Narrator/Ad Voice

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Paris Hilton

babes, it's Paris Hilton. So I was checking my points balance in the Hilton Honors app the other day and yeah, I've got about a billion, which feels excessive even for me. Just kidding. You can never have too many Hilton Honors points. And I want to do something iconic this summer, so I'm giving away all my Paris points. Just find somewhere you've always wanted to stay, then go to my socials or Hilton's and tell me about it. Just make sure you're a Hilton Honors member. And I might be sending you Paris points because. Because when you want points that make your summer even hotter, it matters where you stay.

Sean Hayes

Smartless is presented by Amazon. Guys, we gotta talk about your secret late night Internet searches. You know the ones. Bumpy leg rash, hair loss, itchy bum. Trying to figure out your body by endlessly searching for answers. We all do it and it never works. Thankfully, there's Amazon Health AI. It can connect your symptoms with your medical history and it can even get you care 24 7. So call off the search. Amazon Health AI is here. Healthcare just got less painful.

Jason Bateman

Morning, Will. Good morning. In through the nose, out through the mouth. That's it. In through the nose and out through the mouth.

Will Arnett

God, your hands are getting really low here. No, no, no.

Jason Bateman

Just keep the settle into your sits bones, okay?

Timothy Olyphant

All right.

Jason Bateman

And feel the spine stacking and the neck.

Will Arnett

You don't need to feel my spine. Wait a second. Yeah, what is this?

Jason Bateman

This is a little bit of tension right there, huh?

Will Arnett

All right, let's get to it. All new Smartless. Smart less. Smart less. Smart less.

Jason Bateman

What were you. What kind of student were both you two? Hi, I'm Jason.

Will Arnett

Oh, hi, Jason.

Jason Bateman

Were you guys both smarties? I don't think so. I'm gonna make a guess here. Like bees. You know, solid bees.

Sean Hayes

Well, in college it was really bad for me Because I would always copy. And so my eyes hurt because my face would be forward, but my eyes would be looking really hard down to the left.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Right.

Jason Bateman

At like a little computer watch.

Sean Hayes

No, back in those days. No. At the guy next to me. And either. Whoever was out there on either side, really.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Right. Yeah.

Will Arnett

You were a habitual cheater.

Jason Bateman

Totally. And was he. Was he hip to it? Was he kind of like giving you a side wink and showing it to you?

Sean Hayes

No, no. One of those big. Those big lecture halls, you know, I'd be like. My eyes would be like this and they hurt so bad.

Will Arnett

But how did you trust that they knew the answer? Do you know what I mean?

Sean Hayes

Because any guess was better than mine.

Jason Bateman

Better than your brain.

Will Arnett

Right?

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Will Arnett

I was just talking about this recently.

Sean Hayes

I never.

Will Arnett

I didn't. I didn't cheat in high school or anything like that.

Sean Hayes

No, I didn't in high school. Not in high school, no.

Will Arnett

I'd be willing. I'd be willing to do poorly. I had moments where I was okay and then. And I just didn't you.

Jason Bateman

Have you ever cheated in anything? Will I.

Will Arnett

No, I've never really, like, stolen anything. I've never really, you know, one time. This is a true story. The only sort of really vivid memory I have of that is when I was a kid when a bag of chips was still 25 cents. And it was like a crowded thing at the convenience store after school. And there were a bunch of kids in there. I was probably 11, maybe 10. And I was like, fuck it. And I had to catch a thing. So I just took the chips and I felt so guilty overnight. I went in the next day and I put a quarter on the counter at the store.

Sean Hayes

Willie. Bless.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Willie Arnett. Willie.

Will Arnett

I know, I know. It ate away at me. I couldn't like. I was like, I can't.

Jason Bateman

Have you ever done anything that would justify you getting arrested that you've gotten away with?

Sean Hayes

No, I was arrested.

Jason Bateman

You don't have to tell me. You can just say, yes, I did get away with a couple of things I could have been arrested for had I been caught.

Will Arnett

No, no.

Sean Hayes

Like, no, I was arrested for that turkey sandwich.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, a turkey sandwich.

Sean Hayes

I told you I stole a turkey sandwich in college. I was really drunk and the cops arrested me. I told you.

