Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

It's Bill Byrd.

Bill Burr

It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

before Friday Monday morning podcast.

Bill Burr

And I'm just checking in on you. Whoa. What's going on?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

How are ya?

Bill Burr

Oh, wee Billy Burr is still in Belfast doing a acting gig. Oh, wee Billy Burr went out for a sandwich the other day, and you know what he did? He lost his wallet. I had on me sweatpants, had a wee little pocket for my wee little wallet. Everything's wee over here. I fucking lost my wallet, all my credit cards, my id, the whole fucking thing. And I never lost my shit. I fucking back traced it, man. And I went back to where I

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

was, and they were like, roy, we don't have it, mate. Off, ginger cunt. And I'm like, okay. So I leave and, like, three days goes by, you know, I immediately cancel all the credit cards, but I was worried about my ID floating around in Belfast, you know? And lo and behold, production on the movie got on it.

Bill Burr

We filed a police report. Bing, bang, boom. All of a sudden, we go to the lost and found at one of the fucking plane. There it is. I got me wallet back with all the money in it. Who. I just want to say thank you to whoever it was that returned my wallet. All right.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

You're a good cunt.

Bill Burr

He's a great cunt. Top cunt or she. All right, God bless you. There are good people in the world. Good things do happen in the world. You wouldn't know it by the people who run the world, but everybody else is fucking cool. That's what I've learned. Oh, Billy. World traveler, going around the world, both hemispheres is.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

I've just found

that, generally speaking, people are cool.

Bill Burr

It's the sickos.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

It's the sickos at the top, you know, but there's some people at the top that are cool, and there's some

Bill Burr

regular people that are psychos, right?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

There's been plenty of people that, you know, they. They were like a teacher or whatever and also like a serial killer. So I'm not like, glorifying either side. I'm just speaking in generality. Generalities anyway, so. But I was happy that, you know, I didn't. I didn't fucking hope Billy doesn't do that anymore.

Bill Burr

I had a little bit of a fucking.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Starting to slip back to my old ways.

Bill Burr

And I realized, hey, you know, this. This whole having control of your emotions

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

is like going to the gym, you know, you got to be going or else, you know, you lose what you put into it. So I've gotten back into meditating and journaling and just being like, you know, trying to keep the door open too. So I have, you know, access to all emotions. I can be, you know, disappointed as opposed to just, you know, happy, mad. I don't give a fuck.

Bill Burr

Like, you know, like, to expand the palette there. Anyway, so we were here for a few days and we were like, wow, what the fuck? Belfast doesn't have a lot of shit to do and everything closes at five and it's just like any other city. About four days in, you're like, oh, this is where the people go. Oh, here's another cool street. So they have like these, these long

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

streets, like a mile long, some of them. One of them we went to was like two miles long of nothing but cool shops, restaurants and cafes that you can go to. But like, you know, where we were at was every, like, centralized area or whatever. There's always some Bourbon Street, Times Square, Hollywood sign that's just a jerk off place you don't want to be at, you know, and then you have, all right, wait, if you live in this city, where do you go? So we were able to figure that out. But I am so fucking relieved. I got my wallet back. I was really. I was upset. I didn't get mad. I was just like. I was worried. That's what I was. I was like, what does this mean now in this day and age of AI and all of this, what does this mean? So, fortunately, I didn't have to find out. So anyways, there's that. I also watched the latest MotoGP. Wow, what a fucking weekend, huh? In Chechnya, what do they call it?

Czech Republic, whatever.

They call it the sprint race.

Bill Burr

Marco Bashecky, the. The championship leader, wipes out for like the third time this year in a.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

In a sprint race.

Bill Burr

And I don't know what happened. He slapped like two marshals. I don't know why he gets like, upset, you know, when he starts fucking slapping people.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Like Burt Reynolds on Cannonball Run, when

Bill Burr

you would watch the Bloopers. So he. Evidently he hit the wrong two people, or he's done it before. I don't know what.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

But they suspended him for the whole

fucking race on Sunday.

And wouldn't you know it, Mark Marquez.

Bill Burr

Well, first of all, Pekko Benyai won the sprint. Ioguro was second.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Pedro Acosta crashed again. That poor bastard. Then his bike quit on the final lap. He's having a great race on Sunday. And Iagura came in second place both times. Dude, that Kid is the future him. And when Pedro Acosta gets on a goddamn bike that doesn't crap out on him in the final five laps, I feel like I've seen that like three times this year. I think those two kids are going

Bill Burr

to be the future.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Whenever Mark Marquez decides he's tired of winning championships, so he came back on Sunday and did what he usually does. He gets into second place and then just rides up on the leader and waits for them to chew up their tires or make a mistake. And I don't know, he passed his teammate Peko with like four laps to go. And then that's it. That's it. And then Ogura was in third, and then he passed Pekko, and then I think that's how it ended. But Marco Pachecki just. Ever see that clip, I don't know what movie it is, of Bernie Mac just walking on that train platform slapping everybody? I feel like that's what the. He. When he crashes out, he get mad at other.

Bill Burr

He gets mad at people. That didn't even work on the bike. I could see if he went back into the pits and he, you know,

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

decided to blame them,

Bill Burr

which would be crazy because it's like, dude, last I checked, your.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

You're leading this fucking thing. So we must be doing a good job here.

Bill Burr

I think what you're trying to say,

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Marco, is you fucked up and the bike slid out from underneath you. I think that's what you're trying to say. I think, you know, I don't know. I don't make the goddamn rules. So I think there's like one or two more races before they go on the break. And I mean, that was Mark Marquez came in third, and then he came in first place. So I don't know how many points that is. I think if you win the sprint, you get 10 or 12 points. No more than 15, and you get like 25 or something if you win. I'm not good with the numbers, people, but all I know is he picked up like around 40 points on the Shecky and he's like, right back in this. And he got his shoulder repaired and his foot is healed, and he's got like another race or two before the break, and he's going to be even more rested up. That all lines up to Basheck. He's got to stop slapping people after he up on a bike or Marquez is going to get championship number eight.

Bill Burr

Who knows? Who the fuck knows?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

So anyway, I did my first day on the movie on Tuesday. I had. I had a great Time I might. By the way, my, my. I have this bastardized, like, fucking English, Scottish and Irish accent that I've been doing over here. It's all just. It's all just a big super. It's a little Jason Statham, it's a little bit. Some of these Scottish comics I met a long time ago when I went over there. And then whatever I've picked up in Belfast, but it is not. It is not good. Whatever it is. It's annoying, I think. I think it annoys people, but you can't help but do it after a while. It's just fun to do. But anyway, Belfast is a. It's a good town, man.

Bill Burr

Good town.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Good people in here, you know, when they're not trying to attack immigrants,

You know.

But I. I do see, like, some good signs. I saw a few signs up there

Bill Burr

says, immigrants welcome racist.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Not. You know, so it's good to see, you know, the smart people over here writing signs too. You know, dumb people love to spray paint walls.

Bill Burr

It's about time the smart people started

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

fucking doing the same goddamn thing anyway, plowing ahead here. So I gotta. Gotta work the next couple of days, and so I got some ideas of some shit that I want to do. But I will tell you, man, if you like riding motorcycles and stuff, Ireland along the coast is. I had to go somewhere today to check out a location, and we went up the coast again. And I gotta tell you, man. Jesus Christ. And the roads are all, you know, plenty of turns and that, and they got some sweepers and all of that. It's really. Cause who's kidding who? You can't really sightsee on a bike. I mean, what are you looking at?

You can't.

You gotta, like, pay attention to what you're doing. But whatever. It's. It's still, you know, it's all that Game of Thrones looking stuff, man. And all of a sudden you just go buy a castle. It's really. It's really gorgeous out here. And. Oh, my God, dude, my. You remember that fucking. They made that great movie, George and Tammy, and they had this thing because it was about George Jones and Tammy. Wynette and George Jones really battled the bottle his whole life before he finally quit a bunch of times. But they had this thing in the movie where whenever George was thinking about drinking, he'd kind of do this thing, like, kind of do that with his teeth. Just had a taste for it, you know. And then Tammy would. Oh, George, look at this. And try to distract him so he wouldn't he wouldn't go back to his drinking ways. And I gotta tell you, Belfast is a very difficult place to not just sit down and have a pint. Like, I don't know what we're doing over in America, but we just don't have the right glasses. There's something about the glasses that they put beer in in Ireland, Scotland, England. Oh, my God. Antwerp, Belgium was probably the hardest place I ever went where I was just gonna be like, you know, I'm overseas. It doesn't count that when I was in Antwerp, they. You'd go into a bar and they would have a hundred. I mean, I. I didn't go in, but I would just look at it. They had, like, 50 beers on tap, and each beer had its own special glass. So however you pour it in the way at the head of the beer, everything to give you the maximum flavor as you drank this beer. And I was just like, why the. Why the fuck didn't I come here before I quit drinking? So I can tell you that if you're about ready to get sober, I would go to Belgium. If you're gonna have one last good one, I would do that. As opposed to face planting in a Applebee's, you know, because when you go up on AA night and you get to share, don't you want to have something different? You know what I mean? So maybe one of those sober, drunk chicks finds you interesting. You can put your life together. Two of you guys can just sit around eating donuts and smoking cigarettes down to the filter, help keep each other sober. I don't know. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next couple of days. And I, you know, I felt great on set on Tuesday, but now I had the next day off. And then from here on out, I'm just working. And I don't know, 24 hours off is enough to get my demons going. I kind of understand how my brain works now, and I just have to remember, like, hey, Bill, remember, you know, remember every gig you've ever had and you're stressed and went great. You ended up having a good time. Like, why does this have to be your process? Just relax. So what I do is I. Whenever I start to feel, like, that anxiety, I just start, like, reading the script and I get excited to do it again. And then rather than, you know, when you get anxious, you kind of, like, procrastinate. So if you prepare, that gets rid of the anxiousness, and then you can actually have a good time. I mean, I don't know why it took me close to 60 years to learn all of this shit. But I did. So I'm trying to pass it on to you. If you're a fucking lunatic. If you're a fucking lunatic like me. I am. I'll tell you what is killing me is the Isle of Man just happened, the TT Race. And I didn't realize. I always thought the Isle of Man was kind of north of Scotland, some other thing that's like part of the Scandinavia or the Nordic countries. There's some fucking random island up there. I always get that confused. But, like, the Isle of Man, it's four hours by boat. So I imagine if you jumped on a little puddle jumper, you're probably over there in, like, 40 minutes. I'm doing a gig Saturday night here at Ulster Hall. And thank you to everybody that bought the tickets. I'm looking forward to doing that. Sorry I got the hiccups here. But I'm thinking next year, my schedule permits, maybe I come back to Belfast, do another gig because I'm not playing the biggest place out here. And then afterward, fly over and go do the gig. I mean, go see the motorcycle race. Although there's a part of me thinking, like, you gotta make your reservations now, you know, if you're gonna have a place to stay. And, oh, my God, I don't want to be in a city. I don't want to be in town, because I feel like that's what people wipe out and die. I don't want to see anybody die. I just want to see somebody go by in a. As a. As a blur. So I don't know if. And when that happens, you know, I'll ask you guys. I know somebody listened to this, has gone to the TT and could give me some advice. So anyway, plowing ahead here. Oh, my God.

