MILLIE BOBBY BROWN: "I Had A Panic Attack For 3 Months"

Host

This episode is presented by State Farm. We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more, fully embracing mindfulness. But sometimes the most purposeful thing you can do is just handle the thing

Jay Shetty

you've been putting off.

Host

If getting your insurance sorted has been living on that list, State Farm is

Jay Shetty

there to help you choose the coverage

Host

that's right for you. Go online@statefarm.com or use the easily accessible app to get help from one of their over 19,000 local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods. What a great time of year. Summer is a time to celebrate with loved ones and get closer to nature. Whatever you've got planned, you'll find everything you need with the quality you expect from Whole Foods Market. Find sales on Best of summer fruit like sweet peaches and organic blueberries and nectarines. Plus you'll find fresh grilling veggies like corn and zucchini salads and everyday low prices on 365 brand chips and dips. Shop Whole Foods Market in store or online and get your first delivery free with prime terms apply. I think we have to start by

Jay Shetty

getting out of the way that you're a Liverpool fan.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yes.

Jay Shetty

And I'm a Manchester United fan.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yes, I know.

Jay Shetty

But we're going to have to put that aside.

Millie Bobby Brown

I've even been able to befriend Steven Gerrard.

Jay Shetty

Wow, now you're showing off.

Millie Bobby Brown

I know. There we go.

Jay Shetty

Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute and I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it and yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Millie. Bobby Brown. Welcome to On Purpose.

Millie Bobby Brown

Thank you for having me.

Jay Shetty

It's so great to have you here. I was just telling you I've been waiting three years to have you in the seat. So it feels surreal.

Millie Bobby Brown

Would have been as interesting three years ago.

Jay Shetty

Well that's great then. Everything always works out.

Millie Bobby Brown

Exactly.

Jay Shetty

But you know, when you look at your life today, like what would 11 year old Millie be most surprised about or look at and be shocked about?

Millie Bobby Brown

I don't know. You know, I was going to say like she'd be shocked how like vocal I am about like me and my life and the things I believe in and like how vocal I am outwardly about that. But then I don't actually thinking about it probably I'm not that shocked about that because I think maybe I inevitably that was always going to come to me, maybe that I have, like, I travel a lot in, in and I live in a lot of different places. I don't know if I necessarily thought that was going to happen to me but. But it has and I'm very grateful for that.

Jay Shetty

Going back to that 11 year old Millie, what's, what's a childhood memory that you have that you think defines who you are today or has had an impact on who you've become today? Is there one that stands out?

Millie Bobby Brown

I think the moment I shaved my hair off was a pretty like impactful moment. I remember when it was happening I thought, wow, this is like, this is really like me showing my dedication to my job. Like I was 10 years old. Your hair as a girl, you're told, is kind of like what defines you as being kind of a girl and pretty and, you know, whatever. And I just didn't care about that. I wanted to do what made me happy. And so for me that was this job. And so shaving my hair off I'd say was a pretty defining moment. Just as like a person I was like, and I was 10, so I wasn't thinking that deeply about it, but in the moment I guess I kind of was when I, when I did it. And my mum was really like trying to just help me understand like, you know, no matter what people are going to say about you, what they're gonna think, you know, because she's preparing me, she's a logistical person. She's like, you did this because you wanted to do it and this made you happy. And that really helped me because she prefaced it because that it did happen like for year, like a year or two after I definite, I got, you know, bullied in person at a young age for having, you know, short hair and, and I think had my mom not have prefaced it, maybe it would have hit home harder.

Jay Shetty

Wow. Oh, so you're saying that that actually protected you from that bullying that came after.

Millie Bobby Brown

Bully was like, really? That's what will happen. And she was like, I know the world, you know, and so she was so right because, you know, I'd been in many situations where I was made fun of, you know, for it and, and then I just came back with what my mom and I talked about, which was like, well, I did this because this made me happy to. I'm getting to live out my dreams.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, it's so much better. It sounds like when your parents actually tell you what's going to come rather than telling you it's all going to be all right. Exactly. Everything's going to be okay.

Millie Bobby Brown

Don't lie to me. I was never the kid. Like, don't lie to me. I'd rather just know.

Jay Shetty

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

And I guess at that point when you're making those big, bold decisions, I guess you don't even know you're setting up yourself up for that. And it sounds like you've continued to do that. I mean, today you're an actor, you're a producer, you're a creator, you have Florence by Mills, you have a farm, you're a mother. Like, which of those roles do you feel most yourself in?

Millie Bobby Brown

I would say, like, first, a mother and very close second, a wife. Like, that. They both kind of, you know, family. Like a family member. Like, I feel like that's my. That's my purpose. I always knew I wanted to be a mum, and becoming a mum has been just the most purposeful, important thing that's ever happened to me. And, yeah, I always say, you know, Jake was the best thing to ever happen to me and my daughter was the best thing to ever happen to us.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, I love that.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

That's so beautiful. Did you ever. Really close. And do you have a really close relationship with your mom?

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh, my gosh, Jay. My mom is like my bestest, closest friend. Yeah. She's everything to me. My mum and I talk 5,000 times a day about absolutely nothing. She is the first person I call when I wake up and the last person I call when I go to sleep. Like, she's just my best friend. She understands me so much. And yet sometimes it's infuriating because I'm like, mom, how do you know that? Like, she could just look at me with one thing and she's like, nope, she's not happy, or she's anxious or she's stressed and she needs this or she needs that. My mom has treated me the same, and not. Not anything to do with fame, but just like, my age. She's treated me like I'm her young daughter forever. And so I always felt like I have a mum that cares about if I've scraped my leg the same way I would if I was three now, you know? And, like, that is just. I. I've never had the kind of parents to be like, oh, you're 22 now. That's it. You know, it's just not that, like, they're, like, they still very much care, as if I was, you know, under 18.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. Even though you have your own baby as well.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah, exactly. No now it's like, you know, it's like they care about me and then her. It's very much like walking into the room and being like, oh, my goodness. You know, I'm like, which one?

Jay Shetty

Oh, that's so funny.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. Yeah.

Jay Shetty

You're like, wait a minute, is that for me?

Millie Bobby Brown

Is it me or a her thing? But it's always her. Like, she's. Yeah. The light of every room.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. She's winning now, of course.

Millie Bobby Brown

And I want that for her. I love it.

Host

This episode is presented by State Farm. We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more, fully, embracing mindfulness. But sometimes the most purposeful thing you

Jay Shetty

can do is just handle the thing you've been putting off.

Host

If getting your insurance sorted has been living on that list, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage that's right for you. Go online@statefarm.com or use the easily accessible app to get help from one of their over 19,000 local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm, is

Jay Shetty

there your reaction to my question of are you close to your mom? I think she'd want to frame that. Like, your reaction was just amazing. I was like, wow. Like, just the natural instinctual response.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

The expression we just saw in your face, I was like, wow, that's really special.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah, I'm really great, I think. I wonder if maybe there's a part of the relationship that I have with my mom is the reason I just wanted to be a mum. Like, I watched my mom growing up, and I was like, the love she has for all of her children and just the dedication she's poured into being a mum and being such a present mom. All of my siblings, we could go to my mum about absolutely anything, anything at all. The good, the bad, the ugly. And my mum will take it and talk to us about it. And she's hilarious. I mean, she's from the East End, so don't get me wrong, you're getting a fun answer, but she's definitely the reason I wanted to be a mom. Like, she's just. She just. Like, when you have somebody every day inspiring you, you know, it was like, oh, I just want to be like her.

Host

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

What was the hardest thing you ever had to tell her?

Millie Bobby Brown

I got a tattoo, you know, quite young.

Jay Shetty

How old were you?

Millie Bobby Brown

15. Okay.

Jay Shetty

I was 16 when I got my first.

Millie Bobby Brown

I snuck out the house and I got my 11 tattoo, and I knew I wanted it. And the thing is, it's kind of ridiculous because I could have Just told them, and they would have probably been fine. But I was just like, I want to do it. And maybe it's kind of a part of me knew that, like, if 11 were to ever be killed off the show, like, I need something to stand with me. Also, I had to put, like, a temporary tattoo on every day, and it was ridiculous. Cause I was like, I know I want to get this, so I might as well, you know, do it now. My mom, she was the best person to talk to growing up, especially when, like, dating and stuff like that. I'd be like, mom, I need your help. You know?

Jay Shetty

Like, was there ever a time where she was like, millie, come on.

Millie Bobby Brown

What do you do?

Host

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh, my God. All the time. She'd be like, who? No, really? This guy. You know, my mom's a really shy person. Like, really shy. So she actually used to have her mom break up with boys for her. She was like, not. She couldn't. Yeah. And I'm the complete opposite. That's where I.

Jay Shetty

You never asked her to do that?

Host

No.

