"RE-RELEASE: Will Ferrell”

Sean Hayes

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Will Ferrell

what do they do?

Sean Hayes

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Will Arnett

Hey there, Will Arnett here. Welcome to Smartless, our podcast where Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and I, each week, one of us brings a guest that the other two don't know about. And this week is no exception. We get real into it. Most of the time we just mess around with each other and then the guest has to be embarrassed.

Will Ferrell

So.

Will Arnett

So let's get right to the podcast. Smart. Smart less. Smart Less.

Guest or Announcer

Hi.

Will Arnett

Hi. How are you?

Sean Hayes

Good, good. Should we go around the room and just say our names and our roles?

Just introduce yourself.

Yeah, I'm Sean Hayes.

Will Arnett

People have been listening to the podcast for a minute now.

Sean Hayes

Sorry, so we just skipped that.

Same three idiots.

Will Arnett

Okay, in the role of Sean Hayes is Sean Hayes.

Sean Hayes

Should we switch parts today?

Will Arnett

Oh, we could switch parts. Ooh, yeah. I'll play Will.

Will Ferrell

I'll play Will.

Will Arnett

What about that? You guys are assholes. You both want to play me?

Sean Hayes

Let me just ask you a question. Can I ask you a question? Think of a decade.

Oh, God.

Will Arnett

Okay. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be Jason. So I was you know, so. So now listen.

Sean Hayes

It's hard for me, though.

Will Arnett

So when I look back and I think about all the things that you've done. Let's start at the beginning. Okay? So America was founded in 1492.

Sean Hayes

But what if I want to really be understood?

Guest or Announcer

No one.

Sean Hayes

No one understands me in my house. You know, I've got a wife and two girls. It just. I start talking, they glaze over. So I really have to fight for attention. I get on this thing. I feel like I've got. I can't. I've got to stop describing my question. Right. We've spoken about this before, and I just need to ask the question.

Will Arnett

And then Sean. And then Sean's like a golden Sean comes on. He's like, do you like whipped cream?

Sean Hayes

The golden retriever.

Golden retriever.

Will Ferrell

What's your favorite color?

Sean Hayes

If Will was a dog, what kind of dog would Will be on this podcast?

Oh, God, that's a good question. Will's probably like an untrained German shepherd.

But messy matted.

Yeah. Just drool coming out on the sides.

Bad hips like the German shepherds get.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Dysplasia.

Yeah.

Will Arnett

Jesus Bateman would be like a full size standard but shaved poodle.

Sean Hayes

So cold, yet fancy

and very proud walks. Very proud.

Will Arnett

Very proud.

Sean Hayes

Anyway, let's get to our guests, please.

Will Arnett

Yeah, let's do it.

Sean Hayes

And I'm gonna tell you, you guys actually know this person, but we're gonna find out stuff that we don't know about this person.

If it's my mom, I'm in trouble because I haven't called her for a while.

Will Arnett

Can I just say, if it's your mom? What?

Sean Hayes

Careful.

Will Arnett

This would be such a Careful know. I'm just gonna say it would be such a mitzvah if. If it was your mom, because we could really get into. There's so much stuff about you and we've known each other a long time that I want to know, you know,

Sean Hayes

whose mom is not gonna come on mine because she's dead, so.

And that's our first commercial break. We're gonna go to a florist commercial break right now.

Will Arnett

Sean, by the way, I will say your mom is dead, but imagine if my surprise guest was your mom. That would really. That would be more surprising than me being pale.

Sean Hayes

Paler than me. My God. Guys, our guest today is from Irvine, California. His mom was a teacher, and his father played sax and keyboard for the Righteous Brothers.

Do we get a chance to guess at any point?

No.

Will Arnett

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Sean Hayes

No, don't Guess. Cause he studied sports journalism at usc, but ultimately went on to join the Groundlings, and the rest is history. He's got, like, a million movies under his belt. And I'm sure that's not the only thing. Ladies and gentlemen, William Frell.

Will Arnett

Oh, my God. Wow.

Will Ferrell

Jason.

Will Arnett

There's his head shot.

Will Ferrell

Jason. Hi, Jason.

Will Arnett

Jason, answer the belly.

Will Ferrell

Jason, it's your mother.

Sean Hayes

First of all, she's British. Well.

Will Ferrell

Oh, okay. Sorry.

Sean Hayes

But.

But let me guess. Let me guess. And let me guess. And that. Oh, what a great booking, Sean. Congrat.

Will Ferrell

Guys, can I just. Can I start by saying I'm so excited to be on the Gong show podcast? All things you want to know about the new Gong show, and it is just. I mean, it's sweeping the country. Both countries, Canada and us and

Sean Hayes

are not taking fire.

Will Arnett

It's unbelievable. Are you just drinking? Is that just medicine out of the bottle? That's what it looks like.

Sean Hayes

That's a kombucha. I know that because my wife drinks

Will Ferrell

those, but it does look like a tonic from old time. Tonic.

Will Arnett

Yeah. And I just. I drink it as a prophylactic. Sure.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Will Ferrell, thank you so much for coming on our little show.

