Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

Sorry.

Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

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Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

There.

Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

up to 50% off their subscribe and save deal. And if you don't love it, you get your money back. Well, are you gonna about. @meundies.com Burr promo code burr. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. Oh, what's going on, man? How are you? We're into July. We're into July. Dog days of baseball.

Bobby Lee

Getting into, I guess before the all star break is not dog days, but we're coming up on it. I got the Sox game on in the background.

Bill Burr

Big body Bennett, six foot seven on the mound, up five nothing, dude. Bottom of the fifth in the beautiful city of Chicago. Used to call it second city till a guy named Michael Jordan came along. Scottie Pippen, the guy who whistles with his fingers, right? The other guy, what's his fucking name? Phil Jackson. Triangle offense.

Bobby Lee

I'm actually gonna be there at the Chicago theater. I was telling you guys, rather than doing like one big show, I'm gonna

Bill Burr

do like three at a cooler place.

Bobby Lee

You know,

Bill Burr

everybody wins. You know, I get to do more shows.

Bobby Lee

I, I don't mind.

Andrew Santino

I get to hang in these great

Bill Burr

cities and I fucking, you know, I don't have to pay to rent an arena. Hey, cheap. Okay, baby.

Bobby Lee

All right, so I'm gonna be at

Bill Burr

the Chicago theater, man, which for my money, in the United States, it's, it's the best, it's the best marquee in

Bobby Lee

the, in, in, in show business. I mean, it's, it's, it's fucking incredible. They used to show it all the time too. Whenever they'd have the NBA on cbs, they would always show, you know, they'd show the Chicago river, you know, the one that they dye green or whatever, the Sears Tower. And then they would always show the marquee. I always loved that. So first time I ever played it, I played it with Jim Norton, Jim Brewer, the Two Gyms of Comedy, and Dave Attell on the Anti Social Network tour. And I remember that show specifically because it was so amazing to be there. And then secondly, that was the night that the Boston Bruins won the Stanley cup against Vancouver, the game seven. And I was upstairs. I still remember watching it as they were like, you know, you'd sit nail biting and it got down to like three minutes. I still remember I was upstairs

Andrew Santino

in

Bobby Lee

my little green room and I just went, oh my God, they're gonna do it. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that we were gonna see them. It's the coolest thing ever to see your team hoist the Stanley Cup. Like, we finally got the thing. So anyway, speaking of dates, all right, I have had a show get moved out of Reno. There was just some sort of bullshit about whatever other show I had was too close, somebody got upset, so we had to move it somewhere else. So I got moved over to Temecula July 31st. I'm gonna be bringing my new hour and 15 minutes out there, which I'm really loving. I actually thought like today of a couple more new ones that I'm gonna try this week, which, you know, I'm really excited because I don't have anything going on right now other than my stand. I mean, I'm writing some, right? But I don't have anything going on. I'm just a stand up comic. I'm on the other side of that acting gig, which I could not have Had a better time doing. But you know, that is like, you know, it's a lot, you know, it's a lot. The travel, the work and all of that. So, you know, when you get on the other side of something big like that, all of a sudden you just feel like, you know, like a battleship is off your back, you know. So I just feel. Feeling silly, light and funny. So I'm really looking forward to these shows. So I'm home for the rest of the month, but the end of the month I'm doing a run out. I got whatever, like Palm Desert and then I'm up in wine country. Then I think I go over to Temecula and then I go to Las Vegas and I do a show out there. So this is going to be a really fun run anyway with that.

Bill Burr

Oh, World Cup Billy. Oh, flat foot freckles here. I've been watching,

Bobby Lee

been watching the soccer as US Yanks call it and you

Bill Burr

know, proud of the US Team that

Bobby Lee

we made it to, what, the round

Bill Burr

of 32, round of 16, whatever we

Bobby Lee

made it to, you know, obviously did not have a good game. It was just, you know, we just got our asses kicked. But what are you gonna do? I do have a question for Belgium. Who came up with the flag first, you or Germany? Because there's definitely some McDonald's, McDowell shit going on here.

Bill Burr

It's like und ve have it going this way und you have it going that way. Like, what is that? Like fraternal twins countries, you know. I know you're not friends with the

Bobby Lee

Germans as far as like World War II.

Bill Burr

That was battle of the Bulge. They came right through there as far as I know. Then I'm like, well, wait a minute. Was the Battle of the Bulge, was that the allied forces coming up from France and Germany came through Belgium and Luxembourg because, you know, we all Kindfield kind of have the same flags. Yeah.

Bobby Lee

I didn't know if it was some.

Bill Burr

Some like that. Right. I don't know. That is one of my things that

Bobby Lee

I sort of low key I'm into is the flags of countries. I think they're all really cool. And you know, my kids got like these little stickers books. And you just see how close. I'll tell you another one, real close is Iraq and Egypt. That's another one going this way, going that way. We got little three decorative things. You got only one. You know, speaking of Egypt, that game against Argentina, that was like watching a hockey game. You know, you're up 2 to nothing in soccer. That, that's like being up 21 nothing in American football. I. I don't know. Like, I was just like, this game is over, and then all of a sudden Argentina scores two goals within like, like two minutes and it's tied up. And then this guy hits it in with his head, and all of a sudden Egypt loses 3 to 2. I always get nervous for these teams when they blow leads because you hear

Bill Burr

all of these stories somebody was trying to tell me.

Bobby Lee

Uruguay one time

Bill Burr

when they lost, they didn't make it to the elimination part of the World cup and they canceled

Bobby Lee

their chartered plane, their team plane. They just canceled it and made the

Andrew Santino

players get their own fucking travel back.

Bill Burr

That's fucking. That's fucking unbelievable. So, you know, if you're up.

Bobby Lee

Oh, these umpires, I will say, are amazing.

Bill Burr

Red Sox just went. He's tagged him in the middle of his back. You'd think he would be safe with his arms. The guy just nailed it. He was out.

Bobby Lee

That was smooth. That was smooth. Hell of a throw by the Chicago White song catcher. Anyway.

Bill Burr

Yeah, so I always get nervous.

Bobby Lee

Like, it's one thing if it's like

Bill Burr

a tough game, but blah, blah, blah. Or you get like, if somebody misses a penalty,

Bobby Lee

that's the worst when they miss a penalty. Because that's one of those things where people in the crowd feel like, you know, dude, I could. I could have scored a goal on that one. It's like missing an extra point back in the day or missing a foul shot. That's actually one that the crowd can get on you because physically that's something that they could actually do. You know, obviously they don't add the pressure of a whole crowd watching. But, you know, everybody in the stands at a football game at some point has kicked the ball through the uprights or hit like a foul shot or whatever. So I always get nervous on, like, those penalty shots, like when they miss them. Especially do when they do that run and stop thing and then they. They kick it like a straight on, like, field goal kicker in the NFL. Like Auto. Not Auto. Graham. Who was the guy, the tog. What the was this? Almost said Derosa. Not the comedian Lou the Toe Groza. That's what it was. Anyway, whatever. I'm all over the map because I'm excited that I have, like, free time and I'm still trying to get tickets to that game on Friday. Jesus Christ. Do you want to go to a

Bill Burr

World cup game or do you want

Bobby Lee

to buy a lake house? I mean, I guess I kind of get it because the whole World wants to go, but Jesus fucking Christ,

Bill Burr

it's like three, four grand to sit in the upper deck.

Bobby Lee

Oh, Billy's trying to pull some strings there.

Bill Burr

I'm getting shut out. You know, I thought I had pull in this town.

Bobby Lee

You know, I. You know, somebody I know used. You know, the company they're with has. Has a box at Sofi Stadium. But FIFA's like, hey, you and your box, you're out of here. And they're like, well, wait a minute.

Bill Burr

Hey, you're out of here. So that. That was my hookup. I. I was pretty confident that I could get in.

Bobby Lee

But we'll see.

Bill Burr

We'll see if it works out. But if, you know, if it does. If it does, I'm gonna be all Billy, upper deck, unless I figure something out.

Bobby Lee

But whatever you can have. You can have worse problems.

Bill Burr

I was at the gym the last two days.

Andrew Santino

Beefcake. Beefcake.

Bobby Lee

I got this new leg workout that I'm really liking. You know, I combine the old with the new.

Bill Burr

You know, I watch the younger kids

Bobby Lee

there, seeing what they're doing, all of these exercises. I don't know what half of these things are, and so I. I try to replicate some of them, or if I see something on Instagram, I'll give it a shot. But I'm still like, you know, Billy, Nautilus, free weights, you know, doing what I can. Then. So I got to do cardio tomorrow. I'm just psyched to be back. It's a good. It's a good thing my kids are on vacation. Gonna be swimming and playing baseball and just hanging out. I got my son a donut the other day, and it just didn't work out. I couldn't get it in the morning, so I got him one.

Bill Burr

Nice fucking play

Andrew Santino

the hot corner.

Bobby Lee

Anyway, I. I get him a donut. By the time he, you know, came home with his mom, it was just, like, too late in the day. So we're like, you know, can't have sugar. You're gonna be up all night. And I go, you can have it tomorrow morning. And he goes, all right. And I. He goes, where are you gonna put it? And I just laugh. I go, I'm not gonna tell you. You're gonna sneak downstairs and go eat it. He goes, no, I'm not. I go, yeah, you are. He goes, no, I'm not.