Millie Bobby Brown

My. I'm like my dad in that respect. I share a lot of qualities, like, my dad. Like, my dad and I are, like, best friends, but my dad is me. And so I would just. I have no problem in telling people anything, whereas my mum would be like, you know, mom, I need you to answer the phone and break up with this guy for me. I love that.

Jay Shetty

That's hilarious. That's crazy.

Millie Bobby Brown

Don't want to see you anymore. Sorry.

Jay Shetty

As simple as that.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah, exactly.

Jay Shetty

You're not good enough.

Millie Bobby Brown

No. You don't want to fight with my. You know, my nanny, Ruth. She was, like. She was a powerhouse.

Jay Shetty

That's so funny. I remember when I got my tattoo at 16, so I had this vision of. I loved rap music growing up, so I assumed I would have my whole upper body tattooed. And. And then I was told that the hardest place to get a tattoo is on your neck.

Host

Oh.

Jay Shetty

And so I was like, okay. They said, if you can take it there, you'll be able to take anywhere. I was like, okay. So I went out, got a tattoo on my neck, came back home, had blood dripping off the bottom of my, like, collarbone area.

Millie Bobby Brown

My God.

Jay Shetty

And my parents had friends and family over from India, and India's very conservative and Indian families and tattoos. Not the one. And then they were like, what have you done? My mum was scared it was infected. Like, the blood was all over the place, the families.

Millie Bobby Brown

Did you regret it immediately?

Jay Shetty

I didn't at all. I was like, no. I'm the coolest. Like, this is so cool. Like, this is so badass that everyone in my family.

Millie Bobby Brown

My dad didn't know about the 11 tattoo for, like, four.

Jay Shetty

How did you. What, you just walked around like this?

Millie Bobby Brown

I always had it on because of work, so he couldn't tell him if it was real or a temporary tattoo. Sorry, dad. But I think one day I was, like, doing another job, and then they were covering it up, and then he was like, oh, he put it together. I was like, yeah.

Jay Shetty

What did they say when you had got a tattoo? Did your mom and dad have a reaction?

Millie Bobby Brown

I mean, they were kind of like, if you were already gonna always get it done, like, you know, but they were. They were definitely like, you should have told us. And also we should have come. But I mean, I was like, sometimes if you're going to do what you're going to do, you know, I was like, I was. It was always in the plan for me to get it, and it meant so much to me. Like, this role changed my life forever. They knew that. They knew that, like, this role was so, so meaningful to me. And so this was a part of Eleven's character, and this was part of almost my character in a way. So, yeah.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. I love hearing about all this background because I wanted to ask you about. You recently said that becoming a mother made your life feel like it went from black and white to color. And I thought that was such a beautiful transformation to talk about what. What felt black and white before and what was the color.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. It's funny because my husband and I, we always say that, and it's like my life is beautiful. Before, it was. It was. It was amazing. Like, Jake and I, we built a very strong relationship foundation. I have an amazing family. I'm very close to his family, but something about my daughter, it's just life changing. It's not about the day to day changing the diapers, taking them for walks, taking them to classes, feeding them. It's not about that. That's not the color. The color is like the life and light in her eyes when you look at her and she's thinking and she's putting two and two together and she's seeing flowers or smelling flowers for the first time or reacting to the sun in the morning like that is the color. Like, it's seeing somebody enjoy and love life for the first time in the most pure, stunning way. That is what makes it worth it. I don't know if that makes any sense.

Jay Shetty

I'm, like, fully in love, but, like,

Millie Bobby Brown

you Know, it's obviously life changing because you wake up and you take care of this human being, but it's seeing her love and enjoy life for the first time. It's just, it's. It makes, it changes everything.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, no, that's. That's spectacular.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

I was saying to someone recently, I made a friend who looks at like a flower as if they just found a million dollars, and it just changes your view on life.

Millie Bobby Brown

And that's my husband, when it was actually in my vows. But like, my husband will. He notices every sunset. He notices every rainbow. He'll look out at the plane and be like, look at that. He sees things for the first time too. And it's the most amazing way to look at life. I will not lie. I became a bit ungrateful for the very, very small things because I was a child actor. I traveled a lot. I would go to cities and not enjoy the sunsets because I was working or I was, you know, and I'm doing this and doing that and focused on what fans are taking pictures of me and who's chasing me in a car. And I wasn't able to enjoy and sit still for a moment. And meeting my husband changed all of that. Now I'm the person, the first person to be like, look at the. Look at the shoot. Look at the stars. Look at the shooting stars. Or like, look at the moon. We take pictures of the moon all the time. So I've become that slowly. And I think he's just made me realize how stunning the world is.

Jay Shetty

Wow. How long did it take you to write your vows?

Millie Bobby Brown

I would say a year. Like, I. Wow. I drafted it. I revisited in six months. Mid planning amended the things that I was starting to like. You know, you learn every day about the person, you know. And so I was adding and amending. And then the day before, I just double checked and made sure everything was up to date. That's primarily just talking about dogs and making sure it doesn't say, you know, four instead of eight, because we might have doubled. But yeah, then I just like the night before. And I think Jake, I think it didn't take him as long. I think he was like, I kind of knew what I wanted to say.

Jay Shetty

That's the new standard. Takes a year to write vows. Yeah, you've ruined it for everyone else out there.

Millie Bobby Brown

But by the way, this isn't every day. But I just did like regular check ins just to make sure I still like, you know, there were certain things that I would see, certain poems and things like that. And I wanted to add that all into. All into it if I saw something that inspired me.

Jay Shetty

Was there anything else that you remember from your vows that you could share with us?

Millie Bobby Brown

I definitely mentioned the fact that he enjoys every. Like, he's taught me to enjoy every rainbow, and that's because of his mum. Like, his mum's also very similar to that. Enjoys, like, just very observant and present in the world. I mentioned how much I love the grass and, like, how much we both enjoy looking at our grass. Like, in the farm, we're always like, look at the grass. And, like, look how it's. Like, we look how it's cut. Like, we love, like, fresh, and we love seeing the animals eat the grass. Like, we always. And he mentioned it in his vows, and I thought, wow, that's so odd that we both talked about that because it's such a mundane thing, and yet we were like, you know, we love to sit on our porch and watch the animals eat the grass. And, like, in the summertime, the grass in Georgia is just like a bright green. So we both mentioned that. And then I think he. He said some, you know, amazing quote, which I won't be able to remember now, but just about soulmates and twin flames and how, like, we were separated, but then we were able to. To kind of be one again.

Jay Shetty

Wow.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Sounds so special.

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh, my gosh. I was sobbing the whole time. Yeah.

Jay Shetty

I have to really hold back when I go to a wedding.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

I've had the fortune of officiating around three weddings at this point. And any time I'm doing that, I literally am in my head going, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. You got to hold it together.

Millie Bobby Brown

Everyone was crying. I cry. I also cry at every wedding. Yeah. It's such an emotional, beautiful thing to be able to, you know, declare your love for someone, whether that be we. And we do that every day. But in one, I think it's all those people watching you that have, like, helped raise you, and it's kind of amazing.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. You've spoken about always knowing that adoption was going to be a part of your journey. And I think I read someone. You can correct me if I'm wrong, around how at some point you studied social work and you were looking into just what the process looked like, and you learned about it. Like, walk me through that journey, because I think it's so refreshing and unique.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

And it's not like people want to be mothers, but not everyone wants to adopt. Like, walk me through that and how that became a part of your journey in your life.

Millie Bobby Brown

I had, I guess, a lot of adopted friends growing up. I was someone who, I don't know, again, always wanted to be a mom. Always. That was always a goal. But for me, adoption was like, kind of the first thing I always wanted to do. And I don't necessarily think I have some amazing elaborate answer, but when it's in your heart, it's just in your heart. Like, that was something I. I just thought that's going to be a part of my journey. I didn't necessarily know when. But then I studied social work for two years and I loved it and was learning primarily about adoption, which was where I really piqued an interest, and learning from the social worker's perspective, which I think is very interesting. And, you know, kudos to all social workers and what they do. And I think it is so amazing and unbelievable. And changing the trajectory of children's lives forever is a beautiful thing. So my hat's off to you. So learning about that was amazing. And then I started my dog rescue simultaneously and kind of by accident. Like, I just started like, fostering dogs and things like that. And then I changed my degree to a vet tech because I started vaccinating and microchipping these. These rescue dogs and was like, I feel like I need to learn more about that right now in my life, because it's very present in my life. So then I kind of changed my degree and went to that and proved to be very fruitful. And now we, you know, I have a dog rescue. It's one of my biggest passions. So that gave me a lot of perspective. Then I just started reading a lot of books. I took a lot of courses, various different courses in different perspectives, especially when it comes to like, adoptive mothers and birth mothers. And then we kind of started our journey. I would say Jake was like, kind of in from the jump. He was like, you know, that's think of why maybe I married him. It's just like the kind of person he is is like we were just so aligned. You know, sometimes you have to be with someone. You have to like, show them how you are and they show you how. But we were like, aligned. Like, it was like, this is. Oh, this. It wasn't really no explanation needed. We both kind of was like, yeah. And it's kind of great to be able to just know that we wanted to start a family still rooted in love, but. But. But through adoption. And I think that's just. It's such a special Thing.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. Talk to me on the process. Like, for. For someone who doesn't know, what does that process look like? And then talk to me about the moment that you found out your daughter was coming home and how that feels.

