why Champawat is hunting these humans.

A

Get inside the mind of the Right.

B

Like, why did everyone. Why, why did all this government shit fail? Like, why can't they figure this bitch out? Yeah, what is she doing? Why is she doing that? What? What? Why does she just love human flesh?

A

Sure.

B

Why does she keep eating us? Can she stop? So Jim's like, why don't we ask some of these questions? So he boring part because it sucks. He ends up tracking and killing her in 1907. Technically, the way it's written, he tracked and killed the tigress, which I think is such a cool word for a female tiger. But he kills her and that sucks because she seems really cool, but. So he's successful, if that's what you define a success as. After Champawat is slain, they go and they examine her body. So they discover something which is that her teeth were really badly damaged. So her canine teeth had apparently been shattered by an earlier gunshot wound from humans. So she had been shot. This is revenge in the face. And it busted her teeth up. Yeah, well, not even revenge.

A

But she can't eat the normal tiger fare.

B

Tigers depend heavily on their massive canine teeth to bring down fast moving prey, like for example, deer. And so with that kind of injury, hunting normal animals would have become incredibly difficult and also painful. So humans unfortunately were much easier targets, much more slow moving, much easier to take down. And that completely changed how, like people were thinking about things they like, he's. Corbett started arguing basically that these animals weren't naturally aggressive. Like man eating animals weren't naturally aggressive towards humans. They were just usually injured or old or unable to hunt oral prey because again, this is late 1800s, early 1900s. So people are like, they're coming for us because they love.

A

Yeah.

B

The sweet, sweet taste of our flesh. Yeah. Wrong.

A

It's just a survival tactic.

B

But yeah. So basically, Champ, a lot becomes infamous because of a. The scale of her attacks and how many she took down. But also just like in the way that like she brought light into a new kind of theory around, like, are they eating men because they like to eat men or are they, I say men, you know, women too.

A

Yeah.

B

Be cool if they could designate, but no, everyone. So was she Eating them because she was just like, fuck you guys. Or was she eating them because she was like, listen, I'd go for the juicy deer, but my teeth hurt and you were just so soft and squishy.

A

I wonder if the tigers develop a preference for, like, the type of human that they're after. Like, you mentioned man, woman. Like, maybe it had a preference.

B

Like, I would love to know if we taste different and not in a way of like, I would want to taste this to try.

A

Yeah, but I mean, you think about like a chicken. Like, some people like the white meat, the breast. Like, if it was.

B

Yeah, but no one's serving you a burger and being like, this Wagyu burger is a FEMA female, so it tastes better than the male and you have to pay an extra $5.

A

I would imagine all beef is probably female cows versus bulls.

B

Oh, not saying that thought out loud.

A

I mean, dogs enjoy bulls.

B

Every cow is female.

A

Yeah, well, the male ones are bulls. But like, I know, but like a cattle ranch.

B

But bulls are like, they're, they're. I know, and I say it out loud and I know this. I know every cow is female, but you just don't remember that every cow is female. Yeah.

A

You'd like to think that you're having a male steak at some point.

B

Yeah. You probably aren't eating any man burgers. They're probably all female burgers.

A

I don't eat bulls.

B

What does bull taste like? The same.

A

We actually do eat male cattle, just not as intact bulls to keep the meat tender and tasty. Male calves are castrated at a young age to become steers. That's bogus.

B

So a bull is only an uncastrated cow?

A

I guess.

B

And if it's castrated, it goes back to being a cow.

A

Yeah. I just don't know how common of a practice it is.

B

Cow castration. You should look that up.

A

So there's literally the subreddit on no stupid questions. Why don't we eat bull? Let's see what this says. We do eat male cattle. Steers. We do. Oh, I guess we do.

B

Is steer. Okay, so steer is a castrated bull.

A

Yeah. First to define terminologies. The male is first a bull calf. And if left intact, becomes a bull. If castrated, it becomes a steer. And about two or three years grown to an ox.

B

An ox is a castrated bull. You're telling me an ox isn't a different animal?

A

If castrated, he becomes a steer. Yeah. A heifer is a female that has not bred yet. When she gives birth to her first calf, she becomes a cow.

B

I'm sorry. An ox and the bull are the same animal minus balls.

A

So beef is usually from steers and heifers. So bulls, uncastrated males, are kept for breeding and not for meat oxen or steers that are kept and used for work.

B

Right. I'm thinking about the great wagon road and like all the like old trading paths of the 1700s and those times. And they would pull carts with ox. And I always think of ox as their own category. Their own category in my brain.

A

Yeah.

B

And now I'm learning that they are just a cow with no balls.

A

I'm trying to figure out like what percent of beef that we eat is steer. Oh, in the U.S. about 49% of beef cattle slaughter to steer.

B

So it's very. 50. 50.

A

Yeah. All right. That. That was wrong.

B

Did you know that an ox was just a cow with no balls?

A

Nope, definitely not.

B

Is that not blowing your mind?

A

That is crazy.

B

It's like telling me a quail is a chicken. That is essentially what you're telling. Because a quail has always in my brain been a more exotic animal on the Alphabet chart from when I was young. And an oxygen also falls on those animal charts. But never did any of the kid books tell me that they were a cow with no balls.

A

Yeah, this is some. It sounds like the majority of stakes are male, so stand corrected.

B

Yeah, 49 go to slaughter, but the majority of stakes are male.

A

So it says cattle type steers are about 49% heifers, or I believe it's heifers. 32% dairy. Cows are 8.7, other cows are 9.1, and then bulls are 1.6. So maybe it is about 50.

B

50. Well, if you add the bulls and the ox, then you're at 50.6.

A

So the clean answer is roughly half of US beef comes from steers. Okay, there it is. That's more. That's more feminism.

B

See if they see if they taste different. Is that feminism?

A

Equality.

B

But by 0.6. And you're.

A

And I'm just saying roughly half.

B

That's.

A

That's forward progress.

B

I'll take it. I didn't. Hey, I just up until now, I have not even really been sure about what male cows are.

A

Yes, deer. Beef is usually considered good tasting beef, especially compared with beef from older cows or bulls of steers. Castrated, blah, blah, blah. Because steers are typically raised specifically for beef and harvested young, their meat is usually mild, tender, good marbling, and common for steaks.

B

Huh.

A

So sounds like most Steaks are. Dude. Cows.

B

Yeah.

A

Okay, well that's honestly mind blowing for me.

B

Yeah, I just always assumed.

A

Thing for me, I just always assumed Cows. The ladies and.

B

You mean the. Oh, okay.

A

Yeah.

B

I find it fascinating that we started this bonus segment with a long story about tigers and we have left this bonus segment each learning something new about cows.

A

We're in Beeftown. Have you seen Beef on Netflix?

B

It's just called Beef. Uh huh.

A

No, it has nothing to do with beef.

B

Why is it called Beef?

A

It's almost. Oh God. What's the popular drama on hbo?

B

Game of Thrones.

A

No, no, no, the Mike White directed where they go to a different resort.

B

White Lotus.

A

Yeah, it's White Lotus. Ish. And that is like.

B

Do you know what show I watched recently that really I'm very upset about? I haven't finished it, but I feel like you might have seen it. Have you seen American Vandal? So this is a Netflix docu series. Something maybe not even on Netflix docu series around this high school kid that they expel because the kids, like just one of the ones like the kid in your class that you know, just like does everything that like, like something's vandalized. It was this kid.

A

Yeah, he's a pyro.

B

He apparently someone over the course of 15 minutes drew like 30 dicks on teachers cars in like a staff parking lot and they expelled him for it. And he's claiming it wasn't him, but then this other kid is claiming it was him and he saw him. And there's like only so many people that have access to the surveillance cameras. He was on the TV crew. Surveillance camera footage is missing from those two minutes. People are arguing like, oh, he couldn't have gone in and deleted that footage that fast. And like he's too dumb to do this, right? I am enthralled by this video because like the first part of this docu series, it starts like the opening credits say in tandem or like an association with X high school production. So I'm like, this high school has an AV club and they like, they made this neck. This is fantastically filmed. It's. The story's brilliant. The interviews are incredible. Whatever.

A

Yeah, what a high school.

B

Episode one ends and like they're just talking about dicks on cars. They're going through theories for like, why this guy couldn't have done it and they're working their way backwards and like debunking the case and everything. I am enthralled. Yeah, I'm enthralled. I'm laughing at, like, the. That they're saying on tv. I'm laughing that high schoolers are saying this stuff. I'm finding this to be amazing. Episode one ends. Garrett tells me it was. It's not a fucking real documentary. It's scripted. Did you know that when I was saying it?

