Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

Sorry.

Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

There.

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Andrew Santino

Hey, man, sorry. I was. I was AWOL on Monday of this week.

Bill Burr

That's the first Monday I've missed in

Andrew Santino

a long, long time. I apologize. I'm doing this movie here. I gotta let this fly out. This fly here. What are you doing, buddy? Get out. Get out.

Bobby Lee

Be free.

Andrew Santino

Go bug somebody else. All right? I've been doing this movie and they're kind of shooting me out of it this week, so I've been in every scene and I just. I didn't have the time. And then I. I caught the stomach flu. Look at old Billy excuses here. I caught the stomach Flu. Like Monday night, I wake up at like three in the morning and I'm just feeling this weird feeling in my stomach. And I'm like, you know, I don't really eat any sugar or whatever, but I'm over here and you know, one of the writers and his wife made these raspberry coconut cookies, the little shortbread things. And I was just like, raspberry and coconut. Oh my God, that takes me back to Ben and Jerry's 25 fucking years ago. For like a minute. They had this raspberry coconut limited edition pineapple ice cream. And I remember I thinking, like, when I saw it, I was like, I love coconut. You know, coconut's very divisive. It's like pineapple on a pizza. People either like it or they don't. Anchovies and coconut, right? And I love coconut. And I. I never heard of raspberry coconut as a combination. So I bought, I got the pint of ice cream and, and, and I put a spoon in it and that was it. I finished the thing. So I was like. And I didn't know they had like the limited edition ones. Limited runs, you know, like how they do with everything now. Everything from ice cream to Pokemon cards. They just try to make it limited. So it just adds value because they're not going to make enough. Like, Rolex watches.

Bill Burr

Like Rolex watches, you used to just be able to go into a jewelry store. If they had them, you'd be like, hey, I want to buy that watch.

Andrew Santino

And they would be like, okay. And then you just bought it.

Bill Burr

They wouldn't be in the window and be like, yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah, you know, no, we just want to

Andrew Santino

have your tongue hanging.

Bill Burr

And also, like, the fucking watches, they

Andrew Santino

weren't what they are now. Like, I remember, like, I worked in a warehouse. Put this way, I worked in a warehouse and.

Bill Burr

Or a. Wow.

Andrew Santino

As one guy used to say with his accent. A warehouse. And I used to work full time and I would make like 260 bucks a week take home. And I think like an entry level Rolex was like 1200 bucks. So I mean, that was still, hey, man, it's a lot of bread.

Bobby Lee

Okay?

Andrew Santino

But like, it wasn't like the disparity, you know, before the Silicon Valley, Robert Barron's era that we're in now, we're like, you know, one guy has a trillion dollars and everybody else could eat a dick. Like it. It wasn't the way it was. So anyway, the.

Bill Burr

Did I start talking about watches?

Andrew Santino

I'm talking about ice cream. No, I'm not, I'm talking about stomach flu. So I ended up, I, I got that pine ice cream and then I, I went back the next, like two days later I got another one and then they just discontinued it. And I had never seen raspberry and coconut anything since then. It just disappeared from my life like a bad father. And so I was on set and they had them and I was just like, oh shit, I gotta try those, right? And I told him they were, oh my God, they were fucking delicious. So anyway, you know, I don't even, you know, old Billy stays away from the sugar. I don't want to be old Billy fucking pasty freckle tits over here. You know, I do the push ups.

Bobby Lee

You know, you got to keep your chest right.

Andrew Santino

Can't have bigger boobs than your wife. Just can't have it.

Bill Burr

So

Andrew Santino

that night at like three in the morning, old Billy, red face fucking wakes up and there was something going on with my stomach and it just felt like when I have too much sugar, that's how my stomach feels like, oh, this is weird or whatever. And then I went, kind of had a problem going back to sleep. Went back to sleep like around 4:30. And then I woke up at like 6:30. I forget when my call was. It was probably, you know, 6:30, 7 in the morning. And I woke up and then I felt like, oh no. Oh right. Like what is going on? And I start feeling like my belly starts going like, like, oh. And dude, whatever was in my body was trying to get out without being graphic with any way it possibly could. And yeah, I was, you know, remember back in the day, football players starting both ways. Football, you know, playing offense and defense,

Bobby Lee

that was going on.

Andrew Santino

This was coming out of my body both ways. And I swear to God there's something about throwing up that has always made me laugh in the middle of it. Just the sounds I'm making, it just, you know, what's the best is right before you puke. Like it's almost like, like a DJ when they, like before they go into the fucking song, you don't quite fucking puke. Those are the ones that make me laugh. And then I don't know if you guys know this about me. You know, I don't mind puking. I've never had a problem with it. You always feel a thousand times better when you puke. People don't want to do it because it's fucking gross. But like if you just remember how you're going to, what your body's doing, it Understands there's something in there, and it's got to get the. Out of there. I don't like the other. If I had to choose between having the shits and puking, I'll take puking all day long.

Bobby Lee

You know, Puking's easy.

Bill Burr

Hey, hold on.

Andrew Santino

Hang on a second.

Bill Burr

Into the shrubs.

Bobby Lee

You're back.

Bill Burr

You can jump back into the conversation. You know what I mean? Yeah, you need a breath mint.

Andrew Santino

So anyway, that was going on, like, all morning, and my wife is just hearing it, so she's going like, can you call in sick? And I'm like, honey, I. I am in every scene today. I can't. It's not. That's not how this works. You know when it's like, you're. We're on a location, we have it for a certain amount of days. I, I, I have to go in. I was like, I'm gonna be all right. Because every time I. Something happened, I felt better after. I was. And I felt like, okay, that was the one. That was the one. I didn't know I was gonna keep getting sicker. So I got to the set, and I let him know what was going on. And, you know, they had a bucket ready and all of that, and. But the nurse, she came on and she gave me two pills to just stop what was happening, which it did. Which is great, because then I was able to. I was able to shoot all day. I mean, I felt horrible. I had no energy or whatever, but, like, I was able to get through the day. And then when I got home, it was so funny. I get home and the drugs were wearing off. Whatever charcoal and that they gave me were wearing off. And I came walking in, and my wife had made, like, steak frites or whatever, and I came walking in, and I just smelt the grease.

Bobby Lee

This is so embarrassing.

Bill Burr

My kids are like, daddy.

Bobby Lee

Hey, how you doing?

Bill Burr

And I just went, hey. I started driving. It's like, I have to get out of. No, I smelt it.

Andrew Santino

I didn't drive even for.

Bill Burr

I just said, I got to get out of this room. I can't smell that.

Andrew Santino

And he was going like, you feeling okay?

Bill Burr

And I got out of there, and I go to the. I go, I'll be all right in the bedroom if I can't. If I can't. And then that's when I.