Millie Bobby Brown

The process is long and rightfully so. It's a. It's a very. It's a great process. And, you know, in fact, it's very thorough. So that's the probably the longest part is just getting through all of that and then getting the call. I mean, I will never forget it. It was the most surreal feeling. And yet we both knew in that moment, like, that was that we had found each other. Like, you know, and it was just like, I have a picture of him and he has a picture of me, and it was just like, oh, my goodness, this is our girl. Like, 100%, no doubt. And we were talking to someone, another adoptive mother, and it's like, there are two ways to have a baby. One through your stomach and one through your heart. My girl was through my heart. And, you know, it was just the most magical phone call and no questions asked. I knew we had found our baby and she found us.

Jay Shetty

Do you have that conversation recorded?

Millie Bobby Brown

No. And I think there's something so special about it because my whole life's recorded, you know, like, I could look back on any moment and be like, I remember when I was there and I was that and doing that and. And something about that. My husband and I will never forget those words. Where we were, what we were doing, the feeling. And I think in so many ways, like, that is. That is why that. That shouldn't be recorded. It's like, almost like you had to be there.

Jay Shetty

Too sacred.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. What did they say on the call? Like, what is. How does that even go?

Millie Bobby Brown

It's a deep and intense conversation, one that I was kind of like, very present for, but just like, I need. I need to go. I need to go, you know, it's like, I need, you know, and we both feel like that. So it's a long conversation, but when you know, you know, so it's kind of like you listen and you talk, but you're very much like one track minded.

Jay Shetty

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

I just need to get. I need to get to her. Yeah.

Jay Shetty

You've spoken so beautifully about your parents love for you. What's a lesson that they taught you or an experience that they gave you that you can't wait to pass on and share with your daughter?

Millie Bobby Brown

I was walking down the street the other day and my daughter was in the pram and she was like, ra ra ra, like, like really, you know, And I was like, I did it back and I did it kind of as loud as she did and as passionate as she did. She kind of looked at me and she was like. And I was like, you've met your match. And there's something about that that my parents taught me, which was like at the dinner table, if we're talking about something and I usually had a different of opinion, difference of opinion. It was very much encouraged and asked about and laughed at. Like, oh my God, okay, well if you think that, then what do you think, you know? And it was like my sparkle was never dulled. Like, they were just like encouraging me to always speak my mind. Hence why I might be in the press of it too. But I believe what I believe, you know, and like, nobody can really change my mind on that. I'm learning every day and I'm happy to be challenged. I love to learn. But like my rooted core values, I believe what I believe in. And if somebody is unkind or mean, like, I just, you can't justify that to me. You know, it's like I, I, I just, I don't care. Like, I, I really feel strongly about those things. And that is rooted in my parents. My parents, you know, they just really, I don't know what they did and I don't know if it's some secret sauce they had, but like, I just knew right from wrong very early on and I was really encouraged to speak my mind and sometimes lose and sometimes win. And like the feeling of that, you have to kind of really judge and understand. And so for me, I think I'm just going to really try to pass that down because I want more vocal girls in the world. I want girls to be able to feel like they can speak their mind to any young girl I meet. You know, somebody who's watched one of my films or I meet in the street or you know, somebody on online. Like, I'm always very much just like, if my characters make you want to speak up and, and speak loud, like, do it, go for it.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, we need that for sure.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. Well, we have enough men doing it,

Jay Shetty

you know, for sure, for sure. No, I, I couldn't agree with you more. I grew up with, I have a younger sister.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

And for me, when you grow up with the younger sister, she's what, four and a half years younger than me, Watching her grow up and become a woman. And again, she's opinionated, she's strong willed, she has drive, she has a clear Sense of meaning and values and belief, and it's. It's all I could ever want for anyone's sister, daughter, mother, friend, person.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Because you're like, wow, there have been times in history, and even now, sadly, places in the world where that just doesn't exist.

Millie Bobby Brown

No.

Jay Shetty

And you're like, well, what would the world miss out on?

Millie Bobby Brown

And.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, what would the people around you miss out on?

Millie Bobby Brown

I agree.

Jay Shetty

And if I didn't have a younger sister, would I have felt that way? Would I have experienced that?

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah, you know, definitely. I have a younger sister too, and it gave me a lot. I think that also. Sorry. Falls back into the whole motherhood thing. Like, I just loved being a big sister, but I felt very maternal toward her, and that all leads into that kind of, like, feeling of protection and family and. And it definitely made me go, I want one of her, you know?

Jay Shetty

That's awesome. How does she feel now being an aunt?

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh, my God, she's amazing. I mean, my daughter is obsessed with her. Like, I don't think there's anyone in my life that my daughter reacts to as well as she does. My, my youngest, I, I, it's, she must know or something. You know, it's like they must have some kind of kindred alliance, but they are. They're thick as thieves.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. I mean, you were referring to it just now. Like, you took on an extraordinary amount of responsibility at such a young age. What part of it do you think was really positive and has helped? And what part is still challenging or you still wrestle with?

Millie Bobby Brown

Well, I think motherhood and marriage, they're typically very traditional things. And so I don't want to kind of come on here and be like, you know, that's my story. That's my journey. But it's not everyone else's, and I'm very aware of that, you know, so I'm not somebody who's like, I know people like to say I'm a trad wife, and it's like, oh, ha ha ha. But I don't think anything is traditional about my life at all.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, I'd agree.

Millie Bobby Brown

You know, and maybe if you do think that, maybe you just don't know me, because I'm not. I wouldn't say that. And I don't think it's also bad to be traditional. Like, I hate there's, like, a bad thing. Like, but I don't know if that, that's my life, but, I mean, if that's what people think, you know, so be it. But I didn't grow up in L. A. I'm not a party girl. And again, nothing wrong with my party girls. Love that for you. But there's traditionally quite a thing about child actors in that kind of world and was just not ever my story or journey. I. We moved to Georgia, my parents raised me. You know, I was homeschooled and I was taken out of the spotlight despite being in the spotlight. So my parents were like, you can go to places and be that person, but when you're here, you're not. Maybe that's why I'm just not jaded by what the industry is, because I don't, I just don't feel like I just, it's not my everything.

Jay Shetty

Yes.

Millie Bobby Brown

And I, and I think it's good that it's not your everything. You know, I'm so grateful for my work. I love my craft. Like, I'm deeply grateful for that. But it's a part of my world. It isn't my world. And I think that that's probably something that really helped me in terms of taking on responsibilities and things like that. The things that didn't help me, my

Jay Shetty

goodness, how long do we have?

Millie Bobby Brown

Well, I know, right? It's like I would say, obviously public perception doesn't help growing up, hearing, you know, the way people think about you constantly. But then I think I just hit a point where I was, I really don't care. Like, I think I was like 15 when people started saying, like I looked like a 6 year old woman and what am I wearing? And I would wear a, a big heel and people would say, oh my goodness, who does she think she is? But then I would wear, you know, a suit and people would like rip me apart for looking too old. So, you know, it's not necessarily, I realized, oh, you're just all walking contradictions. Like you literally none of you actually have an opinion. And when I realized that, I was like, oh, this is ridiculous. You're all kind of like robots, you know, like. And I probably, I was, let's say, 16, 16 or 17. And then I had a pretty big thing happen to me when I was 17 that felt like it changed the way I saw the world. And then I just, I took social media off of my phone and I was like, no, this isn't for me. I, I, maybe I'm not the right kind of person to be on social media in that way. And I, yeah, I just, I don't know, I'm, I'm, I may be public perception, I could have gone without, but, but then again, it's also made me who I am today because that. Now I feel like I'm. It's almost like my life's mission to just protect young people in the industry from. From that in any way I can.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, I mean, your parents sound amazing.

Millie Bobby Brown

They are.