A

No.

B

Oh, you're nodding like you should have. Like, you knew.

A

I just feel like that's not a documentary at that point.

B

Oh, my God. Yeah, exactly. So now I'm like, I don't. I don't want to watch episode two. And he's like, you were just obsessed with it. And I'm like, yeah. Because I thought that all these jokes were, like, kids saying shit on the fly. I didn't know someone wrote this out. You know, it takes the luster away.

A

Is the story still real?

B

Like, no. So everything I told him, this is the second I a. I. I really reprimanded him in the kindest way. This isn't like, you know, with a grain of salt, but was like, listen, if you knew that, this would have possibly changed my viewing experience. Wait until I'm done with every episode before you tell me. Yeah, now I don't want to watch anymore.

A

It feels more like the Office than, like, an actual docu series.

B

I believed it. And so my brother, when I was young. Well, not when I was. I was in, like, high school or something, I was watching Blair Witch the basement, and he had walked down when there was, like, 30 minutes left, and he was like, oh, this scared the crap out of me until I realized it wasn't actually real.

A

So you thought that Blair Witch.

B

Completely real, and that's like, an actual documentary? 100%. And that's what I told Garrett to validate it. And he was like, that's really weird. I was like, why?

A

How old were you when Blair Witch came out?

B

No, I didn't watch it when it came out. I watched it in high school.

A

Oh.

B

But so basically, he was like, there's no one in their right mind that could have thought this was a real documentary. And that's why he told me. And then I told him the Blair Witch story as, like, he's like, now it checks out. You ruined this. Just like he ruined this. And he was like, how could you possibly believe this? There was a guy in this American Vandal show that he looked like the pizza guy. The kid that was, like, delivering pizzas in Stranger Things with, like, the really long black hair. I'm like, that guy looks just like the kid delivering pizzas in Stranger Things. It's the same actor's act. I couldn't put that together. I was just like, he looks like. He looks like he's trying to look like him. Like he's grown his hair out the same length and Garrett is sitting there biting his tongue like, someone's got to tell her.

A

Now, in hindsight, it makes sense because you are, to a fun extent, very gullible.

B

Incredibly so.

A

Yeah.

B

But it's like, don't. Don't ruin my sparkle. If you can see that I am getting life off of this, I don't care how wrong I am. Why didn't you tell me? I told him it was selfish. I told him that he told me the real thing, that the documentary wasn't real. Because. Not that he wanted to ruin my. My sparkle, but I think he valued the joy that he would get from telling me and realizing. And the realization that I would have. He prioritized that over my joy of watching the show. And I told him that he can't put his joy above my joy.

A

Would you have preferred going through the entire thing, watching it?

B

Absolutely.

A

Okay.

B

Yeah, absolutely. Because in the moment, I would have enjoyed it. And now I don't want to watch the next episode. And I did. Zach, when I tell you I would have watched all six episodes in one night before sleeping, I was enthralled.

A

Is it supposed to be a comedy?

B

If it. If it's not, they've really missed a mark somewhere. It is absolutely funny. Yeah, but then you. If you watch it, knowing that they made like, someone wrote these jokes. Like a high school kid isn't just saying dicks on the. On the video. Because this is a high school project and they don't know better yet. And that makes it less funny.

A

Yeah. Okay.

B

I wish you had seen it. It seems like a boy show.

A

So this is like a four part bonus segment. Those are the best kind.

B

Yeah, they need them to the Trek

A

propaganda portion of today's show. I'm gonna double plug it. This is gonna be annoying, but it's okay.

B

I got a beer. I'm drinking the last beer in the fridge. So make it last for me. Make it last for me.

A

Well, I was just gonna say I'm gonna start off with our sponsor code. Cause I whiffed during the peak performance question. But the topo athletic code is Trek 15 topo. I always get the order of Trek in 15 reversed. Trek 15 topo 15 off. @topoathletic.com the Trek propaganda is going to be short and sweet, but more sour than sweet. Unfortunately. Shout out to James for picking this story up quickly. This is that the Timberline Lodge ends breakfast buffet, which was obviously popular with PCT hikers. I just feel bad for every PCT hiker from 2026 and beyond. They will never know the joy of that buffet breakfast.

B

I feel like we could have predicted this and we probably should have.

A

It does seem like potentially through hikers are the ones that. And not for any ill will. It's just like they have massive. Especially northbound hikers. Even southbound haven't gone through as a southbound hiker. The appetites are not good for a restaurant's bottom line. Cuz you can go through and do some real work.

B

Yeah. I was going to take it in a more selfish route, which is that that's where we first cross paths.

A

Oh, sure. Yeah.

B

In a hiking context. Take the camera story aside. And now that I'm leaving to move east, they can't continue to do the breakfast.

A

That's right.

B

Because that's where we high fived that.

A

That the. The chapter of Badger and Chance can be defined precisely by the Timberline Lodges breakfast buff.

B

Yep.

A

Yeah.

B

Yeah.

A

Although I will say I think Jabba and I got there too late for the breakfast buffet that time.

B

You did.

A

We. We both. They also have a lunch buffet. I don't know if the lunch buffet.

B

I just remember you were talking about the breakfast buffet for so long leading up to it and then it was like, all right, like we'll see you for the bre. Like I. That it got to the point where it was like, if I'm going to cross paths with Zach, it should be here. Because if we cross paths anywhere else, we could happen to just miss each other. I could be taking a break or sleeping or whatever, you know. But he will be at the breakfast buffet because he said it 18,000 times. So I was like, yeah, that'll be the easy spot.

A

I think what happened was I was meeting my buddy Teabag.

B

Teabag?

A

You met Teabag? And his wife is Paulie's sister.

B

Is it?

A

Yeah.

B

Did I know that?

A

I'm sure it was brought up was

B

that was his wife, Paulie's sister, when we were in Wisconsin.

A

Yeah, they've been.

B

Yeah, I definitely knew that then.

A

They're high school sweethearts.

B

Really? That's sweet.

A

Yep. But yeah, I think Teabag and his family weren't able to get to Timberland Lodge until after the breakfast hours. So we did the lunch. The lunch is. The lunch buffet is fucking awes. The lunch buffet is still going. Cuz I've since done the breakfast buffet when I did the. The Timberline loop. Timberline trail. They're both amazing. If. If the lunch buffet persists, go do that. It's more expensive, I think, because you're getting, like, lunch prime rib and stuff like that. But, yeah, it's fucking good. Yeah.

B

I. I don't do well with buffets. I. I'm not saying this in a she's so dainty kind of way. I get full so fucking fast.

A

Yeah.

B

And I. And the reason I'm not saying it in that way is I also get hungry really fast. So, like, I've been having a late night PB&J in bed the past week. Like, you know, I'm not saying this as a picture of. She's a waif. We can't see her in the wind, you know?

A

Yeah.

B

I just don't do well at buffets because I get full fast, and then I sit for like, an hour and I leave the buffet, and then I'm hungry again when I get home because I got full fast. And so whenever I go to a buffet, and this worked once or twice on the bcd, I will try to talk to whoever is selling the buffet tickets at the front or wherever you go in, and you tell them we're doing the buffet. I'm like, listen, if you will let me plead my case, I really think I should get the child's buffet ticket.

A

Yeah. There should be, like, a weight because

B

I'm not refilling this plate. I just want to try a little bite of everything, and I'm gonna sit there and watch everyone else. Yeah. And then I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna be hungry, and I'm gonna want to eat something else. And so it's not like I'm, you know, she's not the vision of thin in doing this, but she is full quick, and it's not a value add, and it's a waste of money. And then I just feel bad about wasting the money.

A

A buffet is definitely a young man's game because I no longer. Woody's has an awesome pizza buffet, and every time I go there, I don't get the buffet just because I know I'm not going to get. It makes way more sense to get a pizza and take home your leftovers.

B

Well, the problem is you probably couldn't talk them into giving you children's buffet. No, I mean, I'm too. You could put your children on the buffet and have them go get it.

A

Yeah.

B

But because I'm 5:1, I kind of sometimes look like a child.

A

Do you get away with it?

B

Yeah, I told you twice on the pct they gave you the children's buffet. Yeah, I was just the other one, the adult. No, the buffet is the same. They just charge you less.

A

No, I'm saying you said you had two children's buffets.