Will Ferrell

My pleasure.

Sean Hayes

And we're all obviously such gigantic fans of yours. And one question. You know. You know, you're one of the rare people in this business, and I think I can speak on behalf of everybody that. You know. It's really hard to find people like you.

Will Ferrell

Hold on one second.

Sean Hayes

Will Ferrell's got a phone call.

Will Ferrell

Yep.

Sean Hayes

Tight five, everybody.

Will Ferrell

Okay. That's a large pepperoni, right? Oh, do you wanna. You want chicken fingers with that?

Will Arnett

Okay. I thought he was ordering. He's taking orders.

Will Ferrell

Can I get the. Oh, all right. Okay. All right, Todd, we'll be there in 35 minutes.

Will Arnett

He asked for the address, and then he knew the guy, so he didn't need the address.

Will Ferrell

Hey, hey. Keep your landlines, folks. Keep your landlines.

Sean Hayes

It is pretty strong. That looks.

Will Ferrell

Banking system. Coll, you're gonna want to have a landlord.

Sean Hayes

What? I was going to say William was feral.

Will Ferrell

Was.

Sean Hayes

I always wanted to know, what is that one thing or that one event or that one person that made you want to get in the business and pursue comedy? What was that?

Will Ferrell

Barack Obama?

Will Arnett

Correct.

Sean Hayes

Before that? Before that.

Great answer.

Just like a week before that.

Will Ferrell

The one thing. The one person.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. Was there like a show or a person or an event or something in your family or.

Will Ferrell

Oh, Jesus. This is supposed to be things you don't know.

Will Arnett

Here come the waterworks.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

And we are losing light. We're losing light.

Will Ferrell

I said I wouldn't cry. You said you wouldn't try to get me to cry, Sean. But right out of the gate, here's the real answer to your question. Yeah, I enjoyed being funny as a child, but I was actually diametrically opposed to going into entertainment because I watched my father, the musician go from job to job and be fired at the drop of a hat. And I thought, that's not. Who would want to do that. I'm going to have a job where I carry a briefcase to work.

Sean Hayes

I can relate to that. I had some of the same fears myself, yet I still went into this non meritocracy and fickle sort of industry.

Will Ferrell

You went in early. You were early. You were early child.

Sean Hayes

Right. But you, you, you were young as well, but I mean, not a child, but I mean you still had. You had an opportunity to take a different path, yet you didn't. You still. You couldn't resist the allure of the pancake makeup.

Yeah.

Will Arnett

So what.

Sean Hayes

So what about that floor lights?

Will Ferrell

After seeing your dad, Are there still floor lights? Yep, yep. They're scooped. They're scoop lights.

Sean Hayes

Scoop lights.

Will Ferrell

Yeah, yeah.

Will Arnett

Scoop, scoop.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, Scoops.

No.

Okay, listen, Will. But you're seeing your dad do that over and over again and not like, you know, travel, not hold down, you know, secure kind of jump. So what if that discouraged you? What encouraged you?

Will Ferrell

I. I just kind of slowly started incorporating the. The messing around with my friends, which I'm sure we all did.

Sean Hayes

Keep it clean.

Will Ferrell

Okay? Yep.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Will Ferrell

Okay, you're right. Entertainment of my. That sounds weird. Yeah, the massage. No, no, no.

Sean Hayes

Tickle giggle.

Will Ferrell

Tickle giggle. You know, we don't. We'd love to have a good gang. Tickle giggle.

Sean Hayes

That's it. We got it. We're back on.

Will Ferrell

No, I just had. I. High school was kind of the moment. Even though I wasn't like a theater kid or anything. And I found myself writing what were essentially skits.

Sean Hayes

But was there like a comedy person that you were like, God, I wish I could do what that guy does.

Will Arnett

Or who did you think was funny when you were a teenager?

Will Ferrell

I kind of the typical.

Sean Hayes

Interesting that Will Arnett asks it once and gets a response.

The pipes.

Will Ferrell

Yeah, it's the pipes. Exactly.

Will Arnett

I just got down to it. I didn't dress it up with a bunch of bs, Hayes.

Will Ferrell

I was a member of the Columbia House Record and Tape Club.

Will Arnett

One of.

Will Ferrell

One of the items.

Sean Hayes

Oh, you're being serious.

Will Ferrell

I'm being serious. For $1 plus postage and handling, which really comes out to about a buck 89. That's where they get you. Yeah. I got to choose 13.

Will Arnett

Still seething.

Will Ferrell

It was supposed to be for a penny. You got 13 albums and it's not a penny, it's a buck 89. Okay.

Sean Hayes

It's the handling that's expensive.

Will Arnett

Hey, man, we don't work there.

Will Ferrell

It's the posters and the shipping and handling.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Will Ferrell

Not to mention, if you. You get a. You get one record a month. If you don't send it back within 14 days, you're charged for it. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Is that how you still use Netflix?

Will Ferrell

I'm doing it the original way. Yeah. I never. I still get the discs. I'm not streaming.

Sean Hayes

I don't blame you.