Andrew Santino

And she went, oh, Jesus Christ. And then I went in there and, you know, exorcist again. And then I felt great, and I was like, okay. I think I puked it out of me. I Know, this is gross. Whatever. I was like, all right, I think it's out of me. And I'm fine now. And then I laid down and I got in bed, which, by the way, I love being sick, you know, because I, I work every fucking day because I'm a lunatic and I, I, I'm in this business, and I just, I don't know what, you just start marching down this road. You're all by yourself, and, you know, nobody gives a fuck about your dream except you. So you got to keep it going, Forget about them. When you get a wife and kids, you just feel like you keep going. So the only time I really take time off is when I get sick, which is, I know something I, I got to work on. So I was like, all right, I'm sick. I can just lay down guilt free and not worry that I'm not working or, you know, playing with the kids or doing something right. So I just lay down. And then all of a sudden, I start getting the chill. And once again, my lovely wife, like, there's nobody better in the world. Like, there's nobody better. When I get sick, she is just, like, all over me. Like, I always feel it. She loves me. When I get sick, I, I, I really feel it. So it was kind of a nice thing. Maybe that's another reason I like being sick. So I just start getting the chills. And then she goes, you have a fever. And I go, no, I don't. I'm freezing. She goes, bill, that's what happens when. And I guess what happens is it's your muscles contracting and they're contra, they're creating this energy, I guess. So your body heats up and it can essentially kill what's inside of you. So that was the, that was the, the information that we got because she was going, let's give you Tylenol pm. And someone was like, no, he's got to go through this. So it kills what's in him. Which I was totally all right with because I'm big on that. Like, if I get a cold, I don't take that. That dries up your nose. It's like, it's, it's trying to get it out of you. You got to let your body do what it does. So I was just like, nah, it, I'm gonna ride this out. And I mean, I was shaking like I had the dts, but I don't know. Eventually I fell asleep. That was Tuesday. All day Tuesday. And then I woke up one Wednesday, and I felt like a million bucks. Didn't have a fever. I went through it. Whatever was in me was gone. But then I just had it. You know when you just don't eat for a whole day, how your stomach's all up when you first start to try to eat and you're dehydrated and all of that. So yesterday was that, and then today I was back on my goddamn feet. And I just basically did the last big scene out here. We're in this crazy town north of Belfast. I don't know, I'm not going to say the name of the town because it reminds me of like East Boston and Revere when I was a kid in like the 80s, where there's. The core is a bunch of good working class people, but there's a bunch of shady people. There's a bunch of shady going on. You can just feel it, man. But I mean, half the people I saw up here should have been in the movie. I just, everybody I was looking at going, look at that fucking guy. Let's get that guy in the movie. That guy looks amazing. I mean, I wouldn't want to be in business with him, but that guy looks amazing. So anyway, we just did the thing and I kind of realized, like, how my whole process, whenever I have an acting gig, the first thing, I have all this anxiety before I do it, you know, I'm gonna suck. They're gonna tell me, you're fired, my career's gonna be over. And then after I do a couple takes, I settle into the movie or whatever the acting gig is. And then somewhere in the middle of it, if it's a longer shoot, that's when, after I've settled into it, in the middle of it, I start to lose hope. It was like Broadway, you know, Like I was thinking, oh my God, this is gonna. I'm gonna this up. I'm gonna get fired, I'm gonna get replaced. And then we started doing it and then it was amazing and it was exciting. And that was like the first three, four weeks. And then when you're in the middle of doing a hundred and something shows, there's somewhere where it just starts to feel like Groundhog Day. And it starts feeling endless. And then that's when you start like losing hope and start wondering, why did I ever get into this business? Remember I worked in a warehouse, I did 40 hours. I did eight hour days at half hour. Lunch was a full half hour and we never worked through lunch.

Bobby Lee

And

Andrew Santino

then Friday came along. Thursday you got the paycheck, you were psyched. Friday everybody was in A good mood. And then I didn't have to think about over the weekend. Wasn't my company. You know, you just start thinking, why the Did I ever get into this business? And then when I get to the end of the movie, which is like, today and tomorrow, then I get, like, antsy, and then I have to fight. Like, hey, man, you still have to be this character. You know, you can't be mentally on the flight home. And then the final thing is on the flight home, you know, Then I'm actually sad thinking about all the people I met and how much I loved working with them on the way home. That's how I used to do it. And now I'm learning to. I still freak out before I do it, but I'm starting to learn how to, like, enjoy it as it's going along. Like, this is probably one of the most fun gigs I've had, which is amazing to me, because I've gotten to do, you know, all of this cool. And every time I think, like, you know what? Maybe that was it. Maybe that was the last cool thing, you know, not like I'm gonna complain. I've had this great career, but then, like, something else comes along. So, anyway, I can't talk too much about this. This what exactly this movie's about. When the time is right, I will promote it. But anyway, I got one more day on this thing. So anyway, I've been locked in doing this, so that's why I haven't. I haven't had a chance. But I have to tell you, man, it has been so goddamn fascinating being here in Northern Ireland. You know, I heard about some of the stuff going. But I never really understood, like, the mix of people that were up here. I always thought it was all Irish up here, and it was just Irish Protestant and Irish Catholics going at it. I didn't realize there was English people, Scottish people, like, actually, like, you know, I don't know if they emigrated over. They must have. If they came over here. And that was sort of another spice added into that thing. And there was all of this stuff that if you were Catholic. I'm just starting to learn about it. So I don't know all of the facts, but people were. You're just picking up bits and pieces that, like, you know, just the same gerrymandering with the. You know, trying to make sure that the, you know, the Protestants got more of the vote and the Catholics didn't, or something like that. You know, there's always, like, the person on top and then, like, the Underdog, the typical. But anyway, so I get, like. I get these. These patches everywhere I go when I travel, you know what I mean? Back in the day, people used to put them on jackets and stuff, but I just sort of keep them because I'm not into clutter, and it's a nice small thing that I got there. And I also, like. I'm into the flags and all of that stuff, so. Club soda. Kenny got me one, and it's a shamrock with a red hand on top. Almost like it's saying stop. So I was thinking, like, what. It was called the Red Hand of. Of Ulster. So I was thinking, like, oh, my God, is that like the English Protestants? Almost like. Like literally saying, hey, Irish people, you're not gonna stop having any fun, you know, while we're here. But. But of course, you know, it. It isn't that. What it has to do with is this old, like, I don't know what. What you would call it, like a fable or some like that. I don't know what. But trying to find it here for you. Or the Severed hand. That's what it's called. The Severed Hand of Ulster. So here's the legend. It says the origin of the tale describes a race across the sea to claim the territory of Ulster. The first chieftain to touch the shore would become the ruler. This sounds very familiar where, like, they had everybody go west. They wanted all the white people to go west, knowing that they were going to get into conflicts with the Native Americans. They would have a fight, you know, so white people would die, and then the powers that be, they're savages, and then justify murdering them. So anyway, the first chieftain to touch the shore would become the ruler. And it says, seeing his rival's boat ahead, a chieftain severed his own hand and threw it onto the beach, touching the land before his opponent and securing the kingdom.

Bobby Lee

So that's where it starts.

Andrew Santino

I don't know what it means now, metaphorically, if you look at it, but anyways, I thought that that was interesting. And also that, you know, they shot a lot of Game of Thrones, which I. I gotta. I gotta watch that series. I forget what I was watching at the time. And then I got overwhelmed because it became such a huge hit. And by the time I was gonna get into it, I was like two or three seasons behind, and then, like hour long, you know, episodes. And. And I had kids at that point. It's just like, man, I. You know, and they were little too. So, like, you know, you got little kids the second they go to Sleep. You go to sleep. So it takes you like a week to watch one episode. So I just never got around to it. But anyway, I've been watching some of the World Cup. I got to get caught up on MotoGP. I do want to say congratulations to I. It's Iagura, the first Japanese MotoGP rider to win a MotoGP race in 22 years. I was telling you guys last week, I mean, it's no, it was a no brainer that this kid and Pedro Acosta, when Pedro gets, you know, on a bike that's at his skill level, I mean, it's like these two kids are gonna be the future. And they are fearless. They're amazing. I mean, I saw some of the highlights and a girl was holding off Marc Marquez, who's essentially healthy on a Ducati. I mean, that's. That's the real fucking deal. And he's been like, on the podium the last couple, two or three races, so I couldn't be more happy for him. It's great for the sport. I know he's got all of Japan watching. My condolences to Japan. I saw when they lost that game in like the final seconds, basically an extra time they lost. And to Brazil, which is obviously nothing to be ashamed of. But that kid who gave away the ball, I mean, oh, my God. Crying his eyes out. But I saw a bunch of games like that. I watched another one. I watched South Africa. What was it? Was it tied one to one or was it, I think was zero to zero against Canada? And then like in the 91st minute or something like that, Canada scored. It's just like, fuck. But anyway, it's been, it's been amazing. It's been really cool to see the World cup in the United States and shout out to the Argentina fans, did you see that clip where they. They found somebody's wallet and they started chanting the person's name in the wallet and they. One guy who had the wallet got up on his shoulders and they were just chanting this guy's name, holding the wallet up. And then the guy ends up hearing his fucking. You know, he's fucking. I just lost my wallet. Thank God I got it back. Thank you to everybody in Belfast, whoever that was that returned it. He hears his name and he goes over there and he's. The guy's holding up his wallet and he gives it to him.

Bobby Lee

They're all like, yay.

Andrew Santino

You know, it's great, man. The energy of this thing.

Bill Burr

It's really cool.

Andrew Santino

It's really cool.

Bill Burr

You Know, and I actually think that the. The energy of the World cup and

Andrew Santino

the respect the fans have had with each other is. That's actually the real world.

Bill Burr

You know, like the Internet is fake,

Andrew Santino

and then there's the real world. I actually think the energy of the World cup and how regular people treat each other, that's the real deal. And all of this nationalism and fucking racism and all of this crap all of the lately do like.

Bill Burr

And was it me or is this

Andrew Santino

white supremacist really seeping in to a lot of areas? You know, entertainment, sports, you know, it's.

Bill Burr

It's crazy.

