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Oh, hello, warrior, and welcome. This is just the episode you need to have your best summer yet. This is episode 408 of the Love youe Life show. I am Susie, your certified life, relationship, wellness and parenting coach. And I am so excited to share these simple things you can do so that you and your family get to September feeling connected, healthy and happy. Summer you don't need to recover from. And that feels good. Think it's not possible. This is the Love youe Life Show. Susie Pettic, certified life and wellness Coach. Join Susie as she helps you with your wellness and mindset so you can live a life you love. Let's go, Warriors. Hello, my dear warriors. I am so excited to give you the information you need to have your best summer yet. A summer you don't need to recover from. And that feels better. I want to start it off by sharing one of the secrets of successful, happy, less anxious people. I was going to whisper, but I think then you wouldn't be able to hear me. I'm like, here's the secret, you guys. But one of the secrets is that they know that the more decisions they make ahead of time, the better their time is going to feel. And yet we think it's just the opposite. We think, I'll just go with the flow. I don't want to plan, I don't want to think about it. Let's put our feet up, let's have this relaxing summer. All right? But that doesn't work. It doesn't happen. Instead, I want you to picture this like, imagine this metaphor summer like a river. You're in a canoe. The question is, are you in that canoe with an oar or without one? Successful people know you need the oar. Okay? Most of us are taught like, oh, it's summer, laid back, let's do it. Alright. But if you're without an or, you're getting pulled, you're being led. The current decides. The mood of the day decides. Your kids energy decides. Your husband's work schedule decides. Your exhaustion decides. But with an or, you're on the river. You're still on the river. You're still like in that flow of summer energy. You're still enjoying it, but you have direction. You're living a life in alignment with your bigger goals and values. You aren't swayed by these little quick dopamine hits. You've decided ahead of time and you have a general plan. You're adulting. Adults have oars. And I guess that's the one thing I would love for you to get from this Episode that when we are intentional, we feel better always. It is a secret of life. Think about it. Here's a simple example that happens for me all the time. If I think ahead of time, I'm going to eat a snack at 2pm today. Say I'm like, I'm going to eat a serving of chips at 2pm today. 2pm comes and I sit down and eat a serving of chips. Versus me walking through the kitchen around 2pm, seeing the chips and eating a serving. Same chips, same action, different feeling. You know it, right? Or maybe you can relate better to this one. Say you think, okay, I'm going to sit down for 30 minutes, scroll on Instagram. While dinner's cooking tonight, we decide ahead of time. We put dinner in, we sit, we scroll, Done. Maybe we even get the urge to scroll at 11am but we remind ourselves, no, no, no, remember you're scrolling. When dinner's cooking tonight, go back to your book or go back to like playing Uno with the kids. Or go back to, you know, you have that discipline, okay? Then dinner comes, you put it in, you scroll, okay? There's a level of pride you feel versus if later this afternoon we come in, we sit, we like, habitually, reflexively, pick up that addictive little thing called our phone. We scroll, and then we look up 30 minutes later, wondering where the time went, wondering why our meat is still in the fridge. It's the same 30 minutes, different experience in your body. This is the power of intentionality. And this is what I want you to take away from that episode and for you to practice this summer. This is what I want. And yet, if your brain is anything like mine, I can already hear what it's telling you to think. But, Susie, I don't want to sit down and talk about summer curfew or screen limits or plan meals. I get it. My child brain doesn't want to either. And yet our adult brain knows that the path to long term satisfaction is to have an oar in our canoe, to have a plan to do the short term for the long term gain. Short term, hard, long term gain. It's a system of life. I didn't make it up. It's just how it happens, okay? And if you think of your brain when it's like, but I don't want to, that is much more childlike. And I get it. And we get to have compassion for that childlike part of our brain. Like when my child brain says that I stay in my adult brain and I just say, yeah, I get it. Of course you don't want to do it. And we're doing it anyway, sweetheart. We're getting to it. Because remember, this is part of emotional adulthood. Coach Susie reminds us this makes us feel better, okay? So we can both be kind to that child, part of us that wants the easy path while staying in our adult part of us and knowing that the easy path isn't actually easy. The easy path leads to extra summer weight, less summer fitness, cruddy or sleep cranky teens. Plus setting a model of emotional childhood and doing what feels easy instead of leading like an emotional adult and showing the model of an emotional adulthood and choosing the short term hard for the long term, gain the long term fun in the summer and program your brain to believe this discipline equals freedom. Intentional living is the path to a better, more connected summer. It is. So if we start with that belief and we've, like, really got, we're like, okay, yeah, you're right. Then let's get. Let's make this specific and easy. Let's make this as easy as possible. We don't have to think through every single thing. But I do like using the five wellness pillars as a guide to help us as like, with our own self and if we are in charge of any kids in our house, to help us feel more grounded and less anxious. All right, so let's address them and come up with a plan for our summer. Let's start with the first three, sort of grouping them together. Sleep, eating, and exercise, and see where we're starting from. How would you rate how you're caring for yourself in these areas right now? Right, you who come back to me if your mind wandered. How is your sleep right now? How is your exercise? How is your eating? Like, how