Bill Burr

I go, all right, say you're not

Bobby Lee

going to go downstairs and eat the donut without smiling. And he couldn't do it, and I said I was going to hide it, and he Goes. I go, because I know you're going to eat it. And he goes. I go, aren't you? And he goes. And he went back and forth, and he finally admitted. He said, my mouth controls me. I thought it was so cute, and

Bill Burr

I thought it was so funny. And then in a way, I'm like, wait a minute, is he talking about addiction? It's fucking food in this country. You already got him addicted to sugar. It's like he doesn't want to do it.

Bobby Lee

He's doing it anyways, whatever.

Bill Burr

But, you know, he's a kid.

Bobby Lee

What am I gonna say, no to a donut? It's gonna happen anyway. Plowing ahead here. I'm gonna be doing some shows, so I stay sharp. I had a really good time, you know, the other night I went down to the Elation Theater again. Francisco Ramos put together this great benefit, try to help out the people of Venezuela. It's just fun. That was just such a great space. It's down on Riverside. I don't know if you guys ever get down that way. It's a great place to stay, see a show. And they always seem to have, like, really good shows, really good shoes. And other than that, you know, I gotta be honest with you, I kind of got nothing in a good way other than I was talking to my. My agent as far as, like, couple more cities I want to go to, because I haven't been really able to tour since 2024, like, really go out. Had to play last year, and then I wanted to be home with my family. And then I slowly got going this year, and then I had that acting gig I just got on the other side of. So I'm really psyched to. To get out there. And I appreciate all you guys. When you see, you know, what city I'm going to, you let me know what's up with the food and the coffee and all of that. But anyway, old Billy clean living. I was trying to lay off the coffee, but I got back here and I got back into my old habits, you know, I got the fucking espresso machine right there, and I couldn't lay off. I was trying to do the matcha thing. And I don't know, man, it's kind of hard to lay off a nice latte in the morning and just sit on your back porch, you know? I mean, how do you lay off there? I just.

Bill Burr

You know what it is?

Bobby Lee

It's. It's muscle memory or whatever. I just got to go out there with the glass of ice water or some orange Juice or something and just sort of create a new habit. And then I think, then I think I could do it. I don't know. I don't. I don't know.

Bill Burr

I don't, I don't. You know what?

Bobby Lee

I don't pretend to have the answers. I will tell you this though.

Bill Burr

I watched a couple of movies since I talked to you last.

Bobby Lee

I watched Straight Time again

Bill Burr

with

Bobby Lee

Dustin Hoffman, Harry Dean Stanton, Gary Busey and Teresa Russell, who kind of low key, steals the movie, I feel. And she's only like 2021. I think I already talked about this, but I'm going to talk about it again. You got to see it. It's on the Criterion Channel right now. Criterion Collection. It is a perfect movie. And I just love how everybody makes mistakes in that movie. Every single person makes mistakes that leads to consequences. It's really a fascinating fascinating movie. And

Bill Burr

as far as movies go like

Bobby Lee

that about like criminals and reality and that type of stuff from that era, that is definitely. It's in my top five as far is it's definitely one of the best movies of the decade, I think. And then I sort of stumbled upon this other one called Electra. Glide in Blue, I believe that's how what it was called, starring Robert Blake. Robert Blake, great at acting, bad boyfriend. You know, not so good as a boyfriend. But I. I watched that the other night and it is arguably the best looking movie I have seen in fucking forever. Yeah. Electric.

Bill Burr

Electric.

Bobby Lee

Glide in Blue, 1973. Robert Blake plays a motorcycle cop who is sick of riding the motorcycle and wants to become a detective. Shot in the deserts of Arizona. At least that's where the movie's supposed to take place. I don't know exactly where they shot it, but it is a gorgeous movie and it's really subtly. It's as club soda Kenny, because I told him to watch it because it has all these old police cars and stuff. He said it's sort of the anti Easy Rider. And I was like, how the. Did I not notice that? It's pretty heavy handed. That it is. But I also like that it's, you know, as much as it showed the other side of hippies, it also showed some good hippies and it showed some bad cops. They also showed some good cops.

Andrew Santino

So whatever.

Bobby Lee

It's kind of even handed. I would tell you, but it is a fucking masterpiece of a movie. It is absolutely gorgeous. And the DP on it's the same guy who did Fat City, which I really recommend was Stacy Keach and Jeff Bridges or. And he Also was the DP on Cool Hand Luke. Now, if you're a youngster and you haven't seen any of those movies, watch all those movies. They're fucking amazing. Amazing. By the way, a buddy of mine just got a pass to go into the parks. He's big, like into camping and like that. And Trump put his face on that, you know, which, whatever, that's what he wants to do. Cool beans. I don't give a. But like, is there a reason why he has to.

Bill Burr

What.

Andrew Santino

Who's he mean?

Bobby Lee

Mugging? Why does he like, you know, leaning down like a gorilla fist down on the desk, staring like, you better behave yourself or I'm going to fucking sue you. I just don't understand what all the scowling is about. I don't understand it.

Bill Burr

It's like, dude, you're president for the second time. Like, you made $2 billion in a year. Like, what is the fucking problem? I'm trying to think of a billionaire. The last time they actually looked at. I told you, it's Richard Branson. I think the Tesla guy and Trump, they should get like hot air balloons. I think that that's the. That's. That's what's fucking. Because then they can get the total like Yurtle the Turtle experience because they don't move fast. You're up above, you're looking down on everybody and you just feel like you're up there. You don't even feel like you're moving.

Bobby Lee

I will say, man, that as far as like aviation goes, you like the

Bill Burr

hot air balloon is like the smart

Bobby Lee

car to like a blimp.

Bill Burr

It's like a blimp smart car.

Bobby Lee

Like you're just looking at tinkle.

Bill Burr

Like all you need is some punk

Bobby Lee

ass kid on the ground with a bow and arrow.

Bill Burr

Now I know a bow and arrow isn't like something you see nowadays with

Bobby Lee

the iPads and all of that shit,

Bill Burr

but when I was growing up, there was always some fucking asshole latchkey kid

Bobby Lee

down the street that had a bow and arrow.

Bill Burr

These fucking big kids down the street, they used to come over and we had a field next to our house.

Bobby Lee

We rented this duplex. My family did. And we had like this, this.

Bill Burr

Oh, the. Throws it too high, pulls him off the bag.

Bobby Lee

Gotta hate that to start an inning. Unless it worked, you know, good for your team. It's already the top of the seventh. These fucking baseball games fly by now. Anyway, there was this fucking lunatic

Bill Burr

he used to take. There would be like five of us kids and he. It was a real Fucking arrow.

Bobby Lee

It had like a metal tip on it. It was small, but still it was

Andrew Santino

enough to put your eye out.

Bill Burr

Right. He used to shoot the thing straight up in the air. And you had to be like right above us. And you had. You couldn't just run. You had to know where it was. So you would be like, running, like, to see where it was. Almost like you're in the outfield trying to get under a ball that's caught up in the wind and you try to guess where the it was going.

Bobby Lee

I'm so stupid.

Bill Burr

I never had the presence of mind

Bobby Lee

to just run at him.

Bill Burr

That's what I should have done. Run to where he was.

Bobby Lee

It wasn't going to land. We always tried to get away from him. And then he would just shoot this

Bill Burr

fucking thing up in the air.

Bobby Lee

Reckless, reckless fucking kid.

Bill Burr

Oh, you know what I didn't remember, you know, I forgot to bring up

Bobby Lee

was when I was watching the United States versus Belgium.

Bill Burr

Yeah, we don't have any songs. We don't have any chance or whatever because.

Bobby Lee

Oh, I thought he was out. Pickoff moved to first. Sorry. ADD today.

Bill Burr

I thought.

Bobby Lee

Yeah, they got him. They're going to the replay.

Bill Burr

Because all of our sports, there's scoring. I guess you could argue with baseball.

Bobby Lee

You'd have time to sing a song.

Bill Burr

I think he's gone. I think he's gone. I think he's gone. Here's the replay. He's jumping to the outside. He's out of there. He's out of there. Picked off at first. Look at that. They throw high. It's an error.

Bobby Lee

And what do you do? You give it right back to him. Feeling generous. Anyways, let me do. Let me do the. Let me do the old reads here for the week.

Bill Burr

I mean for the, for the Thursday here.

Bobby Lee

What do we got here?