Bill Burr

How did I almost forget this?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

So last night, I had worked that day, and I. I. They. You know, I didn't have. I only was taking the first scene, so then I had the rest of the day off. So I went with my lovely wife to this movie she's been wanting to see that everybody's been watching called Obsession. And I go, all right, I'll go see that with you. She goes, just let you know it's kind of a horror kind of thing. And I'm like, I don't do. I don't do well with those movies. You know, I'm. I don't know what happened. When I was a kid, I could watch, like, Friday the 13th. I don't know, somewhere along the line, you know, I just had too many moments in my life where I'm like, oh my God, what's gonna happen next? Like, from the time I was a kid to, I don't need to, like, I go to the movies to like, either watch an incredible story or I go to the movies to watch one guy beat the shit out of 40 people in a bar. Like, that's, that's the scope of my cinematic abilities. I don't go there to fucking, like, because I, I, whatever, I go see, I take the fucking ride. Like, I understand what this is, you

Bill Burr

know, so if I'm gonna see a

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

horror movie, it's gonna scare the shit out of me because I'm not gonna remind myself that I'm just watching a movie. Because there is like this thing with people who watch horror movies. That movie didn't even scare me at all.

Bill Burr

Like, oh, it didn't.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

In the comfort of your own home

Bill Burr

when you watched her or the fucking movie. Cuz you didn't take the ride. You missed the whole point of it. Oh. In defense of you.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Unless it did suck.

Bill Burr

But I'm just saying, generally speaking, it's, it's kind of like, you know, you

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

take NyQuil, you can fight it off if you want to, but if you take the ride, you know, you wake

Bill Burr

up the next day like, what the happened?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

So she tells me that it's, you know, she lets me know what that is. But, you know, I love my wife to death, so I'm like, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. She goes, I don't know how bad it is, whoever. So I go to see this movie and it was amazing. First of all, Andy Richter was in it. And that guy, I can't, can't even count the amount of times that guy saved my ass on Conan's talk show. Always was there if whatever I did started the bomb. He always jumped in and always had a good line, always helped me out. So I love that guy. And then there was all of these new actors that I, you know, kids, I had never seen the lead. Who plays Nikki Freeman? I'm gonna up the name. I think it's Indy.

Navarette or Navaretti.

Oh my God.

Bill Burr

The amount of emotions that she had

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

to show and did was incredible. Michael Johnston, Megan Lawless and Cooper Tomlinson. All of them were fucking. Tomlinson were amazing. And then there was this guy that I loved, Darren Tunder. I hope I said his name right. He had a fucking great scene. Now though, I'm looking at all the names Here.

Bill Burr

Haley Fitzgerald was great. They just were fucking great.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

And it was one of those movies

where you talk about it afterward, you

try to figure out what's going on.

You know, it definitely

Bill Burr

what gets me

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

going in those fucking movies other than the scary thing is I fucking hate when the characters do something that I wouldn't do. It's like, you're out of there.

Bill Burr

Why would you go back? Just get in your car and fucking drive away. And I get the reason why it doesn't, because that would be the end of the fucking movie. So I'm sitting there, and the. Whatever the dangers, I'm not gonna know.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

No spoiler here. I'm not gonna ruin it.

Bill Burr

The person gets out of it and then fucking goes back to where the danger is. And it's like, Jesus fucking Christ, I could finally fucking breathe. What are you doing going back there? But there's like. There's so many different, like, themes that

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

are going on

in this movie. And, you know, me and I, the next day, we're looking up reviews of it, and overall it was positive. And one person was saying that, you know, there was a lot of stuff that wasn't explained. And it's like, well, that's kind of the fun of a movie. Like, for me, anyway, I might.

Bill Burr

One of the things I fucking hate

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

the most is when a movie just leads you around by the nose and you're supposed to, like, you know, like, they're trying to, like, lead you to this conclusion that they want you to have. I remember that a long time ago, it was like this movie about. I forget the name of it, but it was a movie about monster, that Charlize Theron movie. And it was great. The performances were great.

Bill Burr

It was shot.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Everything was fucking great.

Bill Burr

But I just felt the way that

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

they were doing it was they were arguing her defense in the movie that she was not actually a bad person. That the reason she was the way she was was because she was abused by men. Therefore, in a way, she was justified for what she was doing. And

Bill Burr

they just stared in it too hard.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

That was my only complaint about that movie. And then what was funny was I looked up the real person, and they admitted that they were just saying all of that shit so they wouldn't get the fucking electric chair. She was like, the real person was going, I. You know, I was doing the lies.

I was doing the lies.

Bill Burr

But also, in defense of that movie,

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

I was a really walled off psycho that had a lot of issues with women, which is why my act was the way it was. Back then and it was like. And all of the shit that I was saying about women, I didn't really believe that I was saying that because I thought that that's how you were supposed to be as a guy. Like, you know, fuck these chicks. I was doing all of that shit because, you know, in my head I was secretly like, no, I want to find love and I want to be married and have a family. I just don't know how to do it because I'm a walled off psycho. And rather than facing that part of me, what did I do as a young man? Oh, I'll just blame what I really want and I'll act the opposite of what I really am. It's just, you know, the dumb shit you do when you're younger. So I should probably watch that movie again anyway. So long story short is we saw it, we had a great time and there's some other horror movie that's out. And also what I think is cool, I think the person who directed is only like 25 or 26 years old. So they made a hit movie. How fucking great is that? You know, it's gonna keep going. You know, the torch has been passed. There's another, you know, great young director out there that's gonna make great movies for young people.

Bill Burr

The way it happened when I was a kid, which I love as an old person, you're like, good, there's still a few things left that we used to do or that, you know, I

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

think is cool and people are still going to want to go do it.

Bill Burr

So that's, that's, that's all right.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Anyway, and it's also great that, you know, it didn't cost a lot of money and it made a ton of money. You know, that helps everybody in the business that I'm in. So there you go, there you go.

Bill Burr

There's one to grow on. So I forget what the other one

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

is called, but she wants to see that one too. And so, you know, I'm alright, let's, let's go fucking see it. Easy going Bill. What do I give a shit about, you know, get to play this cool character. I'm doing a little bit of stand up. I get to be in Belfast for a couple of weeks because I've only been here one time. I came up, I played Ulster hall and I got a quick tour around town and then that was it, I left. So to be here for a couple weeks is pretty cool. And other than that, I think that's

Bill Burr

all right. Let's do the reads For.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

For the week here.

Bill Burr

Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's simply safe. You know, in the US there's a break in every 26 seconds. That means somewhere right now an intruder is getting closer. Jesus Christ. The problem is most security systems only alert you after a break in has already started. And that's too late. That. That's why I chose SimpliSafe to secure my home. Using the Outdoor Camera Series 2 and the Advanced AI alert, SimpliSafe's US based Live Agents identify threats on your property and help deter them. Stopping crime before it starts. That's real peace of mind. You know, when I was a kid, what you had to do is leave your front door unlocked and dress like a woman and act like you were washing the dishes. And as the intruder snuck up behind you, you turned around with your wig on and your jet black beard and then you shot him. Bonus points if you know what movie I'm quoting. Hint it starred Sylvester Stallone. Simply Safe is available with no long term contracts and deterrence plans. And Lando Calrissian was also in it. Billy Dee Williams deterrent plans start at around a dollar a day. I want you to experience the same peace of mind I do, which is why I've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer an exclusive discount to my listeners. Right now, you can get 50% off your new system by visiting simplisafe.com burr, that's half off@simplisafe.com burr, there's no safe like Simplisafe.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

All right, all right.

Bill Burr

Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's him. You know, erectile dysfunction is more common than you think and simpler to treat than ever. Through hims, you can connect online with the licensed provider to access personalized treatment or options discreetly and on your term and on your terms. Through himss, you can access personalized prescription treatment options for erectile dysfunction. If prescribed, HIMSS offers access to erectile dysfunction treatment options ranging from personalized product to trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names if prescribed. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. HIMSS brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatments that put your goals first. This isn't a one size fits all care that forgets you in the waiting room. It's your health and goals put first with real medical providers making sure you get what you need to get results. Think of HIMS as your digital front door that gets you back to your old self with simple 100% online access to trusted treatments for erectile dysfunction and more. All in one place. To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for erectile dysfunction, weight loss, and more, visit hims.com burr that's h I m s.com burr b u r R All Capitals for your free online visit hims.com/burr feature products include compound drop

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

products with the which the FDA does not approve of.