many days a week do you get? Seven to nine hours of sleep? Quantify it, put a number on it. How many days a week do you get? Seven to nine hours of sleep. That's what people need. How many days a week do you pop at your meals? Protein, olive oil, produce? How many days a week do you do that? How many days a week do you move your body? Do you get that exercise, that movement that you want? Our bodies are meant to move. What are you doing well that you'd like to continue into the summer? So when we look at those three wellness pillars, what are you doing well that you'd like to continue, and how can you set yourself up for that? Do you have some habits and behaviors that you've worked on over the, you know, with the new year and the spring that you're like, yeah, I want to keep doing this. Been keeping a consistent bedtime or I've been leaving my phone somewhere else or I've been doing this with my meals or whatever. Okay, what do you want to continue? Get deliberate and choose that for yourself. How can you set yourself up to do that? These are some good things to write down. Pen to paper is a way to take yourself seriously because you do matter. Okay, so thinking about what you're doing well and how you can keep doing that, then think about what tends to derail you in general in life, but also in summers. Okay? Thinking of your past summer and your past summers, what tends to derail you? Where does your brain tend to talk you out of taking care of yourself? In these pillars, prepare for the obstacles, okay? Think about that. How can you set yourself up for more success? This summer is something I'd love to help you with in coaching. If you're in the Love youe Life school, let's talk about it in our group coaching. Also with these pillars, kindly ask yourself, is there an aspect of my eating, sleeping or movement that I'd like to be doing 1% better right now? Not overhaul your life. Just a small shift. Maybe it's going to bed 15 minutes earlier. Maybe it's stretching while you wait for your coffee to brew. Maybe it's a 10 minute walk after your meals. What are those areas where you're like, yeah, you know what? I'd like to be a little bit better here. One of the benefits with summer is that things are more lax. It isn't the busy fall or the dark winter in which it's probably easier for you to talk yourself out of the metabolically healthy practice of walking after your meals. Okay? Carpools are more limited in the summer. Lunches don't have to be packed as often. Emails don't need to be like, it's just more lax. And this is where you can use summer to your advantage. Use the laid back time to better care for yourself. How could you do that? What could you shift 1% better jot that down too. What would be nice for you to start or to stop or to shift? Let's move to the next pillar of relation, our next wellness pillar, which is relationships. And I want to start with the kids because this is where so much of the summer energy lives. If you don't have kids at home, your schedule isn't going to change as much. If you do have kids at home, any plans or decisions you make ahead of time are not only going to help you feel better Come September, they're part of your responsibility as a parent. One of the three main jobs as a parent is to keep our kids safe, okay? This means making sure they're wearing seatbelts and looking both ways when crossing the road. For sure. But what we often neglect to see is that it also means that we're keeping them safe by having screen limits with those addictive little devices so many of them have in their pockets or on their. Their tablets, keeping them safe with bedtime. So they get the sleep their bodies need, but their brains tell them they don't need. Nice paradox, right? I never said parenting was easy, okay? Kids under 20 do not yet have the brain development to fully manage their wellness pillars. As they grow, they might look like they do. That's one of the big mistakes we make as a parent. We're like, oh, we see their bigger bodies. We're like, well, they're 15. They should know. I've told them enough times, okay? As their confidence and self advocacy grows, they might tell you they know how to take care of themselves. But 99 out of 100 kids don't, okay? Heck, look at us. We were just talking about how we as adults have a hard time with scrolling on our phone or impulsively eating, and we have fully developed brains. So getting out of this confusion with yourself, it's like, well, I told them. Or those are other podcast episodes and things I can help with. You help you with in coaching. Because that's where we get into a lot of this drama. And, like, we create just angst for ourselves in our relationship with our parent, with our kids, the parent child relationship. And it's more about just accepting that, like, yeah, they're still in my house, okay? And so we need some guidelines. This isn't about being strict or rigid. This is about being the adult and using your adult brain, the part that can think ahead of time and think, what are our best behaviors for best outcomes? They won't always feel good, okay? And yes, some nights will want to push the guidelines, push the rules. Sometimes this is okay. Like if you usually have a weekday bedtime at 9 and you're out and you know they have the flexibility to sleep in the next morning. All right, maybe you push it a little. But seriously, Warrior, your life will be better if you make general guidelines instead. Stick to them. And the guidelines get based on things that experts like me know. Like, the more we go to bed, like, if healthy people in the blue zones and all that, the people that go to bed and wake up within the same Hour each day, regardless of the day of the week, regardless of the season of the year are healthier. All right. We don't have to be that strict with our kids, but we do have to have guidelines for many reasons. One of the big ones is guidelines help kids feel safe. Guidelines help with secure attachment. They also prevent so much of the pop up drama that can take over your summer. The questions can I do this, mom, or can I do that? Can be answered much calmer when you've thought about it ahead of time. So let's think about it ahead of time. Yay. Which guidelines could you decide now communicate with your kids before the summer starts? I'll just lift stuff. Some basics that get most families started. All