Will Arnett

Will drives by Ted Serrano's house and throws discs at his front door and hears your fucking movies.

Will Ferrell

I'm done with these.

Guest or Announcer

Ted.

Will Ferrell

One of my. One of my was the cast album of Saturday Night Live.

Sean Hayes

Okay, great. So you always aspired to be on

Will Ferrell

the show that you were on, I guess, quietly. Yes, quietly, I did, but that's.

Will Arnett

So Will. So you wanted to.

Will Ferrell

And. Hold on. I'm not done.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, shut up, Arnett.

Will Ferrell

I know.

Sean Hayes

Fuck.

Will, can I talk to you privately real quick?

Will Ferrell

Yeah, yeah.

Sean Hayes

No, no, Arnett. Sorry. Listen. Yeah, listen, Arnett. When the guest is responding to a question, especially one that you ask. For Christ's sake.

Will Arnett

No, cut him off.

Sean Hayes

No, wait until this silence follows a completion of the fucking answer. Here we go.

Okay.

Will Ferrell

Steve Martin. Steve Martin.

Sean Hayes

Yep.

Will Ferrell

And then I was also a Tonight show weirdo. I'd stay up and wait to see who the comedian was. If there was a comedian on that night, I'd watch. If there wasn't, I'd turn it off.

Sean Hayes

Wow.

Will Ferrell

So I was kind of. That's how I.

Will Arnett

So those are the guys. Steve Martin, also an idol of mine, too, comedy wise, I just thought, right. So. So dry and brilliant. But what was that moment? So you. You grew up in Orange county, you go to usc, and then you go to Groundlings. What is that gap between when you. I never knew this. Like, from when you finished USC to Groundlings. What was that gap? Like, how did you.

Will Ferrell

So I graduate USC with a degree in sports journalism. So in my mind's eye, I'm gonna go work on espn. You know, I'm gonna be a. A sportscaster and.

Sean Hayes

Oh, that would have been great.

Will Ferrell

I. I know I blew it and missed it. In fact, Craig Kilborn brings that up to me every day. Do you guys remember Craig Kilborn? Sure.

Sean Hayes

Do you have a. Do you have an ongoing friendship with Craig Kilborn?

Will Ferrell

I haven't seen him in probably 15 years, no.

Sean Hayes

Well, he's on next. He's coming on next.

Will Arnett

Come on out, Craig.

Sean Hayes

You'll see him in the green room on your way out.

Will Ferrell

Come on out, Craig.

Will Arnett

If you were quarantining with Craig Kilborn, that would be it for me. It'd be the greatest. So. So you finish.

Will Ferrell

So, yeah, so I have this. I finish and then I start doing my. I mean, there wasn't really a job placement program coming out of college and so you kind of have to figure out a way. I found like a local Orange county cable access news station I started working at and I was trying to put together a tape which. I wish we could cut to that now that. In which. Yeah, I did, you know, started doing some field reporting and you would. You would anchor the news, you'd also work the camera, you would do everything. And there was a light bulb moment in that even though it was this small, rinky dink local cable access, they had legitimate press credentials to all the major sports teams in la. And at that time, the Rams, the LA Rams football team were playing down at Anaheim Stadium. And the editor of the show, which was actually a teacher of the class, it was actually run out of a junior college, he said, hey, we need someone to go interview John Robinson, the head coach of the Rams, at the stadium after this weekend's game. And 40 hands shot up, except for mine.

Sean Hayes

But you knew him from sc.

Will Ferrell

Yeah, no, no, I'd never met him. But the point was, here were I'm surrounded by these hungry people who were like, I need that interview on my reel. And my first thought was like, I'm gonna have to check out a camera.

Will Arnett

Parking.

Will Ferrell

I gotta ask someone. Yeah, parking. I gotta pay for it. I gotta ask one of my classmates if they'll run sound for me.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. And you don't have a lot money from. You don't have a lot of money left over from that subscription to all those from Columbia?

Will Ferrell

Yeah, no, I'm in debt from Columbia

Will Arnett

House records and tape because he's in the middle of a major lawsuit against Columbia.

Will Ferrell

We are on the five yard line, guys. And please have me on next when we finally come to terms. But I'm giving all the money to charity. But God, we're gonna hammer them. But I had no. I had no. I said, this is not a good sign. I should be leaping out of my chair to go and actually get a legit interview with a head football coach from the NFL on my reel so that I can get hired at a, you know, station in Yuma, Arizona. And I said if I don't, I don't really have that drive. Then this other thing that's kind of still gnawing away at me is I should really be looking into this comedy thing. So I. That's when I signed up for my first class at the Groundlings.

Will Arnett

Really?

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

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Will Ferrell

Oh, that was. Yeah, that was kind of midway. That was a couple years later during the baseball strike and just kills me.

Will Arnett

Oh, that was a character you did at Groundlings.