Bill Burr

Verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restriction and important safety information. Actual price will depend on the product and subscription plan. All right oh hey, It's True Work hey True Work we are k like twerk without the t True Work Working outside in the springtime means you're dealing with chilly mornings, hot afternoons, and everything in between. Not to mention the mud, rain and whatever else the weather decides to throw at you. You need workwear that can keep up with the changing conditions, and True Work has you covered. Most workwear is made from cotton blends, which restrict your movement and get soaked after just a few raindrops. Springtime is the perfect season for the T2 work pant, which keeps you comfortable over a wide range of conditions. They've been tested and validated for over 10 years by Real trade pros working in real job site conditions. With over 15,000 five star reviews, it's worth experiencing the difference for yourself. Upgrade to T2 work point and stay comfortable no matter what the day brings. Get 15 off your first order at truework.com with code Burr B u r r that's T r u e w e r k.com code Burr True work built like it matters, because it does. Oh look who it is everybody. It's Squarespace. Whatever happened in MySpace, it's still there. Just hanging out like an old friend

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

you used to know.

Bill Burr

You just lost touch with them. They're just out there living their life. Squarespace this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with the professional web site, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Your personalized story and experience with it and really make it the ad. Personal, creative and your own. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with customizable website design to attract clients and grow your business. I feel like this copy that they say it and then they say it three more times. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to Slash Goto checkout. All those are my options. Hey man, why don't you head to and check out. When you go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code Burr B U R r to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com brrrr for a free trial and and when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code Burr burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right, last one everybody. Ship Station. You know most businesses are overpaying on shipping without realizing it. Ship Station automatically compares rates across UPS, USPS and FedEx on every order with savings of up to 90%. Shipstation is an end to end order fulfillment platform for e commerce businesses. Built to handle your entire shipping workflow so you can team so your team can focus on growth. Everything from order management to inventory and return is centralized in one platform. And with automated rates rate shopping you can Compare rates across UPS, USPS and FedEx with savings of up to 90%. The sooner you switch, the sooner you start saving time and money. Get started with Shipstation today and get 60 days free@shipstation.com with Code Burr. That's shipstation.com Code Burr shipstation.com Code Burr taxes and fees apply. All I got other than, you know, it's interesting to hear news about my

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

country outside of the CIA Fed. Two news channels that we have.

Yeah.

Bill Burr

Like you know, there's things that we say that we're winning that the rest

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

of the world is saying we're not winning. And there's things that we're saying we're doing and then people like now they're actually doing this.

Bill Burr

So it's, you know, it's traveling. It's very, it's very interesting. Yeah, there's kind of like something that

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

just recently happened that I always felt like that was our vulnerable. Point is I feel like no one's really gonna like full on go after us in a military way. I don't think because we've shown the world we're crazy enough to use a nuclear device and then we did it another time. Just there you go.

Bill Burr

These things aren't just for show.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

We're crazy enough to fucking use them.

Bill Burr

Right.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

So I feel like they will go after us economically. That's how you know, if we don't stop being assholes to everybody. We're gonna need some fucking allies out there. Like, if I was running shit, we should be Mr. Nice Guy right now. You know, walk the walk and talk the talk. Because we are bankrupt and we've been bankrupt for a long fucking time. So it's. The whole thing can get toppled very

Bill Burr

easily if a couple people get together, decide that they're going to. You know, it's like Survivor.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

If all of a sudden you get

Bill Burr

a crew together and they vote you out, you're fucking out.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

That's it. That's fucking it. So

Bill Burr

I think our latest field trip

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

into international waters sort of exposed our underbelly. I hope I'm wrong,

but those are

bigger problems than me because I will tell you, like, everywhere I go, people are cool. People are cool.

Bill Burr

The leaders. I'm telling you, I, I hope eventually,

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

you know, all of these psychos that are like millionaires and who would want to be a billionaire and a billionaire, they want to be a China China.

Bill Burr

Like some. At some point they should look at

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

those people the same way you look at somebody who's like addicted to heroin. Like, they're like nodding off with power and money and they are insatiable. And I will say, generally speaking, when they show these people,

Bill Burr

they don't look happy.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

They don't look.

Bill Burr

I don't look at them and be,

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

oh, look at that guy, just full of joy.

Bill Burr

There's a few.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

You know who looks happy?

Bill Burr

The billionaire that looks happy is that guy with the hot air balloon, Richard Branson. He looks like one of those fucking

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

lion tamers in Vegas back in the day.

Bill Burr

He always seems like he's having a good time. I got an airline, I got some record stores. Fuck, I got a fucking hot air balloon. You know, he hasn't shown up on any lists. He just always has a new chick and he's, he's got an ear to ear burnt grin. He's got that Chuck Norris beard. You know, if you're just good at business and you're not anybody over, you know, not making any money off false flag wars, you know, who gives a

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

right anyway, I'm babbling here. All right, that's it. I'm gonna go look at my, my lines for tomorrow. Once again, thank you to that person that returned my wallet. Jesus Christ. There's one for you.

Bill Burr

When you're on, on the. Just in general, if you're out and

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

about, don't stick your, don't stick your wallet in your sweatpant pocket and then sit down in one of those chairs. That angles backwards because you're gonna get

up, you're gonna be a little lighter.

Bill Burr

All right, that's it.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Enjoy the weekend.

Bill Burr

You can't. And the music Andrew Thermos is gonna

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

pick out in a bonus episode of

the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast.

Bill Burr

All right.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 25, 2018. What's going on? How are you? How you doing? How you doing with the. The summer? The summer's here, right? We're in the. We're in the 20s of June, somewhere along the lines the first day of summer. You know, back in the day you used to know it, right? Because there wasn't as many channels and you would watch the local news and they'd bring it up. Today's the first day of summer. Tell us, Jack, what can people look

Bill Burr

forward to weather wise?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Well, I'll tell you, Mike, we got a low pressure system coming in, so don't inflate those fucking above ground pools. Yes, yep. And then they'd laugh for no reason. Your weekend's gonna suck anyways. It's gotta be the summertime, right? The fucking sun's out. There you go, right there. Global warming. What'd you do this weekend? You have a couple of Coors Light? That's this generation's Budweiser, right? Coors Light, they're crushing it. You know, Peyton Manning fucked up. You notice? The second Peyton Manning fucking bought Budweiser, now it's second place. You know, he didn't buy it. He bought into it. The second he fucking got in, I bet he started pointing fingers at everybody. You know, we had some hops issues, right? And all of a sudden, nobody's getting along over there. And course, like now, course lights ahead, right? I bet Tom Brady invested in course light. Sorry, why would I do this? I like Peyton Manning. Now that he's retired, you know, I could look back and be like, you know what? That fellow was quite a quarterback. But when they're playing against your team, you hate them. Stupid. You know, you don't hate them, you just hate them. It's weird. Anyways, the summer's here. I am back from vacation and I'm getting ready this weekend. Oh, freckles. Shaking off the cobwebs. I'm going to be in Minneapolis, Minnesota and Detroit, Michigan. Okay. Couple of Joe six pack towns, you know, where they put their pets, one leg at a time. Looking forward to that. And so I'm gonna be around La Doing a bunch of spots, shaking off the dust. I'm on the elliptical, working off the croissant, pano chocolate. I never had any of those. You know, my wife's into those fucking things. I like. I like the plain old boring white guy croissant. I don't need any flavor anyways. Oh, my God. I don't want to talk about this early on, but I have to, out of respect. It's a sad, sad, sad, sad day. The passing of the great Vinnie Paul, drummer of, obviously, Pantera, Damage Plan, and Hell yeah. Good Lord, what a. What a loss. Can't even. Can't even put it into words. And I was lucky enough to meet him. He was a big comedy fan. And I remember the first time I met him, I was opening for the late, great Charlie Murphy. This is what happens when you get older. Like, half your stories, just, like, half the people in them are, like, fucking dead. It sucks. But anyways, yeah, me, Charlie and Donnell were on tour, and we did the Addison Improv. And I remember that that was one of those shows. One of the few times I ever. I went over without even realizing it. I always knew when I was going over, but I did, like, 40 minutes, and I was supposed to do, like, 25. It's just one of those. I just up there was talking, and I don't know what happened, and Charlie was cool with it, but I was embarrassed because I never do that shit, and it's a real cunty thing to do, and it's something, you know, makes the headliner's job more difficult because you ate up all of that extra time, wearing them out and all of that shit. So I do remember that from that weekend. But one of those shows, it wasn't the show when I went over, but I was standing after the show selling my CDs. This is how long ago this was. It was right around. It was 2004. His brother was still alive. And I was just standing there, and I just looked up and he. And he was standing right there. Vinnie fucking Paul. And, you know, it wasn't like he was Vinnie Paul offstage. He just was Vinnie Paul. He had the fucking cowboy hat on, you know, this shirt with flames on it and shit, these crazy cowboy boots. And he's just standing with a big smile on his face. And I was just like, oh. I mean, this guy is like the guy who saw on the COVID A Modern Drummer. I couldn't believe it.

I was like.