Bill Burr

Oh, it's quo. Everybody quo. You know when everyone on your team thinks someone else handled it, the call, the text, the follow up, it's like that Spider man meme where they're all pointing at each other. Meanwhile, the customer's just sitting there like, hello. That's how you quietly lose business. So, yeah, at a certain point it's like, let's find quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by quo, spelled Q U O. The business communication systems built so you never miss a. I guess this is the joke. Never miss a call. And they don't write it there. Your entire team can handle calls and texts from one shared number. So no more missed messages or drop conversations. Everyone Sees the full thread, replies are faster and customers are actually feel taken care of. I swear to God, man, if you're on one of these text threads, you better fucking not screw up. That is a recipe. Whoever's running this country that signs up for quo, one of your employees is going to get somebody sending a dick pic to the wrong fucking text, right? It's just going to happen. It's just going to happen. Listen, you just have to accept it, all right? Dick pics are here. You know they say that with like AI. I mean it's common. You just, you just have to. Why do we have to accept it? Because five fucking cunts want it. The rest of us don't. The rest of us don't. And what are the politicians do? Blue tie, red tie, fucking lib, Liberal Party, whatever the fucking called. The Libertarian Party, the one in the middle that everybody claims they're a part of because they don't want to get into a fucking argument with anybody. Yeah, they all look the other way. They all look the other way. Calls, text, voicemails, transcripts, and contact details all in one clean view. So your teams always has the full picture and could show up for every customer conversation. Money is on the line. Always say hello with quo. Q U O. Try quo for free. Plus 20 off your first six months when you go to quo.com. that's qU-U-O.com, all right. Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's all zip back, zip recruit. Wait, did they see? Oh, he said he was safe. They didn't. Fuck it. Wow, I thought he touched a little bit of his shirt there. Zip recruiter. Talk about how, according to cnbc, nearly half the hiring managers say a candidate's enthusiasm about the job is the most important factor when considering them for a role. Evidently, now he gets picked off. Jesus Christ. He was not enthusiastic anyways, that my guy must have a good move to first because he got him twice anyway. Well, if you need to hire for your business, how can you separate the candidates who are really excited about the opportunity from the ones there, man? Well, maybe you should offer some benefits, you cheap cunts. You could do it at 0. Zip. ZipRecruiter has a new feature that quickly lets you see the most interested, qualified candidates first so you meet the right people faster. How can you. How can they tell how enthusiastic you are?

Bobby Lee

Oh boy. It sounds like you gotta make a video about how if you want the

Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

safe like Simply Safe. God damn it, I love that pause.

Bill Burr

Nothing makes me feel like I went to broadcasting school. Even though I didn't.

Bobby Lee

Then when I do that pause.

Bill Burr

Oh, look who it is. Helix. Alex, you know there's nothing more important

Bobby Lee

than a good night's sleep.

Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

which can affect your mood and your longevity.

Bill Burr

It's time to upgrade your mattress. Stay comfortable inside with Helix Mattresses. A good night's rest sets you up for a great day.

Bobby Lee

Isn't that the truth?

Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

knows what and they're still going to

Bobby Lee

let you return it, they obviously believe in this product.

Bill Burr

So go to helixsleep.com Burr for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com Burr for twenty percent off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. There's nothing better than a great night's sleep. It's literally going to affect your mood. You're going to treat the people you love better. You're going to do better in the job interview. You're going to talk to that broad and she's going to love you and next thing you know, you're going to be banging her on that Helix Helix sleep mattress. Oh, look who it is, everybody. Meundies. Meundies, why don't you change your drawers?

Andrew Santino

Do, do, do, do.

Bill Burr

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Bobby Lee

before you leave the house.

Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

There.

Bill Burr

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Andrew Santino

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Bill Burr

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Bill Burr

alright, and with that, that is the the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Please come and see me July 31st in Temecula. I'm gonna be out with Dean Del Rey.

Bobby Lee

We're gonna have an awesome time and

Bill Burr

this might be my favorite hour that

Bobby Lee

I've ever, I can't say written that

Andrew Santino

I ever thought of.

Bobby Lee

Wrote one word down, free subject and I don't know. That's it.

Bill Burr

Listen to the music that the great Andrew Thelos has picked up. And then we have a bonus episode afterward of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend you cunts. Don't listen to these politicians. Don't fight with your fellow Americans on the goddamn social medias. We're all on the same team. They're dividing us. They're separating us. You got to stop letting them do it. Don't listen to a trillionaire tell you not to have empathy, okay? He's not a happy man. He's not a happy man.

Bobby Lee

I'm not excited that he's not a happy man.

Bill Burr

I wish he could find peace because for some reason he doesn't have peace.

Bobby Lee

So then evidently neither can we.

Bill Burr

All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you later.

Andrew Santino

He's been hanging around for days. Comes like a comment, suck at you, but not your friends. They'll get to you and teach you how to be a hole cow. You do it to yourself. You do. That's why red hats. You do it to yourself. Just you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 9, 2018.

Bill Burr

When a man loves a woman, he'll

Andrew Santino

do some dumb, like, get her a ring. Then all of a sudden, he's married. He's like, what did I do?

Bill Burr

Then he will say, are you mad at me?

Andrew Santino

She'll just shake her head and say, no, and then she'll treat you like shit for the next five days. What's going

Bill Burr

on?

Andrew Santino

It never ends, people. Never ends. How are you? What's going on? I'm out here in a heat wave. I'm still getting over this fucking Ebola that I caught. I don't know what I have it. You know, it's just lingering. I'm just. I'm all congested, you know? Dude, take a towel, put it over your head, and then sit behind your car and have somebody start it up. All right? Now make sure you have a lemon in your mouth. You know, that's what it. That's what my fucking day has been like for the last eight days. Everybody has the. It's fucking hilarious. All these people who aren't pharmacists, right? All of these people who've never invented anything in their life. And I mean, even just some dumb shit like you. You take some wire and you fucking twist it, and then you bend it, and it's like, look, for 1995, it's your very own back itcher, right? Back massager.

Bobby Lee

Yeah.

Andrew Santino

They've all been telling me how to fucking cure this. And it's just like, okay, all right, I'll. Oh, I'll try that. Oh, what'd you say? Zinc. The man over there in the plaid shirt says, zinc. What do you. What say you. Vitamin D? You say vitamin D, Vitamin C. You know, I feel like I'm on a game show, right? When you are the prices, right? And everybody's yelling out a price, like a different number, and the person's looking with their deer in the headlights. That's what it's like when you have a fucking cold. By the way, me and my wife, who isn't mad at me, who isn't not. Not talking to me, but isn't actually really Chatty either, you know. Do you know how you get him out of that mood? You can't say it out loud. You can't say, you know what? I don't even give a shit anymore at this point. I've gone through enough hours of torture here. What you do is you just think, you know what? I don't give a fuck. And they are so smart. They sense the second you do that. And then immediately they want to sit down and talk about it. Because once you don't give a fuck, the game's over. Okay? And they don't want you to settle into not giving a fuck because then you won't be able to listen to their lecture and nod and go, okay, yes, I will work on that. Okay, I. You know what? I didn't know that. Oh, oh, do I do that?

Bill Burr

Is that what I do?

Andrew Santino

Wow, it's. It's so great to have somebody outside myself to let me know what it is that I'm doing. You know what?

Bill Burr

You're like a moon.

Andrew Santino

Like just going around my fucking. The planet of my head, observing. Not a moon, honey. Maybe me, like a. An alien aircraft, you know, of higher intelligence. Does that make you feel better? Anyways, it was un godly hot, ungodly. It was the hottest it's ever been. It was like Palm Desert out here. It was 109 degrees on Friday. And I'm not, I'm not even talking about in the Valley. Maybe that was the Valley. I don't know what it was, but it was like you were. It was like I felt like I was standing inside a dryer. And I've used that reference a lot, but this time it's just like, oh, yeah, I could dry my clothes in this. You know, by the way, those idiots who, like, man, you could fucking fry an egg on the sidewalk. You could probably do that when it's like 80 degrees out. You know what I mean? It'd be like frying it on low. I don't know what it would be like me, you know, but like on Friday when it was 109 degrees out at around 2 in the afternoon, like your shit would be over medium before you even flipped it. And you wouldn't have to season it because of all the rock salt, right? For those of you back east. And so the inevitable happens is there's then after. Human beings in their own way have made it I don't know how many degrees hotter, but we have made it hotter. I think even scientists that wear red coats or red ties even, they have been like, you know, we're kind of having an effect on the, the environment. I mean, if gypsy moth caterpillars have to be stopped, you know, what about human beings? I mean, say what you want about gypsy moth caterpillars, you know, they, they don't make, you know, nuclear waste. They've never, you know, invested in plastics. You know, they're pretty green for what it is that they do, right? And they are part of nature. So they probably really don't need to be stopped by an outside force like us. We're stopping them for our own fucking survival. And the problem is his. Mother nature up until this point has been bringing a knife to a gunfight with like fucking gypsy moth caterpillars and some bullshit like that. And I think now she's realizing that she needs to go down to the local fucking. What do you call the place? You go down to the place where there's always like a bad keyboard in the window. Pawn shop. You go down to the pawn shop, she's going to get herself a heater, a boner boner, a burner, whatever the fuck you call them. I don't fucking. A boner. She's going to come out with a dick, man. She's going to, she's going to do a reverse Bruce. She's going to all of us in the ass with the weather. I think that that's what I was trying to say. I have no idea. But all I know was, you know, it was insane. So the inevitable happens is then there's a power search. There was like nobody on the roads. Like that's how hard it was. Everybody was just staying inside, sitting in air conditioning, like, oh my God and that going out there. And then we all. After making it hotter, you know, I'm not saying it wouldn't be 104 degrees or whatever. I don't even know if we made it five degrees hot, but whatever. But we sit inside and we don't get to feel. We don't feel the effects of what the fuck we're doing. It's like buying a shirt. You know what I mean? You don't see the fucking 8 year old that sewed it together. You're like, ah, does this shirt make me look good?