Host

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Jay Shetty

I love what you said about this idea that you knew who you were when the lights and cameras were turned off. And I feel like for anyone who's in the public eye, that seems to be the biggest thing I remember. I remember when I was doing the podcast, I'd become friends with one of my clients who'd been very successful and famous for multiple decades. And I got to know her offline and I said to her, I said, I'd love to have a conversation with you about some of this stuff. And she said to me, she said, jay, I don't know if I'm interesting beyond my character because that's all I have to offer from what the world's. I think she's fascinating, but that's her perception of herself, because anytime she's been on a talk show or anytime she's been on camera, it's always been playing a caricature of that character and never really been allowed to be herself because everyone was so obsessed with who she was. And I think women get this even more. More than men, where they can kind of play multiple roles.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

But she just kind of felt like, well, no, if I'm not playing that role, then am I. Do I even belong? Or if I'm. Am I allowed to be? And it sounds like you're like, well, no, I always knew who Millie was.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Beyond the camera and the screen. Because my parents really protected that space.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. And I. And I also think, like, the things I find interesting might. Yeah, they might sound boring to one but to me, they are really interesting. Like, I love the fact that, like, I sheared my sheep on Monday and, like, I, you know, I've been starting to make my own butter and, like, how Insane, that is. Or like, how. I don't know. I'm starting a garden and I can't figure out why this tree keeps stuck. Like, I'm like, I do think those things are fun and interesting. I don't know. I'm. And me being on here or me doing Fallon or, you know, those are great and interesting things. But I have too many normal friends. So I'm the odd one out in my friend group to say, I'm doing Fallon on Thursday. What are you doing? As opposed to a friend group full of people in the industry and that being just a normal thing to do. And I don't have that. So for me, I kind of. I lose out on the details of those things and just talk about the normal things. Like, oh, my God, I went to this bar the other night and, you know, they played this song. So I got up on the table and, like, that's my friend. That's my friend. Group of talking about just, like, the normal things in life. And that might be because my parents just raised me a certain way. I do think things are interesting. That might not be to the people in the industry, but I do try to just maintain the same who I am because I. When I go on to talk shows or do this or do that, like, I am myself again, leads me to the point of maybe that's why I'm in the press a lot. But it's just because I. I think you're talking to a real person. Like, I'm not. Got nothing to hide here. And I'm not playing a character. I'm really not. And I think people. Hopefully people can actually see that.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. And you have goats called Eminem and Cardi B. Yeah, so that I do. I was like that. That's pretty cool.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. All of my goats are named after rappers. Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Any others?

Millie Bobby Brown

Biggie Smalls and Slick Rick.

Jay Shetty

Why the choices.

Host

Walk us through.

Jay Shetty

Is that your choice?

Millie Bobby Brown

I love Slick Rick.

Jay Shetty

Okay.

Millie Bobby Brown

Like, I grew up just listening to Slick Rick. Biggie Smalls icon.

Jay Shetty

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

Then Cardi B. I love Cardi B. And then Eminem. I love Eminem. Me and my brother love Eminem. And then Thelma and Louise are two goats that escaped their farm and were found on the side of the road. So my animal control called me and said, millie, we can't figure out where these goats belong. We've called everyone. What do you want to do with these goats? I said, just bring them over. So they brought them over, and Thelma and Louise are like, these two cute pygmy goats. And they just live here now. And. And I have a lot of animals on the farm that were bullied out of their farm. So, like, the herds just kind of chose. We'd hate that donkey. So then that donkey comes to me.

Jay Shetty

Oh, wow.

Millie Bobby Brown

So I have about a lot of outcasts.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got all the misfits.

Millie Bobby Brown

Exactly.

Jay Shetty

They're all there together.

Millie Bobby Brown

That's where. Exactly where I belong.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. That's awesome. Talk to me about what it was that finally made you actually want to get off social media. Like, what was the criticism that felt, okay, now I actually need some space.

Millie Bobby Brown

I think it was a huge invasion of privacy at one point in my life that I felt like the overlap might have been too much, you know, like. Like, it's like this right now. This is my visual diagram I'm making. And at that point, it was like this. Like, it was too much. I was like, they know too much, and it's all lies, and I don't have enough time to sit here and explain. So I'm just like, I need to. I need to not. I need to not see it. And I took myself out of the equation. I. Not only I did that, but I cut out all soda in my life. I took, like, a whole pledge where I was like, I. I just, like, took away a bunch of things that I felt. Maybe I just, like, did very small habits, but things that I wanted to take out of my life. So I did it all at the same time. I'm a big, cold turkey girl. I don't. I do not do things half. I'm not somebody who's like, let's just, like, do everything in moderation and take it out. No, not me.

Jay Shetty

I'm the same. I get it.

Millie Bobby Brown

I cut things out my life immediately.

Jay Shetty

So what went Soda, social media.

Millie Bobby Brown

I was like, I'm spending too much time, like, doing work that I needed to pick up a hobby. So I picked up a hobby. I started bedazzling mason jars for hours. Like my. Like, my boyfriend, but my husband now, who is like, Mel, like, I genuine. I can't, like, watch you bedazzle one more thing. And I was like, I'm bedazzling this whole mason jar because I have to. And I think I was pouring my anxiety into that. I would say I had anxiety for about three months, and I had to still go to work. And I just went to work and was just very, very, very, very anxious. Definitely not myself. But, yeah, I would say, like, that that's hard when you're having an Anxiety and, and, and for me, my anxiety doesn't come on a Monday and maybe a Wednesday. My anxiety, if it was to come, something big needs to happen and then it will probably last for two months every day. So minor cycles. Mine aren't, mine aren't every other minor cycles. And then I need to do something to change this. Like I need, it's almost like I need to do something at the end of it to change the cycle. I know it's been happening for too long. So one of my longest cycles must have been three months. And, and it was, yeah, some I got, I got chased by somebody in, in a place and, and, and it sent me into a three month long anxiety panic attack where I had to do all of this stuff. And actually I went to Japan and I sat with these monks and it was the most amazing experience and I got, I'm getting teary eyed talking about it, but I, it took me out of the, the cycle. I needed it. So. Yeah, and it's funny because it didn't mean anything to them what I was telling them like about what sent me into this. But they were able to. And my, we sat in this garden and it was also. My husband said, I almost saw you like this weight just lift off of you. But it was just such a. You know, anxiety is the worst thing ever and I knew I needed to get, I needed to heal and I needed to figure out my anxiety before starting a family. Like I needed to understand what was happening. And then I did finally. And I'm still figuring out now, but I'm now like I have all these techniques I use and they work. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know when people are like, yeah, I started this medication, it's a great, like I'm, I'm so happy for you. But like for me I needed other techniques. I needed techniques that I could. Right now it's happening. What do I do? Because it would come at the craziest, hardest times. Like sometimes I'll look back at red carpet things of me and be like I was having a full blown panic attack in that moment. And it's crazy, it's crazy to. All of it's documented, but yeah, thank

Jay Shetty

you for sharing that. No, I just, I don't even know

Millie Bobby Brown

how we got there.

Jay Shetty

But.

Millie Bobby Brown

Sorry. You're very good.

Jay Shetty

No, you don't, you don't need to be sorry at all. I feel like, I feel like you just took us like deep into your mind.

Millie Bobby Brown

Psyche. Yeah, get out.

Jay Shetty

No, but as in, I could feel that it was so palpable to feel just how much that three months of anxiety was all encompassing.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's crazy because I'm, I have, I have health anxiety really bad. So like, if I go to a doctor or if I go to the hospital, I have to tell them before I have health anxiety. So whatever you're going to tell me, I'm going to rationalize in my head. I'm going to make it seem so much worse. So I need you to tell me things like, I'm a three year old because there are certain things now that I know trigger me. Like deeply, deeply trigger me. So I've been able to just work out what's going on and slowly accommodate my needs because then it's not going to go away. Like, and it could one day it could and I would wake up and great. But I need to be in the mindset. Like, it's probably not. So let's just accommodate what needs to be done here. I can't stop my life. I'm not going to, but I need to, like, I need to work around it. And I think I figured out pretty great techniques to work around it. My mom being one of those people, like, my mum is just like the first person that can talk me down out of that space.

Jay Shetty

How did you discover you had health anxiety?

Millie Bobby Brown

Well, it started like before this trip to Japan. And if, for me it's like if I feel something in on my neck or if I, I start to, you know, I start to spiral really, really bad to the point where I could actually get myself sick. So like, for me, like I have given, like I lose vision sometimes I can get a fever, I get myself sick really quickly. I could, like, if I have an anxiety attack at night, in the morning I'll have 102 fever. Like that's my body responds like kicks in to fight or flight. The hardest thing is, is that I, I don't know when my body's like tricking me or not because my anxiety gives me physical symptoms. So I never want to be the boy who cried wolf because my. But my husband's one of those people, he, he just never questions. He's like, you're telling the. This is your truth. Even if this is your anxiety, you're still feeling it, it's still happening to you. So I try now I'm really good at being able to understand if it's a, if this is a temporary thing or do I actually think this is a real thing. So for instance, on Enola 3, I got really, really ill during production. Like, really bad. And I knew it was a moment where I know. I. This is not anxiety. I was able to compartmentalize and go, this is not anxiety. This is something that needs to be. I need to go to the hospital right now. I used to not be able to. To separate and be like, could this be. Could this be now? I know I'm pretty certain I'm pretty good with it. And it's just a lot of. For me, knowledge is power. So I do a lot of reading about, like. And I don't know if it's like, before, I would just be like, oh, I'm feeling this pain. Could this be this? But now I'm like, no, it couldn't be that, because that would show in this way. So I actually think I need to know more about the situation and the world than not. Because actually, the lack of knowledge is what gave me the most anxiety. Like, the feeling of being, you know, not in control, because I'm in control of everything else in my life. But you can't be in control of that stuff sometimes, you know? Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Thank you for explaining that to us. I feel like there's so many people who probably feel that way and don't even know it.