B

Oh, I don't remember. I remember one clearly and then I remember one partially. I don't remember which one either was. I just remember where I was standing and I remember the look of the counter and I remember, like, the shame of having to say the story, but it being like, I'm tight on cash, and I promise you I'm not. You can watch me eat. Yeah, I'll get like. And you could watch me regret later if you have to go boxes. I'll pay full price if I can have a to go box.

A

Yeah.

B

But otherwise, I just don't get my bang for my buck.

A

Yeah, well, you know who else is not getting a bang for the buck is future PCT hikers wanting breakfast at Timberland Lodge.

B

Yeah, if I can't have it, no one can.

A

Pour it out for the homies. Question of the day. This is mine, as you probably would have imagined. Yeah, I don't remember what inspired this, but we'll probably get there. Do poop peas count as full peas? I think, like, if you had to go to a doctor. This is a hypothetical. I don't know if this actually happened. And you had to tell them, like, how many times you urinate in a day or you've urinated that day. Do you get to count the poop pee as one of your urinations?

B

Yes. If liquid comes out of a hole, your poop and your pee come out of different holes. I understand that if liquid comes out of the hole, that's not the poop hole. That is a pee.

A

But I just feel like there's a lot of times where I do a poop pee and it's just like three seconds of pee is released and it's done. It's not like a. It doesn't feel like a.

B

Did the liquid come out of the poop hole?

A

Sometimes it does, but did it.

B

Did it exclusively come out of the pool?

A

No. You peed. Yeah.

B

Congrats. You peed.

A

But, like, if you laugh really hard and you pee your pants, like, you do a little squirt, is that a pee?

B

You just said you peed your pants.

A

I'm just saying, like, so you put pee in your pants, but I wouldn't count that as, like, a The same type of urination of, like, I'm waking up in the middle of the night and draining it for 15 seconds.

B

Okay, let. Let me. Let's. Let's. Let's look at it through a different lens. I sit down to poo, and only, like, one or two little, like, rabbit pellets come out.

A

Yeah.

B

Did I poop?

A

I think a great debate. I don't know that I would.

B

You can't say. No.

A

I mean poop.

B

There's a brown circle in my toilet that wasn't in there before. That came from my butt.

A

But if it was a small. If it was like, a little nugget that came out and someone asked you if you pooped, I would give the contextual answer of, like, sort of. Sort of I pooped.

B

Would you put it in your pants and walk around all day?

A

If I have a good reason to.

B

If you don't have a good reason to. Well, why? Because it's poop.

A

I'm just saying it's poop, but that's. Having a little nugget in your pants is far superior to having, like, a full. I just absolutely unleashed a diaper's worth

B

of in my pants for the YouTube with your fingers. Show me the difference between a dingleberry and poop.

A

A dingleberry is a great thing. If you get a dingleberry, is that a poop?

B

Well, that's what I'm saying is. So a dingleberry would be, like, a very small size.

A

Yeah. Would you.

B

And it would be poop. You have poop on your butt.

A

Would you say that's a full poop? Like, I took a full in my pants?

B

No, because you didn't push out that one dingleberry and then stop pushing. You pushed out a full poop and you missed someone you wiped.

A

But I think that's a great comparison because a dingleberry is like a little slip where like a tiny.

B

But it didn't slip from your butthole. It slipped from your toilet paper when you wiped a previous poop. That's what I'm saying. If just a dingleberry came out, we'd be having a conversation. But just dingleberry doesn't come out. A dingleberry is leftover toilet remnants.

A

So if there was the equivalent amount of poop that left your butt, would you count that as a.

B

That's what I'm literally, the question I'm asking.

A

I wouldn't count that as a.

B

Would you count it as poop?

A

It is poop. It is poop. Left your butt by definition, you pooped. But, like.

B

But you pooped.

A

If you're like, I poop 20 times a day, and each time you're just dropping a little pellet, I'd be like, not really. You're not doing that.

B

No, I would say, yes, you are, and you should see a doctor.

A

Well, that's true. That's absolutely true.

B

You should see a doctor. And yes, you are pooping 20 times a day. It sounds like you're backed up, and it sounds like something's very wrong.

A

I just think, yeah, if you were talking to a doctor, you would. You wouldn't be like, I'm taking 20 full poops. I'm taking. If I problematic.

B

I wouldn't specify. I would go to a doctor, and I would say, I have to poop 20 times a day, only a pellet's coming out each time. And help me.

A

The doctor will push up his glasses and he's like, are you.

B

Ma'. Am. You've actually never pooped stuff.

A

Yeah. You've had. Not a real poop.

B

I would literally report him to the board.

A

You'd have. You had shit.

B

If he was like, that's not poop. You. You're not pooping. I'd be like, this is a severe medical condition, apparently, that I think I have.

A

You dropped a raisin. Poop left your body, but you didn't take a dump.

B

Poop left your body, but you didn't poop.

A

You didn't take a dump.

B

Okay. So it feels like we have different scales of how we're rating things on this, so I don't know if we'll ever come to a conclusion. What do you think?

A

I would say most poop peas count as full peas, but there are some where it's just like. Just like if a second of urine leaves your body, that's a fractional pee in my book.

B

I just don't know how many times you're on a toilet where, like, that small amount of pee could consistently be leaving you that you would wonder, should I stop counting it?

A

I mean, like, if I had just taken a full pee five minutes prior and then I go to poop, a little bit of pee is going to whatever's in there.

B

Why are you getting at. Just do both.

A

Sometimes I don't have to.

B

Such a waste of time.

A

Sometimes the poop comes suddenly.

B

This goes back to my thing about boys in the toilet. I just think you guys are really taking advantage of this space.

A

I think we're divided here.

B

Yeah.

A

Can't wait to see this one go through Social same. At least you'll have some fun comments to handle. Okay. Oh shit. I have a sun hoodie review which I forgot to do in the last episode.

B

Lovely. Is this it?

A

This is it.

B

I thought you reviewed one in the last episode. Well, we did things out of order.

A

This is nice color. The Fjallraven, which is not a brand that is popular in the through hiking world.

B

When I did the pct, one of the four guys I hiked with had a backpack that he carried the whole A. Fjallraven.

A

Was he international?

B

Nope, he was from New Jersey.

A

Okay, sounds like he's probably you met

B

him at the at Trail Days. What's his name? Joe Buzz. He went by a different name. Yeah, the time he was hanging out our booth a lot. Anyway, he carried a Fjall Raven.

A

So this is the Fjall Raven Abisco wool hoodie. I'll give the fast facts. Price 140 bucks. Fabric. It's half polyester, half ZQ Marino wool. I don't know the difference so I should look that up right now. Mine weighs 7 1/2 ounces. I'm going to quickly look up ZQ foreign. Wool and regular merino wool share the exact same natural, ultra soft and temperature regulating fiber. The difference lies in how the wool is produced. ZQ is a strict premium certification guaranteeing 100 traceability to the farm, not mules, sheep and the highest standards of animal welfare and environmental sustainability. So sounds like it's a more ethical type of wool, which is good. I'm guessing that helps to account for the price tag which we will get into Again. Mine weighs in at 7 and a half ounces which is pretty light. The listed weight for a medium is 8.25 ounces, so I'm not sure how my large weighs less than the stated medium. The UPF is actually not listed for this one, which is in my book problematic because if you're going to get a sun hoodie, that's kind of a really important feature. And the standouts for this is it has a fixed hood, no zipper, no buttons, no way to adjust it. It has thumb holes, which I'm learning is a probably necessary feature or at least having the sleeves be long enough to cover a good portion of your hand. It has underarm gussets, shoulder seams, blah blah blah blah blah. Odor resistant because it's got the wool. It says packable. That's from the website. I don't know exactly what that means. My overall take on this one is I really like the feel Compared to the Paca, which is the other merino sun hoodie that I've tested thus far, I felt like this one was more breathable. So I feel like without having the upf, I'm not getting the full picture, because if it has a lower upf, you know, that's maybe not a good trade off. Depends on you as an individual. The hood size on this one, compared to God, what was the. The pre. What was the one that I was complaining about?

B

The REI one.

A

The REI had. That's right. Had a smaller hood. That one fit tightly. This one had space to roam in the hood, but it's not like helmet hood size. So I. I think the hood size on this one is about perfect. I would like it if it opened at the bottom so I could get more flexibility, but that's probably hard with a merino fabric. The cons. I still think this one's too warm for summer backpacking or on trail. I will warn you, I have not washed that since wearing it, so you would think for being half wool, that it wouldn't get stinky.