I was like, holy shit, you're fucking Vinny. Paul just started laughing. And you Know, was super complimentary about the show and all that. And then he invited us out. He had his own club out there, gentleman's club. And we all went out there. And he was nice enough. I actually sat with him in his club for, like, 45 minutes, like a total drum nerd, and asked him all of these questions about drum parts that he did and. And, like, who were the guys that he listened to. And. And, you know, I asked. I was like, you know, who do you think? One of the underrated drummers out there. And he was like, oh, Alex Van Halen, you know, and we went on and on about him. It's kind of ironic because I really feel that Vinnie and Dimebag were the Eddie and Alex, I should say Alex and Eddie of their generation. And it just sucks, man. He was just such a nice guy. And then after that, he probably came out to two or three other shows, and he always was smiling, always was just the greatest, nicest guy. And it's. I don't know. One of the reasons why I never got into double bass playing was because so many people, I just felt like once, like, all their fills, everything was just their fucking feet and their hands stunk and it didn't groove. It just was going nine zillion miles an hour. And, you know, it was impressive to look at, but it didn't. It didn't give me the chills, didn't make me want to do it. And he was a guy that changed that. And I. When I listened to him play, my younger brothers were into Pantera. I fucked up. I never saw him. I remember one of my brothers went to go see him, was telling me how amazing the show is. But to be honest with you, like, I just, you know, concerts were different back then. You could get up at a concert and there was no cell phone footage. You just got up and that was it. And there was like mosh pits. Like, it just. It had changed. And I got a little bit older. I was in my mid-20s, basically, when they came around, and I had already started doing stand up and. And, you know, I remember going to a couple of, you know, concerts like AC DC and shit, and people were doing blow. And it was, you know, it was a little. You know, there was. You had to be, like, a certain level of fucked up just so you could stay relaxed, so you could kind of navigate it. You know what I mean? You couldn't be sitting there looking fucking nervous. And I would, you know, and that was just it. Like acdc, which was always like a fun show. So, like, with this Pantera came in, it was a new level of aggression and anger. Certainly, you know, with Phil singing, I never heard anything like that. And, you know, just the way I was just. I just had this feeling like I was. I was too afraid. I was, am I fucking going to go down there? My fucking orange hair, trying to grow it out. It just gets bigger and bigger. And I look like Bernie from room 222. And there's a mosh pit. I'm going to get this. You know how I always got over with people was making them laugh, and the show was going to be too fucking loud. So if they were just going to look at me the way I looked, I mean, I just felt like it wasn't going to go well. So I was a fan from afar, and I really fucked up by not seeing those guys. And I remember when Vinny came down on the show, he said, hey, you know, I got this. This new. This new band, I think it was.

Yeah, it was.

It was Damage Plan. He said, we're playing New York. And he said. He goes. He goes, I'll hook you up. I said, really? He said, dude. He goes, you can fucking stand right behind me while I play the whole show. And of course, I had some fucking road gig. When they came to town, I think Florentine went, because I remember talking to him about it. I was so envious that he got to go and I. I didn't get to go. So I never saw him play live. But, you know, since doing that Dean Del Rey show where I had to learn how to play, I butchered the song, but I tried to learn how to play that song by Motley Crue, Livewire, which had the double bass, you know, basic thing in there. Since then, I've just kind of gotten addicted to it and was listening to all of the Pantera stuff on a whole nother, like, level. And, you know, Cowboys From Hell and I'm Broken and this Love. Just loving the. The drum parts are just so perfect in all of those. And I was just talking. I was talking to my drum teacher literally that day of how great Vinnie Paul was with his work in that band.

And.

And then, like, fucking was so weird that night. Then all of a sudden, I got that text. I couldn't fucking believe it. And super sad, but I don't. Like, the only good thing I could say is the gut. The mark that the guy left is he. He won't be forgotten. And obviously his brother hasn't been. So, anyways, that's my little my little point of view on truly one of the great artists that I ever heard or got to, I don't know, listen to whatever hang out with or anything so. So that sucks and that's sad. So I don't know where the to go from here. How do you turn it back to being funny?

Bill Burr

Ship station if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Sounds right until you actually do the math. For most businesses, shipping is that thing. What's it actually costing you? Because if nobody's questioning it, it's probably

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

costing you way more than it should.

Bill Burr

Shipstation makes switching easy and the savings are immediate. Shipstation is an end to end order fulfillment platform for e commerce businesses built to handle your entire shipping workflow so your team can focus on growth. Everything from order management to inventory and returns is centralized in one platform and the automated rate shopping. You can Compare rates across UPS, USPS and FedEx with savings up to 90% off. Over 1 million businesses leveled up their shipping game with ShipStation with customers reporting scaling fulfillment up to 40 times while cutting costs up to 30% while they continue to focus on growth. The sooner you switch, the sooner you start saving time and money. Get started with Shipstation today and get 60 days free at shipstation.com with code burr that shipstation.com code burr shipstation.com code burr taxes and fees apply all right, look who it is everybody. It's me undies. Me undies. Me undies. No more sweaty balls. Me undies. Me undies. Wear them out in a stall. Jump out there and shake your nuts. Your balls are cool. You don't give a fuck when you buy some fucking meundies. And they're perfect to cool your nuts in the summertime when you're down at the pool. All right, me undies. You know, I was at the DMV the other day. I was packed. No ac. Guy next to me smelled like he'd been living inside a hockey bag since 2007. And somehow I'm sitting there comfortable, which honestly made no sense. Then I realized it was the meundies. Usually halfway through one of those miserable errands, your underwear starts turning against you there. Waistband digging in, swamp situation happening. Fabric bunching up like a window curtain. Not these things. Me undies are ridiculously comfortable. Soft, breathable, stretchy, all the fun adjectives. They actually stay where they're supposed to stay without you constantly adjusting yourself in public. And when it's hot, and believe me, it gets hot, they keep you cool instead of turning your pants into a sauna which as a grown man is really all I'm asking for at this point. And fellas, the fellas, they got this thing called the ball caddy, which first of all, incredible name. It's basically a boxer brief with a built in pouch for your precious cargo. Everything stays supported and separated, secure. It's like a push up bra for your nuts. No bunching, no awkward adjusting, none of that nonsense. You put these things on and suddenly you're walking around with confidence of a guy who finally got his act together, your balls finally broke up and got out of that suffocating situation. And beyond these has tons of styles too. Boxers, briefs, trunks, all the good stuff. Plus over 100 colors and prints if you want to get a little flashy. Personally, I'm at the point in life where I find something, if I find something comfortable, I buy like eight of them and refuse to evolve any further as a human being. Right now, as a listener of my show. You can get 50% off your first subscribe and save order plus free shipping at me undies.com burr promo code burr. And if you don't love your first pair, get your money back. That's 50% off your first subscribe and save order plus free shipping at me undies.com/burr promo code burr. B u r r beyond these.com burr promo code burr.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

