Lux Radio Theatre - Has Anybody Seen My Gal

A

All new drinks are now at McDonald's

B

with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine.

A

Lux presents Hollywood. Brothers company. The makers of lux toilet soap brings you the lux radio theater starring rock hudson, piper laurie and gene lockhart in has anybody seen my gal? Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Irving cummings.

C

Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. In tonight's play, we have a very serious problem. How to inherit a hundred thousand dollars and not let it go to your head. The story of a rich old man who almost ruined a romance and a marriage by his generous gift. And playing their original roles in Has Anybody Seen My Galaxy? Are two of unilateral studio's most prominent stars, Piper Laurie and Rock Hudson. Co starring in this romantic comedy is one of our love character actors, Gene Lockhart. But now, before our play gets underway, here's Ken Carpenter with an important message.

A

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C

Now, act one of Has Anybody Seen My Gal? Starring Rock Hudson as Dan, Piper Laurie as Millie and gene locker as Mr. Fulton. Come back with us a bit. Come back 27 years to Jack Dempsey, Charles Lindbergh and Janet Gaynor, whom I discovered to Calvin Coolidge. And I do not choose to run. Come back to Ain't We Got Fun? Come back to 1927. Babe Ruth hit 60 home runs that year. The Columbia Broadcasting System was born. The Stux Bearcat was the cast pajamas and. And the so called flaming youth of that era called bebop jazz. But they were cute just the same. Don't be hard on them today. They're mother and dad. The almost richest man in America was named Samuel Fulton, and he was a bachelor. Too bad he was in his 60s and smoked villainous nickel cigars. It is 1927. Sam Fulton sits in his bed while his attorney, Mr. Norton, reads Sam Fulton's will out loud.

B

I do make, publish and declare this my last will and testament in the manner following. It'd be nice if you fellas spoke English. Go on. First, I give and bequeath to Mr. And Mrs. Charles Blazell. Spell it with a double L, who reside in Hilberton, Vermont, my entire estate, which consists of. Oh, never mind that. It'll take all day. I'm too sick to listen to how well off I am. Sam, you're not sick. Oh, I'm not, eh? You'd only get out of bed and stop growling. Now, look, why don't you enter into an agreement with Dr. Wallace whereby he'll not practice law if you don't practice medicine. When I say you're not really sick, I'm quoting Doc Wallace and you know it. I never felt worse. Now, is that will ready for my signature? Or, while I can still guide a fountain pen. Sign right here, Sam. Now, this gives Mr. And Mrs. Blaisdell everything right. Tell me, are these Blaisdells relatives of yours? Now, you know perfectly well I don't have a relative in the world. Then why do you want to name the Blaisdells your heirs? Sheer gratitude. It was Mrs. Blaisdell's mother that was responsible for my fortune. I. I was in love with her when I was a young man. She was a vision of loveliness. An absolute vision of loveliness. Well, why didn't you marry her? She turned me down. Turned me down for a bookkeeper making 30 bucks a week. But if Millicent had said yes to me instead of no, I'd have remained in Hilberton round the rest of my life plodding along on 30 or $40 a week. But she said no. So I went to Alaska for gold and Texas for oil. And here I am, one of Uncle Sam's main sources of income. Well, didn't you ever see her again? Never. She. She died a few years ago, shortly after her husband passed away. But she left a daughter, Harriet, married to a druggist named Blaisdell. Charles Blaisdell. Two L's. Got it. Well, don't you think you ought to investigate the Blaisdell family first? Are you suggesting that I, a sick man, go to Hilverton and study the Blaisdells? I'm a sick man, I tell you.

C

What.

B

If the blazels turn out to be drunkards or spendthrifts squandering your fortune on bootlegs. Oh, nonsense. If Millicent had said yes, her family would have been my family. Milly's children and grandchildren. Drunkards and spendthrifts. Hooey. Well, Sam, it's your money. Sign here. Now, don't rush me. Don't rush me. I'm not signing my life away yet, mister. But send for a barber. I want my beard shaved off. That way they won't recognize I'm Samuel Fulton.

A

Who won't?

B

Blaisdells, of course. But you just said. Now, look, I've got a look at this family first.

A

Why?

B

Suppose they should turn out to be drunkards and spendthrifts? I just said that. Shame on you. And get me passage to Hilberton right away. Excuse me, mister. Ain't gotta sweep these leaves. Hilverton Public Library. It seems like yesterday. A little nippier than it was yesterday. Winter's coming. The last time I took a book out of this library was 40 years ago. Wow. Like 2 cents a day overdue charges. You owe him a fortune. Oh, that young woman there coming down the steps.

D

Good morning, Fred. How are you?

B

Just fine, Ms. Blaisdell.

E

Just fine. Oh, excuse me, sir.

B

Excuse me.

E

Well, take care of yourself, Fred.

B

Oh, tell your dad that belladonna plaster he sold me did the work.

E

I'll just do that.

B

Blaisdell. Mary Blaisdell. Don't tell me you took her out 40 years ago. Which way is her father's drugstore? Just follow Millie. Why, Charlie Blaisdell owe you money too? No, no, no. I owed his mother in law a great deal. Five foot two, eyes are blue oh,

A

what those five feet can do.

B

Has anybody seen my gown? Hey, are you the druggist? I want some aspirin. Hello? Harriet, I can't. Can't you see I'm on the telephone? Melly, I'm trying to talk to your mother. Dan, tend that soda fountain. How about some service here? One moment, sir. As you see, I. I want a box of aspirin, Mary. Dan, cut that out. I've got a headache and it's getting worse in this pharmaceutical bed. Yes, sir. I'll talk to you later, dear. A dozen aspirin. 15 cents, sir. 15 cents? I can get this from New York for 14 cents.