Will Arnett

That is.

Jason Bateman

I don't remember.

Will Arnett

I don't know if I've ever heard a more on brand arrest story.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in it.

Jason Bateman

Well, because. And the turkey sandwich was definitely on white bread with mayo only, of course.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. It Was wrapped, you know, it was like, in a 711 or what we call a white hen. It was called white hen.

Will Arnett

Yeah, sure.

Sean Hayes

And. And I was with my friends. I was so hungry, and I didn't have any money, so I just stole the turkey sandwich. I was really drunk. We were eating out in front, and the cop just stands right in front of me. He's like, hey, buddy, you're coming with me.

Will Arnett

And I was like, for a turkey sandwich?

Sean Hayes

And he put me in the back, and I was riding in the back, and I was.

Jason Bateman

Were you cuffed? Did he cuff you?

Sean Hayes

I don't remember. Probably. And you probably asked for.

Jason Bateman

You said, wait a second. You're not going to cuff me.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, yeah.

Will Arnett

You're like, use these. And you produce your own cuffs.

Jason Bateman

I'm pretty sure I need nipple clamps.

Will Arnett

And I think you have to. You have to cuff yourself to me.

Jason Bateman

Can I put the lights on? And the siren.

Sean Hayes

I know my rights. My rights are, you need to cough me. I just start yelling, yeah, no, it was for a turkey sandwich. And he took me to the station, and I had to sit there until somebody I didn't know gave me 100 bucks to get out.

Will Arnett

I mean, what.

Sean Hayes

And it's a long story. This is a crazy story.

Jason Bateman

You got mystery bail.

Will Arnett

What a crazy waste of resources, though, right?

Narrator/Ad Voice

Yeah.

Will Arnett

Yeah, what a crazy waste of resources.

Sean Hayes

That's what I was saying in the backseat. I mean, it's horrible that I said

Jason Bateman

this run in your mouth.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Horrible.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. I was running in my mouth because I was drunk. I was running in my mouth, and I said, isn't there somebody. Isn't there a worse crime happening on campus right now? Like, isn't somebody getting, like, sexual harassment or something?

Jason Bateman

The next go to is, my taxes pay your salary. Yeah, that's how. All right, there come the cops,

Sean Hayes

then the cops. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to pin me down on the floor like hogtie.

Jason Bateman

I think.

Will Arnett

I think we're supposed to turn the light. Lights should be a little bit lower, don't you think? Shouldn't we have a glass of wine? Where are we? What's going on?

Jason Bateman

What about how I sent Shawnee? I cut and pasted the top 10 vanilla ice cream out there. And you know, number one is Haagen Dazs.

Sean Hayes

Of course. It's always. It's the best one.

Will Arnett

So good. Although we like McConnell's.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, that's true. McConnell's. I think McConnell's was on the list. Do they still make rum raisin?

Sean Hayes

Probably. Why do you want some?

Jason Bateman

I just haven't had rum raisin in so long.

Sean Hayes

Well, it's got raisins in it. Why would you want ice cream with raisins in it and rum.

Jason Bateman

Now what do they do about the rum there? Do they, they somehow take the alcohol out of the rum?

Will Arnett

No, no, they're, they're, they're putting 100 proof rum in the ice cream and selling it to kids.

Jason Bateman

Well, but I really, I want to know how do they get the rum flavor?

Will Arnett

And there's still cocaine in Coca Cola.

Sean Hayes

And the, and the kid, the kids are like, the kids are like, hey, can I get another scoop?

Jason Bateman

All right, I'm sorry, Surprise guest.

Will Arnett

I know the guest.

Sean Hayes

No, no, no.

Will Arnett

I like that we said, you know, we had a great segue before about being Justified because this guy is justified in a lot of stuff that he does. I will say he is a multi Emmy nominated actor. He has a crazy diverse list of film and TV credits that are just insane comedies, dramas. Recently, most recently, I think that everybody was delighted to see him in FX's highly anticipated series, the Alien Earth franchise.

Jason Bateman

Oh my God, that's that Noah Hawley vehicle.

Will Arnett

He's also Noah Hawley vehicle. He was also in Apple TV show Last year's Stick, which has got a second season coming up soon. We're going to be able to see him with a crazy cast with Anna Taylor Joy and Annette Bening and a bunch of people in this new Apple TV crime thriller series. Lucky.