Will Ferrell

Yeah. Yeah, there was. It was the baseball strike. And I used to. I had. I had a job, the art auction house that my then friend, now wife Vivica, used to work at. I was the appraisal coordinator at the auction house, which was basically. I answered the phones and coordinated appraisals and typed up appraisals and was. Was threatened to be fired on several occasions. But I would. I live close enough home to drive home for lunch, and I would turn the Cubs games on during the day. And I had never heard of Harry Carey. And I was like, who is this? Who is this guy?

Sean Hayes

Yeah, I grew up in Chicago, so he was part of our lives, a fixture.

Will Ferrell

Right. And so I'm just. I would be listening. And the thing that struck me was listening to a game and listening to this announcer say on syndicated national television, if that ball's a strike, I'm a Chinaman.

Will Arnett

And.

Will Ferrell

I literally did, like, a spit take and was like, did he just say Chinaman? Wait, what? Wait, this is, like, a guy who's paid to do this. He's like. And so I just thought, no, this has got to be a sketch somehow. And so I somehow, even though it was a Southern California audience, I wrote a sketch where it was during the baseball strike. So Harry Cary didn't have games to announce, and he would. He had somehow gotten involved in a play, reading and in a local theater. And it was this. This melodramatic play. And they were just sitting around, you know, let's take it from act one. And it was, you know, Perry had lines like, God damn it, Carol, why don't you ever look at me when we make love? And. And by the end of the sketch, the audience was, like, doubling over in laughter, even though they had no idea that Harry Carey was a real person. This is something that's transcending, you know.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Will Arnett

By the way. By the way. Never knowing that of course you do the Harry Carey character so many times, but the idea of him doing something, it was always in the baseball context, but seeing him doing something that's completely out of.

Will Ferrell

Oh, yeah. And we had all these other actors. We had a really good troupe, and everyone was just playing it perfectly straight. And like, this one actress, Maggie Baird, was literally getting herself to cry while she read it. And. And. And it was just funny. Like, your tears mean nothing to me. This marriage has been broken since the day we crossed the altar, you know,

Sean Hayes

and always kind of drunk, right? Yeah.

And quaking a little.

Will Ferrell

And then my friend Roy was the director. Like, okay, let's stop there, Harry. I don't know if I'm feeling, you know, just giving the cliche acting notes and like, Harry, I really want to feel it from you this time. And you're speaking to no one but Carol right now in this scene. Okay, let's take it again. And just the starting and stopping of that.

Sean Hayes

And did you do Harry when you did your SNL audition?

Will Ferrell

I did. Which was. In fact, I tried to do an augmented version of that. And it was so surreal because, you know, you're just in a. You're just in a void. You're on. You're in eight in the studio there.

Sean Hayes

God, you must have been so nervous. I would have been just a mess.

Will Ferrell

I just remember listening, waiting in the way. So you guys all know that set up there, waiting by the page desk outside the doors of the studio and hearing the person ahead of you go through their audition while you're on deck and just looking at all the famous pictures of everyone who had just hosted

Sean Hayes

and being in the spot and the place that you dreamed of being.

Will Ferrell

And now you're walking out to a studio that's pitch black, except for a spotlight and a camera and a boom operator and Lauren sitting in the shadows. And then you just have to do comedy or standing in a void possibly. So, yeah, that was very surreal. I tried doing it. I don't know.

Sean Hayes

Will Ferrell. I also want to know, like, have you ever desired to do anything? I know you wanted to be a sports announcer, right? Or sportscaster. But if you weren't doing the thing that you're doing, not quarantining, but in entertainment business, what would you be doing? If you had to pick a blue collar job, you had to pick, what would it be?

Will Arnett

Oh, blue car.

Will Ferrell

I was. Because I was going to say, I've always wanted to do finance.

Will Arnett

Seems. Seems so interesting to you.

Will Ferrell

I love finance. I love figuring out like a second more, you know.

Will Arnett

Sure.

Will Ferrell

I can't even do the bit because I don't even know the terms, but.

Sean Hayes

Right. Refi.

Will Ferrell

Refi.

Will Arnett

Low will comes alive when you mention private equity. It's like, what who said you subprime.

Will Ferrell

Is that still a thing? I actually could be a. I could actually be a post person, to be

Sean Hayes

quite honest, to deliver the mail.

Will Ferrell

Because I like, like the idea of a route and you get to, you know, have some contact with people and the idea of finishing a task every day.

Sean Hayes

Would you be on foot, armed with the. With the dog spray, or would you be in the buggy?

Will Ferrell

I would go. I would go foot with the trolley. I push the trolley.

Sean Hayes

Nice.

Will Ferrell

Yeah, nice.

Sean Hayes

Those are. Those are sneaky, tricky, those three wheels thing. They will go over on you.

Will Ferrell

I'm sure they. Yeah. In a high wind or.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Or if you don't take the letters out, you don't go in a clockwise or counterclockwise rotation. If you take too many out of the left side, it's going to tip over on the right and vice versa.

Will Ferrell

Did you used to do it?

Will Arnett

Hey, how often did you look out the window masturbating at the postman? A lot or a little?

Sean Hayes

Only in the summer months when they wear the shorts.

Will Arnett

Look at that curve.