Bill Burr

Right?

Andrew Santino

It's like, it's painless. So now we're all sitting there in the AC and inevitably we don't have enough power. So now they have to have a blackout. Now where are they going to do it? Okay, now I already gave it away. Okay, the key word here is blackout. Black would be the keyword. You know, I don't even know where they did it, but I know they didn't fucking go. Well, we have to shut down the grid somewhere. Where should we shut it down? Should we shut it down in Beverly Hills or fucking Bel Air or these people with their fucking infinity pools that fall off into the goddamn ocean with their panoramic views, you can literally see the roundness of the planet, you know, these people with their MTV cribs, stock fucking refrigerators, their giant cabin footprint or. No, no, those people fund our campaigns. Let's fucking, let's fucking go down here to these people who can barely rub two fucking nickels together and we'll shut down their shit. It's just an evil fucking world, man. And oddly enough, this weekend, as I sat in my air conditioned house, you know, not in Beverly Hills, but not in the hood either, you know what I mean? Like, if I was on a chessboard, I wouldn't be a pawn, but I wouldn't be in the castle either, you know, I don't think I'd be the horse. I wouldn't be a bishop. I think I'd be a rook. You know, basic forward, sideways, you know, white guy, no lateral movement. If I went diagonal, I'd trip over myself or try to run a in or an outright route like a horse. I just don't think I'd make it, you know? Of course, the broad can do whatever she wants, right? Got all the goddamn power. What the can the king do just sitting there backing up. Whoa, whoa. Hey, guys, surround me. She's pissed. She's pissed. Well, she said she's not pissed, but she's not talking to me. She is, but you know what I mean? It's really quick and serviceable conversation. Would you like some dinner? Okay, it's ready. Salmon.

Bill Burr

Nice talking to you.

Andrew Santino

Nothing. Anyways, they should have, like. This is such a hacky idea, but they should literally. I wish they had right now. If they had like a, like a relationship, somebody already, some must have done a bit like this. Like you have like a relationship meteorologist, you know what I mean? That could give you a five day forecast, let you know what kind of coat to wear, basically. What kind of. What kind of shit am I gonna try to avoid so I don't step into it, you know what I mean? So anyways, I'm in the house, right? And you know, I got the kid now and she's getting bigger and eventually she's gonna need her own room, all right? And I have all and I don't even have a lot of. But I have a. I have a lot of shit. I didn't think I had a lot of shit. I don't have a lot of furniture, but I have a lot of shit. You know, just over the years, going on the road, buying a little thing here, buying a little thing there, fan giving you something, the venue giving you something, and all of a sudden you just got a bunch of shit. And then what happens is, if enough time goes by, I don't know, I'm sentimental, I start to develop feelings for it, and it's hard to get rid of it. Well, I don't have a choice now, people. So in the near future, I'm gonna. I am going to have a massive, massive giveaway of memorabilia and. And. And old drum stuff. And like, you know, I tried to give some people my. My old drum magazines and just nobody wanted them. All these fucking young kids alike, you know, I just took it on phone, bruh. Yeah, I just go to fucking. I can read this on my phone like. Like I'm. I don't even know what. Like, I. You think I was handed him, like, a hammer and a chisel in a rock and be like, you want to draw pictures with this? So I didn't feel too bad because they're made out of paper, although I'm sure the ink is bad for the environment. But I. I put like 20 years of. Of all of these fucking magazines that I saved. Like, I was going to go back and peruse through two decades of fucking drum magazines. And I kept some of them. You know, the John Theodore is, the Nico McBrain, the Steve Jordan, you know, all the way back, all the drummers that I love, right? Tommy Lee, you know, but then, you know, the. The. The latest ones were the easiest ones to get rid of because I'm an old man and I probably didn't know a lot of those players, although I probably should, but, you know, I don't know. I just wish I could go back in time and not buy anything, you know? Jimmy the Gent. Don't. What the fuck did I say? Don't buy anything. You know, as much as he was a murderous psychopath, he was very environmentally conscious in that part of Goodfellas, you know. So anyways, just giving you guys a heads up, I. I got it all out in front of me here. I got it all laid out, and my wife, who's not mad at me

Bobby Lee

is,

Andrew Santino

you know, she was like, well, why don't you get, like a storage shed? You Know you like this stuff and it's like, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. Like, whenever I see those places, I get like, I have a fucking almost a physical reaction to them when I see a storage facility. And it's just like, I'm not.

Bobby Lee

I did that before.

Andrew Santino

I'm not fucking doing that. Then you have to go back and like, check in on your stuff. It's like your stuff went to jail. And then, you know, you can just fucking. Hang on a second. I gotta fucking text this guy back. There's no way for me to continue talking. Call you in in a 45 minute. Anyways. This just Then you get. You're doing the George Carlin bit. You just have just spread out all over the world and it's just like, if there's not like. Shut up, all right? If there's not room enough for it in your house. Like, we have more rooms that could be bedrooms than people here, okay? It's just me, my wife and my daughter. So there's no fucking reason why there should be no room other than the fact that we just have too much shit. And I'm not throwing it out. I threw out the magazines because they made out of paper. And I know everybody's gonna give me shit about the ink, but I'm really trying to fucking think about where this stuff is going to end up, okay? And I don't know. So I'm going to try to, like, you know, I figured if I could just some of this, if you guys want it, you know, I'll just give the stuff away or whatever. I hope some people aren't going to get mad because some of the stuff is like shit that venues have given me, you know, some sports jerseys with my name on the back of them and stuff, which is cool or whatever, but, like, you know, I'm not gonna. I'm not. I never wore it and I always appreciated the gesture, but I just took it and I put it in a box and then I just started piling these fucking things up and I don't have any more fucking room. I don't know what to do with them. So my new thing from here on out, 50 fucking years old, is Jimmy the Gent. I'm not buying anything. I'm not buying anything, you know, And I'm trying to get my wife on the same fucking page, but you know, you know, that's not working. You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. Telling her not to go on Amazon is like her telling me not to get shit Faced on a Tuesday. I mean, it's just not happening. By the way, speaking of drinking, I haven't drank. You wouldn't know it from my voice. I sound like shit, but I haven't drank since the end of June. And that's how it's so up. It's so up. It's just like food. I have the same relationship with food that I have with booze, that all I do is I just walk away for a few days. What the am I doing? And when I see food walking away, it's like sugar and. And bad food, and I start eating well. And then all of a sudden, if I look at bad foods, like, I don't want to eat that I don't feel that way. The same thing with booze. Like, you know, when I'm drinking and I see a bottle of booze, I swear to God, it's like, you know, it's backlit at the bar. I mean, it just looks like you're drinking life. It just looks golden, you know, so inviting. And then when I just stopped drinking, I just looked at him like, jesus, I don't want to fucking. I don't want to mess with that shit. Oh, God, what the fuck did I do now? Now what I gotta apologize for? I know I'm wrong. That's the worst thing about it. You know what I mean? Jesus, does it ever fucking end? You know what I mean? This is like when I was a kid, my mother was mad at me, and I didn't. She wouldn't tell me. I gotta fucking figure out what I did. I love on all these fucking TV shows where they sit there and they always sit there and they talk about how women say twice as many words in a day and how they're great at communicating. It's like, no, they're not. They're not. They're not good at communicating. They speak in fucking riddles. Can you tell she's home? I keep whispering. So you speak in fucking riddles. I was talking to a buddy of mine today. Younger, right? I was sitting there telling him, going, like, dude, what you got to understand about a woman is by the time they're eight, they got the whole fucking thing planned out. Not all of them, but enough of them. You're still sitting there playing in a fucking mud puddle or jumping off a jungle gym going, hey, mom, look. What the fuck? I can do whatever kids do nowadays, you know? Fucking dancing with your. You fucking toy robot. Whatever you guys do, they got it all planned out. That's why. How many times guys have you been out on a date with a woman and she said some shit to you that sounded like a riddle? And you're like, what the fuck? And then you answer the question and then she goes like, no, you're supposed

Bill Burr

to say, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Andrew Santino

Like it's. I didn't know there was a script. Nobody sent me the sides for my part. Like, they have the whole thing, the whole fucking thing mapped out. And you basically, you have three options. You either just accept it or die

Bill Burr

alone,

Andrew Santino

or you go out and buy a wife beater and you become that guy, which you don't want to do that.

Bill Burr

Is he blaming women for domestic violence?