B

It feels warmer than the one last week. That wasn't rei.

A

The Paca, the really soft. Oddly enough, I've. It's tough to compare because, like, you're in different conditions, but this one felt more breathable to me. Me, I felt like when it was breezy, I could feel it through the fabric, which is for what this is supposed to be. I felt like that was a good feature while you were in the bathroom. I mentioned that on the website. It doesn't list a UPF rating, so I don't know what it's doing. If this is like a 15 UPF,

B

you think that's like a. Like, if you.

A

A defining feature of a sun.

B

Of a sun hoodie.

A

Absolutely.

B

Okay. I'm not weird for wondering. No.

A

That it makes me wonder if this is like a true sun hoodie or

B

if that's just like a fun word

A

or if it's, like, meant more as a mid layer. So I will say, when I reached out to brands, I'm like, I gave them the conditions that would. I would. I would be testing it in. I'm like, send what you think is applicable. Not all people are necessarily the most astute with, like, did they call it

B

a sun hoodie or did they call it a wool hoodie?

A

It is just called a wool hoodie. So I don't. I don't think that this is maybe even intended for the purpose of being a sun hoodie.

B

They just sent you a Hoodie. Yeah. You wore it out in the sun and you're viewing it as a sun hoodie.

A

But I will say, compared to the Pakko, which is marketed as a sun hoodie, this. This felt more breathable to me.

B

Really?

A

I think that this would be less warm than the packa. I think at $140, it's probably not even in the conversation of something that a long distance backpacker should consider, because I think the previous most expensive one that we mentioned was the north face at $120, and I thought that was far superior to this.

B

Yeah, I. Well, that was the thing about the guy that hiked with the pack was that the reason I don't have any of their stuff is you go to the store and you realize this stuff's really expensive.

A

It's so expensive.

B

I mean, it's well made. Like, I get why, but.

A

And I learned again while you were gone that the Z cube merino wool is just like a more ethically sourced merino. So some of the price I'm assuming is in that. Which is a good thing.

B

Yeah.

A

Because not all merino wool is sustained or harvested in a sustainable way, ethically. So in summation, this is not going in my triple crown of sun hoodies by any stretch. I don't even know if it is a sun hoodie.

B

Does it get chance boobs?

A

Chon's boobs. I'm gonna give it. Gosh, if it wasn't so expensive, I would give it a higher rating because it's $140 for a sun hoodie. I'm gonna give it 4.5, which I

B

think is the lowest. Not many chaunce boobs.

A

Yeah, that's the lowest that I've given thus far. But I do think that this would be like a nice mid layer piece. Uh, but yeah, as a sun hoodie, it just doesn't do the job.

B

So off you go. Away with you.

A

That's that one. Overall, like, if someone gifted you that and you're not a through hiker, you'd be happy with it. It's a good piece, but you have to keep the context.

B

Well, that's how I got my pack up. Well, technically not, but my mom ordered Paca, like one of their. You see me wear it on flights. The. The. The gray one. It's gray.

A

Okay.

B

Anyway, she ordered one from them.

A

Is that a hoodie?

B

No, it's a crew neck. It's just like one of their alpaca crew necks. But she accidentally had my address as a shipping. I don't Know how that happened. She's never seen got there. I was like, thank you. It's great. And she was like, it was for me. And I was like, it fits great. Thank you so much. And I wear it all the time.

A

The Paca, the high tensile fabric is nice. It's like really soft, like silky.

B

It's a good plain sweater, too.

A

But that one's also not a good sun hoodie in my book.

B

No, definitely. That would be a fucking terrible sun hoodie.

A

I do know people that use merino sun hoodies on trail pretzel. But I'm testing. I'm excited for this one. It's a far point actually paid for it with the cottage stuff. I don't want them to send me stuff. I want to pay for it. So that'll be a future one. I haven't actually received it yet, but that. I put a call out on Instagram for people to recommend it, and Farpoint was one of the most recommended, so I'm excited to give that one a spin.

B

I've never heard of them.

A

Yeah. Very cottage. Right now. I think they're blowing up. This is the Triple Crown sponsored by Onyx. This says through Memorial Day, I believe our code is still valid. I'm almost. I'm test it. I'm almost positive. Trek 70 for 70% off. A premium plan at Onyx Backcountry. I've been using Onyx Backcountry a ton. It's fucking awesome. This is the. They're going to be stoked around this. The Triple Crown.

B

Wait, before we say Triple Crown, quick thing. If it is not the right code for any reason, let us know on Instagram if you DM us. We usually get it rectified really quickly, but every now and then we've gotten a DM and we've been like, oh, thanks for flagging that. And then we get it fixed quick.

A

Yeah.

B

So let us know if you notice something's up.

A

What happens with big companies is sometimes it's a disconnect between our contact and the person that manages the coupon. So sometimes they get shut down without us getting notified. But I'm like, 99% sure track 70 is going to work for you now. This is the. They're going to be stoked on this. The Triple Crown of words for penis. And this is against all odds. Your suggestion?

B

Well, because we did Words for Boobs and the Pom Poms was so fun. I took a video and I didn't send it to you, but I have it, so I can show it to you still. And it's from one of the ABS games. Rest in peace. Them this season.

A

Yeah.

B

But from one of their earlier playoff rounds. We went and there was a big sign on the jumbotron that said, wave your palms. And everyone was waving the pom poms that they put on the seats. And I have a video of it that I have to show you or send to you. I didn't.

A

To flash the crowd.

B

No. I just wanted to send you the video to be like, haha, boobs.

A

Yeah.

B

But my phone was dead, so I had to take the video with Garrett's phone. And so because I took it with Garrett's phone, I did. I'd never actually. My phone was dead, and I don't know your number by heart.

A

That could have been your oiler's girl moment. It would have been great press for the podcast.

B

Enjoy my boobs.

A

Yeah. You saw the video, right? Is in the playoffs two years ago. There's an oil. I think it was an Oilers fan. Uh, but a gal just whips out her pom poms and became, like, instant celebrity on the Internet for very obvious reasons.

B

Well, if you haven't gotten your tickets for the live show yet, there you go. That won't be happening. But the live show will be happening. My tits coming out won't.

A

Yeah. Although that would be a fun way to.

B

If I didn't have a husband, I'd probably be more like, you know, easily. Like you said, I'm very. No, you didn't say that. You said I'm very gullible. I'm also very easily swayed into flashing peer pressure. We do that too.

A

Have you publicly flashed?

B

Not to my knowledge.

A

Okay, that's not a no.

B

I mean, like, there's been times that, like, me and Mims have been somewhere and, like, I can see that no one else is looking. No, no, I'm saying we've been some republic, and I know that no one else is looking. Looking because everyone's distracted. And then I'll just show her a quick nipple.

A

Sure.

B

But no one else sees.

A

Yeah, that's fun. That's good. Fun girl stuff.

B

Okay, I want to go first because I want to see my first one.

A

Okay.

B

I. I like this one. Dong Ah.

A

That was literally number one on my list.

B

Really? So my friend Nian, who went to my wedding, and he's the one that. For the. For the longtime listeners of the podcast, you'll remember this story or you won't. And then, you know, you'll have to go back and relisten When I was on the at, my friend Ian brought me North Carolina barbecue to Max Patch. Literally went and got it, drove it to Max Patch, met us parked in the parking lot. It's still like 0.2 to the summit. So, like, he had to walk point two with two trays of barbecue because apparently I look like the type of person that would need to eat two trays of barbecue. He brought everything the store had, and it was fantastic. And I don't remember what I was saying. Oh, Ni.

A

And then you showed you his Don.

B

No, his last name is Don. Ah, this is the funniest person live. Okay, let me tell you another funny story about Neon Quick, just because if we're doing a separate Thursday segments episode.

A

Beef it up.

B

Nian was born in China, lives in America. Like his parents moved over with him. Funniest tattoo I've ever seen on a person. I, unfortunately for Nian, have made him show his butt to more people than I think he probably would have showed his butt to had I not made him show his butt to all these people. And. But he has a tattoo on his ass that's a tag. Like a beanie baby tag or like a tag that you would find on like a stuffed animal. Like a plushie.

A

Like a heart tag. Right.

B

Well, not heart, Una. It's specifically Beanie Baby, but, you know, like a tag on like a fucking stuffed animal.

A

Okay.

B

He's got a tag on his ass that says Made in China.

A

That's funny.

B

It's really funny.