Will Ferrell

There's David. There's David. David, our postman's here. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

David is gonna topple. David is gonna topple.

I'll get the mail.

Will Ferrell

Hey, guys, David's here. Yes or what?

Will Arnett

Wait, cut to the reverse. Is nobody's there. Nobody's there. He's alone. Hey, Bateman, quick question, because you did we mentioned before you grew up in showbiz. We all know that. We've seen the great things. And people who are listening can right now google up like Little House in the Prairie and see cute little Jason Bateman.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Will Arnett

Did you ever have a real. Did you ever have, like, an outside show business job? Have you ever had, like a. I

Sean Hayes

didn't and I genuinely hate that. I'd love to have had a paper route similar to Dave's route with his three wheeler.

Will Arnett

But you were working all the time as a kid.

Sean Hayes

I started at 10. Yeah. So there was no chance to. But I've always legitimately fantasized about waiting tables or bartending. There's something about working for a tip which is sort of like the same thing as I. I want them to like me. I want. This table might need something different than that table just sort of, like, being able to morph into whatever they need me to be.

Will Ferrell

I have. I. I will say this. All my, quote unquote, civilian jobs, I've been pretty terrible at. So.

Sean Hayes

Because you didn't like authority or you were just disinterested?

Will Ferrell

Like, slow. Yeah, just, like, slow on the uptake. I had a lot of patient managers and supervisors. Who.

Will Arnett

Did you have a lot of job? Like, do you have weird jobs in high school that you did?

Will Ferrell

I. I never. I was doing sports all the time, so I. But I had, you know, I had, like, the. I worked as a bank teller. I was a valet parker of cars.

Sean Hayes

And how are you taking direction?

Will Ferrell

Well, you know, bank teller, you know, there's certain protocols and procedures you have to follow and this and that, and it just took me a while. I mean, the fact that I was handling numbers and money, was. It just.

Sean Hayes

I was, like, euphoric because of the finance loss.

Will Ferrell

I mean, that's. That led to my love of finance. But I once had a regular customer stop me in the middle of a transaction and say, can you call your manager over? And I said, sure. And I brought her over. And he. And in front of me, he said, this guy is your worst teller.

Sean Hayes

Okay?

Will Ferrell

And I just want you to know this. And he did in a very calm way. And he was like, look. Look at him right now. He's sweating. And I literally was. I was sweating. He's like, he's terrible. He takes forever. He. And. And the manager, to her defense, was like, please, that's. That's not true. And I was like, no, he's kind of right. And I just want you to know, like, I hate when I have to go to his window. And then he just walked away. And she was like, I'm sorry about that. I was like, you know what? I can't really argue with him. There's. I'm not that great a teller.

Sean Hayes

This was counting bills, counting out cash,

Will Ferrell

or, you know, everything. Cashing a chat. Yeah. Doing it all.

Will Arnett

So that guy did you a favor in the long run, right? In a lot of ways. Sounds like you need to pen someone a letter.

Will Ferrell

Well, every time I go, every time I put the pancake makeup on, and I picture that guy and I say, who's laughing now?

Will Arnett

So you still do all your own makeup?

Will Ferrell

I insist on it.

Will Arnett

It's crazy.

Will Ferrell

Well, there's allergies, especially in the, you know, post COVID 19 world we're all about to step into. I will definitely be doing all my own makeup.

Sean Hayes

So will Ferrell, you are one of the funniest people on the planet, if not the funniest person on the planet. And everybody kind of. Do you get sick of, like. Because now you're a parent and you have to show up to, like, school things and parent things for your kids. Do people expect that from you? All the time. And what is your reaction?

Will Ferrell

There is. There is a certain level of underwhelm. Is that a word?

Sean Hayes

Yes.

Will Arnett

Yeah, it is.

Will Ferrell

Now, I can tell. I can tell there are a lot of letdown people continually.

Will Arnett

But, Will, I will say this. You know, Will, I don't even remember this. A couple years ago, maybe last year, we were having dinner.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Will Arnett

I was having dinner with. With Richter and Pete Giles and. And you and Viv came in from a school event.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Will Arnett

And with a couple other parents. And Will was wearing his name. They're all wearing name tags. And Will says, hello, my name is Will on the thing. Which was. Which is great. And that's such a testament to what a great guy you are. And it's like, yeah, man, I'm not here. I'm just here because my kids are at school here. And I'm interested in my kids and their lives, in their school.

Will Ferrell

But I'm sure you guys face the same thing. I find more that there are some parents who literally won't say hi because they go so far the other way.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Will Ferrell

I don't. I don't want to bother them. So then you're like, hey, how you doing? And they walk right by, like, gosh, what, Did I say something wrong? Yeah. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

And then do you feel on the. On the opposite of that? Do you feel that you have to sometimes lead with sort of a vibe that is less than sort of friendly or less than sort of solicitous of conversation because you're afraid that if you seem too friendly, they're really going to lean in and like, how do you

Will Ferrell

kind of say no? I would say that. I would say, at least in the school setting, most everyone is. Is. Is relatively normal. I would say that posture. That's my game face for when I'm on a commercial flight.