A

Well, if you want to spend $11

B

spare to New York to save a penny, that's all right with me, mister. All right. All right. Now, can I disturb your fountain man for a glass of water, Dan? A glass of water for the gentleman, Dan.

A

Yes, sir. One glass of aqua pura coming up.

B

Is it more if I get it in Latin?

E

I gotta go home now, Dan. Will I see you tonight?

A

You bet, Millie. Eight o'. Clock. Good movie at the Strand.

E

What is it?

A

Bessie Love and Tom Moore and. Anybody here seen Kelly?

E

Oh, that'll be the cab.

D

See you to see.

B

Eight o'.

A

Clock.

E

Right.

B

I'd like to use your telephone, please.

A

Right in the booth, sir.

B

Thank you. Telephone book in the booth, sir. Thank you.

F

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B

Is this the Helvetton Evening Courier? I wish to advertise a room for rent. Are you ready?

D

Oh, hello.

B

Hello. Good evening, young lady. May I ask who you are?

D

I'm a Britta Blaisdell. Who are you?

B

I'm Mr. Smith. John Smith.

D

No relation to the John Smith who fell in love with Pocahontas Pocahontas who? Well, that answers my question.

B

May I see your mother?

E

Who is it, Roberta? There's a draft.

B

Oh. Are you Mrs. Blaisdell?

E

Yes. Yes.

B

I've come to answer your advertisement.

E

Our what?

B

You advertised in the Courier for a border.

E

Oh, I'm certain you've made some mistake.

B

Here's the paper. There it is in black and white.

E

Border wanted. Pleasant room and excellent food for gentlemen. $8 a week. Inquire. This is our address.

B

All right.

D

Maybe Papa did it. He did say we could use some extra money.

B

So if you'll kindly show me to my room.

E

I have no intention of taking in a boarder.

B

Then why did you advertise for one?

E

I did not advertise.

B

You can be held accountable in the courts of law for such blatant misrepresentation. Do you realize that we don't even have a room?

D

Yes, we do, Mother.

E

Where?

D

The room right next to the attic. You know, where Grandma lived after Grandpa died.

B

It sounds enchanting. I'll take it.

E

Really?

B

Smith is my name. John Smith.

E

Really, Mr. Smith.

B

Here's a week in advance. But what time do you serve dinner?

D

Seven o'. Clock.

E

Seven o'?

B

Clock? No, 6:30 is better for me. But if that's my husband will be,

E

and I've a grown son and daughter who won't like it one bit better.

D

It's a deal, Mom. You took the money. Isn't that so, Mr. Smith?

B

Absolutely airtight.

E

Oh, dear.

D

I know you'll love Grandma's old room, Mr. Smith.

B

I'm sure I will, Roberta. I'm sure I will.

E

Oh, well, $8 is $8.

D

Do you like the room?

B

Very much. Very much. And that. Would that be your grandma's picture there?

D

Yeah. Wasn't she pretty?

B

Beautiful.

D

Her name was Millicent. Just like Millie.

B

I know.

D

You know?

B

Of course I know.

D

How?

B

Well, you just told me.

D

Oh, that's right. All right. Dinner at seven, Mr. Smith. He's seeing you,

B

Millicent. It seems like yesterday.

A

Harriet, this is ridiculous.

B

Now, I won't have that. That man, whoever he is up there,

D

he's coming down here any minute.

B

What'll my friends think, taking in a border? None of the better families would do a thing like that.

E

You mean richer families, don't you, brother dear?

B

Well, I'm going up there and tell that man he'll have to leave at once.

E

Oh, Charles, it can't be too bad. We never use that room. And we can use the money.

D

And I like him more than any of the boys. I Know.

B

All right, all right. He can stay the week. But after that he goes. Good evening, all you good people. You did say dinner at seven, you. And why not?

E

Mr. Smith, this is my husband.

A

Yes, we've met and parted.

E

Oh, my daughter, Millicent. Hello. Oh, you were in the store today.

B

Yeah. You and Dan the soda clerk, are a charming couple.

E

Oh, thank you, Mr. Smith. And this is my son, Howard.

B

Are you. Are you.

E

Do sit down, Mr. Smith.

B

Stew.

C

Stew.

B

I'm sorry, but I must confine myself to soft foods. Milk, eggs, boiled fish, mashed bananas. Yes, we have no mashed bananas.

E

How is.

B

This is not a restaurant, Mr. Smith. We all eat the same thing or we don't eat it all.

E

Please taste it, Mr. Smith. Mama makes the best stew in Hilberton.

B

She does? Perhaps she does at that.

E

Well, that's all settled.

B

Maybe if we have stew often enough, I can get a car, huh, dad?

A

Yeah, I'd like a car myself, son,

B

but all the fellas in my frat

E

have a car and join another frat.

B

Millie has all the answers.

E

You just got a brand new raccoon coat, didn't you?

B

Yeah, a brand new used one.

D

Sometimes I wish we were so rich we didn't have to pay our bills.

B

There's no disgrace in being poor. That's probably the only good thing that can be said about it. You ought to see Carl Pannock's new runabout. An apperson. Jackrabbit8.

D

An apperson.

B

Oh, by the way, Millicent, I favor the Jordan or the Mercer myself. Well, Jordan and Mercer will be happy

A

to hear that, Smith.

E

By the way. What, Mother? Carl Pennant called a while ago when you were out from home or from his new apperson. Don't be frivolous, Millicent. I made a date with him for you for tonight.

D

What?

E

I made it, Mother. You knew I had a date with Dan. I forgot. Oh, you didn't forget, Mother. You just want me to go out with Carl because he's rich now, dear. Well, you can call Carl right back and tell him I can't see him. What will he think of me? Well, then I'll call. Well, you can't. He'd be terribly offended. Well, what about Dan?