Andrew Santino

Shut up. Oh, God. Just fucking around. You know I was on Twitter, right? And somebody wrote some fucking hilarious smart ass thing about me. So I clicked on their profile because I was just like, you know what? That is above average shit talk. Is this another comic? Is this an up and coming comic? I don't know. That was like almost a comedian level funny. So I went to this person's thread and I, you know, read their little blurb, couldn't figure out what they did. So I scrolled down to try to figure out, are they a comedian? Look for a stand up picture. And one of the things this person had retweeted was from this, something, something feminist. It was talking about Donald Trump and, and was saying, like, Donald Trump just made fun of the victims of me too. And the crowd roared with approval, period. And then again, she wrote roared with approval, right? And then she had the link. I'm like, oh, my God, are you kidding me? This is what he did today. This guy's fucking crazy. So I click on it and he made a roundabout reference to me too. You know, he was using me too, the way some people use millennials, which is not right. I'm not saying it's right to do that, but, you know, I'm not trying to be a cunt here, but I am a comedian and I've been on stage for 26 years. They did not roar with approval. Okay? He got a chuckle. He got a polite chuckle. I'm not saying they weren't meatheads there. I'm not saying what he said was fucking right. But the crowd did not roar with approval. It roared with approval. And it just. As a comedian, that fucking annoyed me because I remember back in the day, you'd see these fucking comics get off stage. Oh, dude, I crushed. I fucking crushed. And said, you fucking. You got the job done. That's not killing you. Can't stop walking around saying, you killed. It didn't. Donald Trump didn't kill, okay? If that was his fucking audition set for a club and those were the laughs he was getting. They would say, you know what? He's. He's not ready yet. We're not saying he's not funny. He was getting some laughs, but he was all right. But I don't think he's ready for a weekend spot yet. Like, he, he was getting like, Monday, Tuesday level laughs. Like back, you know, when there was some sort of fucking system in the clubs when they would actually build talent. They used to have, you know, Monday was like an open mic night at Knicks, and then the big deal was your next move. And Knicks comedy stop in Boston. The next move was the host, Billy Martin, who's now, like, you know, one of the made men over there at Bill Maher show. He then had a show Wednesday night at the Kowloon, and that was the first big fucking move out of the open mics. I got a spot at the Kowloon. And you'd say that to the other open micrs. And it burned through the crowd of open micrs. Dude, he burger a spot at the Kowloon. And then I remember thinking, like, the first time I did a spot at the Kowloon, I was so fucking nervous because this was the first time I went on in front of a crowd that was not expecting to see an open micr. They did not go to an open mic show going, all right, let's see what these fucking people have. Or, I'm here to see a friend of mine. Like, they came out to see a comedy show, and they were like, all right, we're going to give you. We're going to hand you the keys for five minutes. Let's see what the fuck you do, Right? So I would say. I would say that that's where Trump was in that speech. He was doing five minutes at the Kowloon. All right, this has nothing to do about what the fuck he said or whatever. But I did find it interesting, though. But that's how she heard it. She heard them roaring with laughter. Yeah. Like, and when you fucking. You listen to Trump going, fake news, fake news. Like, it wasn't necessarily. Sometimes it's fake, but it's more just people hear shit and then whatever they're passionate with, it just. It raises the fucking levels, you know, like, you know, with me, this, you know, you know, you guys, at this point, if you listen long enough, you know, the. That sets me off. All right, and like, the amount of times I lose my. And I think it's going. It's going a certain way. And then I find out not only am I not right, I am a hundred percent. It's. It's a complete 180. It's going the other direction. Now, I'm not saying that this woman should have not have been upset, you know, and also been upset that people chuckled, you know, but they did not roar with laughter. I'm just being a cunty comedian right now. You know, there's just certain things that people say that, that goes into the terminology. Terminology of a comedian, and it bugs me. Like, the thing that I, you know, I talked about a year ago or two years ago was this fucking phenomenon where all of a sudden people started saying, I love when the comedian heckled the crowd. It's like, no, no, the comedian doesn't heckle the crowd. The comedian gets heckled. A heckler goes to a performance and tries to disrupt a performance, a speech, anything that is a heckler, all right? For a comedian to be heckling a crowd, the crowd would be had to be collectively giving some sort of fucking performance that he's interrupting.

Bill Burr

All right?

Andrew Santino

You could say the comedian snapped. I love when you fucking just lost your shit on that guy. But I'm not heckling the crowd. Like, oh, look at how you sit in your seats. You call that a show? Sorry. Whatever. So anyways, how many. How many fucking minutes? That's 24 minutes. God damn. That ain't bad. That ain't bad at all. Hey, let's talk about World cup soccer, huh? What's. What's. You know, I usually want to talk about NFL football. I know the theme song. I don't know what the, the World cup thing is, you know, but I've watched enough of it that I know in the end they're going to go to the wrap up with the fashionable lady. Then there's the old, like, guy looks. He's like, you know, fell off a stool at a pub. He's probably some old fucking football player, you know? And then there's the excitable, like, sort of fat guy who looks like, with the mustache, you know, Am I allowed to say Latino is a white guy? I mean, he is a Latino dude. He looks like the guy, one of the first guys that gets killed in a fucking mob movie. And then the other ones, it seemed like they just had a revolving chair. Like, I recognized this black dude with dreads as being like, wasn't he on our fucking team? The USA team. Oh, by the way, I finally figured out how to fucking tell who the fuck is who in a World cup game if you didn't get there at the beginning. This is how it works in American tv. On Fox Sports, they basically, right next to the, the team name, they'll have the smallest little sliver of color, and that's the color of the uniform. Like, I watched Russia versus Croatia and I'm just sitting there, literally waiting for somebody to fucking score so I can figure out who the fuck is who. I'm sitting there, of course, you know, for fucking, I don't know, two, three hours. I'm kidding, man. It was a, it was a fucking unbelievable game. But I finally understood. Figured out, no, somebody explained it to me on Twitter. I just started tweeting about it going, you know, I, I don't, I don't know who the. Is who here, you know, and, and I had this weird thing like, I didn't know who to root for because it was something so funny to me if the Russians won the World cup. And I would just, would have been so awesome listening. Two people losing their shit over here and getting all wound up again, saying that they, you know, tampered with the election over here, you know, and then everybody just starts yelling at each other again. It's just. I was looking forward to that, you know, just adding to the fucking heat out here. But anyways, it was an incredible game and I cannot fucking. I rooted for Croatia, you know, Although every time they cut to the Russians in the crowd, I was just like, you know, those are some good looking people. You know, there's really no middle ground with Russians, so, you know what I mean? Or Eastern Europeans. They're either like, look like supermodels or they look like it's still like medieval times, you know what I mean? I mean, they got some women over there that look like they could easily fucking impress some NFL scouts, you know, in the, in the, you know, the NFL combine, when they're pushing up to 25, how many reps they can do? I'm not, you know, of course they wouldn't get drafted after the 40, but I'm just saying they, you know, but then they got some other ones. It's like, oh, my God, gorgeous. I'm fucking with you. I'm not saying that, you know, there's not a lot of weirdo looking Americans, but that was the one. One of the really cool things, looking at that, thinking of all the fucking bullshit that goes on at a political level, you know, with the missiles and all of that shit. And then just to watch all these Russians losing their fucking minds every time Russia would score a goal. So long story short, not to take any with the Croatian crowd. Same thing. Fucking really good looking people, man. Did I mention that I'm going to be doing an Eastern European tour the beginning of next year, you know, And I will be bringing all of your fucking good looking numbers down a half a degree during the time I in your fucking country. Please come up to me in your native tongue and tell me that you can fix my bald problem. Balding problem. This ain't balding. I'm bald. And that you, you can, you know, I can fix that. I am the greatest in Transylvania. That's why I approach people in the street with my fucking business card. So anyways, I'm watching this fucking game and like, I'm doing the typical American thing, like, I can't put people into this, like, at this level. What the fuck? I mean, everybody singing song, you know, doing that. And all of a sudden, Croatia scores a goal. And I just, I don't. I couldn't control myself. I was just like, yeah, I lost my right. And then Russia comes back immediately, I believe. I watched so many games, I forget they scored. And the Russian fans are going nuts. And I'm like, oh, these, you know. You know me, I'm always conspiracy. Vladimir. Vladimir Putin. Yeah, he's got, he's got the fucking. He's got the. He's got the invisible hand, you know. And then Croatia scores and it's fucking 2 to 1. There's like barely any time left. And I just. I almost made my daughter jump out of the chair in the other room. I yelled so loud when they scored and I was like, holy fuck, this is going to be unbelievable. That fucking guy. Number 10. Number 10 is a beast. Croatia, right? And there's like no time left. And all of a sudden, Russia gets like a fucking corner kick. And I was just sitting there, I had my hands over my mouth just going like, oh, no. Oh, no. Come on, come on, come on, come on. And then he fucking kicks it. This beautiful, whatever the fuck you call it, you know, it was like a pass into the slot, you know, in hockey, like a saucer pass just right over everybody's fucking head. And it just goes right to this one Russian dude who just makes it, glances it off his head into the back of the net. And I just go, fuck. And every time I yelled, I surprised myself. I go, I can't believe how fucking into this game I am. So my Wife and my. And my daughter are getting ready to leave. And I'm like, I'm sorry, we can't leave. I have to see the end of this game. She's like. She's like, are you serious? This is yet another thing that you're fucking into? And I'm like, yeah. I go, it's the shootout, whatever the penalty, whatever the fuck they call it. And I sat there, like, literally, like, I was like that Tarkanian guy, like, chewing on a fucking towel. I was in the kitchen, you know, because I had to keep, you know, leaving the fucking room, and I had, like, the fucking towel you dry dishes with. So my. My wife is going, you're gonna throw that in the hamper. I'm like, all right, I'm fucking gnawing on the thing. And just the level. The level of pressure. And if you miss one of those penalty kicks and your team only loses by one, like, you just get shit for the rest of your life, you know? I mean, there was that guy in Columbia. They. I don't know if he got killed because of that, but, I mean, it's pretty fucking suspicious. It was an incredible game. And, like, it's safe to say that I 100% get it. And I actually love the game now. There, I said it. I love soccer. It's a fucking great game. I finally get it. I fucking get it. You know, and then how great the World cup is, where it's truly is a world championship. And then what's great is if you lose, okay, that other team is. Can talk shit to you for the next three fucking years. And because it's once every four years, but you're not even guaranteed that you're going to get in. So when you get to that fucking close when you lose. Now I get it. Now I get why I'm sitting there watching grown men crying who are in their 50s and 60s, because they're sitting there going like, it's not going to happen in my lifetime. I'm going to die without ever seeing him holding up an astoundingly small trophy for a true world championship. Do you see how big the fucking Stanley cup is? That's 30 teams, 31. Whatever the they're up to, it's not the whole world. You got the whole world. Why the is the trophy so small? It's so funny when they win it