Guest or Announcer

Right.

Sean Hayes

Just sour. Don't come near me. I will rip your head off.

Will Ferrell

I will. Not here. Not here. For fun and games. Let's get to flying eye mask and headphones.

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Sean Hayes

Will, is there anything that you haven't done that you want to do? Either a role that you want to play or.

Will Ferrell

Nope.

Sean Hayes

Talk to you later.

Will Ferrell

Totally satisfied. How do I turn this camera off? How do I get out of here? How do I.

Will Arnett

He did.

Will Ferrell

How do I. No, there isn't.

Sean Hayes

Because everybody thinks you can do anything.

Will Ferrell

I don't know. But how do you. How do you. You can't give that answer without sounding like a jackass, right? Well, yeah.

Sean Hayes

What would you.

What would you do if, like, let's say, let's say Ridley Scott came to you and he wanted to do King Lear and he just thought he sees something in you that would just be like an incredibly. It's off brand and studio's excited and all of those terms and all of that, Stu. And the money's just like. Like, you've never, etc. Etc. Does your douche meter go off and say, even though you could do it, do you feel like the audience will never accept it?

Will Ferrell

Yeah, I think that would be a. That would be a tough one to try to convince yourself that you could pull that one off.

Sean Hayes

Having said that, you have.

Will Ferrell

You have King Lear. Are you about to know Jason? Are you direct? Are you doing it?

Sean Hayes

No, but you have. But what about what. In all sincerity, I think you've taken what you do and you've pushed it into so many realistic, dramatic, melancholy things that truly nobody else could do, just like no one else could do what you do in comedy. I really think it's admirable how you are so aware of how you come across, what sort of your goalposts are and what you're. You're asking the audience to accept you as I think is. That's a lot of discipline.

Will Ferrell

I appreciate that. But, yeah, I mean, it's. It's fun to do that other stuff, but there are times where I'm. I am always on those sets of more serious things going. This is. This is very hard. And this is hard to not look like you're trying to be the actor who everyone needs to take serious. So it's a.

Sean Hayes

It's the drama face.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Will Ferrell

It's so.

Will Arnett

It's so tough, which is so funny because doing. Doing what you do, specifically what you do, Will, is so. Is so hard. And when I say not many people, like, nobody could do it, and it's

Will Ferrell

so working out, you mean. Yeah, just the way I work out.

Will Arnett

Well, just lats. The way you do arms and legs.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Will Arnett

Nobody does legs like you. And you've always said that.

Sean Hayes

And thanks for the posts. You always post them, too.

Will Arnett

Not a lot of people know that. We'll train Reggie Bush. When I came through, as I'm a fair.

Will Ferrell

I'm a fairly modest person, I think you guys, I think that comes across here, but I will not hold back. No one does legs the way I do. You know,

Will Arnett

I mean, leg day's a holiday in the Ferrell household.

Will Ferrell

Leg day is. Yeah, it's just.

Sean Hayes

Now, here's the other thing. Will Ferrell, you know, you're also known not only as the funniest person in the world, but one of the kindest people. And everybody in this business always just raves about what a great human being you are.

Will Ferrell

That's the hard part.

Sean Hayes

I can attest to that, because that's

what they pay you for. Yeah, that's the part they pay you for.

Very, very sweet and. But so that said, I think the thing I always wanted to know what really pisses you off? Yeah.

Here we go. This is where we start the interview. He's all kombucha'd up now.

Will Ferrell

Do you mean I'm full of.

Will Arnett

No, we just want names. We just want names. That's.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. When's the last time you just screamed your head off and let somebody had it?

Yeah. Because I can't picture you angry.

Will Ferrell

No, I, I don't, I don't get. I'm trying to think of the last. I mean, I have screamed before. I have screamed in a professional manner

Sean Hayes

or like in life or like at home or like with, in people and human beings. What business?

Will Ferrell

I mean, yeah, home. It's, you know, the typical frustrations you have with your children. And for some reason I'm always checking myself because I'm holding them to some standard that I don't think I was held to. Like, I was, I was. I mean, I did well in school, but I still had, you know, my room was a mess and I never emptied the dishwasher and. But for some reason I'm just like, you guys. Yeah, you, it's not that hard. We're asking you to empty the trash.

Sean Hayes

See, if I was your child, I would laugh at that.

Will Ferrell

And put the liner back in.

Will Arnett

Put the liner back.

Will Ferrell

Reline the trash can. You're not done. It's a two step process.

Sean Hayes

Right.

Will Ferrell

But that for some reason that I get crazy and then I'm like, who is this person? Yeah.

Will Arnett

But I was going to say about holding them to that standard, you know, during these weird times we had the other day, Archie, our 11 year old, was on his Zoom class.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Will Arnett

And it turned out he was. He had his camera off and on the side, he was on his iPad playing a video game. So I said to Amy, I said to my ex, I was like, I was like, what are we. He's on the thing and blah, blah, blah. And as I was saying to her, like, he's on the, he's on the Zoom class, but he's on pause and he's playing a video game. Beat, beat, beat. I was looking at her and I go, which I probably would have done if given a chance. And you probably would have too. And she's like, yeah, I totally would. I know.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, exactly.