B

She has a date with Dan.

E

Harriet, she can see your soda dispenser anytime. The Pennocks are the most important family in town. I don't care how important they are. I won't go. Please, Millie, for my sake. You don't want to make a fool out of your mother, do you? Well, what about Dan? He hasn't got a phone. How we let him know that my date's off for tonight. Well, just let me handle him, dear, when he comes to pick you up. I told Carl to come at a quarter to eight so you'd be gone before Dan gets here.

B

So you didn't forget she had a date with Dan and.

E

It's all right, Mr. Smith. And wear your long dress, dear, the one that comes down to your knees.

A

What a mess.

B

Mess? Mess. Yes, mess. Why, I find this to be a delicious stew.

D

Millie, your shake is here.

E

I'll get it, Roberta.

A

Hello, Mrs. Blaisdo.

E

Carl. Come in. We saw you drive up in your new car. And what a lovely new raccoon coat.

B

Thanks. To go with that jack rabbit. Eight. I suppose.

E

This is Mr. Smith, Mr. Penic.

B

How do you do, young men?

C

How do you do, sir?

E

You know Howard, of course, and Mr. Blasel.

B

Hi, Howie. Mr. Blasel. Hi, Carl.

D

Nelly Beaver.

E

Roberta, for heaven's sake.

D

All right, all right.

E

Mr. Smith is staying with us for a while, Carl. He's an old friend of the family.

D

Right now, he's exactly three hours old.

C

Pardon?

E

Here I am, almost just on time. Hello, Carl.

C

Hot diggity dog.

B

The perfect tribute. Well, let's go, huh?

E

Yes. Well, good night, everyone.

A

Good night.

E

Have a nice time.

B

Don't take any Nude and Wickles.

E

Thank you.

D

Good night.

B

Five minutes with Carl Panic and a girl has a past. I'm not certain I like that boy.

E

I know exactly what I'm doing, Charles. I have no intention of permitting my daughter to make the same mistake my mother made.

B

What mistake was that? If I may be so impertinent, Mrs. Blaisdell. You may not, Smith Grant.

D

Grandma could have married Samuel Fulton, the richest man in the world. Instead, she married the poorest.

B

You don't say. Now, do you mean your grandmother could have married Samuel G. Fulton?

E

Well, yes, but she didn't love him. Of course, Fulton wasn't rich when he proposed.

D

Well, I'm glad Grandma married Grandpa. I once saw a picture of Mr. Fulton and you ought to see the beard he's got. I'll bet you if Grandma had married him, I'd have a beard by now. Hey, I bet that's dance.

B

What are you going to tell him, Mrs. Blaisdell?

E

Tell him. Leave that to me.

A

But Millicent had a date with me, Mrs. Blaisdell.

E

She asked me to apologize for her. She had a previous date and completely forgot about it.

A

Date with who?

E

Carl Pennock.

A

That cake eater.

B

An easy man to forget.

A

You See? Well, I guess I'll have to go to the movies alone.

B

Don't be discouraged, Dan.

A

Remember, only the brave deserve the fair.

B

They're the only ones who can live with some of them. Oh, good night all. I better go to my room and repent. Grandma. Millicent, that is, wherever you are, you have a lovely little family. Full of little quibbles and nonsense, but lovely. Could have been all mine if you could only have loved me somewhat. Well, good night, Millicent.

D

I sure enjoyed this week with you, Mr. Smith.

B

And I shall always cherish the memory among my souvenirs.

D

I'm sure going to miss you tomorrow.

B

Why won't you be home tomorrow?

D

I will, but you won't. I heard Papa tell mother that you must leave tomorrow morning. Hot or cold, whatever that means.

B

Oh, that means regardless, absolutely, for sure and positively for sure. Maybe. Well, here's your dad's store. Would you care to join me at the soda fountain in a farewell black cow?

D

No, I hate farewells.

B

Don't you like black cows?

D

No. You're heartless, that's what you are.

E

Me?

D

Yes. Goodbye, Mr. Smith.

B

Goodbye, Roberta.

D

Goodbye.

B

Goodbye. Goodbye. Would you care to join me while I buy a couple of nickel cigars then?

D

Okay.

B

Hey Mr. Blazell, how about some fountain service? Hey, what kind of a drugstore is this anyhow? You can't. Now be quiet. The doctor's on the phone trying to give me a prescription. How much you asking for your beef iron and wine, Charlie? One teaspoonful, three times daily PC and one at bedtime. Charge two nickel cigars for me, will you Mr. Blazer? Oh, why don't you get out of town? No, no, Doctor, no, not you. Can I wait on Mr. Pizza? You're right, Doctor. Jerry drop idea. Let's go the competition. Let's some beef iron wine. I just want to know how it sells. Case I see you run down in the spring.

A

Dollar a bottle, six for five.

B

Oh, I want to find out. Hey, wait for me fellas. I'm with you. To a man. With a Google googly. Yes. Well what, what happened? A spark plug ran out. Now where's Dan?

A

Had to send him out on deliveries.

B

You're losing a lot of business, Mr. Blazdu. Yeah, I know it, but I can't help it. I can't afford a full time fountain man. All I can pay is $12 a week and nobody wants to work for that money.

D

Mr. Smith, why don't you work for Papa?

B

Me? I. I'll give you $12 a week.

D

Do it, Mr. Smith. Do it.

B

I'll make you a proposition, Blaisdell. Instead of paying me $12, you permit me to continue to board at your house. And give me $5 cash per week. Well, that's the equivalent of $13 a week. Take it or leave it.

D

Take it, Papa.

B

All right, you're hired.

D

Yay, team.

A

Any more deliveries, Mr. Blaisdell?

B

Oh, Dan. Meet our new full time soda jerk.

A

Him?