Millie Bobby Brown

No.

Jay Shetty

And then think, actually, I want to stay away from information and not realizing that more knowledge equals more power equals more ability to have a sense of what you're actually experiencing. What was it during those three months that made you go to Japan to meet monks?

Millie Bobby Brown

I got chased by these people, and it was. It was a really traumatizing, like, I would say 20 minutes. Like 20 minutes. I just couldn't. It was very, very intense and very scary. After the 20 minutes, I got into an elevator and I. My team, who's probably watching this right now, I, like, faced the corner of the wall, and I was just like. I actually feel like I shut down and I shut down for three months. Like, that is, like, in that moment, I, like, something switched off in my mind. And so I did all of these events, and I believe I had, like. I did, like, my engagement party, and I had, like, all these really. My dad's birthday, I had a bunch of stuff, and I started getting really ill, and I had pneumonia, and I had, like, all of these. All of these problems, and I probably had three or four things, and I got strep. And I had strep for, like, three weeks or something. And then it went undiagnosed and. And therefore untreated. So then I got to Japan because I Was. I wanted to go. I really wanted to go. Not thinking it would be some spiritual journey. I thought, this is just gonna be a really great time. When I got there, I was like, I still. I still really felt anxious. I couldn't. Like, for instance, sometimes we'd get to a restaurant and I'd say to my husband, I can't go in. We need to go back. And he'd be like, okay, we'll go back. And that's the thing. Like, I never had to explain myself to him. He knew he got it. And then we would do, like, my tapping and just like, you know. And then I went to Kyoto, and I went to this garden with these monks, and I met him, this. This. This one amazing gentleman who was, like, just so calm and almost felt like he saw me. Like, he was like. And I was in the height of my anxiety at this point. It was like he knew that I was kind of broken, so he was acting normal with me. But then when we got to the garden, he was like, we need to meditate. And I was like, okay. Meditation has never been anything that's worked for me because of my mind and how I've not been able to shut out the thoughts. But we meditated in this garden, which was for five minutes, and I meditated with 50 people. Like, it was not just us. There was a bunch of tourists like us, and we all sat in this garden. Nobody knew who I was, and if they did, they didn't care in that moment. And it was amazing. And I will never forget the feeling. And then we went into this kind of samurai's house, and it was, like, the coolest experience. And then they brought out these singing bowls, and we sat there for another hour. And I left being. It was my husband's birthday, and I remember being like, I'm so. I feel like it's my birthday. Like, I just got given, like, the biggest gift of all. Like, finally peace in my heart. And my husband literally said, like, it would like it. You radiated this light after. And it just. It was exactly what I needed. And I do think that I'm a big believer in. In, like, divine intervention. And I think that was a moment where God was like, you need to. You need to take a break, and you need to, like, sit there and figure out kind of what's going on in your head. And I didn't figure it out necessarily, but I did figure out that I needed to sit in silence for a bit. And. Yeah. And I think that really healed me in a lot of ways. It Healed a lot of me.

Jay Shetty

Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Have you been back?

Millie Bobby Brown

I've not. And I'm dying to, especially take my daughter. We made a promise to this temple that there. And so we are going to go back because we. They said you need to come back at this specific time this year, this time. And so that, that is kind of. My. My husband said, like, we, we are going to go back. And when we, when we were there, we said we're going to bring our kids back. So we knew we were like, we're on the right track.

Host

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. I feel like when you hear about moments like that and your belief in divine intuition and just finding the right thing at the right time and us being open to that happening to us, because I think whether we're skeptical or whether we're not believers or whether we just live in a busy, logical world, which we all do, sometimes the greatest gifts are quite otherworldly and, and, and happen by surprise. And aren't things that we plan or measurably choose.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. I think, like, I'm around a lot of people who are like, not skeptics, but they're, they're just. They live in a very realistic world. They're like, that wouldn't happen because of this or this, this is. I agree to a certain point and then I'm like, you can't explain certain things that happen to you. You just can't. Like coincidences. Just sometimes to me, I can't. You could see them as coincidences or you could see them as fate. And for me, I just believe things. I just believe in fate.

Jay Shetty

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

What are your other techniques now that are helping? You said speaking to your mom is one of them.

Millie Bobby Brown

Speaking to my mom? My husband's a big one. Like, if my husband's not with me, it's my mum. My mum's not with. You know, it's my. So that. And I think you gotta find your people that understand you and that know the vocabulary to. Around you in those moments. Right. It's not. You're okay. Everything's fine. It's not that. Jake takes me through a step by step. Okay. You were just here. This is what just happened to you. You were not in a situation where, you know, you could have breathed in that smoke. And therefore, you got this. You know that he, he will take me through what happened. And that is great. And then my mum also is similar. She'll tell. Take me through, like, statistics. She's like, you're a 22 year old. Da da da da, you're absolutely fine. She kind of tells me who I am. Another technique I use is like grounding. So I, I will like talk about the room I'm in, the seat I'm sat in, things like that. And then the third one, tapping. I love tapping. Singing balls are a big one. I have a lot of those in my house. Used to be my phone. So funny. Now it's not. That doesn't work for me anymore. Singing is a big one. Took me a very long time to realize it was singing. Right before I got Navis to go on do things, I would sing. And then when I was in Japan and years years later, I was learning all about my vagus nerve and humming and I thought, whoa, I, I sing every time I'm nervous. So I'm basically just vibrating my vagus nerve and in turn, you know, calming myself down, but without noticing. And so I did that as a young child. So something in me as a young child knew I needed to be soothed, you know, and so I, I do that a lot. Now. Singing is a big one.

Jay Shetty

What would you sing?

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh, just like anything. Like you could put on anything. And I will sing to it even if I don't know the words. But a lot of musical theater and music, I like music that like, I love meaning I love music. And my husband and I both play music a lot in the house. And yeah, I would just say, like, singing is a big one. I used to be really into journaling, but my life became a little bit crazy and it's hard to stay up with that. So I, I do a lot of prompts and gratitude journals instead. Yeah, I would say that's pretty, that's a lot. Yeah. Like I'm trying to think because I had to. I had to because I would have one, one thing I would do and it wouldn't work. So it's like, okay, you need to figure out like a plan, you know, if this doesn't work, let's do this. So that's where I'm at.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, you have a full toolkit.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. And you're so right. I love what you're saying that. I think we're often like, oh, this is my one thing. And the reality is that life's throwing so many things our way that you need a plan B and a plan C and a plan D. And knowing that the people who are closest to you and love you the most are your mom and your partner, Jake, like they're able to actually understand what you need in that moment.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

And you can actually educate them. I think that's such a big foundational point for healthy relationships where it's like, you don't want the person panicking around you trying to figure it out. You want to give them the tools to succeed for you.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. 100. And the reason I'm. I'm. I'm. My dad is, like, amazing. My dad, like, but he's like me in that we think very similar. So for me, I'm like, if. If it's not this, it's going to have to be this, and if it's not that, it's going to have to be that. I'm very. I'm very black and white. And my. My mom and my husband are very similar. My dad and I are very similar. So my dad's like, okay, well, if you were there, then maybe it was that. And so I'm like, dad, no, no, we're thinking too similarly, you know, like, ow, I'm out. I'm out. So, yeah, it's great that they're. They're able to be very different. Like, I need. I need them for very different things.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. I wanted to talk a bit about Jake. You've been talking about him the whole time, which is beautiful. But I wanted to dive into it a bit because you said that, you know, we built a really strong foundation. And even a few moments ago, you were saying, you know, we just. We just knew, like, we were aligned. Talk to me about what it means to build a strong foundation. I think so many people want to have healthy, deep, meaningful relationships that not only look great, but actually feel great and feel great on a daily basis beyond the big moments of a wedding or vows or all of that. Like, what do you think it takes to build a strong foundation with Jake? And what have you both done to really build that?