Will Arnett

It was crazy.

Will Ferrell

I don't, I don't know why. Yeah, I don't know why I go, there but can I. I have one other thing I don't on in a work experience kind of bugaboo. Yeah. I don't love the unit publicist experience on a set.

Sean Hayes

Right.

Will Ferrell

And for those listeners who are wondering, there's a lot of times on a production there's a publicist assigned from the studio and this and that. And they're always playing the game of like so and so is willing to do it if you are and then.

Sean Hayes

Right. Guilting you.

Yeah, yeah. And they do, they do these wide circles, right. They just do little drive bys every once in a while to gauge whether you're in a good mood or a bad mood. To just want to kind of run something by you.

Will Ferrell

And, and I'm always, I'm always amazed at. We want to have 20 journalists visit the set and do a three hour interview while you guys are filming. And I'm all, I'm always like, but wait, isn't the movie the first priority? And I'm always, I'm always like, absolutely, if we have time. Okay, but when do you think will be a good time? You'll have to check with the first ad. Okay, but is there a window? I have no idea. So you're up for it? Yes, if we have time.

Will Arnett

Okay, great.

Sean Hayes

So you've signed off.

Will Ferrell

If we have time.

Guest or Announcer

Right.

Will Ferrell

And then I love those days when there's no time. You just walk by, you go, I'm sorry, there was no time.

Will Arnett

Will, what was the thing I remember you were telling me once about kind of felt like the same thing. Somebody said to you, hey, we're going to do a golf tournament. Tiger woods is going to come if you're in. And like you felt like someone. And then somebody had told Tiger that you were going to play. And it was like, yes, yes.

Will Ferrell

Somehow my dad, my dad became dad. My dad somehow became a middleman. He was asking me, he had some friend of his down in Newport beach who came to listen to him play music. Was like, hey, so he's talked to Tiger woods and Tiger woods is in for it. If you and Tiger woods play golf together and they'll raise a bunch of money for charity for another twosome. So you're a foursome together. And these two, whoever, you know, it goes to the highest bidder to play golf with Will Ferrell and Tiger woods and that he's already reached out to Tiger and it's good to go. And I was like, well, dad, who is this friend again and how well do you know him? And he seems like a good guy. And, and, And I go, well, you know, a lot of times they'll ask one party before they ask the other. And so maybe I'll check. Let me do some research. And for some reason, some way I had some way to check to see if the tiger camp had ever heard of this special charity golf.

Will Arnett

Dr. Miller got involved.

Will Ferrell

And it turns out, of course, Tiger. I said, dad, guess what? Your buddy Tiger woods, apparently his team has never heard anything of this. Your friend's lying to you. And he was like, how. How could that be? And I said, I know. That's the way the world sometimes works.

Will Arnett

What kind of music.

Sean Hayes

What kind of music does he play?

Will Ferrell

He's. He's like an old time rock and roll.

Sean Hayes

Really?

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Guitarist?

Will Ferrell

No, he's piano. Sax. Hammond B3 organ.

Guest or Announcer

Wow.

Will Arnett

Wow.

Will Ferrell

Oh, yeah. Let's hear it for the Hammond B3.

Sean Hayes

That's amazing.

Will Ferrell

But, yeah, that was Mike. Tiger woods story.

Will Arnett

I just. I always loved that idea, though. I've thought about that so many times. The idea of, like, when they go like, hey, we want you to do this thing, and so and so and so and so are doing it. And I always think back to that story of like. And then I'll go, why don't you make sure that so and so and so and so. That's how I found myself on an island with Marie Osmond and Kirk Cameron. You know.

Sean Hayes

Oh, boy.

Will Ferrell

I got asked to play in another charity golf tournament by a friend, assuming that I was gonna play with the person I know, right? Only to show up and be placed with four strangers. And these guys were like, in it to win it. And they're like, hey, hope you're pretty good.

Sean Hayes

Did you end up playing?

Will Ferrell

Yeah, I had to play this entire 18 holes with these four guys, and

Will Arnett

they wanted to show you how good they were, right?

Will Ferrell

A hundred percent. They're like, we hope you're good because we win this thing every year and

Sean Hayes

you better be funny and you're.

Will Ferrell

Well. And it was early SNL days, so they kind of had heard of me. Maybe not. And they were like, is that show still on the air? I didn't know people watched it.

Guest or Announcer

It's sweet.

Sean Hayes

He sounds sweet.

Will Ferrell

And then I literally. We were supposed to be a banquet afterwards, and I said, guys, I'm gonna go put my clubs in my car and I'll meet you back inside. Just. Just drove home and. Did we win? Yes, we won. Even despite.

Sean Hayes

Did you really? You didn't stick around for the trophy?

Will Ferrell

I didn't stick around.

Sean Hayes

That's strong.

Yeah.

So as we say goodbye to you on this. In this pandemic day. What. What, what do you do the rest of the day?