B

Why not?

A

Well, I guess you're better than nothing.

B

Thank you, Dan. Thank you.

A

Get your coat off and I'll show you the ropes.

B

Oh, which reminds me, Mr. Blas, that two nickel cigars with employees discount. What, already? And charge it.

A

Now, these here we call the Draft Arms. Soda on the sides and plain water in the middle.

D

I want a black cow.

E

Yeah?

B

Well, I think we've just got us a white elephant.

C

Well, sir. Mr. Cummings, act two of has anybody Seen My Gal? Starring Piper Laurie as Millie, Rock Hudson as Dan, and Gene Lockhart as Mr. Fulton.

F

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C

Samuel Fulton, millionaire, posing as John Smith. A penniless borer in the Blaisdell home has developed into a pillars. Even a demon soda jerker. Object to observe if the Blaisdells are worthy to inherit his huge fortune. Right now, he is in the drugstore phone booth while the flaming youth of 1927 hungers for banana splits at his untended fountain. He is talking to New York.

B

Now listen here, Norton. Are you or are you not my lawyer? Of course I'm your lawyer, Sam. But am I or am I not of sound mind? Well, okay. Now grab a train and get down here by dinner time tonight. And remember, the Blaisdells think I'm an eccentric. They've got a point. They think my name's John Smith. See? So when you get here, Tonight? Don't let on that you know me. And take a coach. A chair car is a needless expense. Yes, Sergeant.

C

What?

B

Nothing will do. Goodbye.

E

Oh, that's where you are, Mr. Smith.

B

Hello, Millicent. Yes, just prospecting around, looking for nickels in the return slot.

E

Is Dan in back?

B

Oh, Dan's off today. Oh, try the library.

E

Oh, thank you, Mr. Smith. Thanks a lot.

B

Good hunting.

D

Hello, Dan.

A

Millicent, what are you doing here at the library?

E

What are you reading?

A

Microbe Hunters.

E

Sounds very interesting.

A

You don't sound very interested.

E

Well, not in microbes especially.

A

Then what do you see in Carl Pennock? I get the heebie jeebies when I think of him telling everybody you're His Sheba.

D

But I'm not.

A

You're not?

E

Well, not anymore.

C

What about your mother?

E

Oh, she's furious of the Pennock because they're giving a big party tonight and they didn't invite me.

B

Oh, boy. Let's get out of here. We're going for a long ride.

D

Mother, dad, guess what.

B

Millie.

C

Daniel.

A

Congratulate me, folks.

D

We're engaged.

E

Engaged?

B

Better close the door, kids, and come on in.

E

Engaged?

D

To each other to be married.

B

Well, now, if that isn't a silly question.

A

Harriet, I hope you don't object.

B

No, of course not, Dan.

A

Of course not.

B

Congratulations, my boy.

E

I feel faint.

D

Engaged. That's almost as good as marriage.

B

It's frequently better. My very best wishes, ma'. Am.

A

Thank you, Mr. Smith.

E

I still can't believe it.

D

Oh, neither can I.

E

Isn't it wonderful, Mother?

B

Well, now, what should he cry about?

E

I've always wanted my daughter to marry someone who could give her all the things I never had.

B

I resent that.

E

All right, my dear. Your father seems to have no objection, so I hope you'll be very happy. Oh, thank you, Mother. Thank you.

B

Well, how. How about a drink to the happy couple? The very best bootleg gin right off the boat. Most of the stuff I've tasted must have waded ashore.

E

Wait a minute. That may be a policeman.

D

I'll get it. I'll give him the old childhood innocence.

B

Is this the residence of Mr. And Mrs. Charles Blaisdell?

D

Yes, sir.

B

May I see them, please?

D

Come right in.

B

Thank you.

D

They're in the living room. My sister just got engaged to my father's leading clerk.

B

Good evening. I hope I'm not intruding. Oh, are you Mr. Blaisdell? That's Mr. Blaisdell.

A

Oh.

B

I'm Edward Norton, attorney for the Hamilton Trust Company. Well, if. If it's about my mortgage well, see,

A

business has been rather slow in the past few weeks.

B

No, no, it's nothing like that.

E

Yeah.

B

Oh, well, sit down, won't you? This is my wife, my two girls and my future son in law, Dan Stebbins.

A

And this is Mr. Smith, our border.

B

I, I didn't catch the name. Smith. Smith. Smith. S, M, I, T, H. Smith. First name's John.

D

Mr. Smith is Papa's leading soda jerker.

B

Soda jerk?

A

Yes.

B

You must come in and try one of my tutti Frutti delights.

E

May I ask what you wish to see us about?

B

I've been authorized to deliver into your hands this check.

E

What is it, an advertisement?

B

Oh, sure. This check worth $10 toward the purchase of Manhattan Island. Read it, Mrs. Blaisdell.

E

Pay to the order of Mr. And Mrs. Charles Blaisdell $100,000 toward the purchase

B

of the United States Navy. Please, Mr. Scott Smith.

E

I, I don't understand, Mr. Norton.

B

Oh, neither do I.

E

Just what is this?

B

This money is yours to do whatever you wish with it.

E

A hundred thousand, Thomas?

B

Yeah. Well, I, I, I don't recognize the signature. The joke. If you have any doubt, call Mr. Parker, the manager of the Hilberton Bank. The bank's closed now. I just left him at his home where I told him this check would be put through his bank.

E

Well, it must be true.

B

Well, yeah, it does seem so. So they took the hundred thousand dollars and bought themselves galoshes.

E

You mean we're rich?

B

If you consider $100,000 rich.

E

Do I?

D

Whoopee.

E

Mother.

B

Mrs. Blaisdell, we're rich.

E

Hot diggity dogs.

D

Hot cha.

A

Harriet.

D

Mother.