You know, can I talk about the Germans playing the Swedes in the fucking. Do they play Sweden? Is that what it was? The shirts were the same color as their flags. So I always fucked that up. Sweden and Switzerland, because I'm an American and we never, they never taught us geography like that. And I remember one time I did a gig in Sweden and I said, hey, it's great to be here in Switzerland. And they all laughed, thinking I was joking. And I honestly fucked it up and I just rolled with it. I was just like, hey, just with you, they both start with sw. But I did the whole thank you, Cleveland, whatever the fuck it was, Spinal Tap thing. I gotta get back there. I haven't done. What would you call that? Hitler's ranch up there. Norway, Sweden and Finland. All those places when he used to look across the. Was it the Baltic Sea? I don't know what the fuck it is. Just look across that water there. That is what people should look like. Yeah, frolicking in the grass. Anyways. Although Sweden. Did you know they were non committal in World War II? Ended up being a great fucking move. Not socially, it wasn't a good move, but it was a great fucking move. Financially, because just for the fact that they were still standing after World War II and never got bombed, you know, let the. Let the. Let the Kraut use their trains and go into Norway. They stood. Their. Their fucking Applebee's was still open at the end of it, you know, So, I mean, I, if. I guess you can learn something from Sweden when. When shit is hitting the fan and you need to stand up and make a stand, don't let other people do it. Just kind of sit back and see who wins it and carry on. Anyways, so the Swedes are playing Germany, right? I'm mostly German, so I usually root for Germany or whatever, or I just root for an underdog like Iceland. I mean, how you not root for Iceland and, you know, Poland and like that, you know, I'm rooting for all. Any. Anybody other than the powerhouses that always seem to be in it. I don't know shit about soccer. So this is what. It's going to make it funny. But anyway, so I'm watching this game and this Swedish dude, right? Yeah, he's on a breakaway going. He's all alone, right? And then this guy in the German team, a black dude, which is hilarious, you know what I mean? I was always just sitting like. Like, how conflicted would Hitler be? Germany won. But what. What is that out there? He comes down and goes to. Not only went to like trip the guy, he also like, just pushed him from behind and like a fucking referee in the wwe, somehow this guy didn't see it. I mean, I think it happened in the box in the painted area, whatever the fuck they call it in that sport. And I think that that should have just been one of those fucking penalty kicks where the goalie just dives and guesses one side. But anyways, the Swedes ended up going up one nothing. The Germans tied it up and then this guy, he did the old bend it like Beckham. He did the old fucking roundabout there. I don't know how to talk about the sport, but I gotta tell you something. I actually, I love making fun of soccer, but I have to watch it in order to make fun of it. And now having watched it, I. I'm actually. I kind of love it now and I kind of understand the beauty of the game. Finally I'm starting to get it. And it is really cool that it is so hard to score that when it happens that people absolutely lose their fucking mind. So I am on board. I'm going to continue to make fun of it. I had it on in the background and you know, I had like fucking two weeks of mail here that I was going through and. And I. The amount of times that I just kept looking over at the TV because he announced it'd be like, everybody O, oh, Oh, he's going to be sick. So I was sitting at the table going like, oh my God. Oh, something almost happened. That's what it just seemed like. But it really is a great game, G. Bill, you really, you know, you mean the rest of the world is right, Bill, and you might be wrong on this one, but I missed it today. A good friend of mine wrote in, wrote in, sent me a text and I'm in podcast mode. She sent me a text message and asked me if I saw the England play today. I guess they played a great game. And I heard Mexico had a pretty scrappy game with the Koreans. Heard it was getting a little nasty there. Like the Koreans were desperate. Like, we don't give a fuck. You know, we can't score unless we have the ball. And, you know, I guess Mexico's fast. That's what I know. And I promise you this week I'm going to neglect all my responsibilities and I'm gonna try to watch some of this shit, cuz it is, it is fucked. Once every four years, the entire world gets together to play for an actual world championship is pretty. That's pretty sick. You know, I just wish they could use their hands. Did you see that one cunt? He fucking jumped over the guy and accidentally kicked him in the face. I mean, that's gotta be like kicking a guy on the ground in the face in the realm of, like losing your man card forever. Like, who the fuck who does that with your shoes on? At least you can be barefoot, so maybe make your foot sting a little bit. I would be so disappointed if I had a fucking son and he ended up playing soccer. First of all, I'd be happy for his brain, but, you know, if that's what he did, you gonna frolic down the field and jump in the air like some baby deer and then kick somebody in the face? Know the guy does, he takes out a yellow card. I hate the way they take it out and the guy just stands up in front of the guy. Stupid thing up in the air like he's bidding on a fucking Shelby. Anyways, congratulations to anybody who won. I gotta get into it. Sorry. I did watch the. The F1. Finally. I was in town. I got to watch. I watched the French gp. Congratulations to Lewis Hamilton. Max Verstappen was fucking hilarious in the press conference. Afterwards because Vettel slammed into Bottas, Max was going, you know, I think he needs, you guys should tell him he needs to adjust his style because they were giving Max shit, you know, beginning of the year, I forget he took out his own teeth, he took out what's his face there, Daniel Ricardo and they gave him all this shit. Does he need to adjust his style? All these fucking assholes who don't drive for a living. So he was trashing all of them going, you should tell Vettel, yeah, you should tell him he needs to adjust his style and then he shouldn't adjust it at all the way I didn't adjust my style. And now here I sit three races in a row, whatever, on the fucking podium, you fucking cunts. Kimmy Reikonen they kept bringing up this is his 25th to 26th podium without winning a race. It's like that's because fucking Lewis Hamilton win because Lewis Hamilton, sorry, my kids sleeping. That's because Lewis Hamilton wins every goddamn week, okay? That's like giving somebody shit. Who played when Michael Jordan was at the height of his powers, he never got a ring. Nobody got a ring, you know, I got a ring. Elijah won when fucking Jordan was playing basketball. And then when he was a little out of shape the next year other than that, everybody got shut the fuck down, all right? That's what happens. So what, what, what needs to happen is the next, the next great, great driver has to come around and also for what my, what I little know about the sport is they got to fucking get with either Mercedes or Ferrari. Basically Mercedes. It seems to have the fastest car out there because I think what's this? I think Daniel Ricardo is going to fucking, he's going to jump somewhere, right? That's what they're saying. I like both those drivers. Hey, not about the Yanks, huh? The Americans, what are we coming like 6th or 7th? We got some points in our gray cars, our overcast cars. What else did I do here? Oh, I got back on my fucking diet. This has been tough, it's been tough to get back on the diet after all the crepes I fucking ate over in France, you know, had a couple of slip ups, but I'm back to the quinoa, hitting the elliptical. Oh God. The first two minutes of getting on the elliptical at my age, Jesus Christ. After that I just kind of go numb and then it's fine. I listen to my songs and then it's over. But I finally got this shoulder thing beat and I have, I think I have to join A gym, though, because in order to rehab my shoulder where I can do pull ups again, I got to do those, those fucking lat pull downs with like 20 pounds, then 30, and work my way up to my body weight. And then I can attempt to do like a pull up. Because what I did last time when I rehabbed it was, I then got these like those helper bands, you know, that you stand on and make the pull up easier. But I was still, you know, trying to pull up, you know, 90, 100 pounds worth of weight. And I jacked my shoulder again. So I gotta do what I don't want to do. I gotta go join a gym. So I gotta find a local gym, not a fucking, a chain one. Because those are the ones they get your credit card and then you can't fucking get out of it. I've been telling you, that time I went to Bally's, I joined Bally's. And it was like trying to fucking leave aol. You just couldn't do it. They'd be, oh, okay, send in a hundred dollar cancellation fee. And then I sent it in and then they go, oh, yeah, but there's another, there's another gym within like a five mile radius. So you can't cancel. Like, I was like, what the fuck do you just, you just took $100 from me. I should have sued the fucking shit out of him. And I didn't. So I just didn't pay him. I just, you know, I did, I canceled the credit card. It was the only way out. And it was, it was quiet for months. I didn't hear from anybody. And then all of a sudden, this collection agency called me up. You're like, yes, hi, is William Byrd here, please? I'm like, this is he. They're like, hey, this is so and so from the so and so Collection Agency. We bought your debt from Bally's Total Fitness and would like to discuss it with you. And I was just like, well, I don't know what the hell you did that for. You know, I didn't pay them.

Bill Burr

What the hell? Why would I pay you?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

I don't even know you. You know, this is your business. You actually earn a living doing this shit, buying debt that other people can't fucking collect. And then, so she was like, you know, giving me shit, telling me I had to collect. I'm not doing it. You know, I go, I have perfect credit. I've paid everything. Okay. I really don't think that someday in the future when I go to buy a house, they're going to be like, you know what? We really want to let you know, give you a couple Hundred thousand dollars loan here, but you owe $300 to a gym. And she's like, oh, my God, you know what? We just had a client who just called us up and said, please, please, please, I have to pay off, you know, this $400 that I owe you because I'm trying to buy a house and they won't let me. And I was like, wow. I go, that's incredible. That's almost the exact same scenario that I just presented to you. It's almost like you made it up, right? And then she got mad at me, and then I just started hitting on her. And she started saying it was harassment, and I just, hey, how old are you? You know, you live around here? You know, you got a boyfriend or anything? And she ended up. She got so mad she hung up on me. You know, I'll probably get me to over that. And ever since then, I've been afraid of the phone. Every time it rings, I shake. My cell phone's always on silent. Anyways, what do we got, 22 minutes in here? Is it time to fucking send? And you know what? I gotta admit, they just kept harassing me and harassed me. I just got sick of it. It was only 300 bucks. So I just paid him and I shouldn't have. There's a couple people that I shouldn't have paid, and I did, but I just. I didn't like the. The stress, you know, I couldn't put it into perspective. And I just got sick of them calling me. And I, you know, I had fun with them. Shit, hitting on them or saying that I got into some horrible accident. That's. That was another big one that I just said. I don't know how many times I

have to tell you.

I lost my leg in a car accident. What kind of people. Oh, my God, sir, I'm so sorry to hear that. Well, are you. This is like the third time. I'm literally sitting here right now with my stump elevated so I don't bleed out because the sutures have come loose again. And here you are harassing. Is this what you do? And then they would, you know, it was that thing. And I just ran out of ways to have fun with them. And then I think I just finally fucking paid him. Yeah, I've done that a couple times. I had a fucking landlord that stole from my apartment or a manager stole from my apartment on the road. And I came back and was on the road for three weeks. I was on the road for so long, when I came back, like, most of the water had evaporated out of the toilet. And they had this. Check the smoke alarm. So legally they could go into my apartment when I wasn't there without my consent. Because if there was a fire, it could affect the other units. That's what they said. And all of a sudden, I noticed there was a camera missing. They picked through my CDs. It was a hip hop fan. And so I went down and I talked to the guy about it, thinking that the manager was going to be like, oh, my God, sir, we got to get to the bottom of this. He just says, I don't appreciate you coming down or accusing me. And he started saying all this. I have the power. He kept saying, I have the power. So I was like, oh, yeah, you got the power, all right, buddy. And I just stood outside the office, and anytime anybody new came, I stood out there for two hours. I was like, yeah, don't rent from these people. They. They stole from my apartment and all that type of stuff. It's just like, dude, I'm a comedian. I can do this all day. I will be down here every single fucking day. And it was bullshit, because the next day I went on the road and I just. I just didn't have it in me, and I shouldn't have given. Hey, hey, come on in here. The lovely Nia, everybody.

Hello.

We were going to come here. Okay, what's going on? I was just talking to them about collection agencies and all of that type of stuff, and all the crap I've gone through. I haven't had a lot of that stuff. But, you know, did I ever tell you that that time that woman called me up. I know, it was bally total fitness. And they. And I just started hitting on her, and she got mad at me, said it was harassment.

Bill Burr

I ended up.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

I ended up getting her to hang out those up on me. That was like, the highlight. What's the matter with you? Oh, you do? All right, well, I got like another 35 minutes here. I'm just gonna read some advertising, and I got some great questions from people this week. All right, do you want to go get some floss instead of just staring at me with your fingers in your mouth? Oh, is that not sexy, huh? You know what's sexy to me? You know what's sexy to me? At my age, Eight hours sleep.

Bill Burr

That.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

That turns me on. All right, all right, listen, I'd love to talk to you while you pick your teeth I got to keep the momentum going here. Okay, we have floss. You think you can get your fingers between your teeth? Get out of here. I got it. There you go. Tenacity.