Bill Burr

and they all try to run around

Andrew Santino

with it and they're all like, you know, trying to hold it up. They're like, bumping heads and, like, they. They can't they should make it bigger. You know what? That's classic fucking. That's how an American thinks. That's how we think. You know, bigger is better. It is. And you know something? As much as you guys sit there and you shit on us in the back of your heads, you're jealous of it. Yeah. You jealous how fat we get? You jealous how big they make the jeans over here. You're jealous that you could actually be that fat and still get down the fucking street. Because you guys are over there driving around in your fucking cow paths, you know, past all your ruins and your castles and all that. Why am I in such a mood right now? All right, I gotta turn the light on. The fucking sun went down as I'm talking here. Hang on a sec. Hang on, hang on, hang on. He's got the whole world in his hands he's got the whole world

Bill Burr

he's

Andrew Santino

got the whole world in his hand he's got the whole world in his hands it's gonna be one of the first songs you teach a kid, right? Gotta be. It's religious. It's easy. All right, let's look at some of the advertising here for this week, shall we? So congratulations to Croatia. I mean. Oh, Jesus. And then there were four. England versus Croatia tomorrow. France versus Belgium. I'm sorry. On Tuesday. Well, I guess that will be tomorrow. By the time you hear this, France versus Belgium on Wednesday. I'm working both days, so I'm at the tape, the games, and hopefully, no, somebody on the fucking set will say something. Ah, God damn it. Now what are you gonna do? The fuck you gonna do? Anyways, let's read some of the. Some of the fucking advertising here. Isn't so weird that I hate reading out loud so much that I. I get upset when I have a lot of advertising. It's actually money. I know, but I have to read. All righty, then. All right, hang on a second. Hang on a second. All right, let's get on. Well, we can't get on to the letters. I have to talk about the F1 race that was in Great Britain back to back. I'd have to say these are the two most exciting races I've seen since I've been watching, which has been Monaco 2016. I've seen almost every race since then. What a fucking race. Lewis Hamilton was trying to. He got the pole position for, like, the eighth fucking time in a row there. I think he's won, like, the last six or seven. He always dominates there. He had a rough showing. Didn't even Finish and it did not finish his last one, whatever the fuck they were. Remember in Austria and you knew Mercedes was going to come back strong. So the race starts. All right, I believe Lewis Hamilton was in first, Vettel was in second, Kimmy Raikkonen was somewhere in there. And all in they go into the first fucking turn. Lewis Hamilton, something you hardly ever see, has a bad start, Vettel blows by him. Hamilton gets his car going. I don't understand, did he pop the clutch? I don't get how they have a bad start. I don't understand that Atari fucking steering wheel that they're doing there. I know, I don't get it. There is no clutch anymore. I don't even know what they've got a little paddle thing there, I have no fucking idea. But sometimes they don't hit the right button and they're just going too slow. I don't know. But they blame the driver, right? So anyway, so they get into the first fucking turn and all of a sudden Valtteri Bottas comes screaming in out of nowhere. Vettel's in first place, Lewis Hamilton's all of a sudden in third. I was like, no way. And then out of nowhere you just see all this smoke and, and the notches are going nuts. And Lewis Hamilton got hit by Kimmy Rakonen and, and he spun out and he went from in, in like one turn or two turns from being first in the race to being last and it was just like what the fuck? And then I believe at that point it was Vettel, Bottas and then Kimi Rakkonen or maybe Max Verstappen went up there, but you know, the Red Bull team was right there by the way, the United States, the fucking Haas team, we were, we've qualified fifth and sixth. We were killing it until we fucking slammed into each other like assholes and took ourselves out of the points. I mean we maybe got one point, I don't even think we came in 10th, man, it fucking sucked. But we're doing better, man, we are doing better. And I like, that's the team that I really want to win. Anybody has to do with American racing, but we're having a great season. If we could just quit fucking up. But whatever, plowing ahead. So Lewis Hamilton is not out of the race. He gets his car going again and which is one of my favorite things when a great driver like him, a Sebastian Vettel, gets knocked all the way to the back of the race, then you get to watch him go through

Bobby Lee

the field

Andrew Santino

and he was driving, going my Car is messed up, it's messed up the rear end. They go, no, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. And he just tears through the whole field basically up until the top five. And then even when he got top five he was still like 25 seconds behind. That's how superior. Basically Red Bull, well really Mercedes, Ferrari is, and then Red Bull. And so Mercedes adopted this. We're just gonna stop once, like I don't know if you're not into this. It's actually like fascinating like pitting and all of that stuff is you can win and lose it. And long story short is by the end of the race for like the final five laps because Mercedes only pitted one time and Ferrari's pitted at least twice because I think one time they went in like, I never understand how it works with like the, with the, with the safety car out there or whatever the fuck they call it, pace car or some shit, right? But anyways, all of a sudden with five laps left, it's Valteri. Bottas is in first place, Sebastian Vettel's right behind him with fresher tires, what's his face? Lewis Hamilton driving like a maniac once again with not his fresh tires because they only stopped once, so they're all fucking chewed up. And then right on his ass is that fucking psycho Kimi Raikkonen, who I fucking love, drives like a maniac, got a 10 second penalty by the way, because they said he smashed into Lewis Hamilton, he didn't need to do that. And he was yelling at his fucking pit crew and all that shit, it was fucking great. So they're all driving like absolute fucking maniacs and once again I'm screaming at the tv, yeah, once again in a sport I never thought I would be into and unfortunately for Vettel like his, his tires just crapped out and he just, he didn't have enough grip and I'm sorry, Valtteri Bottas, I'm sorry, his tires just crapped out and Vettel was able to duck underneath him and then he, then he gave way to Lewis Hamilton which I thought was really cool and then Hamilton was trying to stay on his ass and they just didn't have the fucking tires and what's his face Bottas ended up, I think he went all the way down to like fifth or sixth. But the final was Sebastian Vettel for Ferrari, Lewis Hamilton from Mercedes and then Kimmy Raikkonen on the podium there. So it was two Ferraris and a Mercedes. Sebastian Vettel is now eight points up and the Ferrari team I think is like 20 points up for the year. And they got two more races before the summer break. They couldn't be any closer. It's gonna be great. Fuck. Anyways. Jesus Christ. By the way, I just hit pause. That coughing fit went on for like another nine fucking seconds. Must read some advertising here. So anyways, the next one I believe is. I think it's in Germany. Or is it the Hungarian? I don't know, those little next to. But I Gotta think of MotoGP's coming up. I hope I didn't fucking. My stupid recorder isn't fucking. Not isn't recording those things because sometimes it gets bumped down in priority. I don't know how the fuck that works. All right, okay. In regard to Eastern European tour, Dear Bill, you mentioned planning East European tour. I just want to make. Just wanted to mention to think about visiting one of former Yugoslavian countries in the Balkans if this plan moves forward. I emailed you from Belgrade, Serbia, but anything here like Croatia, Bosnia or even Slovenia can work for local fans. Check out some stuff, stats where you have the most site visits or something. As it would be interesting to see you live somewhere near stand up is still relatively rising here, but I am sure it might be interesting for you to visit if you are around here. Dude, I will go there and fucking eat my balls in a second. What am I ever going to go there? I'll be close enough that you can jump on a train, right? Your papers, please. However the fuck it works over there, you know, Eastern Europe scares me, man. That's you still behind the communist block, like for most of my life. So then I know, you know, once Russia went out of there, you guys kind of picked up some Hatfield and McCoy shit that you hadn't finished, you know, got a little crazy there with the fucking genocide and stuff, you know, got a little nuts over there. So, you know, you guys don't fuck around over there is what I'm trying to say. It's not like you're going to Canada. Oh, hey, how you doing? You know, it's not like some of those things. I feel like I'm gonna go over there, it's gonna have like that same vibe like Belfast Hat where it was just like, you know, if you didn't know some shit went down. The second you go there, you just like, whoa, some fucking shit went down here. And you just immediately act accordingly. Like, I will not be fucking with anybody here. All the best for you and your family.