B

Why, she's fainted. Go to a neutral corner, Norton. I'll handle. How do you feel, Mrs. Blaisdell?

E

Fine. Just let me sit up. Thank you.

B

And stop fanning her with that check, Smith. It's what knocked her out, isn't it? Some of the hair of the dog is bitter.

E

Now, Charles, children, now that we're wealthy, the first thing we'll do is move out of this old house. But I like this house. We'll buy a house on the hill where the best people live.

B

We'll pay off the mortgage on the drugstore.

E

You will sell the drugstore?

B

I like the store. I put 20 years of my life into it.

E

So my daughter isn't good enough for Carl Pennock. Well, perhaps Carl won't be good enough for my daughter. I'll say he isn't. Anyway, I'm engaged to Dan now.

A

You tell him, kid.

B

Oh, that.

E

That was before we were wealthy, Dan.

A

Yes, Mrs. Blaisdell, you don't want people

E

to say you married Millicent for her millions, do you?

B

It isn't millions, Harriet.

E

No, everybody will say it is, and let them. Dan.

A

Millie, your mother is absolutely right. I'm in no position to marry a rich girl. Excuse me, all.

D

Dan, wait. Dan.

B

Goodbye.

A

The engagement is off.

D

Oh. Oh, Mother.

E

Well, this certainly has been an exciting evening.

B

I guess I may as well go to bed.

E

Oh, Mr. Smith, you'll have to look for lodgings elsewhere.

B

Elsewhere?

E

Immediately.

B

I'll go after Dan.

D

Why, Mr. Smith.

B

Or maybe he'll let me share his room with him immediately. You know, Dan, I. I've enjoyed rooming with you these weeks. Makes me feel young and foolish again.

A

I wish it made me feel old and wise.

B

What do you hear from Millicent Blaisdell?

A

Nothing. We're finished. Let her marry Carl.

B

Look at it this way. If you married Millicent, you'd be tied down to Hilberton all your life. The way things are, you can go anywhere, sir. Your opportunity. You might even become a millionaire.

A

You never had any responsibility. Why aren't you a millionaire?

B

How do you know that I'm not responsible?

A

Well, whatever you are, Gramps, this is the way we like you.

B

Well, I better be off to my soda fountain.

A

Pipe the mangy raccoon coat?

B

Yeah. Howard Blaisdell gave it to me this morning. Just turn the doorknob, walk in.

D

Hi, man.

C

Hello, Roberta.

B

Hi, my dear.

D

Oh, golly. Don't you two ever clean up this roof?

B

Twice a month, whether it needs it or not. How's Millicent?

D

I wouldn't know. She's always out with Carl.

A

Eating cake, no doubt.

D

He's taking her to Joe's tonight.

C

Joe's?

D

That's the speakeasy.

E

Why?

B

Why, it's a speakeasy. That's why.

D

I just said that.

B

She just said that. Out of my way. Out of my way. Well, where are you going? To Joe's place. It's a speakeasy.

D

I said that.

B

Yes, and Millie's there tonight with Carl and Clancy the cop was in the store before dinner telling me confidentially that Joe's was going to be raided tonight. End message.

D

Goodbye.

B

Come on, Millicent. One teensy weensy little drink.

E

No, Carl.

B

No, Carl. No, Carl.

E

I just don't like to drink, that's all. It makes me ill. That's the object. What's good drinking? Hooch.

B

I can't talk about it.

E

Can't we go someplace else?

B

No, no, no, no. This stuff is two months Old already. You want it to get stale, Millie. Millicent.

D

Isn't that Mr. Smith?

B

Well, if it isn't. It's the biggest raccoon ever came out of a bottle. Billy. Carl, you've got to get out of here. How did you get in here? I told the man Jack sent me. There's always a Jack. Out now, fast. This place is going to be raided. Applesau banana. I'm telling you. He's telling her.

D

I don't want to be caught in a place like this.

B

It is a raid. I'll on out, gang. Now, both of you. I'll boost you out through the window. Millie, you first.

A

John Smith.

B

Yes, your honor. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Yes, your honor. A man of your age being caught in a low dive. Yes, your honor. What an example to our younger generation. No wonder youth is flaming with old age. Setting such a wretched example. 30 days or $50. Oh.

A

Okay, junior, come on.

E

You're free, Mr. Smith.

B

Thank you. Good day, Mr. Jailer.

E

I hurried down to see if I could help. Dan here got here first.

A

It's all taken care of. So you can go back to your house on the hill now and wait for Carl to call you again.

E

How much was the fine? I'd like to pay for it.

A

Look, Millicent, I did this because Gramps is a friend of mine. I don't want the money back, and especially not from you.

E

Well, you don't have to be so nasty about it.

A

I'm not being nasty. But don't think that just because you've got money. Now that you can tell me.

B

Children, you mustn't quarrel over me. Now. I've saved up a little money for a rainy day, and I'll give you back the $50 when we get back to our room. Is that okay, Dan?

A

Okay.

B

Perhaps you'd better keep out of speakeasy to Millicent.

E

Yes. Thank you, Mr. Smith. Goodbye, Dan.

C

Goodbye.

E

I'm sorry it has to be this way.

A

I'm sorry, too.

B

Yeah, so is your old man. Name of Smith. Chocolate malted milk. Graham. Oh. Something on your mind, Howard? The Blaisdell billions weighing on your shoulders? I'd like to help if I can.

A

Sure happen to have $2,000.

B

You've been losing money gambling. How did you know? You've been going to Batson's. Who runs that poker game at the Three Leaf Inn? Yeah.

C

2000.