Millie Bobby Brown

You know, when you meet someone young, you have habits from either previous relationships or. Or just like your trauma, your. Your fight or flight response, very much like me. And so you have to work through how each other communicates and works. So I definitely did that. We both did that. Like, I was very much like, okay, this is how he responds to things, and this is how I respond to things, and then figuring out what that looks like. And I think that took us about a year to understand how to communicate and then. But trust was never like. I, like, it was like, met him and, well, I spoke to him on the phone for, like 20 minutes. I cold called him. That's how we kind of met. And I Hung up. And I said, that's either going to be. I ran down this to my mum and dad and I said, that's either going to be the groom at my wedding or my maid of honor. But, like, I trust this man. Like, don't know what it is, but it's just. I don't know. It was the way he answered the phone to me. It was like no one ever thought, like, no one has ever answered the phone like, that. He was just like, hey, girl. And I was like, hi. Like, wasn't. Didn't care about who I was. Just saw me. Like, it felt like. So, yeah, I think it took a lot of work because we. We learned how to communicate. I'm a big. Like, I love to read books. I love to do courses. I love. Like, I am so. I mean, gottman. Like, I just studied all the methods of all the matters because I. I want to learn. And there are plenty of things that I've learned that I don't like or apply to my life. And then there are things that I do, but I learn from either space, you know, and so Jake is big on that too. So we both did that. I would say, for like, all of our relationship, that's what we do. We just, like, try different techniques, try different methods of different things. And now we're like. I would say we're. You know, it's been like two years of like, oh, this is just like, how we do things. And it's been pretty, but like, we were just like, we. We want to be. We're choosing each other, we want to be together. So we do all the work to get there, but never have we tried to change each other. I think that's a big thing. I've been in past relationships where you're trying to morph this person into who you want them to be and you're kind of waiting for them to change. And there was not one thing I wanted to change about Jake, like, at all. Like, it was just like, oh, this is you. This is. I'm gonna embrace you for every part of you, because this is who I want in my life. But that was the difference of feeling. I was like, I'd been with other people, you know, who's like, oh, like, I need you to step up and be this and be that. And it's like, no, why am I waiting? Also, like, I don't want you to change either. This might just be who you are too. Whereas with Jake, it was like, it don't change anything.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. What do you think Jake understands about you that most people get wrong.

Millie Bobby Brown

I do speak my mind. And with my friends, I feel like I tried to be a really good friend, but I didn't go to school. So socializing for me is very new, very new in my latter three, four years. Like, I feel like this is my year of friendship. Like, I'm really trying to help nurture those friendships and, like, be true to them. But I'm a very honest friend. And so if something's going on or if I feel something is needed to be said with them in their life, if I'm observing something, I tell them, because I say to Jake, if I don't, I'm not a good friend. And he says, yes, but sometimes you also need to let people ride the course of what they're going through, you know? And I'm like, but they need to know. Like, they need to know. And he's like, he'll never tell me. No, but he's like, just think about the way you'll say it and then think about. But I always have to end up saying it because it's who I am. It's just I have to. I have to be like, hi. Like, are you okay? Like, something feels. Something feels off. What's going on? Let's talk about it. Because I'm. I'm a very honest friend. And Jake knows. I mean, well, other people sometimes, I'm sure, could probably read it as, like, you're rude, you're mean. I am never trying to come across as that. I'm actually. In fact, I'm trying to be the most present and loving friend. And all I mean is, is being I. All I want for you is to succeed. Like, all I want, like, I'm a big. I want my friend, all of my friends, to succeed in love and. But I need to be the person that they look at and go, thank you for telling me that. Because I was surrounded by people, sometimes friends growing up that wouldn't tell me

Jay Shetty

those things, and that's worse.

Millie Bobby Brown

And I needed them, too, you know? And so I'm like, I need to feel like I need to show up for my friends in that way, because I maybe didn't have friends like that growing up.

Jay Shetty

Do you think you got the balance right now or.

Millie Bobby Brown

I've got a balance.

Host

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

Because now I know to take time, take a breather. Okay. Maybe they don't need to hear this right now. So I've taken a bit of Jake and what he knows. But if I feel that there's, like, a cry for Help. I have no problem in stepping in and just saying, you know, I'm here for you. I love you. I'm your friend if you need me. I never force anyone into, like, talking to me, but I want you to know that I see you because I've been there.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. What do you believe defines a good friend?

Millie Bobby Brown

I think loyalty. Loyalty because I have a lot of friends that I'll speak to or not see over years and years and years and then see each other and things are completely back to normal and, you know, great. And my life is hard. I can't maintain friendships in the fact that, like, I can't maybe reach a dinner or go to that birthday party or do this because my life's hectic and vice versa. A lot of my friends have busy lives, too, but loyalty to each other, like, knowing that we've known each other for a very long time. And so we need. We owe it to each other to remain friends, to nurture the friendship, to stay in touch, to be there for each other, to support each other when you can be. I think that's a big one. I don't enjoy people in my life or have met people in my life that are just down to drop a friendship because it's like, to me, I. I value them as much as relationships. Like, we've been doing this, you know, I have my best friend, Noah. We've been friends for 10 years, you know, but we know our loyalty lies within each other. Like, we will always nurture and honor the friendship.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. That's a beautiful answer. I love that.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

What's the best thing about watching Jake become a dad?

Millie Bobby Brown

His heart melts anytime she does anything, and so does mine. But I. He literally is like. I can just see her wrapped around like. Or vice versa. Sorry. He is wrapped around her finger. Like, it's hilarious. I can already tell certain things. He's like, oh. Like, in the morning, he wakes her up, he gets in the bed and he wakes her up with a song. And she opens her eyes and he says, like, she looks at me as if to go, you've been here the whole time? Oh, yay. And they just cuddle. And I'm like. When I look at it on the little camera, I'm like, that's the person I chose to marry. Like, that little girl will never go a day without knowing that her dad is there for her and her mum. But dads are really important. Dads are really important. I had an amazing dad growing up. Very, very similar to Jake. And Jake has an amazing dad very, very similar to Jake. But just like in many ways they play maternal and paternal figures, you know, Like I do too and I think it's really cool to be able, you know, I don't like the whole like narrative of like the mom does this and the dad does this. It's like no, Jake does both and so do I. And so you have two parents that you can for almost everything. Like mum can do it too, but also dad can. Dad can. Dad. I've taught Jake how to braid hair and all the things, you know, because I want dad to know how to do it too.

Host

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

What's the quality of Jake's that you hope that she develops all of it?

Host

His.

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh, he's so calm. He's so calm and he sees through everyone's perspective. I'm like most is the way I think as you can tell. I'm sure you're like, oh yeah, I got the gist of you now. But I'm very much like why would you do that? Why would you say that? Like no, this is, you know, and Jake's like, well maybe they were going through something or maybe it's this or maybe it's that. And I'm like, oh, okay. So I hope she is able to see through different lenses and understand the world in that way and different people. Jake has so much patience for everyone. I am the most impatient person and I think I take after my nanny in that, my nanny Ruth. Like she was very stubborn. I'm very stubborn. And Jake is not stubborn at all. Jake will forgive and forget like that. I mean so I hope she takes after after him. But you know, there's also a bit of my feist that everyone needs.

Jay Shetty

Absolutely.

Millie Bobby Brown

I think.

Host

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

You don't want to lose that. No, no, absolutely, absolutely. And he probably loves that part of it too. He probably loves seeing that with girl D energy. Like just.

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh yeah, the other day she like side eyed him and she. And she's also saying no, no, no. And Jake's like, she's you.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. You know you were talking about earlier the, the, the trad wife comments or whatever that means and, and that kind of perception and even though the reality doesn't really afford any of that definition to even feel true. But it sounds like you and Jake have created a real almost unit and team between you both to deal with all of that noise. Whether it's age or how you choose to get mar. Adopting a child or whatever. All of this stuff like talk to me about why that's so important and how you do that where it's like, we're a team. This is our decision. How you keep that conviction when there is so much noise.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. I think Jake grew up kind of out of the spotlight, despite his family. Like, I think Jake, his mum is amazing, and they just lived a very normal life. Very similar to me in that I also tried to live a very normal life despite my environment or job. And so Jake's very used to blocking out the noise because he's literally had to do it from day one. Same to me, but not day one. Like, I was at least, you know, eight or nine, but, you know, young enough for that. We're very both used to it. So it's not like this has just happened in our life and now all of a sudden, we have to learn how these. How to cope with this. Like, we came into this, our relationship, knowing what this is, what we're probably gonna get, like people. But again, I always tell Jake, I'm like, everybody's a walking contradiction because, you know, you get married at 20, you're too young. What are you doing? Oh, my God. Like, people are preying on the downfall, you know? And then it's like, you're 40, you're not married. What are you doing? You're twice divorced. My God. How dare you? She's crazy. Like, she needs to get married soon. She's not having a baby at 30. Like that. That's, you know, well, ticking time. Like, come on, you gotta have your baby. Like, you want to adopt. Why? How could they let you? You know, it's like these questions. It's biz. And you're. Again, you all are walking contradictions. If we all. If I lived my life following the rules of these random people, I would probably live the most boring, mundane, awful, miserable life. Because these decisions, I'm gonna base them off of these random robots on the Internet. Absolutely not. Like, I. I am doing what makes me happy, what feels right to me, and I would consider myself a person who does. I am smart and I do like to think everything through, but I do believe in fate. Going back to my. I do believe in fate. I think it was fate that I, you know, met Jake. And I do think that I believe in, like, the invisible string theory. I think we would never have met. We would never been in the same world. So I always think, like, were you there at this point? Were you there? But we weren't in the same world at all. Like, he was at boarding school and then he went to college. Like, we were not in the same Same world. I think we were meant to be together, so I think we both just talk about it. Like, no one can do right for doing wrong. Like, it just. You look on the Internet every day, somebody else is getting slaughtered for something random, and you're just like, why? That's why I don't listen to those things. I'm not. I'm not. Like, I don't care enough. And I'm always like, most of the time, it's not true. So if anybody's like, have you ever heard about this person getting. Having this? And you're like, it's probably not true, because half of the that's out there is not true about me.