Bill Burr

Yeah. All right.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

There we go. Jesus, they always want to go somewhere, you know what I mean? All they want is a fucking house and then you get one and then all they want to do is leave. Yeah, boy, it's unfucking believable. I When is the. When is the guy. Me too thing gonna fucking happen, you

Bill Burr

know what I mean?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

The reverse me too. You know, I take a lot of these feminists a little more seriously if they ever bitched about something that didn't affect their life, you know what I mean?

Bill Burr

You know what else we need to fix?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Let me guess. Something that affects you. You self centered fucking.

Bill Burr

All right,

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

let's move on here. And then I'm going to tell you about this music festival I went to yesterday. Definitely feeling my age at a music festival. Just having to stand, standing too long throws out my back. At this point, I know it's my posture. I don't need all you non doctors out there. Just save me your fucking remedies. All right, all right. Oh, here's something from a friend of mine, a buddy of mine, he actually died a couple years ago and his widow is trying to finish a project that he started, which is a really great idea. It's called the. The Untold Legends of Hip Hop. And my buddy Pete Cumming, rest his soul, he was out there interviewing all of these legends from the early days of rap music. Kurtis Blow, Russell Simmons, Spliff Star. Did I say that right? And he. They would do these two minute little stories talking about the early days of hip hop and then they were animating it and I saw some of the clips and it looked fucking incredible. And they want to finish this thing so they have a startup. If you're a fan of hip hop music, animation and all that stuff, just cool stuff. You like to learn about music the way I do. The website is Halo Boost. H A L O B o o s t.com and the project is the Untold Legends of Hip Hop. People can go to Halo Boost and click on the featured project and then you go to the Untold Legends of Hip Hop campaign. Donate a dollar, whatever you can do to try to get this thing made. It's a really, really cool project and from one of the great people that I've met in this business, I'll definitely retweet the link and all that type of stuff. So I appreciate it. You know, if you're. You know, if you're into it, I'm not. There's no pressure here. All right, all right. Here we go. All right. Yesterday, I went to a music festival, all right? I went to go see the Pretenders. When I was in England, the great Chrissy Hyde came down with some of her friends, some of the band members and stuff that came down to my show. That's the second time she's come to one of my shows over there. So I was like, next time you come to the U.S. i'm going to your show. You got me? I'm going. And she said, cool. Guess what? I'm going to be there a few days after you come back. So I was like, all right, Done. Done deal. So I figured they're going to be playing, like, some theater or some shit out here. You know, I'm an old man. I'll sit down in a seat, get myself a sarsaparilla every once in a while, stand up and wave my fist and feel like I've contributed as an audience member. But no, they were doing a music festival. And I get the email from her manager, and there's a map, and it's to the Rose Bowl. I'm like, holy shit. Who the fuck is on this bill? And it was. It was Neil Young, Jack White, the Pretenders, the Smiths, and a bunch of other people that I'm sure I missed and that were fucking amazing, right? So I'm like, wow, this is gonna be. I never saw a concert at. At the fucking Rose Bowl. This is gonna be amazing. So, you know, I walk in there. I walked right where it's, you know, the Rose bowl logo. I'm having all of these flashbacks of how many times I've been there, hammered, going to the Rose bowl game. Kind of struck me as funny to be walking the golf course. Course. It's a big golf course outside the stadium, by the way. Finally doing it sober. So I'm walking in there, and the first thing I try to go in the main entrance into the. The Rose bowl stadium. They're like, nah, nah, nah. You got to go around. You got to go around. And I'm like, of course you got to go around. They always make you go the longest possible way. Why do I got to go around? Why the fuck do I got to do that, you fucking assholes? And then I go in there, and. And then we got to make a left turn and then a Right. Now I'm going to cut across the bridge, the stadium's right fucking there. And I go to go across the bridge. I'm sorry, sir, this is one way. It's like, it's one way for walking. Are you worried there's going to be a head on collision? Where the fuck do I have to go, guy? You got to go up there, right? And I'm losing my shit. And then I'm looking around and there's all these tents and all this shit. And all of a sudden it finally fucking dawns on me that the concert is not in the Rose Bowl. It's all over this giant golf course. So the whole time I'm trying to go in the stadium, there's nothing going on in the stadium, right? And, and also I'm trying to keep my cool because somebody told me the other day, said like, dude, you, you do not handle stress well. And that of course hurt my ego. I'm like, what are you talking about, I don't handle stress well? I'm a stand up comedian. I've performed at Madison Square Garden. I dealt with doing five minutes of stand up on, on the Dave Letterman show when it was like 30 below with the air conditioner, okay? One of the most intimidating things ever. And I was able to set aside that fucking stress and get through it. And then the person's like, all right, all right, geez. You know, I'm just saying, you know. And then I realized it's like, you know, thinking about it the next day actually snapping again over something fucking stupid. That of course, five minutes later I figured out probably three minutes later, I actually realized that this person was right. That I. It's not. I don't handle inconvenience well. And then I turn it into like, what's going on in Hawaii right now with the lava pouring out and all this shit. So I don't know. I've done this so many times the last couple of days. You know, except for at the festival when they. I was doing well with the stress until they told me the bridge where people were walking was one way. You know, I just, I mean, if I even say that one more time, you guys, I'm gonna lose my shit again. So anyways, I drove in traffic yesterday. I was completely relaxed. But I've done this a million fucking times. A million times is somebody says something to me about it, it makes me want to change. And then for two, three days I'm okay. Then gradually I just go back to the way I was, you know, flipping the fuck out. So I think I'm gonna start talking about it. On the podcast the way I do with my boozing, because I keeps my boozing in check to tell you guys if I'm on the wagon, I'm off or whatever. And then you guys give me shit. Hey, Billy booze bag. Hey, Billy. Fucking fat tits and all that shit. It makes me all right, Fuck these people. I'm going back to Crushing Waters. So anyways, I'm. I finally. I figured out that this festival is outside. And now, you know, I don't know where the I'm going. And the Pretenders are going to be on. They were on in the afternoon, 5:25, right? Right. dusk. Well, it should have been dusk. Different time of year would have been dusk, right? And I was looking like, what the

fuck do I do here?

I got to get some booze, right? So, you know, they're doing these little fucking, you know, they're not pouring horn pores. So I got like two whiskeys and I'm walking in my stupid little cup, right? And I see this guy, even older than me. He must have been like 63. He's actually still in pretty good shape. But he had the long gray hair. He had his shirt off, you know, just that guy who's been going to concerts forever, you know, and the Pretenders start up and I'm trying to find where the, you know, the best place where I can watch it. And he starts doing like that, you know, like that. That hippie surfer, spiritual white guy dancing. You know, there's a touch of tai chi in there. You know, he's doing that dance

Bill Burr

and,

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

you know, it's the same dance he does to all music.

Bill Burr

I don't even know what it is.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

And they always have like this look on their face when you look in this smiling. They always look at you like they have life figured out. Like they know what. What makes they like, hey, man, like, you know, they're gonna say all this spiritual to you that you could find on the side of a Dixie cup, you know, Then whoever that guy is, I want to thank him. I was laughing my ass off. Just the fact he had his shirt off.

Bill Burr

I gotta sit.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

He was still doing the. I gotta make. He was still doing the push ups. So he didn't have the man boobs. But still it's like, come on, man. There's young people here. They don't want to see that. Cover yourself up. This whole fucking pride in your age and everything, you know, or how you look is all well and good, but you know, you know, what has kind of disappeared is common Fucking courtesy for your fellow man. Good Lord. You know, it just blows my mind. It really doesn't. It doesn't. Because you know what? I think that guy was a baby boomer, you know? And there's never, you know. You know, right before the baby boomer. Sorry, I gotta plug my headphones back in. Right before, the baby boomers was the greatest generation. According to Tom Brokaw, they're the greatest generation. Like, I think the baby boomers are, like, the most selfish. Like, maybe because there's so many of them that they had such an influence on the culture, and they think every fucking thing that happened during their time was just so goddamn important. They're just. I don't know, I think. And I think that they would just sew up their own ass about themselves, that now that they're old and all wrinkly, they just can't. They can't. They just can't let it go. Can't let it go. You know, I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm fighting aging by trying to work out and stay in shape and eat right and all that type of stuff. But, yeah, I stay covered up. I have empathy for people in their 20s. They don't want to see it. So anyways, I go by the spiritual dancing guy, and I worm my way up as close to the stage as I possibly can. And I have to tell you something, man. Chrissy Hine, the Pretender, is murdered. She sounded like she once again, two weeks in a row. I've seen great concerts. She sounded as great as the albums that I grew up listening to. And the song she opened with was on her new album. It was just about being a loner and liking not being in a relationship and shit. And the lyrics are hilarious. And I'm almost a little ashamed at, like, how much I relate to the song. I told her afterwards, I was like, I fucking love that song. But they just fucking murdered. And she's such a badass total rock star. Like, the Real Deal paid her dues, all that shit. You just see all of that when you watch her perform. It was tremendous. And she gets off stage, and then next up was Jack White. Jack fucking White, right? I get to see him come out with his new lineup. The new sound that he has, he was unbelievable. You know, there's another guy if you go see him. It's like, when have you ever seen that guy even remotely take a show, like, half a second off during a show? Forget about a show. That guy never is the antithesis of phoning. It in. Whenever I see that guy perform, live it, I. I always get inspired as a comedian. Like, I. I could be working a little harder. I could be trying to give people a better show here. So his set ended and I walked over to go see the Smiths. Who. I remember one of my brothers listened to them. Everybody I knew listened to better music than I listened to in the 80s. I just was listening to like. I mean, I listened to some good shit, but I was listening to a lot of hair metal, you know, which is why I missed out on Pantera and all those bands that came out. Like I was. I was. I was too far in the other direction. Like, every rose has its.