B

And he'll tell dad if I don't pay him by tomorrow. Tomorrow, huh? You can't do anything, Gramps. Thanks for Worrying about it. Well, I know a little something about cards. When I was a young man, I spent quite some time in the Yukon. We played cards there every night. Nights are long there, you know, Howard. Almost six months long. Why, one night we played cards for three months straight. Yeah, I got to be pretty good at poker, too. Yes, sir. Indeed. Now, I. I hope you'll be patient with me, gentlemen. Come on, come on. How many cards may I have? As many as three, Mr. Bastard. May he have.

C

Yeah, foxy grandpa.

B

You may have even as many as four. May he have as many as three. Thank you, gentlemen. Talk, talk, talk, talk. You know, I. I'm rather new at your kind of game, so bear with me just a little longer, and I assure you I'll get the hang of things. Will you stop the chatter for maybe a fraction of a second and let's see what you got this time.

A

I'm skunk.

B

Pimps and bullets.

C

Pimps and bullets?

B

What kind of talk is that? That's three fives and a pair of aces. Beats me.

C

I got three kings.

B

Oh, too bad. Now, if you don't mind, Mr. Batson, I'll take Howard Blaisdell's IOU in exchange for this stack of chips. It comes to exactly $2,000 and some changeover, I believe. Got it right here in my wallet. The splendid weather this time of year. Lovely. There you are. Thank you, Mr. Batson. Yeah. Simpson Bullet. Thank you, gentlemen. It's been a real pleasure. I don't know when I've spent. Spent such an enjoyable evening.

C

John Smith.

B

Yes, your honor.

C

You've been here before?

B

Yes, your honor. When Joe's was raided.

A

Evidently.

B

Mr. Smith, you're an incorrigible malefactor caught in speakeasies, caught in gambling density. You're a minister to the community. Yes, your honor. $100 or 60 days. Oh, good morning, Howard. Come on, Mr. Smith, you're sprung. Thank you, Mr. Jailer. Goodbye. Lovely morning, Howard. Huh? I got this in the mail this lovely morning. My IOU To Batson torn up. And a note. Let this be a lesson to you.

A

A friend.

B

Who do you suppose could have done that? Search me. But thanks. Friend. I'd like you to give your sister a message. Sure thing. Tell Millicent that I'm. I'm feeling very poorly and would appreciate

C

it a lot if you.

B

She'd drive me to the doctor's tomorrow as a favor. Well, gramps, what's the matter with you? I never felt better in my life. Well, then why just give her the message and ask her could she drive me in your new Pierce Arrow? Okay. Park right here, Millicent.

E

Well, this isn't the doctor's office.

B

I want to talk to you. Right here is good. I think I should inform you that I am in perfect health.

E

Why did you ask me to take you to the doctor?

B

That was a ruse to get you out of the house. Now, I want to help you with Dan. He gave the new owner of the drug store his notice.

E

Dan's quitting?

B

Yes. He intends to leave Hilverton entirely and for good.

E

Oh, Grant, he mustn't.

B

I know he loves you very much, and I think you feel the same about him.

E

Oh, yes, I do love him. I do.

B

Well, if you could convince him that there's a chance for the two of you, I'm certain he'll stay.

E

Oh, just tell me what to do. Do you know where he is?

D

Now?

B

Why do you think I spirited you out of that oversized house of yours? Look. See over there now playing Laura LaPlante in hold your Man.

E

Well, I want to keep Dan, and I'll fight to hold him. Just tell me what to do.

B

Well, you love Dan, whereas I'm nuts about Laura La Plant. So let's go to the movies, shall we? Pardon us, folks.

E

Sorry. Sorry.

B

There he is. Nelson. Now you sit between us and take over.

E

Uhhuh. Hello, dad.

C

What?

A

What's the big idea?

B

She wanted to see this movie.

E

Do you remember how we always used to come here?

A

I remember you used to put your

E

arm around me then.

A

Things were a little different then. Excuse me.

D

Dan, wait.

E

Why are you going away?

A

Because there's nothing for me here.

E

But, I mean.

A

Look, Millicent, we've been through all this before.

B

Dad, it's no use.

A

Your family doesn't want any part of me.

E

Now, wait.

A

You've got money, and all I've got is a lot, lot of hopes. But you can't live on hopes.

B

Correct?

A

So you do what your mother wants and marry Carl Pennock and forget about me. And you shouldn't have brought her here, Gramps.

B

We wanted to see Laura Lapland.

A

Then you shouldn't have come in at the middle of the picture.

B

Goodbye.

A

Sorry, folks.

B

Excuse me, dad. There, there, now, now, don't cry. Well, here, just. Just put your head on my shoulder. So. Okay, now cry. Yes, dad.

E

I'm never going to see Dan again. Well, thanks for trying. I'm going to marry. I'm going to marry.

B

Of course you're going to marry.

D

We're going to marry Carl Fenneck.

B

Now, wait a minute.

E

I'VE waited long enough. I've stood it all I could and mother's impatient and Carl's crazy to marry me. And after all, you. After all.

B

After all.

E

After all, the Blaisdells and the Pennocks

D

are the first two families in town.

E

I might just as well marry Carl.

D

Oh, I wish we'd never gotten the money.

B

Wash yourself and shut up.

C

The curtain rises on act 3 of has anybody seen my gal? Starring rock hudson as dan, piper laurie as millie and gene lockhart as Mr. Fulton. The last attempt of Mr. Smith to bring Millicent and down together has ended in a near riot at the Strand Theater. And Millicent resigned to marrying Carl Fennec and Mr. Smith in familiar surroundings. Again, John Smith.

B

Yes, your honor.

A

Not again.

B

Yes, your Honor. Creating a disturbance in a public place, inciting to riot and necking in a theater. Sir. Necking with a young woman you're old enough to be the grandfather of? No, sir. Yes, sir. Objection. Overrule. Exception. Wise guy. I've been around.

A

Then be around a little longer.