A

That's good.

B

But dong is a funny word for penis.

A

Yeah.

B

And he also has. Here's another Neon story. Has a current running joke that he told us that I thought was hilarious, that if he has a kid. Not if, but when he has a kid, he wants to make their middle name Ding ding.

A

Dong.

B

Fuck.

A

Yeah.

B

I don't know. He's the funniest guy I know. And so I love the word dong.

A

Yeah.

B

I love it because of him. I love it because it's funny and it's a great word for penis. Dong, number one.

A

Dong is a volume play. I've definitely said dong referring to a penis more than any other word. And number two is not even close.

B

What's number two?

A

Number two is hog.

B

Ew. Ew.

A

You've never heard hog before?

B

I don't. I mean, I never say never. I'm sure I have, but not often.

A

And hog is if you've got an either small or even average sized penis. You don't have a hog?

B

No, obviously not a hog. Is a big, sweaty, dirty, gross.

A

Like you. Jon Hamm has a hog.

B

What? How would you say it? In a sentence?

A

I just did.

B

Yeah. Okay. How about a different sentence?

A

Did you see that guy's hog?

B

No, I don't hear this phrase often.

A

Yeah, hog is.

B

I think that's one the boys keep to themselves.

A

You've been blessed. And backpacker radio, you've been blessed if you are walking around with a hog.

B

I don't know.

A

Oh, I know. I mean, I don't.

B

What do you mean?

A

I mean, I know for the people that know.

B

Right. Okay, so you're saying you don't have a hog.

A

I imagine that guys appreciate hogs the same way that, like, girls appreciate when someone's got really nice tits.

B

The same way girls appreciate when someone's got really nice tits.

A

Yeah.

B

Oh, oh, oh. I get what you're saying. Got it. I got it. I got it. Got it.

A

Like, it's not a sexual thing. You're just admiring.

B

Yeah. I have a specific friend that has really nice boobs.

A

I'm sure I tell her every time. Yeah. Comment on it. Maybe even touch them.

B

I haven't touched him yet. She's not that close of a friend, but she's close enough where they're. They're. Yeah. Hog is disgusting. Could ever say a different one, take my mind off that? I don't like that.

A

Next is. This is more fun. High schooly. But I'll whip this out from time to time. Not literally just the phrase or the word rod. Just simple three letters. Yeah, I just like saying rod. It's. It gets the point across. It's kind of charismatic.

B

It's a little boring.

A

I like the simplicity. Three letters. Kidding me? There's not another penis word that is both. Puts, like, a vision in your mind. Because a rod is a thing, obviously, in three letters.

B

Yeah, but rod seems like. Like I think like a lightning rod. Like, I think like a long, skinny. No, you want a Twizzler dick.

A

I mean, if my dick is 12ft

B

long and as thin as a. As thin as a wire.

A

Yeah, I want that.

B

You are not pleasuring a single woman.

A

I mean, you're reaching places that.

B

What, my throat? Through my. Through my vagine?

A

Just saying. It'd be a fun story.

B

That is a long journey to make with no pleasure to me.

A

I mean, not all rods are thin. You can have, like, a. A more girthy steel rod.

B

Wow.

A

If you're gonna beat someone over the head with a rod, I'm not picturing, like, a little, like, Whippy, if you're

B

describing a pleasible experience to me, starting with a steel. A large steel rod doesn't make me.

A

I'm going for fun. I'm.

B

This puts me in. Yeah, but it doesn't put me in fun mode. It puts me in fear mode.

A

Yeah. As it should.

B

A large steel rod.

A

Yeah.

B

Coming towards where it could whip you anywhere. I don't want to be whipped anywhere, but that sounds very bad. Okay. No, I'm out on rod. That one's not good.

A

Rod Stewart.

B

Nope. My next one is Peen. P E E N. Peen is my go to that. I say penis is just like. I'm not in the science class. I'm not saying the medical.

A

Peen to me is like a bashful woman that doesn't feel comfortable saying the word penis.

B

Peen to me is the person that says the word breasts or not penis. Sorry, sorry. Penis to me is the. Is the person that says breasts. Like, why are you saying the full word? Why are you saying it in its medical form?

A

Yeah. Penis is like what your doctor says. No one says penis.

B

Right. But peen is a fun alternative because you know what I'm saying. I'm not saying, like a. Like, I'm not saying hog or anything. Like, where I'm trying to be funny or gross or hip. Just saying peen, and you know what I mean? And that rhymed. And that was cool.

A

Nice. I believe that was Dr. Seuss.

B

I think he wrote that after redfish. Blue fish.

A

Yeah. Green eggs and ham and peen.

B

Peen. You know what I mean? That was the book that came next. Yeah. So peen is maybe not the funniest, but we didn't put triple crown of funny words. No, we just put words.

A

Words that you like.

B

So that's probably my most spoken.

A

Not even on my list.

B

Doodle is my third.

A

I've never heard that.

B

I think Bart Simpson says it, but that's a real funny one. This is weird. The sentence I was about to say. Let me. Let me catch that. I worked at a camp for a while.

A

You're saying that Rod is rare, but

B

Doodle fraud's just, like, not enticing. Doodle's funny.

A

Is a doodle enticing?

B

No.

A

Like, I lay with him and then he inserts his face.

B

No, but it's intentionally not. Like, it's almost demeaning. It's fun. You talk to a grown man about his doodle, and that's funny.

A

I feel the same way about Peen. Both of these are, like, bashful women. Speaking about penises.

B

Yeah. If I'm. If I'm talking to you about your doodle, you feel silly and childish.

A

Oh, yeah. And you're belittling my penis.

B

Right. But I'm not gonna be like, hey, Zach, how's your hog? It's disgusting.

A

No, that's a guy on guy.

B

No, but a doodle is a nice, safe way to talk about it. I worked at a camp for a long time, and I'm not saying I would talk about doodles to kids, because I wouldn't talk about doodles to kids.

A

You'd be in jail if you did.

B

But every now and then, doodles would come up amongst staff, and just saying doodle feels safer.

A

So that's the official camp terminology, is doodle.

B

No, that's not true at all. Because it didn't stem from there. It's just an easy word to say. And it's so safe. It's a very safe, easy word.

A

I'm pretty sure I've never heard no

B

one can get offended. What do you. I can't believe you've never heard it. I don't even watch the Simpsons regularly. I think that's where it stemmed from.

A

I'll look it up.

B

You've never heard doodle.

A

Does Bart Simpson call penises doodles? If you just type in disbart Simpson that auto finishes to have ADHD say doodle. Yes, Bart Simpson does say doodle is one of the most iconic and funniest lines from the Simpsons movie. When Homer dared to ride a skateboard down the street completely naked, Bart stands at the edge of the crowd, covering his private parts with the sign. Homer shouts over to Bart, prompting the following hilarious exchange. Hey, I can see your doodle.

B

Yeah.

A

Bart says girls might see my doodle.

B

I've never seen this movie, but I think I've been around people who have because I didn't. Like, I didn't. I can't say I created the word because it's. That isn't even close to true. I was just around people that said it, and then I adopted it.

A

Yeah, okay. I. I haven't watched a Simpsons episode.

B

No, me neither. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying you don't need to know it. I just. I know that the group of people that were saying it, I was like, where? Why are we saying that? And they said it was from that. And then I started saying it. Cause proximity and volume.

A

Okay.

B

And now it's just kind of funny. It's very safe.

A

Yeah, it is.

B

If I have a Boy. Kid. I'm gonna tell them that they have a doodle.

A

Yeah.

B

And I think I've said the word doodle to my nephew because Garrett's got. Well, I guess I do. I do, too. But Garrett's. Bread.

A

You have a doodle.

B

No, Garrett's. I was gonna say Garrett has a nephew. And then, ipso fact. So I have a nephew, but said nephew. I did bath time over Christmas one time, and I still, to this day, me and Garrett both have never changed child diaper. Yeah, I've never changed an adult diaper either, but we've never changed a child diaper. And so, like, we're at this point, we're out on that. There was a point in life where it was like, yeah, if I'm babysitting or something, I'll change one. And now at this point, we're both kind of like, those days are coming. You'll get.

A

Whether you like it or not, we're

B

not taking on any extra. So my. My. My thing with my nephew is I'm down for bath time. I'm not changing a diaper. So I had to tell him before he got in the bath that he had to sit in the toilet and use the toilet before going into the bath, because that's my rule. I don't care what the rules are. My rule is I have to hear a sound coming out of you on that thing before I'm gonna touch water that you're sitting in. And I had to say, wipe your doodle.