Jason Bateman

Who is this tasty guest?

Will Arnett

He's a guy who, you know. And the reason I say he's Justified, because he was also Emmy nominated for the show he starred in called Justified. You know, I'm also from Deadwood, you guys. It's the wonderful. And I'm so excited. Timothy Oliphant.

Sean Hayes

Oh my God, Timothy.

Jason Bateman

Hi, buddy.

Timothy Olyphant

Oh, hello.

Will Arnett

Pleasure. Dude.

Timothy Olyphant

I listen, I was on the set of Justified with and I was working with Eric Roberts and he's driving and I'm sitting shotgun and I say there was all those ND cops around in the scene and we're supposed to pull out in the shot and right before we rolled, I said, I said, I gave you 20 bucks. You just hit one of these, bump one of these cops. And he goes, I hit a cop once. Not a good idea. And I'm like, oh gee. I was like, wait, sorry sir, with your vehicle. He goes, no, I hit him. I hit him. Oh my God. And he said it was a bad idea. They had me on the ground so fast. And then from Then on I was just Eric the cop hitter. Roberts couldn't catch on me. And I said to him, I asked him, how many times you've been arrested? And he said something like in the double digits. But then he qualified it because he said half of those were before he turned 18. And I wasn't sure how to take that, but I was taking. And then he looks at me and goes, you ever been arrested? And I said, no. And he goes, pussy.

Jason Bateman

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

I told him I was at swim practice. You know what I mean?

Jason Bateman

It happened to me once.

Will Arnett

Oh, I love Jason's story.

Jason Bateman

It's full pussy style. I was.

Will Arnett

It involves Monaco.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, I was arrested in Monaco for being drunk and disorderly in a nice little leopard outfit, fresh from the casinos, all banged up on, you know, cheap champagne and a pocket full of chips. Just got rocked.

Sean Hayes

That's the name of his biography.

Jason Bateman

Hey, but Sean, it sounds like we found a hack for you. If you ever do want the hog tie, you just gotta punch a cop in the face.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, I just wrote it down. I just wrote it down. Brought that.

Timothy Olyphant

You got it?

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

Note to self.

Timothy Olyphant

That's why, Listen, I'm here for you. That's why. That's why I brought.

Sean Hayes

Well, first, it's so nice to see you. I've seen all of alien Earth. You're amazing in everything. But I just will said that. I love that show. You're amazing in it.

Will Arnett

Did you see Sean's face? I knew that once I said that. And he's like, oh, my God.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. Such a good show. It's coming back. No.

Will Arnett

Hey, cool it, man.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, we start shooting in a little bit. Yeah, thank you.

Sean Hayes

You sound excited about it.

Timothy Olyphant

You know what? Here's. Tell me you guys aren't the same. We shot the first season in Thailand or something. Right, in Thailand. We were in Bangkok.

Sean Hayes

Oh, wow.

Timothy Olyphant

And it was just a magical experience. What?

Jason Bateman

But I heard. I heard it was a nightmare. I mean, there's a lot of tough conditions there. I. I know people

Will Arnett

don't put them on the spot.

Jason Bateman

Go ahead.

Timothy Olyphant

Oh, there's nothing worth better than listening to actors.

Will Arnett

Come on.

Timothy Olyphant

It's the name of my book. But don't be afraid to. And other tips for young act actors.

Jason Bateman

Well, it's so hot.

Timothy Olyphant

Look at us, this group here, you know what they call it? Like a murderer crows and you're like a flock of seagulls. You got a little complaint of actors.

Jason Bateman

It doesn't have the air conditioning of the Warner brothers lot down there.

Timothy Olyphant

Listen, I'm with you. I'M getting to my bitching. Which is when we were there, it was quite magical. I. It's hot, but it's a magical, crazy, amazing place. And the more you're there, the more you know it, the more you like it. And at the same time you're like, I hope I don't have to come back.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

So for season two, they say, we're not. We were like, we don't want. Please don't go back. And they said, no, we're not going to go back. We're going to go to either London or Budapest. And no offense to, but I was like, oh, please, London.