B

Three months in jail or $200 fine. Hangman next pay.

E

Sit down, Mr. Smith.

B

Thank you, Mrs. Blaz. Do Smith stand up? He's down.

C

He's up.

B

He's.

E

I'd like to say a word.

B

Steve, this is for your mother and me to handle.

C

Millicent.

E

Necking with my daughter in public.

B

It's a disgrace.

E

It's shameful baloney.

B

On two. Everybody in town saw you. The movie was at the Strand, Mr. Blaisdell, not at the Yale Bowl.

E

We want to know what your intentions are toward my daughter.

B

Oh, Mother Smith.

C

Honorable.

B

Strictly honorable. You'd really marry her? Nothing would delight me more.

E

Why, thank you, Mr. Smith. I consider that a great deal compliment.

B

But you're over 60 and Millicent's hardly 20.

E

You're three times her age.

B

Ah, but when I meet each. He'll be 40.

E

He'll only be twice my age, right?

B

Well, who knows? Perhaps if I live long enough, she may even catch up with me. This is preposterous. Is it preposterous that anyone should love your daughter?

E

You're after her money, aren't you?

B

Well, isn't young, Carl? Aren't all the Pennocks who think you are much richer than you are or aren't? Well, do you think for one moment we'd tolerate you for a son in law? We might elope on the drugstore bicycle. It's no joking marriage, Smith.

D

Is Mr. Smith gonna be my brother in law? Is he? Is he?

E

Roberta, you go Right back upstairs to bed.

D

Are you gonna be my brother in law, Graham?

E

No, Roberta, of course not.

B

Now that the child is here, let's stop this nonsense. My interest in Millicent is entirely paternal.

E

We were not necking. I was crying and he was comforting me. He was being kind the way he's always been from the very start. Crying.

B

She was crying because Dan's leaving Hilberton. And she was crying because you're driving your daughter into a marriage with a man she doesn't love.

E

Then this nonsense has gone quite far enough. I think we should announce the engagement of Millicent to Carl Pennock immediately.

B

Time for you to say something, Millicent.

E

Oh, it doesn't matter anymore, Mr. Smith. I'm never going to see Dan again. Well, thanks for trying. And this is for being kind.

B

Thank you, my dear.

E

And if you want to call that necking too, go ahead. Oh, I wish we'd never got that.

B

Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money. Norton, I'm working at the drugstore now. You don't want to call me here. Couldn't you write me a letter? Blaisdell said it couldn't wait. Blaisdell?

C

He called me long distance a little while ago.

B

Needed $25,000 and he needs it tonight. Tonight?

E

$25,000?

B

I heard you. Tonight's his daughter's engagement party. What's 25 grand got to do with that? If anything, he's desperate. So the stock he bought on margin took a plunge. And I'm supposed to call him back and let him know if the party who gave him the hundred thousand would lend him 25 just like that. Otherwise he'll be wiped out. Too bad. They seemed such a nice family when I met them that night. They are. They couldn't be nicer if they were really my own. Now, let me handle this noting. Gotta get back to the soda fountain now. Goodbye. Goodbye.

A

Hi, Mr. Smith.

B

Oh, Dan. Hi, my boy.

A

Now there's a good question. How am I? When tonight Millie gets engaged to Carl Pennock.

B

Don't let her get you down, Dan.

A

I'm leaving on the 9 o' clock train in the morning.

B

I'll help you pack tonight.

A

I thought you might be going to Miss Millicent Blaisdell's engagement party tonight.

B

I didn't receive an engraved invitation.

A

As if that would keep you away if you wanted to eat cake with the cake eaters.

B

Oh, I might indulge my sweet tooth a little bit and see you, son. It's a Lovely engagement party, Mrs. Blaz. Most tasteful.

C

I compliment you.

E

Thank you so much, Mr. Penic.

B

And may I say that our son couldn't hope for a lovelier wife than your daughter.

E

A perfect love match in every respect, Mr. Bennett, we're all very, very happy.

A

Excuse me, Harriet.

B

Mr. Pennock.

E

Now, what is it, Charles?

B

I'd like to speak to you privately, Mr. Pennock.

C

Excuse me, Mrs. Blazer.

E

But of course.

A

In the solarium, Pennock. In here.

B

Great party, Charlie. Great party. Must have set you back plenty. But then what's money to you? Read this telegram, huh? By reason of the transaction under your

C

account, we must obtain from you $25,000 margin.

B

Unless we see before 9am tomorrow, we

C

shall be obliged to liquidate your entire holdings. Franklin Parks Company. Not too bad stock.

B

Took a little drop, huh? It took a big drop. Finnick, I wanted to ask you my advice. Right. Well, Blasel, my advice to you is to send them the money right away. I don't need advice. I need money. Cut it out, Blaze.

C

Cut it out.

B

I tell you, I haven't got it. You must be joking. No, it's a truth, Fennec.

A

$25,000 is a lot of money.

C

Can't you mortgage this place?

B

It's already mortgaged. I tell you, I'm broke. Well, what do you say? Yes or no?

C

I'm sorry, Blaisdell.

B

Very sorry. Well, he. Is that all? I'll have to say goodbye now. Goodbye. Where are you going?

C

Under the circumstances, the engagement is off.

B

Goodbye,

D

Mr. Smith.

E

Oh, how nice you to come to my party.

B

Where's your dad, by the way?

E

He went into the solarium with Mr. Penic a while ago. I haven't seen him since.

B

Solarium? Where?

E

Well, come with me. Are you going to dance with me

B

in this raccoon coat? Take it off in my soda clerk's jacket.

E

In here.

B

Come along.

D

Daddy.

E

Here's Mr. Smith to talk to you.

B

What can I do for you, Smith? I have an important message for you. Message? From Mr. Edward Norton. Norton? What does he say?