Andrew Santino

Like, the Internet has, like, radicalized people, and everybody can only see the other side being radicalized. And it's like, guys, we've all kind of lost our minds. Being on the Internet and being on social media and reading comments and everything being politicized. We've all lost our minds during that pandemic. We all lost our minds. People who weren't being doctors were acting like doctors. They came up with a vaccine super quick, and then people were like, you're gonna take this thing or you're gonna get fired, though. Both sides went fucking ape shit. But neither side can admit that, because everybody wants to be fucking right, but

Bill Burr

we should all collectively be like, hey, you know, maybe we should all fucking settle down. Maybe, you know, live and let live. Fucking relax, make the world fun again, you know, enjoy watching, like, New York Knick fans getting excited, getting a first champ.

Andrew Santino

That was a fucking great thing to

Bill Burr

see, you know, I don't know,

Bobby Lee

just

Andrew Santino

my own two cents here. But anyways, I apologize for, you know, not doing the podcast on Monday, but, you know, I'm. I'm kind of scheduled. Did not permit here. So let me do. Let me do a little bit of. A little bit of the reads here for the week.

Bill Burr

Oh, look who it is. That's Fast Growing Trees. Did you know? Fast Growing Trees, man, is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers. Did you know that? I didn't know that. They have all the plants your yard and home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, and houseplants, all grown with care and guaranteed to arrive healthy.

Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

Sorry, hiccups.

Bill Burr

Terms and conditions may apply. All right. Oh, here's one.

Andrew Santino

Gusto. Gusto, everybody.

Bill Burr

You know that feeling when you finally clean out a junk drawer that's been

Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

I don't have a business.

Andrew Santino

I'm not using this stuff. I hate when they say that I'm using it. I'm not.

Bill Burr

This is what your business could feel like using Gusto. I believe in these products. Andrew. Andrew vets them all right. Payroll, hr, benefits. All the administration chaos that's been piling up finally organized in one place. Right now, everyone's trying to run leaner. Tighter budgets, smaller teams, higher expectations. The last thing you have time to waste on is manual payroll or chasing down on an HR form. Gusto is how small business owners get time back when every hour counts. Look, the economy is a lot is

Andrew Santino

a lot right now.

Bill Burr

And if you're a smaller business owner, you probably feel it. That's the biggest understatement right now. The economy is a lot right now. Yeah. One guy has a trillion dollars. Yeah, it's a lot. He squeezed out of all the juice out of the fruit. If you're a smaller business owner, you probably feel it. You can't control interest rates or tariffs, but you can control how efficiently your business operates. Automating payroll and HR with Gusto is one of the fastest ways to cut friction and focus on what actually moves the needle. Gusto is the online payroll and benefits software built for small businesses. And it's all in one remote, friendly, and incredibly easy to use. So you can pay, hire, onboard, and support your team from anywhere. Automatic payroll tax filing, simple direct deposits, health benefits, commuter benefits, worker camps, 401ks, you name it. Gusto makes it simple and has options for nearly every budget. Ranked number one on G2's highest satisfaction product list for 2026 and trusted by over 400,000 small businesses try Gusto today@gusto.com Burn get three free months. Three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of of free payroll at auto.

Andrew Santino

Sorry.

Bill Burr

@gusto.com Burr One more. One more time. Gusto.com Burr Jesus Christ.

Andrew Santino

My old eyes were failing me there.

Bill Burr

All right, last one everybody. Oh, look who it is. Helix. Alex, you know there's nothing more important

Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

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Andrew Santino

They obviously believe in this product.

Bill Burr

So go to helixsleep.com Burr for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com Burr for twenty percent off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. There's nothing better than a great night's sleep. It's literally going to affect your mood. You're going to treat the people you love better. You're going to do better in the job interview. You're going to talk to that broad and she's going to love you. And next thing you know, you're going to be banging her on that Helix Helix sleep mattress.

Andrew Santino

All right.

Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

All right.

Bill Burr

Oh, look who it is, everybody. Me undies. Me Undies. Why don't you change your drawers? Me undies. Me undies. You're smelling like a bunch of whores. All right.

Bobby Lee

Sorry.

Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

There.

Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

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Andrew Santino

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Bobby Lee

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Bobby Lee

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Bobby Lee

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Bobby Lee

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Bobby Lee

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Bill Burr

okay, so anyway, that's the podcast, everybody.

Andrew Santino

I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you had a good time listening to it. Anyway, I still got another day and a half on this, and I'm still dialed in and this person I'm playing has been really been a really fun thing to do. So anyway, but I am excited to get back home and, you know, I do miss la. I gotta get a breakfast burrito. Dude, I haven't had coffee in like 4 days. I already went like the first day I didn't have coffee and then I got sick and I got off it and one of the actors I've been working with drinks those matchas and I was like, I mean, I don't know, you got to put all that sugar in it to make it taste decent. He's like, no, you kind of get the use to the taste of them. And he goes, I kind of like it's an easier sort of little caffeine thing. So I was like, all right, let me try that. Because, you know, you know, I used to be, you know, this angry lunatic. I mean, I believe me, I still got a temper, but I'm not carrying it around anymore, which is fantastic. But, you know, I kind of feel like the reason why I related to coffee the way I did was because that being wired on it was like how I was kind of like walking around, you know, walking around on edge. So I feeling like the last thing I needed was more. I mean, I still love coffee. So I was kind of going, you know what I'd like to do? Maybe do coffee every other day and I'll do this matcha every other day. But then I kind of, I don't know, I kind of got into it and it's been like, it's been a good thing for me. So Right now I'm not. I haven't smoked a cigar since I can't even remember when. I don't smoke weed. I'm not drinking coffee. So I feel like if I could just get off of social media because I, I started scrolling again, man. It's unbelievable. These phones. Phones, dude, I don't know. How addicted are you? Like, I do have a rule though. When I do have an acting gig, I phone is off and I, I go down to set and I don't have my phone because I don't want to be, you know, being blue screen mode when I gotta go out and go do this. I'm thinking, like, I might start, like, I walk into the house, phone is off. I might start doing that. Because I gotta be honest with you, like, all of these years of having the phone on the entire. I'm trying to think of, like, the amount of times I get like an actually really time sensitive, important text message. I'd like to go back to that world where, like, dude, you just, just leave your house before answering machines. You just left your house and if somebody called, they just had to call back again. Another time, you know, when you drove home, like, didn't, like, Chris Rock do

Bobby Lee

a great bit about that?

Bill Burr

Something about that.

Andrew Santino

I think he was talking about how marriages stayed together because you weren't constantly in contact or something like that, but just in general, like, you could just kind of get away from it.

Bobby Lee

And

Andrew Santino

then we got to the answering machine, but even then you came home and that was like the first sort of like hint of the dopamine excitement of these smartphones is when you came home, like, once you had an answer machine, you know, you could lie to yourself. Back in the day when you had a phone and you came home, you came home, you could just out. People called. People love me. I just missed the call. But when you came home, like, with. Once you got the answer machine, you had evidence, so you started coming home and like, the big thing was to look was the number blinking. Did you have one message too? Oh, I got four messages. Holy. You'd be like, excited. But then if you didn't get any messages, you'd actually be like, depressed. So anyway, I'm thinking now that I'm kind of off every other sort of stimulant just for my mental health, I think it would be really good to just get off my phone. And you know what's amazing is my son loves to draw and he got me back into drawing, which I used to love to do when I was a Kid. I used to always draw, like, it was funny. I used to always draw, like, Robert Parish, like, dunking and whatever on somebody. I straw a lot of, like, sports,

Bobby Lee

and

Andrew Santino

I got away from it and stuff. And it's weird, like, I went back to it. I was able to pick up where I left off. And somewhere along the line, I don't know, it was from, like, directing or whatever, I started learning more, like, like, what's in the spot and in the shot and depth perception and all of that. I can actually draw better maybe because I was just like a kid. And I find losing myself in that, like, you know, what's funny is I always see, like, so many people, like, when their life bottoms out, they discover, like, painting. And like, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. What do you think? You're like Picasso? It's like, no, that's not what it is. It's just like, the same way I play drums. I know I'm not a pro, but it's fun and it does something for me and it's just like a fun hobby. And now, like, for the first time, like, I understand, like, why so many people take up painting. It's like, quiet. You're using your imagination at whatever level. If you're doing that, it's like, good for you, and you're not bugging anybody. And then everybody else who's still stuck in the matrix, like, I was. I was like, this jerk off. Oh, what are you, an artist?

Bill Burr

Are you over there, Peyton there?