Will Ferrell

Let's see, it's three in the afternoon. I'm gonna go. I might go. I might go walk our dogs. Peanut and Cosmo. Right, so that's.

Sean Hayes

With a mask.

Will Ferrell

They'll be with a mask. I'm gonna do a sweep through the house to find where all the devices have been hidden because these kids are liars and thieves. And so I'll do a sweep and. And then, Vivian, we'll start talking about. We start talking about what we're making for dinner at around noon every day. So we'll have to start.

Sean Hayes

You gotta build a day around that. And then it's sleep by eight.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Will Arnett

Jason, have you done. Or Will or Sean. Well, not to your kids, but maybe to Scotty. Have you ever done a thing where you go. You're so had it with the devices? I've threatened during this pandemic a minimum 100 times to throw the devices in the pool.

Will Ferrell

Yes.

Will Arnett

I said this iPad is going in the bottom of the pool if I see it on one more time.

Will Ferrell

Yeah, yeah.

Sean Hayes

But then you quickly realize all that means is more work for you.

Will Ferrell

Yeah, yeah, True. I did throw my. My 13 year old Matisse's phone out the window.

Will Arnett

You did.

Sean Hayes

Driving.

Will Ferrell

All of us driving. But it was a real slow crawl and I. I picked a target area where I knew we could find it later, and I just chucked it out the window and hit this bush. And he literally was like, what is wrong with you? And he was so shocked that I actually did it. And typical, true to form, we pulled over. He's like, I can't believe it. Burst into tears, went back to look for the phone. He's like, I can't find it. I can't find it. I walked right up to the bush. I'm like, here it is. It's right here. And so that was a great little shot across the bow.

Sean Hayes

What you're capable of, right? Don't mess.

Will Ferrell

What I'm capable of. But it hasn't been much of a deterrent.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Well, Will Ferrell, thank you for being here with us. We love you. You're our comedy hero.

Will Ferrell

Thanks, you guys. So much fun.

Sean Hayes

Can't thank you enough. Very, very nice of you, Willie.

Will Ferrell

Bye, guys.

Will Arnett

Love you, buddy.

Sean Hayes

Bye, Will. Thank you, guys. That was so fun. How awesome is he?

He literally is one of my favorite people in the whole world. And I was a there for the first few minutes, but God, he puts you at ease, doesn't he? What a nice guy.

You were starstruck when I came on or when he was.

Oh, sorry, Arnett.

Will Arnett

Oh.

Sean Hayes

Oh, when Arnett was.

Yeah, sure.

Will Arnett

Good for you, dude. Good for you, dude. I'm just like. I'm a regular guy. I'm very approachable. Farrell is the best, isn't he? I. I had the honor and pleasure and good fortune to. To work on a couple things with him, and they were some of my fondest memories because most of the time we just screwed around.

Sean Hayes

And he's one of those guys who you go, oh, no wonder you're a superstar, because everybody wants to work with you because you're one of the nicest people in the business and incredibly talented. Right?

Will Arnett

Yeah. He's got. He's got that. As you know, you guys know, he's got that sort of that natural timing that you cannot learn. You just have it or you don't. And he has got it in spades in ways that are. He's got that thing that makes him. He's so surprising, too.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Will Arnett

He just surprises you with stuff. It's just awesome.

Sean Hayes

Is there anything you guys learned about him that you didn't know?

Will Arnett

Certainly about his dad.

Will Ferrell

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Isn't that interesting?

And all the sports journalism stuff that he was excited about early on.

Will Ferrell

Right.

Will Arnett

It's crazy. I've met his dad a few times, and I guess I didn't really realize his dad was a musician. I don't know how.

Sean Hayes

For the Righteous Brothers. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah. I did not know he was on Saturday Night Live.

Oh, yeah, that was.

Will Arnett

You didn't know that?

Sean Hayes

Wow.

Yeah. No, you got to go back and look at some of those.

Will Arnett

But you were. You hosted a couple times while he was on the show.

Sean Hayes

I never. I don't look behind me. I don't look behind me. I just look forward.

Will Arnett

Oh, okay. Look. So I don't know how that's applicable in this case.

Sean Hayes

Sean, I'm very proud of you that you. You got. You got Will Ferrell to say yes. Do you have any sort of incriminating photos or does he owe you money or. How did you. How'd you.

That I have a couple. No, I don't have anything. I can't think of anything. Okay.

Will Arnett

All right, guys.

Sean Hayes

Love you guys.

I love you.

Will Arnett

Hey, guys, I just want to say smart. Smart. Comedy royalty. Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuana in Heads Will Roll. Heir apparent, the highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan favorite original comedy series, Flanked once more by co star Emily Lynn and a new star studded ensemble including Richard Kind, Laurie Metcalf, Jimmy Fallon, Megan Mullally, Sam Richardson and Carrie Coon, plus an extensive cast of comedy greats. Part medieval mayhem, part razor sharp social commentary. Listen to Heads Will Roll, Heir Apparent. Available now on audible. Go to audible.com headswellrollseries to start listening today.

Sean Hayes

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