Bill Burr

I will.

Andrew Santino

I'm very, very excited to see that Part of the world and we are putting it together. I would not bring it up if we weren't putting it together.

Bill Burr

All right.

Andrew Santino

Okay. Possible Eastern European tour. Another one. Hey, chief. I was just listening to Your latest podcast July 2nd when you mentioned putting together an Eastern European tour. Look at this.

Bill Burr

Look at all the fans.

Andrew Santino

This is two people. I knew this tour would be successful. Hopefully you'll have the balls to come to Belgrade, Serbia, so I can see you perform in person. Well, the second you tell me I need balls to go where the fuck you're from. Yeah, get. Go fuck yourself. I'm not going there. Why do I. Why do I need to have balls to go there? Don't even talk about the weather. It's not Siberia, it's Serbia. Because I'm going to go there and take a fucking farm tool to the side of my head. I don't need that shit. We got vampires there. Consider it as. I'm sure you'll have a blast here. I like how he scares the fuck out of me.

Bill Burr

Go.

Andrew Santino

Go to the water park. Also, I don't know when you're planning to do this tour, but I'd recommend sometime between September and November. Hopefully you'll put some more specific information out on this plan soon. No, I was thinking like January or February. Why is that a bad time? What happens in those months anyway? Love your. Oh, those. During January, we Everybody stays inside and they let the inmates run down the street. It's like running of bulls with murder. Anyways, love your shtick and wacky antics with the occasion. Random hijinks. Rock on, you crazy bastard. All right, just the way you're talking. I think I'll be fine if I go over there. Alright. Obama's money. Hi, Bill. I'm gonna get the shit kicked out of me on this one. He signed a book deal, you unread douche. Oh, stop it. Stop it. I don't want to hear this shit. I don't want to hear this shit. I don't want to hear this. Dude, he's gonna go around and he's gonna do. He had $70 million worth of fucking tour dates. He also had that. You selectively unreading douchebag. Don't tell me he fucking. He had a fucking $900 million book deal. Obama. $65 million book deal. All right, wait a second, wait a second. And now I'm going to fucking hit you back with my shit. Obama speaking dates, money tour. Here we go. Come on, man. Big number, big number, big number. Michelle Obama tickets for 2018, Barack Obama. $400,000 speaking fees reveal what few. Here we go. Obama secures 800 grand for two speaking. Who you think he's talking to, huh? You think he's going to a homeless shelter? The reason many of us have been critical Barack Obama's outrageous 4,000 speaking fees is that it robs us of a fantasy that sooner or later the first black president was going to use his considerable powers in or out of office to help the economic ravages of the poor who are dis black, blah, blah, blah. But, you know, a white person probably wrote this. I want to know who he's talking to, huh? Who the fuck has 400 grand to throw at this fucking guy? They're all, I don't know how to talk to you fucking assholes. So am I really supposed to sit here and I'm supposed to think that these fucking guy, like, everybody with the blue tie? I just don't buy it. I don't fucking buy it. All right, okay, $65 million book deal, okay?

Bill Burr

After taxes, sir. After taxes and all the bullshit, that'll

Andrew Santino

probably be about 30 million bucks. And I guarantee you he is going to be worth, when it's all said and done, about 200 million bucks, okay? And it's not going to be because he wrote a fucking book, all right? He's also going to go out and they do these speaking engagements to all these corporations that. And they'll pay them 400 fucking grand. And these are the same people that got him into office and he went in there and did what the fuck they wanted, and this is just them washing their bribe money. I mean, honestly, dude, what changed when he was in office that everybody is so enamored with? Did we stop torturing people down in Guantanamo? Did we fucking end the war over there? Are we finally going like, hey, wait a minute, ISIS doesn't have a plane or a boat. Why are we acting like Germany got back together? No, it's the same fucking thing. It's the same. God damn. It's the same guy with a different colored tie. All right, I will fucking read up on this. Hi, Bill. Love your shows. And you work at Outlet on the World, our most recent podcast, you talked about the house Obama just bought and wondered where the money came from. Here's a piece that explains it. It doesn't. It doesn't. $65 million, you don't turn around and you're only going to get $30 million of that, okay? And then you're going to go out and buy an 80 million dollar fucking house. You're going to pay at the 30 year note on that, paying interest on that because you just basically got $30 million after taxes. That makes no fucking sense.

Bill Burr

All right?

Andrew Santino

And also I would say, I would actually be willing to suggest that I am a fucking paranoid maniac, that the information that you're gonna, they're not gonna tell you. Can somebody explain to me how did the Clintons become worth hundreds of millions of dollars? Let me guess. They both wrote a book for $100 million each and they what, they don't pay taxes and that was it. And then other than that, they're like Jimmy Carter, driving around the world fucking, you know, building houses for the poor. I never claimed, sir, to be 100% fucking read up on this shit. I'm not even 2% read up on it, but neither are you, okay? This is not a piece that explains it. This is a piece that just shows this guy cashing the fuck in. 65 million is the gross. He's gonna get about 30 million bucks.

Bill Burr

That's it.

Andrew Santino

Because he's got a kick in for this never ending war too. All right? So now he's got 30 million bucks, he owes 82 million. Like what is the fucking payment on that? A month? Now he's gonna go around and he's gonna give all these fucking speeches, okay? And schools do not have the fucking, you know, I would say Ivy League schools. Some of these bigger fucking schools, maybe they have that. But generally speaking, they go around and they talk to these fucking, these corporations who got him into office. Hey, do what the we want to do, you know, every one of them. I don't know, I think the whole thing is weird. It's all weird. It's all weird that he's a public servant and blah blah, blah, blah. And then the end of the rainbow you're worth $200 million. And you're living in the same neighborhood as all those corporate cunts who pour into the water supply. Like the fact that that doesn't bother you on any goddamn level. And you're going to just sit there, you got 65 million for a book. I mean, there you go. I'm satisfied with that. I don't think the political system is corrupt at all. I don't think it's a bad thing that now corporations can dump unlimited amount of funds into presidential candidates. I don't think that that influences their decisions on foreign policy whatsoever. I don't know. Hey, you know what, sir, Agree to fucking disagree, all right? Anyways, I haven't Even read the rest of this. And despite the fact that I don't agree with you, I will say that there are assholes on both sides. However, I, however, believe that there is a lot to be said about how one conducts themselves, which is why I side with Hillary over Trump. Yeah, I love you people who like it's how you conduct yourself. As long as you continue murdering innocent people, it's like, it's not a problem. But they're so eloquent when they give a speech. Do you know why the President ages the way they do? It's because of the dead bodies. That's why. It's not the economy, it's not the sketches on snl, which is what always cracks me up when you see, like, people in Hollywood talking about how they want to run for president. You're basically saying that you're so fucked in the head that you will. That you want to go to bed, put your head on the pillow, going like, did I do the right thing? We thought they were the enemy. It turned out to be a family. There were children there, and you have to fucking go to bed, and then the next day fucking smile and give some goddamn speech. It is the most fucked up. Maybe, Maybe they deserve the money. I don't know. Maybe I'm oversimplifying. I am. I always oversimplify. You know what, sir? I agree with you. You're probably right. You know what? There you go. That's how he got the house. He wrote a book. Hickory Dickory Dock. This chick was sucking my cock. Clock suck, dude. Fucking Andrew Dice Clay. God bless you. All right, podcast topic. Hey, Bill, wondering if on an upcoming podcast you can talk about how your views may or may not have changed on being a stay at home mom now that you are a parent yourself. No, they haven't changed. They haven't changed. I think everybody exaggerates how difficult their fucking job is. All right, listen. Being a single parent is difficult. I would say that would probably be unbelievably fucking difficult. However, if you're fucking married. You know what I mean? It's. And you got one kid. It's. It's not that hard. The first three months. Yeah, you're hallucinating, you know, but you get somebody to help you out, a friend, a family member, something to help you out. See State. That whole thing where people try to do it themselves is. Goddamn. It's insane. It's fucking insane. That's not. People didn't do that back in the day. They used to say it takes a village to Raise a child. And back in the day, you didn't fucking move to the other side of the goddamn forest. You just built a fucking log cabin right next to your parents. That was it. They came over and they helped you out. Fought off a grizzly bear. Okay? No, my views have not changed. Other than I can be honest with you, when I watch my kid, I'm fucking psyched. I love it. I have a great goddamn time. We play games, we're screaming and yelling, we're throwing balls all over the living room. And, you know, I don't know what the problem is. You know, my buddy was bitching about something, talking about he had to do something difficult, and I said, dude, do you realize there's probably some guy from Cuba right now that, you know, made a boat out of a discarded desk and is using a fucking sport coat as a sale, trying to get into this fucking country, risking the fact that he's gonna get caught, sent back, and God knows what the fuck happens to him. And I don't know what exactly is the problem with your day. It's. It's. What I would say, ma', am, is it's about perspective, which is what that bit was about. I'm not saying it's not a challenging job. I'm not saying it's not an important job. I just said it's not the most difficult job on the planet. I would say that people who fucking were trying when the lava was coming down at their house and they didn't have lava insurance, I would say it's a more trying day than when your kid just would not stop crying. You want to hear a kid not stop crying? Wait till that fucking lava is at the front door.