Andrew Santino

And typical me, like, I only know Picasso. I don't know what he like, Van Gogh. I. I know, Like, I don't know. So anyway, whatever. Oh, fucked up. Billy's still trying to work on himself. So anyway, that is the. The podcast. My apologies again on Monday. Hope you guys had a good couple of days there and I hope you're enjoying the World cup and you're watching this MotoGP. It's fantastic. And another thing too is when I get home, I got, you know, I got a few weeks off as far as not going on the road. And you know, I love the dog days of summer. And I did see my Red Sox, I don't know how swept the Yankees. I mean, God knows that's going to be the highlight of our. Our season. And speaking of that. Oh, my God, dude, we traded Jalen Brown. Are we out of our minds? Aside from being one of the best guys in the league, he's like a. He's arguably. He has to be the smartest guy in the league. I mean, like, MIT was, was like, trying to get him into some, you know, or NASA or some. He's like, talking to those people. The guy can speak Arabic. I mean, I, I, you know, the only thing, the only thing that makes sense about that trade is if it was like some sort of dever situation where you didn't realize what was going. But I just don't think it's that, man. I, I'm such a fan of that guy. Just off court, like, what, what that guy can do. And I just was always thinking, like, I can't believe that genius brain is on our team breaking down, you know, whatever the other team's doing. Like, I just don't, I don't know, man. I don't, I don't know about that one. But thank you to Jaylen Brown for everything that you did with us. Thank you for the championship. And there's no way, you know, we, we get one with. Without you. So I hope he realizes that, because that was all the chatter that I saw. Everybody was like, why the did we just do that? So I don't know, man. That's. I did. For years I've been hearing that, you know, the stupid Boston sports media trying to, like, start something between him and Jason Tatum. That's all the they do.

Bill Burr

I remember when I, when I was

Andrew Santino

living in New York, all they tried to do when a rod went to the Yankees was try to, like, get some gossip going about how Jeter doesn't like a rod and a rod doesn't like jeeters there enough room and blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just, it's. I don't understand, like, local sports writers. It's like, all right, are you a fan of the team?

Bill Burr

Like, all they do is try to

Andrew Santino

stir up, forget about, like, the, the sports talk radio guys. You know, you could only talk about the game for so long. You got all these hours you have to fill up in your show, and then what do they just start doing? They start, like, gossiping.

Bill Burr

And like, sports fans that, like, listen

Andrew Santino

to that and read that, it's like, that's like the real, like, Housewives of Sports. Like, I don't give a. About, like, all of those, the locker room relationships or off field stuff.

Bill Burr

Like, for me, that has to do

Andrew Santino

with the coaches and the players, they work that out.

Bill Burr

Anything off the field is between that person and the cops or their wife or husband, whatever the relationship they're in. It's none of my business. My job is to watch the game. That's it.

Bobby Lee

I don't give A fuck.

Bill Burr

Oh, look at Bill. Oh, he's all punk rock. He doesn't give a fuck. Well, you know what? I don't. There you go. Um, so anyway, thank you, Jaylen Brown. I. I know that you are going to have many, many, many, many, many more. That guy's gonna be. He's gonna be a problem for another 10 years.

Andrew Santino

I don't know what we got Paul George, he's at like. I don't know.

Bill Burr

Well, welcome to him.

Andrew Santino

I just hope they know. What the fuck do I know? I'm a fucking stand up comedian.

Bill Burr

Anyway, that is the podcast. All right, Enjoy the music picked out by the amazing Andrew Themelis.

Andrew Santino

Then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast coming up.

Bill Burr

Have a great weekend, good times, and

Bobby Lee

I'll see you on Monday. Well, that's all right tomorrow that's all right with you that's all right tomorrow Any way you do that's all right that's all right that's all right now Anyway you do. That Girl you fooling Wish you ain't wrong for you but that's all right it's all right that's all right now mama any way you can hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 2, 2018. What's going on? How are ya? Hey. As you can tell, Ol Freckles is under the weather. Yeah, I tried to do too much when I was on the road. I'm just an old guy now. And it ended up catching a cold like it was the middle of fucking winter. I flew into Minneapolis the day of the show. I used to fly in the night before, but now I got the kiddo and I don't, you know, misses a little bit of, you know, her whatever day is possible. So I flew out the day of, then I landed. And I've Learned this lesson 50 fucking times, and every time I've gotten sick, I landed. I was a little tired, you know, because I had to get up early to get there on time. And I went right to the gym. Stupid fucking move. Then I had to do two shows, and then I hung out with Virsey and fucking Bartnik. But I slept in the next day. The next day I woke up, I kind of felt run down, But I was like, no, man.

Andrew Santino

Hit the gym again.

Bobby Lee

I hit the gym again. Fucking moron. Then I take esteem. Then I go on fucking stage, have one show, it's the end of the night. I absolutely love Bartnik. And version hey, let's go out again. So we go out again. This time we were, we were at an outside bar up on this rooftop in this really cool, you know, place and you know, downtown Minneapolis. And I had a hat on, but it wasn't enough. And I could tell when I was, you know, when a cold just gets you. Yeah, I'm feeling a little bit. And then just get, you're like, ah, fuck, here we go. And I didn't have any vitamins. That's another thing, I forgot my vitamins, all of that dumb shit. So I don't know. So I apologize for being so friggin late here. But however, I want to thank everybody. It was one of the most fun weekends I've had as far as crowds and just what I got to see in Minneapolis and Detroit. Minneapolis, first of all, did a theater there on the campus of the Big Ten University of Minnesota. Now I was joking with the people there. Whenever I go, you know, to a great campus like that, my first thought, this is for all you young kids out there. I always think to myself, man, I wish I studied in high school. I wish I tried. This is fucking amazing. We drove by, there was like a frat house and there was like 10 frat guys sitting in a circle playing some drinking game outside this amazing fraternity, you know. And I know everybody makes fun of them saying they're a bunch of date rapists and then this and then that and all this shit, but at the end of the day, who's making the robots that are going to kill all of us, huh? It's the nerds. So ease up on the frat boys. They're not all rapists, you know, some of them just leer. So anyways, and I couldn't believe how fucking beautiful beautiful the University of Minnesota's campus is. And I was saying on stage, this is what a fucking moron I am. I, you know, without ever seeing a campus, I judge what it looks like by how your sports teams are doing. If you haven't won a Big Ten championship or an SEC championship in a long time, I just figure your school's a dump and it doesn't look good. I learned that with Vanderbilt. You know, Vanderbilt's never like, you know, I think maybe in baseball they're good, but they never do anything in football, never do anything in hoops. So I'm just like, ah, that's like almost a community college. Then Nate Borgazzi told me he was a big fan of theirs. Was like, no, dude, that's like, it's one of the best schools in the country. Some of the smartest. Like this engineering fucking egghead school, right? But I went up to University of Minnesota. It's like all fucking brick. I mean what I saw of it was, was incredible. And I always had that thought like why didn't I study? It wasn't that hard. I was such a fucking pussy. I was such a baby. Couple thought, oh, I don't like this subject. And just. Yeah, they're just get through it, you

Bill Burr

know what I mean?

Bobby Lee

I didn't like doing hell rooms either, but I. I had to do them to get to do a gig at University of Minnesota. I stuck with that. Right, Hang on. Sorry. I. Forgive me.

Bill Burr

Sorry.

Bobby Lee

It's going to be a lot of that. I'll hit pause next time, you know, look, some of the math I get, you know, because I gotta be honest with you, like I was cool right up until algebra. If I wasn't such a fucking class clown and a jerk off, I wouldn't had to go to summer school after algebra because it wasn't that bad if I applied myself. Geometry, I don't even know what, I don't. I don't even know what the fuck was going on. It was like these conspiracy theories about shapes. Not conspiracy. They were proven like the NBA's fix was proven when they had that mobbed up ref. And of course they blame it on one guy. They always blame it on one guy. I don't know how long people will sit there and watch the NBA. I'm not saying all the games are fixed. I'm just saying no other sport is it finessed the way that sport is finessed to make sure they have these matchups that are going to get ratings. And it all goes back to fucking Larry Bird and Magic Johnson. I'm convinced of it. They're still fucking terrified because they almost went out of business in the late 70s. Our ratings were way down, you know, but they all do it like during the steroid era, you think the fucking owners in baseball, like they didn't know what the players were doing. Baseball was in a bad way. They canceled the World Series. Cal Ripken breaking Lou Gehrig's record was all they fucking had. They juice up the ball, they make the ballpark smaller. These fucking guys are going up there looking like the dad and the Incredibles, you know, fucking skinny legs and giant upper bodies just driving shit over the out of the friggin ballparks. They knew what was going on. And then all of a sudden the shit hits the Fan. And not one owner got asked a question. They all had no idea. He had no idea. You're in the business, right? I do stand up comedy. I know who some of the up and coming funny people are. I hear who's stealing jokes. I hear who's gonna be the next fucking whatever. I hear who's maybe fucking partying too much.