A

Yep.

B

And it felt appropriate to talk to a child that you made him wipe

A

his penis before he got in the bathtub.

B

I'm teaching him proper hygiene.

A

I've never.

B

He sat, he peed and pooped. Wipe them both.

A

Yeah. I mean, your butt, obviously, but wipe your doodle.

B

Wipe your pee. Wipe your. Wipe your butt. Wipe everything. Wipe it off. Don't go in with dripping pee.

A

I mean, okay, I have to put

B

my hands in that. I'm pouring that water on your head. I'm about to shampoo your hair and pour the water onto your head.

A

It's a drop of urine in a bathroom.

B

Yeah. I mean, I'm not like, she's not crazy. I'm not going to be like, don't you dare. Yeah, drop one drop of your doodle.

A

But you're a girl, and wiping after peeing is part of the thing, but guys don't wipe their penises.

B

Well, you know what? Maybe they should.

A

Maybe they should.

B

Maybe they should.

A

Yeah. If you wipe your penis podcast at the Trek Co, I Want to know. But it's more of a shake, shake the hog sort of deal.

B

Ew. Ew. Yeah.

A

If you go to a urinal, there's no toilet paper there.

B

Disgusting. Yeah. I mean, no, I can't say that. I can't say that. I'm such a fucking hypocritical liar. I shake when I. When I. When I backpack. Yeah. I don't like Kula Claw.

A

It's the better.

B

Right? And I agree. I completely agree. But I don't do it in town. But I'm just saying I have to catch myself there because to say ill there. I am a hypocrite and I'm lying. And I can't lie. Yeah, I don't like to lie.

A

Yeah, Guys don't wipe. Do you want more?

B

Well, I said three, but I can give you four.

A

You did peen. Dong. Okay, doodle my last one. I will have some honorable mentions. Unit.

B

It's not a specific word for your peen.

A

It definitely is.

B

No, because some people will just call a person a unit. Like he's an absolute unit.

A

Yeah.

B

I mean they're not calling him an absolute penis.

A

A hog has different meaning also.

B

If I said he's an absolute peen, we know I'm calling him a penis.

A

Sure. But a unit. Referring to a penis as a unit is just funny. It's a standalone thing that operates independently.

B

I feel like a hog is an out of shape penis. Like a large penis, but like one that if it were. If we're looking at just like a standard body would be considered fat. A hog is a fat penis.

A

A hog is a fat anything.

B

Whereas I would consider a unit to be a strong penis. Like a GI Joe penis. Like a muscular penis.

A

Yeah.

B

So a hog I would consider like fear. I would consider large, but like, Like a sumo wrestler. Like a. Just a flop weight. Heavy. Not.

A

You're thinking like Ron Jeremy penis versus

B

like Ron Jeremy penis.

A

No, that would be a hug. If you're describing it as like a fat kind of.

B

I don't want to think about Ron Jeremy's penis at all.

A

That makes one of us.

B

I'm not thinking about his penis. No. I'm thinking about something completely adjacent to penises, which is just people that are statistically large. Like sumo wrestlers and the way they fall, which is just like a. I

A

bet sumo wrestlers have more of a the doodle situation.

B

Well, when I think. When I think about. When I think about units, I think about that picture of a hippo I've seen where it takes off the skin and it shows you how it's all actually muscle and not actually fat. Yeah, that's a unit.

A

No, no, for sure. Aaron Donald as a person is a unit, but he probably also has a impressive unit, if I had to guess. A unit with an impressive unit.

B

Right. But you can't choose if you're going to have a hog or a unit because you can't do penis exercises. So you're either blessed with one or the other.

A

There are Kegels, which doesn't impact the size. It's more of a strength of erection situation.

B

Could you make it where it's like, you just try to flex, like when it. Okay, let's say it's hard. Could you try to flex it like, so that it just like, perks a little bit and flex, flex. And then you think that built. That builds muscle. It makes it more.

A

Oh, it definitely does, yeah.

B

Have you noticed difference?

A

I don't. I'm not a Kegel exerciser by any stretch.

B

Is that what your Kegels are when.

A

Yeah, when you flex the penile muscle, you're doing Kegel exercises and, like, over time, you are building a muscle.

B

Well, girl, Kegels are like. It's like a clench, unclench kind of thing. You can't see anything happening.

A

Right.

B

With guys that changes the grip, I imagine. You can't make it move unless it's hard.

A

No, you can make it move. You're not gonna get, like, too erected.

B

If it's soft, you can make it move.

A

Oh, yeah?

B

How much?

A

Enough that you'd see it. Like the way that, like, if I flexed my boob.

B

Can you stand up? Can I. Will I see it move?

A

This will be on the jeans, through the jeans, potentially.

B

And let Jenna know this is in the least sexual way possible. I have no attraction to your husband whatsoever in the slightest way. I just am a curious child on a playground.

A

I would have to have the right, like in more kind of thick and stiff material, like these shorts.

B

Like how in. In 50 First Dates, how Sam Gamgee does the. He makes his boobs move? Yeah, you can make it probably like,

A

not like the Rock flexing his tit. Like that's a full experience, but there's movement that is discernible for sure.

B

Can you control. Can you tell it to go left or right or does it just go right?

A

It's just. You're just hitting the button and it's going where it wants to go insane. I would love if somebody out there can control their direction like a joystick. That would be awesome.

B

This Goes back to the. Maybe it was a question of the day where it was like, I think I asked you and Jabba if you would rather boobs or a vagina? For me, it's like if you. If I had the opportunity to have a penis for a day.

A

Yeah.

B

Oh my God. I'd run out of hours. I'd go in the bath, I'd see if it floats. I'd put a little bow tie around it. I would see if I can move it left and right. There's so many things you could do

A

with it and guys like doing those things.

B

Have you put a bow tie on it?

A

I haven't.

B

But what have you put around it?

A

No, I'm trying to think. I think it was Howie Mandel. I heard him in interviews.

B

That's the second time referencing this one episode.

A

I know two Howie Mandel's in one day. One for being a germaphobe and the other for having hilarious pranks. It was something like he put glasses over his penis and it looked like. It looked like it was like a nose with a mouth.

B

Yeah, that's so funny.

A

Yeah, it is very funny. Howie Mandel is actually very funny.

B

Yeah.

A

Every interview.

B

I have nothing against him.

A

It makes me laugh.

B

How many interviews have maybe heard he was. Are you a fan?

A

I probably heard a couple of interviews. I think he's been on Stern a bunch of times. I think he was on Shane Gill. He's. He's out in the circuit. He's a comedian.

B

Yeah. I just. You've never mentioned him before. I'm not like, I'm not chasing down

A

Howie Mandel content, but you seem like

B

you're kind of obsessed right now.

A

Yeah, right now I am.

B

Okay, cool. So those are penises. I love the word. Okay, if we're going to honorable mentions. Chode. Chode is a funny word.

A

Unfortunate.

B

Penis only applies to some, but boy, is it a funny word.

A

Or tuna can is a form of toad.

B

A Two people call a penis a tuna can.

A

If you've got a really. If you've got a. It's like a double chod penis. Basically. It's twice the girth of as the lang.

B

Sounds like a micro penis.

A

No, because typically micro penises are just like short and thin. It's like a really unfortunate situation.

B

So it's a fat micropenis.

A

I mean, you don't want to chode. No one is happy. But like a.

B

But a tuna can. Yeah, that's, that's.

A

That's bad.

B

I could live with the chode if I had If. If someone looked at me and said, you have a tuna can, and they were talking about my penis, I would just go and I would find the nearest paper cutter and I would slice.

A

Yeah. I've never seen one in the wild. I think it's more of, like, a Bigfoot situation where, like, people like to hypothesize about it. But it's funny.

B

I think I've asked you this before, which is such a weird thing to say. Have you seen a micro penis?

A

No, I. I'm in the locker room often, but you can tell the guys that are doing a really good job of trying to conceal.

B

I would really like to see one.

A

I mean.

B

And I don't mean in an unsolicited way.

A

Got Google under.

B

Here's the thing. I had an unsolicited. Well, I've had several. But the last unsolicited dick pic I got. I tried really hard to find the moms. The man's mother. I tried really find. Really hard to find her on social media so I could send her. It be like, FYI, your son's gross. Yeah. Couldn't find her. So I don't. I don't like when they're unsolicited.

A

Right.