Bill Burr

Help.

Andrew Santino

Should I tell my boyfriend I'm a prostitute? Okay, now you and I know sometimes these emails get a little fucking not believable. Like, what am I supposed to do with this shit here? Is this actually help? Exclamation point. Should I tell my boyfriend I'm a prostitute? All right, what do I do here, people? Do I ignore this? Do I actually act like this is real? All right, let's wade into dear Billy Ball baggins. I'm a 25 year old semi single lady living in the Netherlands, okay? I've got good qualifications, master's degree. I'm social. Well, it sounds like it. Outgoing. Yeah. I'm not going to argue and try to treat other people with kindness and respect. Oh, God bless you. You're the prostitute with the heart of gold. Anime. You really have a master's degree? I'D really like to build a special relationship in my life and I'm currently dating a nice guy from Brazil. Oh, boy. But there's a catch. For the past three years, I've been working in the sex industry. I like my job, make good money and always practice safe sex. Oh, boy. Oh boy. Get out of that business, sweetheart. I don't want to quit as it would mean busting my ass at some corporate job working for the man. Yikes. You can't just be a stripper, you know, no offense to strippers, but Jesus Christ. You know, go out there, shake your ass a little bit, you know, hose yourself off in the green room and just walk away like it never happened. For me, it's not a big deal to balance my job and a loving relationship as I don't find the work situation side of things emotionally intimate at all. However, my boyfriend seldom sees it the same way my boyfriends. I am sure if I should be honest with my new potential boyfriend about my profession. I'm unsure if I should be. Normally I'm very honest and upfront my boyfriends about my job and normally it kills the relationship. Oh, I see. I'm starting to wonder if honesty is really the best policy as the truth always seems to add extra pressure and the strain to the relationship. And it hurts me when I get attached to people and they finish with me. What do you think? I hope you and Nia had a nice time in Paris and go fuck yourself. We had a great time. All right. Okay. If this is true, sweetheart. Yeah. You know, if you want to find a loving relationship, I think you need to stop being a prostitute. Okay. You know, I understand. You know, nobody understands not want to ending up in a cubicle more than me. But I mean, it's a dangerous job, you know, It's a very dangerous job. There's a bunch of creeps out there. I know you practice safe sex, but you know, there's always problems. It's just, you know, I don't know. I don't. You know something? I'm looking at this as a, you know, with that puritan American fucking viewpoint. I don't know if you're free or over there, man. I don't know what the deal is, but let's say I could actually handle the fact the physical aspects of the girl I was dating being a prostitute, which I couldn't. Let's just say I could. I would be so worried every time she went out that someone was going to beat her up or kill her. I mean, you're in the sex industry. It's a fucking horrible industry. You know, I would. I think, you know, least I would be worried about is how I tell this fucking guy I'm in the sex industry. I would be more worried how the fuck do I get out of the sex industry? Because what's going to happen is eventually you're going to be an old prostitute, all right? And I don't know how you, what, you're investing your money in Bitcoin or, you know, your own whorehouse. I have no idea what you're doing here, but, like, you know, then all of a sudden, there's this big gap in your resume where you weren't in a cubicle. Now you're trying to get a corporate job, and you're like, you know, what did you do from 2010 to 2021? Oh, I had sex for money. Oh. Oh, okay. Well, all right. I don't think we have any more questions. I mean, you know, assuming this is all true, I would love it if you got out of that industry. Just get out of it. You know what I mean? There's easy money in my business too, you know? I could go fucking do it. I go whore myself out, you know? But you know what? You always leave a piece of yourself there back in that room. I don't know. You have a tremendous attitude. I mean, you make it sound fun. I love it, man. You know, I don't get emotionally attached and making good fucking money, you know? And this is when any woman group would be like, that's because she's so numb from the zappa da biba da boo, you know? They start throwing their thoughts into your fucking head. I don't know how you're wired. It might be fucking true, it might not be true. I don't have any. I don't have any. This is way above my pay grade. I have no idea. But, yeah, you should fucking tell somebody that you're, you know, having sex for money. You know, he probably want to know that because it is dangerous. You know, there's STDs or all that shit out there. Yeah, I guess I would. I would, you know, I would tell them, fuck it. You know, I guess if you can continue being a prostitute, your soulmate's going to be the person you don't have to lie to. You can't accept me for who I am, you know? All right. I don't know what I got to do to get rid of this fucking cold. It just came on slow. I don't know. This doctor wants to Tell me if it comes on fast, it goes away fast. Comes on slow, goes away slow. I guess that's what the fuck's going on here. But anyways, that is the podcast. Good luck to all four teams left in the World Cup. Good luck to that prostitute and that Brazilian guy, and God bless the United States of America, and congratulations to Obama for signing a $900 million book deal. That's how he got that house. That's how he's going to pay for it. All you need is 30 million bucks. We're 82 fucking. If I got a 60 million dollar fucking book deal and all I was going to get was 30 million bucks out of it, and I was getting 400 grand a night, I still wouldn't go out and buy an 82 million dollar house. I wouldn't fucking do it. An $82 million house is a fucking white elephant. No offense to the Obamas, all right? I mean, when you turn around to sell that thing, I mean, there's like 0.1% of people that can actually fucking afford it. You gotta hope that they're in the goddamn market. I don't know. Do you think he'll fly drones around it for old times sake? Oh, that was a low blow. See, Bill, this is why people think you voted for Trump. I don't like making fun of Trump. It's too fucking easy. And paying attention to him is too fucking depressing, you know? Oh, by the way, I gotta tell you something. That don't be a Brad thing on fucking Instagram. And I'm like that. I can't get over that clip of that little shit yelling at that bouncer. The bouncer goes, get out, get out of my face, you little shit. Or whatever. And the kid is so beside himself, he's, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Do you have any idea what the fuck my dad does? I cannot believe that a man said that to another man. Do you have any idea what the fuck my dad does? It's like, why is. I'm not talking to your dad there, son. I'm talking to you. What the fuck do you do other than buy little shirts? But what I love if I've watched that video so many times after that he fucking throws that little shit. Which is so satisfying to watching, to watch. When you listen to his friends, they're just like, oh, dude, you are fucked. You just fucked up, dude. And the kid gets up, I'm like, oh, what does he know? Some taekwondo? What's going down? And he goes, you just fucked up, man.

Bill Burr

They all walked away, right?

Andrew Santino

But they were so convinced that this bouncer was fucked. And to the point I was sitting there, like, was feeling, like, unsatisfied, like, dude, I want to know what the fuck your dad does. Do you have an idea what the fuck my dad does? I just love the way he says, oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God. Like, he's like, are you seriously challenging me right now? Do you have any idea what the fuck my dad. What does he do? Does he torture people for the CIA? What the fuck does he do? Oh, my God. Somebody's got to animate that. That bounce is sitting in the chair. You know, those torturers always have, like, the fucking tools out in front of you. There's that little shit. I told you, man. I told you not to push me. My little polo shirt. All right, that's it. I apologize to Obama and all presidents. Evidently, they just do book deals and just make 400 grand a night giving speeches to, you know, banking conglomerates and that type of shit. No, they don't. They go down to homeless shelters and they all scrape together fucking nickels that they. They beg for that day. I have no fucking idea. And you know what? Neither does the guy who. I love how he looked up one fucking thing. That's why I just. I love doing a podcast is I get. I get. Hey, I'm not that dumb. There's people just as dumb as me. You know, who would know? Jimmy Dore. I could have Jimmy Dore in this. I'm gonna have fucking Jimmy Dore in this podcast. I'm gonna save this. I'm gonna save this fucking question. I'm gonna read it to Jimmy Dore. All right. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Do you have any idea what the fuck Jimmy Dore reads? Jimmy Dore is gonna be my dad on this question. So I can win because I want to win. I don't want to be right. I just want to win. That's what it's about, right? All right. Have a great week. You c. I'll check in on you Thursday. Don't get my sympathy hanging out the 15th floor change likes 3 times I still come reeling through the dark

Bill Burr

one

Andrew Santino

day I'll get to you teach you how to get to purest and well, you do it to yourself. You do. And that's why.

Bill Burr

Hey, I'm Andrew Santino. And I'm Bobby Lee.

Andrew Santino

And we made something completely insane.

Bill Burr

We took celebrities, we put them in my mom's basement, we throw trivia at them. We hit them with absurd challenges. And then just when they think they know what's happening, we blow the whole thing apart.

Andrew Santino

Nobody knows the rules. We barely know the rules. It's chaos. It's comedy.

Bill Burr

It's the Bad Game Show. New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Andrew Santino

Watch on the Bad Friends YouTube channel

Bill Burr

or on the Bad Game show feed on Spotify Video. Follow, subscribe, watch, share, play along, have fun.