right. And if you don't have kids, think of these guidelines with yourself. They're super helpful and support our wellness pillars. Okay. Some guidelines to consider. Clear weeknight and weekend bedtimes. Clear weekday and weekend wake up times. These can be loose, but there's a general plan. Screen times, sort of overall screen limits. And also when we're using our screens and when we're not. And I'm going to say this because I love you. If you're a parent and you have kids who are living at home, you are responsible to make sure there is food from the grocery store or wherever you get it and that people eat their meals. All right? Stretching the day at the pool, skipping meals and then getting triggered when your 12 year old has an attitude. Please don't. Or wondering where your money went when you look at the doordash and you're like, oh, wait a minute. Or wondering where their health went with all the processed food. This is where your future self will thank you and is one of the most fundamental things we can do for our health and our kids. Happiness, Health and happiness. So decide ahead of time, action wise. This looks like sitting down with the other adult in your house and making a plan. If you're solo parenting warriors. I know solo parenting is hard. I've done it. And in this situation it's even better because you get to sit down and make the decision with your best friend. Your best friend is you. And you get to make the rules. There's not as much negotiating. Okay, So I know a lot of single parenting is hard or solo parenting is hard, but in this aspect it's like, oh, I get to decide when they go to bed and when they wake up. All right? But either way, no matter who's in the adult, you are first sitting down with yourself and the other adult in the house. Even if that other adult is you, you're not first sitting down with your kids to negotiate these guidelines. They do not have the breadth of experience to decide what's best for them. They will choose what's easiest and what feels good in the moment and when. They are expert litigators at this age and they very well get you to lose the plot and lose sight and try to. Many of us have this like people pleasing tendency where we want to be our friend, their friend and we get swayed in the moment and it's much harder, right? So decide ahead of time with the adult and then bring it to them and then you can challenge. I just did an episode with some really good tips on how to set your house up, your relationship up for success when your kid who is at college comes home. If you missed that or didn't listen and take the actions re listen, I'll link that episode below. And in both cases, whether it's the kid who's living at your home or the kid who's coming home from college, they're not adults yet. They're not paying all their bills. They're staying in your house so you stay still need to make the bigger adult decisions so that some point in the future they have the guardrails and the experience and the ability to resist the short term, the short term hits of dopamine to become the adult that's on their own and knows how to take care of themselves even when tempted. This isn't bossy like rigid parenting. This is authentic leadership. After you decide as an adult, you can involve them in conversations. You want them to feel heard. You can be flexible within reason, but you set the riverbanks. We're not removing the river, we're giving it direction. All right, I do need to say here that one on one coaching helps so much. With this. I'm being a little general because each family is different, which like some of us have, we just have different situations going on. So I can't get on here in a podcast and and tell you to do XYZ for abc, but we definitely can do that in a coaching session. So if you're feeling confused or you're just like, don't let that confusion talk you out of doing this. Let that confusion and bring it to the website to see if I have room on my schedule. What I can do on a podcast is to remind you that when you step, when we step out of our canoe to look at where the river is going, to see where we've set the riverbanks and then step back in with an aura and direction. We will always feel better. So a good question for you is, how do you want to feel on September 1st? What types of actions could you take to make that a reality? You have so much more power than you think, dear One. Our environment programs us to be on cruise control. To believe the excuses to be in that canoe without an oar, to just be like, oh, whatever, but you're a warrior. You listen to podcasts like this. The September you imagine is 100% possible. I know it to be true. Like, I have a magic future ball. All you need is a little bit of intention, some general guidelines, some action. Think ahead of time. These small actions will lead you to that feeling in September that you want, while also giving you a summer that feels lighter. It's like, win, win, win, win, win, win, win. More connected, more calm, more like you in your wellness pillars. So be awesome and I want this for you. Okay, before I finish, if you're the kind of person who loves learning about themselves, like in a concrete way to show you where, like, like number wise, you're doing great and where you have gaps in your care, this is a great time to remind you that I have a free Life audit online. Smbwell.com lifeaudit all one word. It's online quick. It's a loving scorecard of your wellness pillars. If you've taken it before, you can take it again. It shows you your habitual actions and sort of the life you're living. No judgment, just awareness. Okay, the second thing I want to remind you about is if you listen to what I was saying and you're like, wait, what are the other jobs of parenting? My parenting class goes through all of that. How to parent teens and young adults. And it's on sale right now. It is perfect for this time of year, which is why it's on sale. You can check that out@sbwelt.com parenting okay, dear one, let me be the voice in your ear that reminds adult you you've got this. When we show up as our adult self, it might feel harder in the short term, but it always feels better in the long term. Let's do this summer differently. Let's make it one you don't need to recover from. I love you and I'm so glad you're part of the Love youe Life show family. I will see your wonderful self next week. Let's go.