Bill Burr

You're in it,

Bobby Lee

you know, it's what you do. Fucking lumberjacks. They know who's jerking off behind a redwood. I mean, they're in the fucking business. So baseball was finessed that way, I believe. Right. Football, what they did was they just, you know, they weren't satisfied with their fan base and they just kept every fucking rule ended up being for the offense to the point it was borderline illegal to, you know, to fucking cover a receiver. Now everybody's out there putting up Dan Marino numbers, which is fucking ridiculous. Dan Marino, Dan Fouths, those guys played back when you could borderline murder somebody, stick them and all of that shit. I remember one year, that year, Drew Brees, I can't forget what he threw for, but it was just like there was like seven people on pace to break Dan Marino's record. Maybe not seven. It was probably four

Andrew Santino

in.

Bobby Lee

In one season. So it's finessed that fucking way, right? Hockey, I, you just. I don't know what they're doing. They just, they finally got it right. They finally got it right with Nashville and Vegas and now they're going to Seattle. I think they're finally going to take a turn. And my only concern is that it's going to become immensely popular, which is really a pipe dream. But if it becomes immensely. The reason why hockey is still fucking great is because it is sort of the Jan Brady, the middle kid. Like nobody's fucking paying attention to it. So you meet the players, they're all cool. They're fucking down to earth. You know what I mean? I don't know. Sorry. I haven't even taken any cold medication. This is just literally my intellect. So I can't blame anything here but basketball, I swear to God. Like the Celtics are coming on, right? And the Lakers suck. And I remember thinking, as a fan, this sucks. We're gonna be good. And they suck. It's like if the Red Sox are good and the Yankees suck or vice versa, it's not fun, right? And all of a sudden LeBron is gonna move and where does he go to the fucking Lakers. And next year there's gonna be a bunch of free agents and the Lakers will stock up and I guarantee we're going to go into the finals, it's going to be fucking Lakers, Celtics, you know, if anybody can get past that juggernaut of, of Golden State. But like, I don't know, I think it's all, it's definitely finessed like, like a boxing promoter putting together matches. Like the fact that they let Kevin Durant go to the Golden State warriors and the last two seasons have been an absolute fucking story news fest. It's like they, you knew they were going to win it the second he went there and they did. You knew they were going to go back to back and they did. You know what they doing in Golden State is, is like what the Yankees did in the early 2000s. And the height of them buying championships was when they got a Rod. Anything post 1998. Because I love that Yankee team. I don't love the Yankees, but I love that team. But 99, 2000, the Clemens, all of that bullshit was all those pile on championships. And then the Red Sox were like, well, what the fuck, you know, we're in the middle of a 90 year drought, 86 year drought here. This is, this is the game, we got to play this game. And this is the thing, we haven't stopped playing that game. I mean, nobody could be as bad as the fucking Yankees. I mean, remember they had fucking Giambi and a Rod and Jeter in their fucking infield. It's ridiculous. They had two of the best shortstops in the league in their infield, one agreeing to play third base. It was fucking nuts. Yeah, I mean, whatever. So anyways, so LeBron is a Laker and I guess I'm going to get my wish that they're going to be in the finals, hopefully against us. I mean, that's who I want to play and beat. And I like our coach better. You know, I know that they're going to go out and get a zillion guys because everybody in the NBA wants to play in la. Not because, you know, partially because they love the Lakers. But who doesn't want to fuck a famous broad, right? Who doesn't want fucking 75, 80 degree weather year round? I've said this forever. What do you want to do? You want to go to Boston racist Boston and deal with the winter in fucking sixes and sevens? Or do you want to come to racist la, bang supermodels and go to the beach whenever the Fuck you want? 12 months of the year, we can't compete with it. Mean the uniform literally looks like sunshine. Hey, speaking of that when I was in Minneapolis, I went by that fucking Arbery. I look like an old fucking, like, hockey stadium. And I would have thought it was the North Star's old place had I not known that it used. It's where the Mall of America is now. That wasn't a fucking red flag. Yeah, we're getting rid of the hockey team and we're putting the biggest fucking mall ever. I still don't understand how that fucking thing stays open, you know? How do you fucking. You know what the Mall of America is like? It's like having a TV show now. It's just so many of them. Let me tell you a time I was talking to another comedian and I told her how much I liked her show, and she was saying thanks, and we were talking for five minutes before she realized I was talking about another show that she had that just got canceled. And she was talking about a different TV show that I didn't even know. She had two television shows and I had no fucking idea. Anyways, so I went by the Armory thing there, and I saw Jennifer Lopez played there during the Super Bowl. I guess they redid it. But the coolest fucking thing ever about that venue is that's where the Minneapolis Lakers with George Mikin won their first four NBA championships. And that. That BAA championship that the Lakers still call an NBA championship, which is fucking hilarious. They somehow won one, all right. Before the NBA existed. But anyways, I really wanted to go in there and take a fucking tour of it, so. So there we go. I know a lot of you guys are expecting me to flip out. That fucking LeBron went to. I don't give a shit. I like who. Oh, thank you. How are you, lovely Nia? Thumbs up. You hear nothing. Feel a little run down. You feel run down? I didn't give it to you, did I? I didn't get get you sick, did I?

Bill Burr

I don't know.