Bill Burr

You know.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Then all of a sudden it's like, people equal, right? I'm just like, what the. The is this? This is. You know, I'm as cynical as the next guy. But Jesus Christ, that's another thing. I started listening to that Iowa album, that Slipknot. And like, I always liked the. The Heretic thing. People equal. I always was kind of funny, but I never, like, I don't know, it was just too much going on. And now I'm listening to it fucking 20 years after it came out, going like, this fucking album is unbelievable. But I mean, you know, there's only so much fucking music you can. You're gonna miss something, right? I gotta forgive myself on some level. So anyways, I went over and I saw the Smiths. And I remember there one. That one song that crossed over that even like a mainstream Charlie like me heard where it was that stop the messing around. Stop the top of your future, right? Anyways, I watched those guys, that band fucking murdered and did the impossible. I felt it had like 10,000 white people all dancing for their entire fucking set. It was ridiculous how hard they killed. And then they ended this, this set in such a cool way. They had this crowd do a sing along as the band started playing. A little more quiet, a little more quiet, a little more quiet.

Bill Burr

And.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

And the lead singer was like roasting people in the crowd going, great job, great job. You don't sound that good. You sound like you got bronchitis and everybody's laughing. And then the band just sort of just gradually stopped playing. And the. The crowd one more time sang, what is it? The chorus. And then they said, thanks a lot, good night. It was so fucking cool.

And.

And then Neil Young starts playing. Now you gotta walk across the golf course again. And my back was fucking killing me and I was jet lagged and all of that shit. And I just, I hate to say this, I've never seen Neil Young in concert. I just, I couldn't make it, you know, and I had to get home, you know, I got a kid's getting up and shit, and it's just like, I don't want to fucking see Neil Young standing outside with my back,

you

know, talking to me next to some 60 year old guy doing his tai chi, hey, man, dance. I want to see this guy in a theater. So I, I stood there and I watched him play one song so I could say, or at least most of the first song. He didn't even sing. It was just like him playing guitar and shit. I think his experience was like, all right, I got to get all those people that were just over at the Smiths time to come over. I'm sure people's feet hurt and their backs hurt. I mean, he's probably doing me a favor. But I just, you know, I don't know, I just said to my friends, I was like, guys, I got, I got to go home. I can't. And I ubered here and there's just gonna be a thousand fucking people. And I just know how I'm wired. I have to find that one way bridge that's gonna allow me to get the fuck out of here. And I actually left during one of my favorite singers of all time during his set. But anyways, it's a great show and all that. If you're younger, definitely. Check it out. If you're older, definitely stretch, you know, try to keep your shirt on. I saw these two people. Oh my God, these two whales, these two fat people, like one of those fat couples, and they were just asleep on their picnic blanket, like both in like the spooning position, but faced opposite. It was like a fat yin yang. They were just laying there.

Bill Burr

You know what they look like, you

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

know, like at the zoo when they tranquilize, like a. One of those big cats, one of those predators. And then it's just like, all right, now that we knocked it out, we need to bring a machine over here to pick this thing up. It weighs like 600 fucking pounds. And I don't know, they. They were oddly adorable. Like, I was being like, it must be fun. You know what I mean? Like, you, like those commercials come out and you see like Domino's are like Papa Gino's will have like a. Some deal, like get two pizzas for seven bucks. And if you get that, we'll throw in the chocolate chip cookie piece with the whipped cream and ice cream, right And I always make fun of that shit. And I always make fun of it because there's a big part of me that just wants to order that and take the ride, you know, have the salt fucking take me down to the ground, right? And I think I'm going to fucking, you know, sink into the rug like that dude in Train Spotting. Then you start eating the fucking cookie pie and you start coming back like Hulk Hogan, you know, when he. When they went to drop his hand that last time and it didn't go down. And all of a sudden you eat the cookie thing and you start shaking your head. You start strutting around, right? But you don't. You don't. And they get. They get to live that life. They get to sit there like, I bet they got one of those, you know, those. You know, those big couches that on either side there's the recliner, but it's still like a sofa. I bet they got one of those, right? And then in the middle, it thing comes down. Remember that? It was basically, it was a fat fuck couch. They used to make this thing before, like, the Biggest Loser, and everything came out. It was like catering for people who were fat fucks or were their goal in life was to become a fat fuck. Because on either side of this big couch, like you, you could pull a lever and your feet could go up, and then in the middle, this thing would come down. There's a place for your drinks and, like a pizza. And you just sit there with. With your girlfriend, you know, watching the TV with your feet up, got the AC cranking, just destroy, like, just destroying the planet in your absolute, like, utopia. I mean, I don't know if you guys believe in an afterlife and. Which I thought about a lot when Vinnie passed, you know, there was all that talk about now he's reunited with his brother. And I was definitely thinking, you know, I really hope that that happens, you know? So let's say that it does, okay? If you're a fat couple and you have one of those couches and you're watching one of your favorite shows on Netflix or Hulu, whatever the fuck you do, and you're sitting, sitting there with your feet reclined, eating a pizza, and you got that cookie pizza thing coming next, drinking your favorite drink, it's just like, what could the afterlife offer you that's going to be any better than that if you truly love one another, you know, when you got the AC going, you know, you got your toes out. I mean, I don't know. I think I'm selling a lifestyle right now. Here's. I think I'm selling some couches anyways. But I had a great time. And if you get a chance, you know, like I said, definitely check out that festival.

And I feel really bad that I had to leave.

I left during Neil Young.

The fuck is wrong with me? I have to.

I have to fix that in the future by seeing him. But, like, you know, I want to see that guy. Like, did you ever see when he did that film? He was at the Ryman. That's what you want to see.

Fucking Neil Young.

Yeah. You see him at this. I'm not trying to not sell this festival, but I'm just saying, look, I'm old. I need a chair, okay? There, I said it, all right? I used to be able to stand. Evidently, I can't any longer. I was able to kind of work. Work my way out of it. I know, it's. It's my fucking posture. Posture stinks, you know, it's all those years from fucking hating yourself, you know, fucking slinking down. I'm an albino. Stop looking at me. All right, all right. We got some great emails this week. The first one, Vinnie Paul. Hey, Bill. By now I'm sure that you heard that Vinnie Paul passed away last Friday, much like you talked about Malcolm Young after his death. I feel like Vinnie was another one who just lived an amazing life. One of the great drummers to ever get behind the kit. I got to tell you, like, all everything that I saw on Twitter from all these big time rock stars over and over and over again. Other than stating the obvious, what a monster, amazing drummer he was, everybody just talked about what a nice guy he was. Anyways, he said, I was too young when Pantera was leaving their mark on the metal scene through the 90s. So I never got to see Pantera play live before they disbanded. However, I did get to see Vinnie play with Hell yeah back in the day, back in 2016 at Rockville Festival in Jacksonville, Florida. He was quite simply incredible. Oh, this is a cool story. I read this before the podcast, something I never do, but I saw it said Vinnie Paul. So I wanted to read it. I said, I remember being pretty close to the front of the stage and Vinnie was the first band member to come out before the show started. When he stood up behind the drum kit, he had this smile on his face like he was just really happy to be there. He twirled his drumstick at the whole crowd, saluted by putting his fist in the air. And then the madness began. But for most of the show, I couldn't take my eyes off of him and because of how good he was. Oh, that's awesome. And even though he was that good, the biggest memory I have of him was that he was smiling the whole show like he just loved playing and seeing people enjoy themselves as much as he was. He will be missed by more. He will be missed by more than we know. I don't know if that sentence makes sense. If you remember, please crank a Pantera song up as loud as you can today. I'm sure Vinnie will hear it. Best witches. Hey, I Best witches. Incompetent, it said. Well, I was already listening to the fucking shit every day anyways. You know what? You know, it's a great album. Great live album. Is there 101 proof it's such a badass album. One of my favorite things is when they play I'm Broken and Phil. As Phil's doing the intro video, Vinnie's already counting in the song, just how tight they were. He's like, well, song in a knots called out broken. I'm having a good time. All right. Coco the gorilla. Oh, I saw this, too. That fucking sweetheart of a gorilla that I did the bit about, hey, Bill, I saw you, you Live last year, and I love your special. We talk about teaching gorillas sign language. I was watching clips of Coco interacting with people, like with Flea from the Chili Peppers and Robin Williams. I watched those. I was still nervous. I just saw Flea laying down and there's like a fucking gorilla right next to him. I don't know. I get you shooting the shit with it. You can kind of. I don't know. It made me nervous. You know, I wonder if it made me nervous just because I'm such a big fan of Flea and I didn't want to see anything happen to him, like it was a bass player from a band I didn't give a shit about and be like, oh, look at this guy. This could get interesting. Anyways, it was. It was charming as hell. I was wondering if you ever sat down with Coco, if ever given a chance. Well, no, not after the bit I did. They probably. This guy's a fucking asshole. You could have asked him why the chicken crossed the road and wait for a chuckle or try to explain humor to him. If I ever sat down with that gorilla and that thing actually, if that wasn't a party trick, if it actually knew how to do sign language, I imagine it would sign to me. You seem nervous. And I was saying back, yeah, well, you're A fucking gorilla. Anyways, kids, show recommendation. Hey there, Billy Barnacle Balls. I want to. I want. If you want a show to watch with your girlfriend, check out. I thought it said Octo Nuts. Like something with eight balls. Octonauts. Is it an octopus in outer space? I watched it with my girls and kids and I actually learned some stuff. All right, well that was about as vague as the. Was that was that movie way back in the game. The Silent Game or the the something game or the something or other. Remember David Spade had that joke. I'm going to tell the. I'm going to tell you guys the secret of the Crying Game. And he goes, overrated. All right, Hair transplant. Depression. Oh no. Hey, old freckle dick. I'm a 21 year old man. I recently got hair transplant surgery. Well, you must be a hairy motherfucker, man. You went bald that soon? The surgery went great. Good, good for you. But I now hate that I have a huge scar in the back of my head. I don't. They do it now where they just vacuum the shit out so you don't have to have that smile on the back of your head. He goes, every time I cut my hair, you can see it. Could you give me some advice on what I should do? Well yeah, don't cut your hair so fucking short. Now that you got it back on top of your head, grow your hair out, you'll be fine. That was an easy one.