Host

So.

Jay Shetty

Well said. Yeah, I feel like that all the time. Like, I know so many people in the public eye, and when there's reports about them in the news and you actually know what's going on, and you're like, it's amazing.

Millie Bobby Brown

Like, these exclusive sources. I'm like, who is this person?

Jay Shetty

Yeah. Unnamed friend or whatever.

Millie Bobby Brown

I've never met you. Literally never met you.

Jay Shetty

It's so funny. I. I remember that you. You. What you just said right now was so powerful. And I want to, you know, I want to make sure that people hear it clearly. And it reminded me of this great speech that Taylor Swift gave at a Billboard award a few years ago. And she was just like, you know, I think she said something, and she says it much better than I will, but she said it along the lines of, you know, I was writing songs about breakups. And then they said, oh, I was just couldn't get over my exes.

Millie Bobby Brown

Like a school index.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. So then I started writing songs about my friends. And then it was like, oh, she's having too much fun.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

And then. So I started writing songs that I wrote back in the day. And then they said, oh, she's trying to go backwards. And it's almost like, no matter what,

Millie Bobby Brown

what you do doesn't matter.

Jay Shetty

There's a version of it that people will spin it to be. And the way you just put it out there right now about whether you're 20 and getting married or whether you're 40 and unmarried and divorced or whether you're 30 and you don't have a baby yet. I mean, that was so well put. Because none of you win.

Millie Bobby Brown

No, no one wins. Because women don't win. Because we don't get to win. Like, we don't get to just be in peace. It's the crazy scrutiny. Like. And I. I've. You know, I grew up On a show with four boys. And I am not taking away their experience. They. They. They got their fair share of things, but what the girls got on that show, like, what felt my experience as well, was, like, the scrutiny and pressure that gets put on you was. Was insane. You don't. You didn't. I never heard about any of my cast members, boys slash men, about what they're wearing on the carpet and what they look like or what their hair looks like or what their makeup looks like or what they're saying. I never. Those weren't the headlines. And it was about how amazing they were, how successful they were, how are you? And they are amazing. They are. They do get to get, you know, written about like that. But I do, too. Like, my headline shouldn't be tearing me down and other young girls down. And I hold a lot of, you know, I try to. It's hard. I get very annoyed about it because I just feel very protective of the girls that are coming up into the industry. That. That's what they, you know, that's their. That's their storyline. But that doesn't need to be their storyline. So I've. I've kind of rearranged my storyline. That's why I have no problem in calling, like, journalists out by their name. So I'm like, you need to learn a lesson. Like, go back to school. Like, learn your bedside manners. What is wrong with you? Like, what is wrong with you? I just don't get it. Especially somebody so young, and I don't think it's right at any age, but young people and them trying to figure out their mental health. Nobody knows what I'm going through. Nobody knows what I don't need to hear at a certain time. So that, to me is very important. Like, just trying to harness the. The power to just let that go in a way, because I do hold a bit of resentment against that. You know, it's just like, I just. I don't feel I received the same treatment. And it's not a pity party. Like, I don't need to be sat here and be like, you know, I really feel bad for me, but I. I just hope it never happens to anyone else.

Host

No.

Jay Shetty

And I think the resentment's fair. You were so young as well, and going through all of that, and it's hard to. It's easy to look back and be like, okay, you know, this is how it works and this how it makes sense. But when you're actually going through it, people are so busy as well. No one's really Paying attention, whether it's your castmates or everyone around you. And I was wondering, like, what would your advice be to young women coming up in the spotlight right now? How do they do that? How do they navigate it? Do it maybe? Do they even approach you? Do you have younger musicians and actors and actresses all approach you as well for insight?

Millie Bobby Brown

Every kind of young person. I really try to reach out. I befriended Ella Bright, who, who is just in that new show off campus, and she's not that much younger than me, but she's amazing. And I reached out and was just like, here's my number. If you ever need to call me, I'm here. Even if it's just about the most random things, I've probably been through it. Same with my co star, like, Louis Partridge. I feel like kind of not responsible, but, like, just very much a part of his journey. And I just feel like I'm here for him. You know, there's a lot of public perception about his life and everything. And I just feel like I, I, I feel, you know, I just want to make sure everybody feels protected and supported, and I want to be able to be that friend, to also be honest, you know, and be like, okay, you. But also, like, wear the crazy thing, you know, like, do the crazy, do the fun hairstyle. Like, don't have any regrets. Like, it's just like, why, why play it safe all the time? And then also Owen Cooper, who is in adolescence and who has had such a kind of ride, and rightly so. He's unbelievable. But I did, I did meet him through a mutual friend, and I said, here's my number. Anytime you need me, you know, call me. And so sometimes he'll call me and say, mel, you know, they want me to do this magazine. I'm really tired. Don't do it then. Yeah, don't do it. Don't do it. It's not necessary. Like, so, like, sometimes we'll have those conversations where, say, how are you feeling? Are you tired? Are you, do you, do you feel like you're doing too much? And he'll be like, I'm fine. I'm fine. And I'm like, okay, like, if you need a breather, like, just, just, you know, just tell someone, like. And, and he is amazing. He has an amazing family. But I feel like I've just been there as a kind of 911, if he needs me, but he doesn't. He's already so smart and brilliant.

Jay Shetty

That's amazing. That's so great that you're doing that. I mean, I can't imagine what a. What a wealth of wisdom you have and the fact that they can call you up and reach out. Did you have anyone that you could do that with yourself?

Millie Bobby Brown

Yes, I did. I had a lot of people that I was able to do that with, a lot of musicians and actors. I feel. I remember meeting Natalie Portman and having this moment where I kind of was just like, wow, I really feel like she understands me. And it was at a wardrobe. I was very busy. But I do feel like in that moment, I was like, I really feel like we could have. We would have been friends, like, if we're the same, you know, like, and I want to be friends with you, Natalie, but, like, if we were child stars at the same time. Same with Drew Barrymore, I feel like, you know.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, Drew's amazing.

Millie Bobby Brown

She's amazing. And I really felt seen by her.

Jay Shetty

Oh, I love that. Yeah. It's so important, and I'm so glad that you're, you know, actually reaching out and sending your number and. Yeah, it's so needed because you're the only person that can relate to what

Host

they're going through, truly.

Millie Bobby Brown

And everyone's journey is different, of course. So when certain people say, I'm feeling this, I'm like, okay, I didn't feel that. However, I knew somebody that did, so that's always really helpful. Because coming from a boy's perspective, it's very hard for me to understand sometimes. However, I grew up around boys who went through the same thing, so I'm like, okay, I get. I kind of get where you're coming from. From.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. What's a belief that you hold that you think everyone disagrees with, but you

Millie Bobby Brown

die on the hill for speaking your mind? I mean, it might be my problem, but I, like, think. Be respectful. Always be respectful. We have too many men in this country right now speaking their mind. But be respectful. Like. Like, just try to see everyone at. Like, just have a conversation. That's the one thing I try to do is, like, even though I might speak my mind and have my perspective, I always am down to have a conversation. I really value that. So I love to hear what other people, you know, think, and we can kind of reach to a conclusion or whatever, but I. I think, speak your mind. I wouldn't ever say, like, bite. Bite your tongue, because you're just always going to wish you didn't. You're always going to wish you. I should have fucking said that. You know, like, I wish I said that. I should have said that. I just. I. I personally am like, I'd rather have said it, and people know where I stand on it because I think I. I bit. I had to bite my tongue a lot as a child. People said so much about me, and I was just like, I just didn't say anything. And then I felt like I reached an age where I was like, no, I'm not gonna settle for this anymore.

Jay Shetty

What is it that was that turning point for you? Were you, like.

Millie Bobby Brown

Probably. I was 18.

Jay Shetty

Just. Yeah, it's age, isn't it?

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah, it's age. Yeah. I felt like I was like, no, I'm. I'm an adult now and, like, you can't treat me like this anymore. Yeah. It was easier to stay quiet younger because it's like, it gives them less to talk about, but now I'm a bit like, I don't really want to give them more to talk about, but I. I do, however, want to hold people accountable.

Jay Shetty

Yeah, it can be hard when you feel like people are just taking shots and shooting arrows at you and you just kind of have to stand there.