Bobby Lee

I don't think so. I just feel run down. All right, so I don't know. Get some food. Okay. Thanks for taking her this morning. Okay, Bye. Bye. Yeah, my wife was sick too. You know, I was also sick, but, you know, my wife was also kind of sick, but I was really sick. So you know what was gonna happen, right? She's gonna sleep in and I'm gonna handle the kid. That's just how it works. Tablet where you want to keep peace in the house. That's how it works. You just fucking you baby the shit out of them. You know, I would love to say that I'll be Able to remember that for the next argument. So I can be like, whoa, what about the fucking time I was sicker than you and I had to fucking watch your daughter for the whole. I won't remember it. I don't have that ability, you know, you. You were the woman. They're like Matlock, you know, can start pulling. I never even watched that show, you know, But I imagine he was pulling up cases from the past. I have no idea, you know, what I did last night. I was on and I couldn't get the sleep. I was on the Internet there, and I was seeing. Watching all this on Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, just how big and how famous they got and everything. And after they broke up, Dean Martin, in about 1958, got in the restaurant business and he opened up Dino's Lodge, which was basically just west of La Cienega on Sunset, just south. Now there's this giant fucking complex there, but it's long gone. I mean, they knocked it down in the 80s, but he got involved in there. They put his big head there, Dino's Lounge. And he went down there, and it was a really hip place to go to at first. Late 50s. I mean, Dean's. Dean. And he would actually go down there, you know, get the restaurant going. Starstruck patrons. He's signing autographs and all that shit. And do, you know, like, fucking two, three. Later, Jerry Lewis opened a competing restaurant down the street. This is how bad it got. He opened a competing one and then stole Dean Martin's business partner to open that one. And then he had an even bigger picture of himself on the restaurant. And it was on a pole, like a hundred feet in the air. And it wasn't stationary, it was revolving. So I guess Dean ended up saying, all right, man, fuck this shit. And he got it because he's cool. He said, fuck this. He got out of the restaurant business. And then he had to sue them to get his name taken off in the image. And he couldn't get it taken off. And his face stayed on that restaurant until, like, the fucking 80s, like I said, when they finally took it down. But anyways, I just can't imagine that it got that bad. Which, of course, led to me to the 1976 reunion that they had on the Jerry Lewis Telethon, when Jerry had no idea Dean was coming out and Frank brought him out. That was cool, watching him hugging all of that shit, you know what I mean? Stupid fucking falling out stuff. But I just thought was funny at the height. At the fucking height of them hating Each other. They had competing fucking restaurants. How. Not two comedians. You know, I just picture him acting like De Niro and Casino, counting the fucking blueberries in the muffin, freaking out, doing that crazy Jerry Lewis voice, saying how Dino has more blueberries in his muffin. And this is fucking unacceptable. Anyways, plowing ahead here. Oh, Billy is fucking gonna hang around the house here and get over this shit. I actually feel a thousand times better than I felt yesterday. I just need to walk around. There's that weird thing, you know, when you get sick, where you're supposed to lay around and relax and, you know, eat, you know, why is it? Eat soup? You know what I mean? You slurp it, right? It's one of those hybrid things. It's almost a gas. It's not a liquid. It's not a solid, you know, it is a liquid and it's a solid. That's what it is. It's like a super group of food. No, it isn't, Bill. It's like cereal. If you heated it up, where do you put that? You know? Do you know what I saw when I was on the road? I actually saw Pringles potato chips, and they had dill flavor, and I love fucking dill pickles, and I love Pringles potato chips. And those two came together, and I couldn't get myself to do it because it just. It was coming across like it was going to be like a super group, you know? Like, what if we took fucking Robert Plant and fucking stuck him with Keith Moon? Remember? They would do shit like that. And then it's just. And then it just never sounded good because the vibe wasn't there. I'm just so worried that that's what it's gonna be, and on some level, like, you know, it's gonna ruin my enjoyment of original Pringles and dill pickles. You know what I love about Pringles? They taste delicious. And I'm a bit of a neat freak. Although my office is a fucking mess right now. You know, I hate fucking dishes in the sink the next morning. It, like, depresses me. I fucking knock them out, you know? I'm basically an incredible father and husband is what I'm telling you. That's my version of it. That's my version of the story. Eventually we'll have Nia on here when she's feeling better, and then she'll probably tell you the truth that I'm a fucking asshole over there. Did anybody watch the fucking Austrian Formula one race? That is my favorite fucking Formula one. Race that I've been. That I've ever watched, and I've only watched since Monaco 2016, and I've missed a few here or there. Absolutely loved that fucking race. I'm a huge fan of Max Verstappen. I feel like he's the next guy. Him and Daniel Ricardo, right? And Daniel Ricardo is going to fucking leave Red Bull. I don't know where he's gonna go. Ferrari. I don't know if there's room in the Mercedes team. I have no fucking idea. But it was just like the top two guys. What's his face? Max Verstappen and Kimmy Raken. And they're fucking hilarious. Their press conferences are hilarious. They're after. They just. They don't give a shit. You know, they just. They have like that comics, comic vibe about them. Like, I know when I was talking about the last time Sebastian Vettel had banged into a couple people and Max Verstappen during the. After the press conference, he goes, you guys should tell him he should change his style of driving, you know, because they had said that to him. And then to him, Max, earlier in the season. Then he goes, and then fucking Sebastian should continue to drive exactly the way he's driving, because that. I haven't changed anything. And now you guys aren't shitting on me because I'm winning, by the way. And then the United States, the Haas team came in fifth and sixth. That's like our highest place ever. Was it fourth and fifth or fifth and sixth? It might have been fourth or fifth. I got to look it up here. I can't remember. But Mercedes, though. Oh, my God. They had a brutal day. A brutal day. That sucks. Because I wanted. You always want to see, like a close race at the end, but I gotta be. I'm a little jaded with this sport where I was just, you know, after the first turn, which was. And it was a fucking incredible start to the race. And I remember when Lewis Hamilton got into first place. After the first turn, I go, it's over. He's gonna win it. He's gonna win it. But the track was so fucking hot, the tires started to blister. Some bullshit happened. I don't know what. And what's his face. No, we came in fourth and fifth. Grosian and Magnuson, fourth and fifth. The hosting. I don't know what happened. Somebody was going too slow or something. It caused Lewis Hamilton to have to slow down. And then he got passed and then he had to go into the. The pits or. So he had to do one extra pit stop is what happened and that him. But that guy's such a good driver. Even in the end the other guy's tires were starting to blister up and he was, she was just right fucking there. And then all the drama went out when he, his car shit the bed and I believe Valtteri Bottas had some sort of gearbox failure but, and also what's his face, Daniel Ricardo. His, his fucking car shit the bed too. He's been having a rough go of it but I just liked it because it, it just put different people in the lead that I haven't seen. I know Max Verstappen has done well over the last few, but it was, it was just fun to watch all of that shit and then watch Lewis Hamilton having like the fastest lap of the race, trying to catch up like Bill Elliott back in the day in the star car races and then unfortunately his car shit to bed. But here's the big thing was he was up 14 points, Lewis Hamilton over Sebastian Vettel. Vettel came in third and I believe you get 15 points and Lewis Hamilton got no points. So now Vettel is leapfrogged past him and he's up one point because I was hoping he wasn't going to slowly fucking pull away. I think they race again next week in Great Britain and then they might be on their break, their summer break and then they'll be neck and neck for the rest of the year so Ferrari can fucking hang in there. It should be exciting right through Brazil and on into November where they, what do they always end up? Said Dubai, I can't fucking remember. So anyways, very fucking excited about that race. I mean it sucked, you know, that Mercedes got knocked out and also Daniel Ricardo, but it was just fun to see some new blood up there. And then, you know, watching Lewis Hamilton putting on a fucking show as he was dealing with the, with his tires literally falling apart. Anyways, when I was, when I was in, also when I was in Minneapolis, I forgot to tell you, I was going to try a different place to get a juicy Lucy. Last time I went to Matt's bar and I got this fucking Uber driver, it's hilarious, this Indian guy and there's a lot of construction going on downtown in Minneapolis and it said he was five minutes away for 15 minutes. He finally pulls up and this dude was like the fucking old Indian version of me, like he was like snapping on me because he was mad about construction, but I understood it because like it took me a minute to figure Out. Like, why is this guy yelling at me? I go, I want to go to whatever the fuck it was. The Five Eight Club. I was gonna try that one next, right? And he goes, I need an address. Immediately. Yelling at me. I go, all right, dude, relax. No, you can't just say the name of the place. I need an address. I was like, dude, stop yelling at me. He goes, I'm not yelling. I go, you're. Yes, you are. You're yelling. And then Virsey gets in the car. He's looking at me. I'm like, dude, this guy's fucking. You know, this guy's yelling at me. And he goes, I need an address. And I'm like, well, the name of the place is the Five Eight Club. Put it in your phone, you fucking cunt. Right? So now I went to his energy, but fortunately, I've been really working on it, and I brought it back down again, and I was just like, hey, all right. You know, like, I understand this traffic here, right? And then he was trying to smile his way through it, realizing he went too fucking nuts. I think I gave him the wrong address. He ended up taking us to Matt's Bar. So now it's, like, really tense. Bartnik's riding in the front seat, and this fucking guy's. It looks like we're with our fucking angry grandfather. We're all trying to be on our best behavior. So Bartnik tries to lighten the mood. We see this fat chick on a bicycle, you know, and she was at a dead stop, and now she's trying to get it going. So it's just like, you know, it's precarious when you start off a bike if you're not pedaling fast enough, especially when you're carrying that kind of weight. And Barney was like, jesus Christ, look at her, man. He goes, they don't have asses like that in India, do they? He's like, maybe on an elephant, right? And the guy started laughing. I was just like, yeah, there'd be a fucking sacred cow over there. And we just fucking broke the ice. We broke the ice by making fun of a fat chick and bringing up stereotypical shit from that guy's culture. That's how we did it. And then he pulled up. He ended up pulling up to Matt's bar instead of the Five Eight Club. And I was like, oh, this isn't where I wanted to go. And he kind of looked at me. I was just like, dude, forget it. It's all right. It's fine. I don't get Yelled at again. I was literally like a battered wife at that point. Like, okay, bye, Dad. I love you. Just fucking drove off. All right, let me read. Let me read a little bit of. And by the way, it was delicious. And they have. They got Miller High Life in a bottle there. You know, the dangerous thing about a Miller High Life is there's just something about the bottle. It feels like it's 8 ounces. It just doesn't feel like it's 12 ounces of beer. And they just. They just go down so easy, you know. And I had a show that night, so, you know, ended up having. I think we had like two. And the waitress was cool, you know, she was asking us about the show. We ended up hooking her up. And then she gave us some fucking hats and shit, man. It was really just. It was fucking Minneapolis. It's awesome. The people up there are awesome. And then I go to Detroit, you know, they're great. And I actually was actually like. Because I just literally landed, went to the hotel and then went out and did the show. So I was doing my typical Detroit material about how white people, you know, drive 100 miles an hour into the Tigers game and after the, you know, and then drive back out because it's so up in the downtown area. And I knew it was making a comeback. Every time I go there, it's a little bit nicer. But, dude, it's like, those jokes are over now. I walked out after my show at about 10:30 at night, and I saw a white guy, a white kid on a bicycle with a backpack, riding down the street, not even nervous. And I was just like, like, it's. It's in a real estate sense. It's too late to buy there. You're already going to be paying like fucking top shelf prices. If the neighborhood got to the point where a white guy will ride down the street late at night, you know, with a backpack on, you know, he wasn't like a. You know, he wasn't like 8 mile Eminem White guy. He was a white guy like me, you know, a suburban. A suburban night. A non dancing suburban white kid. So anyways, they had like a John Varvatos downtown. It was fucking ridiculous. I remember years ago, I was telling Virsey going, dude, I'm gonna buy some property here. This place is gonna fucking blow up because you're out of your mind. I was just like, dude, it's a. No, it's here. It's just. What? I saw this happen in Pittsburgh. I saw this happen in Cleveland. I Just didn't have fucking money at the time because I was fucking putting it in this goddamn, you know, fucking money pit of a house that I bought. It's a nice house now, it's a nice house now, but I. This is literally body off restoration. I had to do this fucking house. Sorry. Anyways, and I remember seeing on the Anthony Bourdain show, parts unknown, rest his soul, I saw a guy, he bought a skyscraper there for 5 million bucks. And I was thinking, if there was any way you could scrape together 5 million bucks and then renovate it, which I don't know what that would cost, another 50, 45. And if you could just sit on that, I mean, there's no way that it's a skyscraper. When that city makes a comeback, that thing, you know, say you 60 million in it, it's gonna be worth a quarter of a billion dollars. And you know who fucking did all that shit?