B

But if any soliciting right now, if anyone listening has a micro penis and you want to send me a DM and be like, hey, I have a micro penis, would you like to see it? That's like, a very kind offer and, like, a very respectful way to say it. I'd probably say yes for at least the first one. If I say. If I say no or I don't respond, it means I've already seen one. I. I really want to see one. And I don't think Garrett would get upset with me because I don't think that he would think that that's in, like, any sort of a.

A

It's like a N. National Geographic type of penis.

B

Yeah.

A

It's not like a real penis.

B

Right. I just. I want to see one. I probably won't. And. And then you might send me one, and I probably won't respond because what do you say? To respond. So, like, don't take that weird, but we'd love to see it.

A

Yeah. Pour one out for those guys. That's a tough situation.

B

Yeah. They probably have really good personalities.

A

They must.

B

And they. They're probably honestly really good partners. I'm sure they imagine that they are very good partners.

A

They munch a tremendous box for certain.

B

Didn't even mean it that way. Well, they do that way. I Believe that, too.

A

You got to compensate somehow.

B

I just meant they probably don't need to be asked twice. They probably do their fair share. They probably don't have a inflated ego that, like, came from nowhere and is, like, unsubstantiated.

A

Strong tongues, for sure.

B

Yeah.

A

Package Johnson is just old school. And then the one that makes me laugh is this only works in context. But lizard.

B

Ew.

A

No one says, like, I, my lizard itches or whatever.

B

My lizard itches is funny, but no one says.

A

That is the point. But an expression for peeing is I got to go drain the lizard. And that's always. That'll always get the boys going.

B

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

A

Yeah, draining the lizard is classic.

B

No?

A

Yeah. So. Well, this will be another between the words for penis and pee poops being full poop or pee poops being full peas. Elisa's got her. She's earning her paycheck this week. Mailbag.

B

Is this. Oh, it's a selfie. Oh, my God, that's so fun. Wait, I think I said this a while. Oh, and a selfie, as requested. I did say it. I knew it. Okay, mailbag. What did you just do to the camera?

A

No, I threw my Zen at the trash.

B

Oh, okay. Lobster here. Not a doctor, but I'm going to sprinkle LMNT on any leeches. They hate electrolytes. Right? And a selfie, as requested from Carl Hood, the girl that wrote into us complaining about us preaching the benefits of electrolytes is gonna hate. Yeah, this propaganda about leeches hating electrolytes, but I kind of feel like we should perpetuate it.

A

I wonder if that would work if you poured element on a leech.

B

I want me to find out. Also, Carl, you look so fun. I like your. I like your. Your polo.

A

It's a nice polo.

B

It's a great green car.

A

Lobster hood. Our guy.

B

Yeah, it's. Well, because. Okay, as requested. I think it's so nice to put a face to the name for sure, because we read these names all the time, but I don't know what most of you look like, and so I can't visualize you, and so I just picture you as the little mnemonic device I create in my brain. But it's fun putting a face to the name.

A

I like it best when they show up to live podcasts, which has happened a number of times.

B

Yeah.

A

In Austin, in Denver. Many times. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

B

Not by me, but let's be clear.

A

By me.

B

Yeah. Zach's the one on that department. Five star review.

A

This is from Marcus. Ear it.

B

Earl Turt.

A

Marcus. That's an L ear light. Lit.

B

Anyway. Yeah.

A

The dopest pod ever. Traunt and Zack bring the ruckus. A plethora of entertaining guests, rando rants plenty in this one. Pungent pontification, creative criticizing, deep discussions, true story trip reports and generous general shenanigans. Thank you all for hooking up us, Arkansas and listeners everywhere with a block of solid programming. Later, alligator. Early bird, the 83rd.

B

Thank you.

A

I bet this guy raps.

B

I was gonna say thank you for. If you are a frequent listener, thank you for realizing that I do the mailbags and Zach does the five star reviews and for giving him rando rants. Pungent pontification, creative criticizing, deep discussions. Those are all, you know, thanks for giving him the hard words. This is fun for me. I think if you go back, way back in the archives there, there has been a few pleas for me for people to give him really big words in what he has to read. And so this was really nice.

A

Yeah.

B

Thank you.

A

I forgot what I was gonna say. There's something to do with Chosen now. I blacked it out.

B

Okay, we're going back. Yeah.

A

Where did that come from?

B

What did I want to say about shows?

A

I'm gonna let this ruminate for a second, but yeah, you guys can have your five star reviews. Run this podcast, head on over to Apple Podcasts and just leave us any number of stars.

B

Not 1, 2, 3, or 4.

A

Shout out to today's title sponsor, Topo Athletic. Their trail runners are the best. I have used them exclusively over the last couple of years on trail and I love them. I've been rocking the pursuit twos. I'm wearing some new running shoes. I don't even know the model of these.

B

But you switched back to the pursuit twos. You're wearing other ones. No, you wear. You wore a different model.

A

Now I've been only in pursuit. I'm in a new model of pursuit twos.

B

I thought you tried it.

A

Maybe it's the threes.

B

I thought you tried the traverses or something.

A

I've tried a few. The Pursuits are my favorite. Yeah, but.

B

So you're back in the Pursuits.

A

I've never. I. I haven't done extensive backpacking. I'll do like short day hikes and other stuff. Just. I want to find the magic for me.

B

You're making me feel crazy. As if you never tried different versions.

A

But I've been. I haven't strayed from the pursuits in a hot Minute.

B

Okay. My endorsement is. I still have my original pair from whenever it was they originally started doing their gig with us and sent them. And you would think, hey, she's about to move to North Carolina. She should milk this shit while she can. Ask for another pair before you leave so that you have one for when you're out there.

A

Should.

B

I should. I've thought about that, but I really don't think I need to because they're still kind of good.

A

Yeah.

B

I would rather just message you in a year and be like, hey, any chance you can get them to send

A

me a pair, Hook it up and I'll be like.

B

Or use.

A

Who is this?

B

Yeah, literally you'll leave me on red. Or be like, haha, I hated you the whole time, you stupid. One of the two will happen. But I just, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't felt like I need to replace them. And I, I told this to. It wasn't you. I talked to someone about this recently and it wasn't you. I think if it was, stop me. But I think that everyone has a hard time throwing out some. Something specific.

A

Sure.

B

Because they think they could get more use out of it. Yeah. For me it's shoes. For me, I have a really hard time throwing out a pair of shoes because even like the pair behind there that have the blowouts in both sides, I'm like, well, what if I want to do a really messy day hike that's through mud and I want to not wear nice shoes? I could wear those. So I have a hard time replacing shoes if. Unless I absolutely need to. And I don't absolutely, I don't need to. I'm not going to. I'll wait. I will risk you ghosting me. I don't need new ones yet. And I, I feel really good about that.

A

Yeah. I'd be more of a shoe hoarder if it wasn't for my wife who complains that I have like 400 pairs. Which is accurate. It's a fair complaint.

B

Well, do you see the runners? Do you see the shoes the runners have? The people that do runs? You've never seen like the general population of runners in general. You've never seen like any of their shoe collections?

A

I don't think so.

B

Some people post them on the Internet, but a lot of shoes. Yeah, a lot of shoes.

A

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like running in particular is like, am I doing a trail run? Am I doing a road run? Am I doing a mix? Am I doing.

B

I've worn through them faster because I went more miles.

A

Yeah. Be sure to use our code to save 15, which is Trek15TopoaPathletic.com they are awesome trail runners. Super. Big thank you to our Bob Peoples Award winners on Patreon, that is Alex and Misty with navigators crafting. Alex kindle, Andrew Austin McDaniel, Bill Jensen, Brad and Blair from 13 Adventures. Brent Owens, aka Kruzy. Brian Allsop Babos. Carl Lobsterhood. Our guy, Christopher Marshburn. Clint Sitler. Coach from Marion Outdoors. Eric Casper.

B

Friendly Ghost.

A

Eric Hoffman. Ethan Harwell. Done. Jillian Daniels. Greg Knight. Greg Martin Griffin. Hey, would you bring me a beer? Haley Buckingham Palace. Jackson Storm Trooper Jared not from Subway. Jason Kaiser. Jason. Zach is a little donkey. Girl. Girl Snailer. Luke Natchez. Maddie in Arizona. Patrick cnc. Randy Sullivan. Rebecca Braveheart World Juror.

B

Sorry, I thought I was saying hurt there. I never want to. No, it's okay.

A

You can.