Millie Bobby Brown

I don't care if it's like one time, two time, but. But sometimes it's felt incessant, like back to back to back to back.

Host

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

It's crazy.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Millie, I could talk to you for hours, and you've become my new favorite person on the show. Like, for sure. Without a doubt. This conversation is incredible. We have a game that we called the Jake game for you.

Millie Bobby Brown

Oh, my gosh.

Jay Shetty

And so you have to finish these sentences, so I'm going to read them out for you, and then you. You complete them. Jake's favorite thing about me is.

Millie Bobby Brown

Jake's favorite thing about me is my humor. I'm really silly.

Jay Shetty

Is it. What would you.

Host

What would you.

Millie Bobby Brown

I think it could be my humor. I mean, I think, you know, he. He would say something very romantic, but I, like, I really make him laugh. And I think he always says, like, I always wanted a girl to really make me laugh. And like, you know, and then he makes me die laughing. Even the other night, this, like, we were in a bar and this girl came over and was like, how do I play darts? And Jake gave this long winded explanation about how to get in the line for darts. And. But it was the way he said it was his tone. It sent. I literally was like, uncontrollable for five minutes, and I was just like. And he's very silly. He's like a really silly person. He'll do funny accents to random people. He's just one of those people that really makes me laugh. And then I'm the kind of person to start dancing really ridiculously in the store, and he just wants to die. But he loves that. So I really think we make each other laugh. So hopefully it's my humor.

Jay Shetty

I love it. Jake would say my most annoying habit

Millie Bobby Brown

is that I hate to hear people chew and swallow. Like, it makes Jay. There's something clear. It's called misophonia, I think. But it's a real thing. And I can't. Like, everybody on my team knows. Like, I just can't hear people chewing food. It's just a thing I have and

Jay Shetty

is here really loud.

Millie Bobby Brown

No, he's not. But he would think that's annoying about me when I have to say to people, like, I'm so sorry. Like, I have to leave the room. I'll just wait until Jake's like, Millie.

Jay Shetty

Oh, my God. You know, Jake would say the household chore I'm worst at is making the bed.

Millie Bobby Brown

Like, making the bed. And, like, I do pick up after myself, but. Oh, I. I do. Like, if I'm making a tea or, like, I do leave things out.

Jay Shetty

Got it.

Millie Bobby Brown

I'm big on that.

Jay Shetty

And he's cleaning up. Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

He puts things away. If he's gonna make something, he'll. And then he puts everything. I'm. I'm a little bit more, like, just. Because I. I think I just see, like, something sparkly, and I go that way. Do you know what I mean? But I'm being more intentional.

Jay Shetty

Got it. Jake, I'm just helping you out.

Millie Bobby Brown

This is.

Jay Shetty

This is all to help you out. Jake would say my most unnecessary purchase

Millie Bobby Brown

this year was maybe, like, a goat shed. Like, I didn't need the shed, did I? But the goats love it. But I don't know.

Jay Shetty

Cold. Was it raining?

Millie Bobby Brown

No, I just thought it was cute. Also a new chicken coop. But he doesn't think it's unnecessary. I feel like he'd know that. That's, like, I don't really buy unnecessary things. But I think that's maybe what he would say if he were to be like, did we really need another shed? Like, yes, we did.

Jay Shetty

Is it a shed? Or is it, like, MTV Cribs? Because it's for.

Millie Bobby Brown

It's a shed. No, it is a shed.

Jay Shetty

Like, I'm not bougie. It's not bougie.

Millie Bobby Brown

It's a wooden. Like, it's really cute shed, but it's for the good that. Or like, I just built a swimming pool for My foster dogs.

Jay Shetty

Amazing.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. And he's like, why? And I'm like, because it gets hot in the summer and I wanted to learn how to swim so that when they get adopted, they can swim.

Jay Shetty

Swim. I love it. Jake would say, I take too many photos of the animals.

Millie Bobby Brown

Like, I could put thousands of animal pictures on my phone of, like, the sheep, like, nose right up against the camera. And Jake's like, that's not even a p. I'm like, yes, it is. It's a great picture.

Jay Shetty

That's a great picture.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Jake would say, my love language is mine to him. Yeah. And both yours.

Millie Bobby Brown

Okay. Mine to him is words of affirmation slash affection. Mine is affection. I think mine is affection. And like, slowly becoming a mother now acts of service, but less about, like, I don't need you to, like, do like, the. The like, you know, grab this, grab that, or, like, clean the kit like that. It's more like, oh, you made me a tea. Like, it's the. It's like the cute little things. I guess it's not service. It's more gift giving, I guess, but it's just more like thoughtful surprises.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. I love that. Jake would say, I could talk for three hours about.

Millie Bobby Brown

About dogs. Dogs. Dogs. And like, like, like children's, like, development. Like, I love baby, like, development.

Jay Shetty

And Jake's favorite thing about being married

Millie Bobby Brown

to me is like a built in best friend. I think we both feel that way. Like, thank God we found each other in this life.

Jay Shetty

That's so beautiful, Milia. We end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These questions asked every guest on the show. They have to be answered in one sentence maximum. Okay, Millie, Bobby Brown, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Millie Bobby Brown

Matthew Modine said, everything you put on your face goes into your bloodstream. Which changed my. I love that. Which changed my relationship with my skin.

Jay Shetty

Great answer. Do you want to share more?

Millie Bobby Brown

No. I mean, that's really good.

Jay Shetty

Question number two, what is the worst advice you ever received?

Millie Bobby Brown

CNI children should be seen and not heard.

Jay Shetty

Question number three, the one reason people should watch Enola Holmes. 3.

Millie Bobby Brown

It's a great family film, a great easy watch on a Friday or Saturday night. Yeah. And it leaves you feeling good.

Jay Shetty

Yeah. Tell me a bit more about what characteristics you share with Enola. I feel like there's a lot.

Millie Bobby Brown

There's a lot.

Jay Shetty

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah. She obviously speaks her mind. She is a change maker. She. At least she tries to be. She's a Bit stubborn, very witty. And I'm not saying I am witty, but I'd say I'm fast. Like I really do pick up on things pretty fast. If somebody's saying something, I'm like, okay, I know, I know the kind of person you are. Or you're very observant. But yeah, very, I would say, yeah, very stubborn. My co star would say stubborn.

Jay Shetty

Yeah.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah.

Jay Shetty

Is, is Millie Bobby Brown aspiring to be Enola Holmes or is Enola Holmes aspiring to be Millie Boguela?

Millie Bobby Brown

I'm aspiring to be Enola. Yeah, for sure.

Jay Shetty

Nice. I love it. Question number four. Complete the sentence. Is about overthinking. Complete the sentence. I think I think too much about,

Millie Bobby Brown

I think I think too much about being a mum. Yeah.

Jay Shetty

In the best way possible.

Millie Bobby Brown

In the best way possible. But you know, you as a mum, you just overthink about everything.

Jay Shetty

I feel mum guilt is probably the hardest guilt that exists.

Millie Bobby Brown

It really is terrible. Yeah.

Jay Shetty

And, and then it feels like everyone has a version of how to be the best mum too. So then you're getting everyone's opinions.

Millie Bobby Brown

Yeah, that's what I do. You block out the noise on that. I always just try to be there for other mums and vice versa. Surround yourself with your, with a mum group but don't compare yourselves to each other because that's where you, you'll just start to feel inadequate. But you're not. But mum guilt is a real thing, especially as a working mum.

Jay Shetty

And fifth and final question, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Millie Bobby Brown

I guess, gosh, I, I, my, my initial instinct. But I don't know if this is like, if I'm even saying this right in terms of like an answer to the question, but like if someone is mean or cruel to animals, they should never be able to have an animal again. Is that, yeah, that's a good law.

Jay Shetty

That's a great law.

Millie Bobby Brown

I feel like that's like I, yeah, like I feel like people don't, shouldn't get second chances on that. Like, like, but yeah, I don't know, I just think I, like I, I've been in the, the animal world for, you know, a minute now and I've just seen a lot of animals and I feel like, yeah, like you don't get second chances on that. Like you've changed an animal's life forever and yeah, I just wish more people showed kindness to animals. And I've seen it on both ends of the spectrum where I have people adopting my dogs and loving them and nurturing them and. Great. And then I've also seen dogs come to me that have burns and scars all over them. And, you know, I've seen the other end of it. So for me, I just think, yeah, you. I don't have time for people that don't have time for animals.

Jay Shetty

Billy Bobby Brown, thank you so much. Such a joy. You're awesome. This is wonderful. I had such a great time. I hope you got to share everything you wanted to, and I really did.

Millie Bobby Brown

I was honestly nervous coming into the this just because I'm very much the kind of person to forget the cameras are there and just start blabbering. But I've had the best time. Thank you for having me.

Jay Shetty

Glad. Thank you.

Millie Bobby Brown

Thank you.