Andrew Santino

The.

Bobby Lee

The owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. He went down there and he bought a bunch of fucking buildings, redid them, had made the office space cheap and he filled them up with these Internet companies and made me feel good that I was going to make the same move that a billionaire fucking owner of a basketball team was going to make. I just didn't have the fucking money anyways. But I'm very, very happy for that city, as I was for Cleveland, as I am for Pittsburgh and all that shit. Cuz there's such great cities. Buffalo, Baltimore, all of those cities going right through there. Dayton, I love all of those fucking cities. And they. And all they need is just people to fucking invest in them, you know what I mean? I'll tell you, when we're done freeing the Iraqis, we ought to come back here and try to help out some of these fucking cities, get them going again, start building shit, you know, If I was running shit, I'd have these fucking hipsters, right? I would just have them like, what are you into right now? What are you gonna bring back from the past? And do it in some artisan fucking way. And you know, you just, you know, give a break on factories and shit, just start making stuff here again, you know? Say what you want about hipsters, they like a lot of cool stuff. They're just insufferable to talk to. All right, the black box. Oh, sorry, the black tux. I don't know if that was from watching too much porn or having a pilot's license. You ever think why the people at the top are not concerned about the environment, generally speaking, and how they're content to just fucking use up all the oil, kill as many people as they need to kill to get the fucking oil, you know, pollute the air as much as they can, throw it in the fucking rivers.

Bill Burr

Why?

Bobby Lee

They don't give a shit. You know, I was just thinking, I think it's because we're all, you know, all us regular people are going to get replaced by robots, you know what I mean? They'll have robot comedians, you know, robot fucking whores, whatever the hell you want to, you know, I don't know. Kind of ran out of jobs there, but you know what I mean? And then they're still going to live and they're going to be that upper 1%, and they're going to have like, just like essentially an entire population that never complains, is totally into what the fuck they're doing. I think they'll keep a group of people, human beings, as slaves, and their job will be to fuck and make more people so that these older fucking rich 1 percenters can harvest their organs and live forever. That's what I think. Those are the kinds of things that I think when I'm alone. And you got to figure the first time you kill somebody for your organs, you're just going to do that forever. Because it's like, well, I don't think if there's a higher power, I don't think I want to meet him or her with, with that on the resume, you know, God just sitting across to you. Oh, you were busy sitting there, shifting in that fucking chair. You just fucking know exactly what the fuck he's. You know exactly what he's talking about. Like, that one's gonna pop out and you got. Everybody's got probably that one thing except for truly good people, which I'm not, you know, like if I have, you know, when I die, if there is an afterlife, I feel like God's gonna, like, with you. Like, you sit across from him and he just looks down at your resume, right? Probably has like the half glasses, you know, sitting on the end of his almighty nose, eyebrows up and shit. And then he just kind of looks across and he's probably like, you want me to. You want. You want to tell me about this? You know, and then you're sitting there going, ah, fuck. What's he talking about? Is this a trick? Oh, shit. He can hear what I'm thinking. Don't think about all the shit you did. Billy's gonna know. It's gonna be such a mind fuck anyways. That's a weird fucking Topic, huh? Dying. Where the are all my. What the hell's all my shit? Oh, there it is. Trying to find all my fucking shit. I wanted to talk about Detroit's fucking gorgeous white dude on a bicycle. Too late to invest. See, that's what I do. I just write a couple of words. Oh, yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about. Anyways, so I'm so psyched to be back out here in Los Angeles. You know, when I was in Detroit, it's weird. When I was in Minneapolis, I ordered what they were known for, which is the Juicy Lucy, which is a fucking incredible. Like the one at Matt's bar. They got this nice ch Char on it. Then they got the cheese, of course, in the middle, and it's molten hot, so you got to be careful. Nibble, nibble around the outside. And so it was. It was delicious. And. And the beer was ice cold. It was great. It made me wish I didn't have a show that night. I was like, I. I think I want another one of these, and I want to sit here and just watch a game, you know, and. But then I went to Detroit

Andrew Santino

and,

Bobby Lee

you know, I ordered tacos. Stupid move. I mean, they were good, but they weren't. But, you know, they're not. La La Nose is known for tacos. San Francisco is known for burritos, and I'm known for being pasty. Oh, let's talk World cup, shall we? Let's see what's going on in the FIFA World Cup. I watched a couple of games. I can't even tell you who the fuck I saw. I did see the highlights. The one I wanted to watch was Brazil in Mexico. You know what I mean? I mean, that was just the fucking soccer supernova as far as I was concerned. How about Russia beating Spain? That was like their fucking Lake Placid moment, you know? And I was sitting there immediately going like, oh, this is gonna be weird, as Russia keeps moving along. You know, you watch. America is gonna be a bunch of babies about it, you know, because everybody's already saying that they kind of fucked with our election or whatever. And, you know, the first election, now the World cup, they don't, like, we give a shit. What game did I watch? I watched the Dutch people play. I can't remember, but the other people won some of the best goaltending I've seen in soccer ever. The game starts. First of all, the Dutch guys, right? I was a Denmark.

Bill Burr

Denmark, right?

Bobby Lee

They Denmark Dutch people. Is that the Netherlands? I don't know. I'm An American. They don't talk about the rest of the world, okay? They talk about the fucking white people that started this country. That's what gets driven into your fucking skull. So the Denmark scores a goal, like, 40 seconds in or a minute in or something like that. And then, like, 45 seconds later, the other guys score. The guys who won. I can't remember. Croatia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Romania. I don't know who the fuck it was. They score. I'm like, oh, my God, this is finally my dream game. Minute and a half in, there's already been two goals. This is some American can appreciate. And then there wasn't another goal for, like, another hour and a half. But I do have to say the goaltending was incredible, all right? And that guy with this fucking golden fucking locks there, go, come head for fucking Denmark was incredible. And then the other guy was just a fucking lunatic. One of those guys, you could tell he can't shut it off after the game. And they would just guess and write. They dive, and then the guy would shoot it to the middle, and he fucking get his foot out while he was diving the other way. Oh, and whenever you miss a penalty kick, like, as the shooter, whatever you. You call them, right, they. You know that they're. They're just thinking like, oh, God, I'm gonna get. I'm never gonna hear the end of this when I go back to my country. I'm never gonna hear the end of this, you know, unless somebody steps up and saves my ass. So I did see that game. I did see the Brazil game with that Ronaldo guy. Oh, my God. I thought for a half a second he was literally on fire. You know, like when Will Ferrell was running around in Ricky Bobby with the invisible flames, he was tearing off all his clothes. I thought that that's what was happening. I mean, I know the guy. It definitely should have been a penalty. It was a piece of shit move. The guy stepped on him. He raked his fucking cleat right across his ankle. I imagine it smarted, but. But. Jesus Christ, that was like silent film acting. But anyways, I guess Brazil won two to nothing, and we're getting down to it. So I imagine France or England was playing today, right? No, France is going to play. They're already in. Like, they're already in. Why don't I look it up? FIFA World cup standings, and then you got to fight through all these CBS Sports cunts that don't fucking have it. I want the grid. I want the bracket. Give me the bracket. World cup bracket. CBS Sports. You gonna fuck me again? CBS Sports. Come on. Slowly opening. This fucking website sucks. It keeps saying brackets. It doesn't have the bracket. Where's the bracket? There's nothing I can click on. Schedule the standings. All right, who the playing today? World cup schedule. I'm clicking you. Russia, 2018 schedule. Oh my God. I found the bracket. All right. Oh, I watched the Uruguay. I always thought it was Uruguay. Uruguay beat Portugal. I watched that game. Shut up. I watched Croatia beat Denmark. I guess Sweden beat Switzerland. For the love of. I don't know why. The abbreviation for their country is sui. There's no U in Switzerland. Why wouldn't it be W? Is that too close to Sweden? Brazil is playing Belgium. All right, so the last person who has to get in is. Is England is playing Columbia. When the fuck is that game? I gotta take that one. Then they get into the quarterfinals and then there's the semis and then there's a final game. Fucking goes by so fast. So one, two, there's three, basically three more rounds and I'm gonna watch it for once. I don't think I've watched a final since that guy from Italy missed that penalty shot. You know, And I remember when I was a kid, way back in the 80s, Diego Maradona, the Hand of God and all of that shit. But other than that, I remember also it was in the. Wasn't it in the US in like 94 and like 30Americans showed up, but it's still sold out because everybody around the world was like so excited. Like, oh my God, it's gonna be so easy to get tickets. Let's go. All right, let's read some, some of the fucking questions here for the week. Was there really need to swear right there? All right, where are we?