Bill Burr

What are you doing?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

You got hair plugs. You had them hack the back of your head, then you got fucking hair plugs and now you're shaving your head down to the point where you can fucking see it. Anyways, what was the point? I don't know. I would just. I guess I would just grow my hair out a little bit. I don't think it has to be that long to cover the scar. As long as it's long enough that you can't see your scalp. I think he should be all right.

Bill Burr

Right?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

Anyways. Pitbull problems. Dear Guillaume Bursair. Facil. Oh, Billy. Easy shave butter. Oh, Facil is face right? No, that's easy. Facil is easy. I don't know.

I have no idea.

I suck at that shit. As a former pit bull owner, I'd like to ask your advice on a problem I'm having. My wife comes home from a. My wife comes from a large family and they get together at her parents every month for Sunday dinner and family hangouts. The last two times my brother in law has brought his recently Adopted his recently adopted pit bull. It's a rescue dog and he doesn't think it was abused or used to fight because it's so good with kids. According to him, it's a large family, so There are about 50 kids ages 3 to 11 running around and my 4 year old daughter is one of them. She loves dogs and likes this one in particular. But both times he's brought my the dog, my daughter has come running to me in tears because it got over excited and jumped onto her too rough. Well, that's the thing about pitties, man. They're just a big awesome ball of muscle. And when I used to wrestle with my dog, I used to have to lay my neck over the top of its neck. He had to get inside because she was lightning quick and she would turn around and her head was like a wrecking ball. God, I miss that fucking dog. I still get to see her every couple months, but I really miss that. Anyways, he goes, I don't hate dogs, but I don't love them either. And I don't trust pit bulls. Well, you have to validate all of that, okay? To be quite honest, I'm kind of afraid of them. I never forgive myself if something happened to my daughter. If I say something to my in laws, I look like a killjoy asshole. But I'm too stressed out to enjoy the family gathering because I'm hovering over it constantly. So my wife's response has been to treat me like I'm overreacting and dismiss my concerns. It's bothering me so much I've considered just keeping my daughter home next time. But am I making too big a deal about this? I think it's a recipe for disaster. I don't feel like it's my place to tell my brother in law to keep it at home and my wife's not supporting me. Please tell me, please let me know if you have any ideas. Merci. Et vat? Vat affair forture. Thank you, thank you. And I'm imagining that saying go fuck yourself. I know, advise and go tis you fair voter. All right. Anyways, I would say this, dude, you have to like, if that's what you're feeling. You don't have to tell anybody to leave a dog home. You just have to communicate this to people. All right, Say you don't hate dogs. You don't love them either and you don't. I don't trust pit bulls, okay? And just tell them that rather than be like keep that lunatic dog home, just tell them that, all right? And I would sit down with your wife and say that, you know, I don't feel like you're hearing me, all right? She's my daughter and I'm concerned and I have to be honest, you know, if you had these concerns, I would listen to them. And you're not validating what I'm feeling and it's really bothering me. And I can't enjoy when I go over there, I don't want to be this killjoy, but I'm hovering over our kid and I just, you know, it's bothering me.

Bill Burr

You married me, you love me.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

I'm telling you, something's bothering me. We need to talk. I say you can't go there because I can. You fucking talk to me about this. That's what I would do. Keep it in the register. I was just in, all right? And don't stop having the conversation until there's a solution that you're satisfied with. It's your daughter, okay? And you know, dogs are abused,

Bill Burr

all right?

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

And if a dog snaps, you know, it's a bad thing around a kid. And then when you have a pit bull, the thing about a pit bull is its capability. You know what I mean? Some dogs are like a little water pistol and other dogs are like a fucking bazooka. That dog is a bazooka. So not saying the breed is bad. I'm just saying if somebody fucked that dog up and it does snap, the results are, are, you know, going to be really bad. So. And you have to address that. That's being. Or you're being a responsible parent and these people need to listen to you and you need to speak up. You got to stand up for yourself there, buddy boy. That's my advice. All right? Good luck. Okay, lady. Lady manager. Crossing the line. Dear Bill or William Bill, or Will

Bill Burr

you call yourself Bill Bulla wool.

Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or fellow comedian)

I'm a 23 year old lady who just started working in an office for. I love when women write in. It's always guys. God bless you for writing it. Who just started working in an office for a big company. It's a boring job, but while I figure out what to do with my life after graduating, it's all right. Well, there you go. That's not bad. You're 23, you got your whole life ahead of you. I got promoted with the recommendation from my former manager, this 40 something year old woman who I thought was quite nice. Now that she's not my manager anymore, although she's still senior to me, she has been a little inappropriate with me after an Offer's Christmas party. Me and my colleagues went to a club. I came out of the club bathrooms and she was waiting. She didn't even come with us. That's weird. She waved me over to sit next to her and asked me if I was gay. I said, no, I'm not. And she went, fine, and didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. All right, well, she needs a better opening line. She's a little blunt, you know. She's in business. She got right down to brass tacks. She said. I was a bit uncomfortable with the question because what business is it of hers? Oh, I thought she was gay and she wanted to hook up with you because what business is it of hers? So I told one of my work pals what had happened. They had been at the company longer than me and went, wow, you're her new one then. Oh, boy. Oh, gee. Gee. I asked him what they meant, and a guy said, well, I mean, look at her right now. She's filming you. And she sure enough what? And sure enough she was. She was. When I turned around, she hit her phone. As I was a little bit too drunken under the influence. I was already paranoid, so I decided to leave because I felt so gross. Since then, she's pulled me aside to say that I look delicious and scrumptious. Oh, what a creep. Whenever she sees me at the end of the day, she taps her cheek and demands a kiss. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is this person? She let's. That's like a gross relative. She asked a girl who works for me to take pictures of me and to send it to her when we're at a pub. I consider myself an assertive girl, but there's something about how public about her actions which makes me so timid. So I go along with it. No, don't do that. You think. You would think that because she's not my manager anymore, now that I've been promoted, it wouldn't be a problem. But it is, because my new manager is her best friend. I don't want to cause a rift in this new job, but it's really stressing me out. Am I within my rights to tell her to stop? Absolutely, you are. How do I tell her that? No, I don't want to kiss her on the cheek every time I see her without looking like a bitch. Listen, the way you're looking at this is fucking crazy. You're sitting here looking at like you're being an asshole. You're not. This person is completely out of line. She Said a few of my friends think it's a funny situation, but I don't. And if you don't, then it isn't. You got to validate that. If this was a mail manager, he'd be reported. I love your stuff so much and I wish I could come back to. You'd come back to Glasgow someday from a fellow pasty redhead. All right there, fellow fucking pasty. This is what you got to do. She asked for a kiss. You tell her no, and I just stare at. I mean, listen, you have all the fucking power in the world. Or if you just want to go to the manager and say, listen, I don't want to cause some me too scandal or any of that shit. Can you keep this weird old fucking bag away from me? Tell her to be professional. I mean, that's the proper way to do it. Those are the proper channels. But I have to do it that way. Do it that way. Okay, do it that way and document that this has been happening. You have all these witnesses about them filming her and all of this type of shit. If they ever tried to fire you, I mean, you don't have a problem. This, this kind of thing needs to stop. And you know, in a perfect world, you'd go to her because I don't like that whole telling on her thing. But that's how the business world works. You know, in a perfect world, when she fucking goes like, pointed to her cheek, that's right where you should punch her fucking blaster right in her fucking face. Yeah. I mean, if you're ever at a bar again and she's doing that shit, I would fucking dump a drink right over her fucking head. Like, that's just creepy behavior. I would just. You got to stop this timid thing, because if you're timid, someone like that, it's gonna. It's like a magnet. They're gonna go right towards you. You got to step up to her and tell her what a fucking creep she is. And if I catch you taking video or pictures of me or any of this other fucking creepy sexual shit that you're doing, I'm going to report you, okay? And you think you're going to get together with your manager friend, okay, all I got to do is go on social media and your world is over. What the is my phone? What the is my. Anyways, but don't do that. That's all anger. Listen, you. But you know, you. You seem like a really, like, overly nice, people pleasing person. At 23, which I was. Where you're like, Is it me? Is it the way I'm dressing that's attracting this? It's not you, it's that person, okay? So whatever the fuck I said before I got upset, just go, listen, I got an issue. And don't be, listen, I don't want to cause you for anything. Go in there fucking flat footed and look right at that person and say, listen, I got an issue with her. She's coming at me in weird sexual ways and I'm getting sick of it. And I'm sick of it. I want to come here and go to work and do a great job. I don't need that, okay? I would like to file an official report on her harassing me, okay? And that's the deal. And I want it to stop. It stops right now. Are we clear? That's it. That's it. There's no. Don't go in there, fucking hat in hand, you don't have to be a cunt. Just go in and just say, look, this is happening and it needs to stop immediately. Okay, well, I mean, what if she just flashes her tits at you? I mean, what the fuck's he gonna say? You can't say that. It's over, right? All right, good luck to you. Okay, Stay out of the sun and the rest of you go yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Rest in peace, Finney. Paul, Sa.