E

Norton? Isn't he the man who gave us that check?

B

Well, he was supposed to call me back and never did. Why did he call you and he didn't know you'd sold the store? He called there and I answered. He remembered my invitation to enjoy one of my Tutti Frutti delights. Now, wasn't that fine? Oh, please, get to the point. What did Norton say? Let's see. He wrote it down here somewhere. Yeah. I haven't got my glasses. Neither have I. I'll read it. No. Why not all right.

E

If you spent $100,000 in so short a time, you would spend $25,000 in a quarter of the time. Therefore, his client must refuse your request. Request? I can't blame him.

B

If you'll forgive a soda jerk for saying so, neither can I. Daddy.

D

Daddy, is all our money gone?

B

Seems to me you were all much happier before you got the money anyhow.

E

Then we are broke.

B

Oh, I'm sorry, Millicent. Very, very sorry.

D

Daddy. Mr. Smith. Hi. Oh, come on out, all of you. Mother's about to announce the wedding date. Yikes.

B

Wedding date? Well, there isn't going to be any wedding.

D

There isn't?

B

Oh, the Pennocks have all gone home.

D

No wedding date. Hey, Mother.

E

Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to announce that the wedding of my daughter Millicent to Mr. Carl Pennock will take care.

C

Wait a minute.

E

Hold everything. Mother, what is it now?

B

The Pennocks have left.

E

Left?

B

Right.

E

Why should they leave?

B

They've left because we're broke.

E

Isn't it wonderful?

D

Wonderful.

B

We knew you would understand. Mrs. Mail.

D

Wait. Ladies and gentlemen, I have wonderful news for you.

E

We, the Blaisdells, are absolutely broke. And my engagement to Carl Cynic has been called off.

D

We thank you one.

E

And Allie, you've been at the punch

D

bowl to all the music. The Charleston.

B

Yeah. Well, come on, Harriet, let's dance. Dance. Ms. Bleas. Thank you.

E

Charleston.

B

Charleston. Charleston. How. Please don't. John Smith. Yes, your Honor.

A

Getting pretty tired of seeing you here.

B

Yes, your Honor.

A

Millicent Blaisdell.

E

Yes, your Honor.

B

Mm. Dan Stevens.

A

Yes, sir.

B

Yes, your Honor.

A

Yes, your Honor.

B

Take it from an expert.

A

And you young people want me to marry you?

B

Yes, your Honor. I'm talking to the happy couple. Yes, you, Honor. Yes, you, Honor.

A

Now, Mr. Cummings with our stars.

C

And here they are. Please step forward, Rock Hudson. And bring your Galaxy. Piper Laurie and Gene Lockout. Universal International Studios keeps you and Rock pretty busy. Suppose you tell us about your latest picture, Piper.

E

Well, it's called Johnny Dark and it's in Technicolor and it co stars Tony Curtis and Don Taylor.

B

Johnny Dark doesn't give us much of a clue as to what it's about.

E

Well, it's an exciting romance, Mr. Lockhart. Climaxed by a thrilling sport car race from the Canadian border down through the Southwest to the Mexican border.

A

You better watch out going through there. That's Cochise country.

C

And just. And just what do you know about Apache country? Rock?

A

I am Taza, son of Cochise.

B

I'm Gene, son of Lockhart.

E

I am Piper, daughter of luck.

C

We're certainly glad to hear that vibe.

E

Well, I've been a lucky girl ever since I came to Hollywood from my hometown, Detroit. Mr. Cummings.

A

Good.

C

Now, I think it's only fair to add that Daza, Son of Cochise, is RA Custon's latest Technicolor picture, co starring Barbara Rush.

B

And I think it'll be very appropriate right now if you told us about next week's play.

C

Next week we will present the unusual story of a father who believed so strongly in his son's innocence he was willing to spend his entire fortune to prove him not guilty of stealing a five shilling postal order while a student at the British Royal Naval College. And as our stars of the famous play by Terence Ratigan, we have a superb trio. Ray Milan, Dorothy Maguire and Brian Aern in the Winslow Boy.

A

Well, that will be an excellent show.

B

Good night.

E

Good night.

C

Good night. We had a wonderful time.

D

Pepso dense, new flavor.

B

Pepso dense, new flavor. Pepto dense, new flavor. Pepto dense, new flavor and a clean mouth taste for hours. Yes, the big news is Pepsodent has a brand new wonderful flavor. Grown ups prefer it, but kids, well, kids go crazy for it. And that's not all.

A

I've seen the research that proves Pepsodent gives you the cleanest teeth of all leading toothpastes. That's because Pepsodent gentle oral detergent cleans not just the surfaces of your teeth, but around and between them, even where your brush can't reach.

B

Your own personal proof of this is Pepsodent's clean mouth taste for hours. So try new Pepsodent White. Or if you prefer, chlorophyll. Pepsodent.

E

Chlorophyll.

B

You like Pepto Dents new flavor. Pepto dense new flavor. Pepto dents new flavor and a clean mouth taste for hours.

C

Lever Brothers Company, makers of Lux Toilet Soap and Lux Liquid Detergent invite you to be with us again next Monday evening when the Lux Radio Theater Present presents the Winslow Boy. Starring Ray Milan, Dorothy McGuire and Brian Ahern. This is Irving Cummings saying good night to you from Hollywood.

A

Heard in our cast tonight were yvonne paty as harriet, forest lewis as Mr. Blaisdell, joe kearns as norton. Rusty morris as carl pennock, issa ashdown as roberta, ken christie as the judge, joel marston as howard, kurt butterfield as Mr. Pennock, earl lee as fred and peter rankin, jack edwards and eddie marr. Our radio play was adapted by milton geiger and our music was directed by rudy schrager.