Bill Burr

Sweden.

Bobby Lee

Oh, speaking of that, please come to Sweden. Last time you were here I was a little kid and it didn't know about you, but I really like your podcast and your stand up is amazing. Isn't that like how young that person is? I haven't been there in about five years, you know, so what are you, like 15? You're probably still already like 5, 11. Those super tall kids. I'm putting together an Eastern European tour, by the way, hopefully for the beginning part of next year. I'm teasing. That, that that's what's going to be happening. I'm going to a bunch of countries that I've never been to before. But I know I have to get back to Sweden. I haven't been there in way too, way too Long. So I will definitely get back there. All right, thank you for the compliments. My podcast and my stand up. Can a comic cover a comedic bit like a musician? No, they can't. They can't. Unless he tells everybody. You remember that Cosby bit? You remember that prior bit? Dear Bill, one rant away from an aneurysm birth. I hate how true that is. Can I wannabe stand up? Oh, wannabe state. You're not an actual stand up comedian. Cover a comedic bit like a wannabe musician would cover a song. I'm not talking about a paid gig, just an open mic. No, don't do that, because you're already. You're. Even though you're not a pro because you're not getting paid.

Bill Burr

You are.

Bobby Lee

Yeah, don't do that. This is. There's no coffee house of stand up comedy. So if you're a professional like yourself and are putting on a special, it should be total original content. The thing is, not all of us are as funny as you, but we still want to make the world laugh and get a taste of the spotlight and maybe some groupie pussy too. Dude, if you think that you're going to go up on an open mic, I don't give a fuck if you kill with original material. When you get off stage, you. You still have to have game. That's the thing about being a comedian. As a fucking musician, you go up there and you start singing a song, it's fucking over. I mean, you can do that at a fucking coffee house singing other people's fucking songs, and it's just going to be raining. Fucking vagina Comedians. We can go up there for an hour, hour and a half with our own material, and you still have to work for it. You know, they want you to still be funny when you get off stage. Keep being funny, keeping. They don't want the other guy to fucking sing. He can sit there brooding, you know, smoking a cigarette. Anyways, now your initial response will probably be something along the lines, no, go write your own material, you lazy piece of shit. You call me illiterate? At least I can write my own jokes. Oh, you trying out material right now? I did my time in the nightclubs, bombing on stage and as a young skinny redhead. And you don't think I just wanted to go out there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Go fuck yourself, you lazy. The thing is, I don't strive to be a professional comedian as engineering pays a lot better and writing my own jokes seems like too much work. Dude, I really don't Give a shit about you right now. You know what I mean? Hey, man, like I, you know, I mean, I just want to go fucking play once one down of professional football without getting hit. Yeah, fuck yourself. I just want to go on stage and give the illusion that I'm funny so maybe a girl will think I actually have a personality. Want to fuck me? Oh, now we're getting to it. Now we're getting to it. All right, so you're an engineer, you're probably introverted, you're super smart, but you don't have anything going on with the ladies. So right now you're thinking like, so you, oh, that's funny. And then you think that funny guys, that comedians get a ton of ass. I'm not saying there aren't guys out there that do, but they work. It's fucking. Or unless you know, you're fucking ridiculously good looking, but like, it's fucking work if it is. Oh, no. If you're extended comedian, you kind of have like that slumber vibe, slumber party vibe energy. Like, oh my God, you guys, it's weird. It's like effeminate. You know, if you almost. It's just a weird thing about women. If you give off an effeminate energy, you're actually going to get more ass than a, A guy or I guess a guy vibe. You know what I mean? I mean, look at David Bowie. The guy was walking around wearing dresses. There was just women with. Prince was wearing high heel shoes. His whole, they, they. It was like the Locusts, except it was all vaginas flying at those guys. So maybe that's what you need to do rather than, rather than steal from comedians. I would steal from Prince and David Bowie and I would think that you guys are all down there, everybody's wearing like the fucking white lab coat. If you added a little bit of flair, a feminine flair to your scientific, your scientist coat, who knows, go to work, design a bridge while wearing some Prince high heeled boots. I'm telling you, you're, you're automatically. You're going to be fucking interesting. All right, let me keep reading here. I just want to go on stage because I look at it like it's a scientific report. It's not plagiarism as long as you cite where you got the information from. So if at the beginning of the set I said something like most essays I wrote in college, this set is completely plagiarized. That's a funny joke, sir. Consisting of ideas from people much smarter than me. And the only original thing I have to say is this opening line and some asshole somewhere else has probably already said this too. Or at the end of the set I say, thanks for listening. If you want to see those jokes, they're actually supposed to be performed. How those jokes are actually supposed to be formed. Go check out Bill Burr. Dude, you're. You're cutting yourself short. You're actually a funny guy youy're just lazy youy could actually use that opener and then go into one of the oldest jokes of all time. You know, one of those fucking. One of firemen's wearing red suspenders and be like, I'm just fucking with you. And then to just talk about being a fucking engineer and how you got no game with women. You only have to be up there for five minutes. All right, do that. I actually think you want to fucking do this. And I also think you're funny from that first line. All right, so those are your two options. All right, if. Yeah. Sincerely, from an unoriginal fan from the great white north. You're funny. You're self deprecating. You got enough here that it's not crazy to me that you would go up and do an open mic. But, you know, it's the laziness factor that you just want to go up there and do other people's shit. But I understand. I remember the first time I sat down to write, like, okay, I'm gonna write jokes. It's the weirdest feeling ever. It's like, how do you do this? Like, what do I even fucking. What am I gonna talk about? How do I connect one idea to another? You're not supposed to know. All right, so just open with that line. Talk about your life. You know, who gives a fuck if you bail after three minutes? That's what I did. I didn't even get through the five minutes. Look at me, telling dick jokes all across the land. All right, but you're not gonna get respect from other comics. Other open micrs going up there doing other people's fucking material, and you will immediately be branded a thief. Watch out for this guy. And there'll be a bunch of open micrs who are severely insecure and they're gonna need a target to fucking focus their awful childhoods on. And that's gonna be you. So I would open with that joke. I would close with what the fuck you said I wouldn't do other people's material. I talk about my life and when you're at work, you know, whatever, put a boa on or some try to be interesting. And bag one of the egg hag chicks you work with. You know, you guys can't go see Star wars or something? I don't know. Good luck to you. All right, everybody, I'll check in on you on Thursday. Have a great couple of days. Suckers. Go your. I'm leaving town. I'm leaving town for sure. Well, then you won't be bothered.

Andrew Santino

Thank you. What do you know?

Bill Burr

Hey, I'm Andrew Santino.

Bobby Lee

And I'm Bobby Lee.

Bill Burr

And we made something completely insane. We took celebrities, we put them in my mom's basement, we throw trivia at them, we hit them with absurd challenges. And then, just when they think they know what's happening, we blow the whole tanga pot.

Andrew Santino

Nobody knows the rules.

Bobby Lee

We barely know the rules.

Bill Burr

It's chaos. It's comedy. It's the bad Game show. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Watch on the Bad Friends YouTube channel or on the Bad Game show feed on Spotify Video. Follow, subscribe, watch, share, play along, have fun.