B

Rebecca Brave Two more. It's fine. You say it. I just.

A

What's even the point?

B

Literally, what's the point?

A

Rural Drawers, soy products. The St. Louis Shaman Travis is in town, by the way. He's at Outside Fence.

B

My Travis? The fuck is wrong with him? He hasn't texted me. I'm gonna text him right now.

A

St. Louis shaman, Timothy Hahn.

B

Solo and Tracy Trigger Bonds Pawns. Sorry. There you go. That was a. Oh, that. I don't know where that one came from.

A

Your bowels.

B

That was a demon. I said it wrong the first time because I'm angrily typing Travis into my phone. And then I corrected and I just. Like a little puppy dog that let out their first bark. I don't know where that came from.

A

Thanks to our guy Paulie at Old Man Murfs. Copy roasters, go to omm.com, get yourself some delicious beans. Also, if you're in the Northwoods, check out his Instagram. I think it's Polly Boy Shall Cross. Polly Boy Shall Cross.

B

Did we figure out his handle? No, he changed it, remember?

A

No, I think it is Polyboy Shall Cross now.

B

He's doing that tour?

A

Yeah, he's touring through September 24th. So if you're in the Northwoods, check him out. Paulie's exceptionally talented. You can follow us on social backpacker radio on Instagram, TikTok threads, backpacker radio on Facebook. All the places Johns.

B

Yeah, it sounds like it. I'm on YouTube at Juliana Chauncey. When I can find the motivation to finish these Teton Crest Trail videos, I'm on Instagram at Julian Underscore. Chauncey, you can get my book, Hiking from Home, a long distance hiking guide for family and friends on Amazon. And I'll throw one more in here because I'm leaving soon. So where can you find me? Recently, I've been having a lot of fun on an INS. It's a TikTok account I made for Garrett. It's called Garrett Eats.

A

I think you've mentioned this before.

B

Garrett underscore eats. It's his first bites of things.

A

He's very appreciative of all the food

B

that he enjoys, like strongly so. But the problem with Garrett Eats is I just have been posting, just in general, just fun videos.

A

It's your sandbox. Yeah.

B

It's like Patreon for us.

A

What's the terminology of burner? It's their burner account.

B

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yes. But I have been wrapping his Legos for him because I don't want. And when I say this, it sounds like I'm dealing with like a husband with anger issues who's going to like, be mad at me and like I'm in a scary situation. I don't mean it like this at all. Garrett will be very upset when we get to North Carolina if his Legos are broken. Not in a way that's that way, but in a way where it's like, I don't want to see him upset, especially if it can be prevented.

A

And the man transport him.

B

I've been. I've been posting time lapses of me wrapping them aggressively in bubble wrap and shit on Garrett Eats. Yeah, it's just time lapses of me just mass rapping. I've posted four already. I did helmets, I did characters, I did small ships, I did medium ships. The problem is he didn't trust me at first. So he was like, you can't touch them. And then I was like, what's your least favorite helmet? And he gave me Leia because that was his least favorite helmet. And I wrapped it really nice. Then he gave me one more, and

A

then he gave me one more earnings trust.

B

So then I earned characters, and then I earned small ships, and then I earned medium ships. But his current plan is he wants to take the Millennium Falcon, which is a 9,000 Lego piece set. This is what I got him for the wedding. This is a fucking $900, like a Lego set that. Yeah, it's this big. It takes up our whole dining room table. Right now. He wants to put it in the back seat of his car.

A

I mean, if it's accessible. I have a feeling he'll baby it very well. But.

B

And what if you stop short?

A

Yeah.

B

And then what? The pieces go every. Where are you going to find them? Under your seat? You're never going to find them. You're never going to find them. You're going to be. You're going to arrive mad. You're going to never find them. You're going to be upset. This thing is going to be incomplete. It's always going to bring up bitter memories and God forbid we ever have to move again. This will be your memory of moving.

A

He'll have to like, definitely Tetris it put pillows.

B

I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't do it. So I have been wrapping, like it's day into night. It doesn't end. There's so many of these. There's so many of these. And I have been rapping and rapping and rapping and like excessively. So there's no way they could break even if they wanted to. They couldn't break if they tried. And I first I Saran wrap them so that if anything does break, it can't leave because it's saran wrapped. And then I go through with all the padding and then I Sarah wrap again. Anyway, I'm trying to build trust to get to these bigger vessels. I don't remember the point of this.

A

The TikTok.

B

Oh, the TikTok. Yeah. So where can you find me? You can find me in all these usual places, but Tik Tok at Garrett Eats. Garrett underscore Eats. It's all videos of Garrett eating, plus some Legos. It's like me posting them, being him. It's really fun for me. Yeah. So if you would like to go there. It's not a hiking channel. If you comment on and say, I thought this was a hiking channel, I'm gonna get mad and block you. Don't do that. You do that on my Instagram enough. But if you do that, if you want to go there, that's just where I've been having fun lately. Yeah, I've just been having, you know, little spurts of fun.

A

Not that I would encourage this, but there is something character building about Lego's breaking. Because Leo is a die hard Legoist now. Like every time he gets a present from a grandparent or aunt or uncle, whatever, it's new. A new Lego set. And he fucking loves it. But his younger brothers, the twins, love destroying stuff.

B

Sure.

A

So they've destroyed like everything that he's built. And at first it was a meltdown and like last week One of the twins came over and broke, like, the Mario Kart that he had just built. Like, there wasn't even like a day where he could enjoy it and came over and just, like, chucked it on the floor. And he didn't even, like, respond. He's so callous to the twins being destructive. He's just like, well, I guess I'll rebuild that later.

B

That sounds like Jenna's jeans. I mean, he's after the golf ball story.

A

Yeah, sure, yeah, no, definitely. Jenna can get a temper, but I definitely am more tempermatic than she is. But shout out to a five year old for having Buddha, like, responds to that.

B

See, I would trust that. But the problem is Yoda. Yoda fell off the bookshelf months ago. And Yoda had some pieces that came off when he fell off the bookshelf months ago. Of course, Yoda has still not been put back together. Yoda is a dark topic. We don't bring up Yoda anymore. The pieces are apparently all together somewhere in a bag. Ready? But we don't bring him up anymore because he brings up sad thoughts.

A

So it's not as fun to rebuild.

B

Well, I posted a video of Garrett going through his 700 fucking page booklet of this Millennium Falcon. And, like, it got a lot of views. And people were commenting, and the Lego Star wars community is so kind. And they were commenting videos of theirs and then they were saying like, oh, I built it in 24 hours. I built it in 48. I built it and I unbuild it and then I rebuilt it. I love doing that. And I read them together. And Garrett was like, I could never in my entire life fathom the idea of unbuilding. Because his mindset is, once you put the pieces together, if you then take them apart, they don't stick together as strongly the next time. He thinks that the Legos have a stronger first stick together than separate sticks. So he might not be wrong.

A

But, like, if you take a piece apart, let's say a hundred thousand times, it's kind of like a puzzle, like a micro plastic.

B

It makes sense. I'm not saying the guy's crazy. Yeah. I'm saying he is. He is not. In the people in the comments that were like, I love taking it apart and rebuilding it. That's not the specialtiesm he has.

A

Yeah.

B

His is one that I build it. It stays together. It does not come apart.

A

Just call it specialism.

B

Yes. And that. But that's why I need to bubble wrap these so well.

A

Yeah, yeah, fair.

B

Sounds like you're they need to make

A

it preventing a situation.

B

And not that a situation would be bad, it would just be him sad, but I just don't want to see him sad.

A

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

B

So, yeah, if you want to see me wrap Garrett's Legos and him taking first bites of things Garrett eats. That was a long plug for me. But you're not going to hear me again.

A

Appalachian Trials, Pacific Cross Trials are my books. Follow us on YouTube.

B

Hi, Internet.

A

YouTube watchers are going to notice that the video quality is changing a bit. We're in the process of changing cameras and lenses, so, yeah, I'm taking my

B

cameras with me, so get your own.

A

We do have new cameras and lenses and it's not cheap, but here we are.

B

Yeah.

A

And that's it for today's show. Thank you so much for listening and happy hiking.

B

Bye. So spread this video to all your friends because it's a computer virus. Take it from me, I am a doctor? Dr. Toboggan,

A

Mantis.

B

Toboggan.

A

One that had to choose? But every time I do I find I lose?

B

I guess I'm a loser stomping ground?

A

A welcome man for the loving crowd?

B

I wish that you knew.