Jason Bateman

London.

Timothy Olyphant

Right, London. And then you get the call from your agent, says, hey, good news, season two, London. And I was like, God damn, can't shoot in la. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes that quick? Yeah, yeah, that quick. It's like, fuck, I gotta leave, I gotta.

Jason Bateman

Right, so what is that? What's your process of thought? Like getting comfortable with that? Like we are vagabonds. Right. Like you start to process very quickly. Okay, I'm going to be spending five months in a foreign land, in a hotel or rent a place, whatever. It's like you immediately start thinking about, you know, logistics. Do you have a wife and children that are going to have to figure out how to. Or whatever. Your whole life at home is all upended. Start to bitch about that for me,

Timothy Olyphant

the wife and children.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, well, you start there. But just getting uprooting.

Timothy Olyphant

35 years marriage this summer.

Sean Hayes

Oh, that's great. That's amazing.

Timothy Olyphant

Seven really good ones. So we're. Well right now we're empty nesters.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Yeah.

Will Arnett

Okay.

Timothy Olyphant

You guys are not. None of. No, I'm half, I'm half empty.

Will Arnett

Jason's half. I'm a. I got one more year until my first one goes to college.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah. So they don't. They just leave you. So just so you know, like, if I did it again, I wouldn't have gotten so close.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, that's just, that's serious. I've talked about it before. I think I tried to pick fights with my older one. Yeah. Just so it wouldn't hurt so bad.

Timothy Olyphant

Does she. Oh, you're oldest.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, she's 19. But she ended up going to school in, in town, so it didn't hurt quite as bad.

Timothy Olyphant

Oh, did she just become like weeks before leaving, just like, who is this fucking devil that's taking over my child?

Jason Bateman

Right. Yeah, well, no, she had a lot of. You know, as they do at that age, they spend a Lot of time outside the house. So it's not, as somebody smart once said, you're not losing your 10 year old. You know, like their wings are flapping well before they.

Will Arnett

And she's a particularly good kid. I will say she's a really nice kid.

Timothy Olyphant

She's a good kid. But there's a Tom Pop. This has, I think it's him. Has the joke that when, it's when your kids leave, nobody prepares you how hard it's going to be to pretend to be sad. But even the best kids, they tend to act up right before they leave. Right. They tend to be like they got to.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, it's part of their emancipation. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

It makes it easier to leave.

Will Arnett

Yeah. So. So you're getting ready to, to go to London and you've got to like switch it all up. You got to kind of like start to prep. I'm. I'm about to do the same for six months to Atlanta and I'm like all. Every day I think about how's that going to go?

Timothy Olyphant

How's that going?

Jason Bateman

Wait a second, hold on. Breaking news here.

Sean Hayes

No, well, he's got a big job. It's super.

Will Arnett

But anyway.

Jason Bateman

But six months in Atlanta.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

Well, how come I don't know about this yet?

Will Arnett

Because you're not on my call sheet. I mean, I'm looking at it right now.

Jason Bateman

You just like hit me with a memo or something.

Will Arnett

But, but so like that, you know what, that we've done it before so you know what that's like, you're getting ready to go to and overseas.

Timothy Olyphant

What's the hardest part for you? It's always the transition, right? I don't know, you tell me once you're there. I feel like it's always lovely.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, it is. Yes. But if you've got, if you've got like Will's good. Will's got kids back at home so

Timothy Olyphant

they're not going to be able to be with you. I forget. Yeah, I didn't, I was, I was very fortunate. I got so lucky. I mean partly by design and partly just because I failed at getting jobs. But I more or less got to work and live in LA for the majority of my kids.

Jason Bateman

Was Justified in L. A Just dead.

Timothy Olyphant

I literally had Deadwood for three years and then Justified for. I think it was six. And then we did this thing, Santa Claria diet for a couple they were

Jason Bateman

they all shot here in Santa Clara, Santa Clarita.

Timothy Olyphant

I'll bet they were all inside. I basically lived. Yeah. I thought I was in show Business.

Sean Hayes

But even. But even in town, aren't you like, I can't wait to get home.

Timothy Olyphant

Oh, yeah.

Will Arnett

By the way, even in town, you're like, I gotta go to the Valley.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, right.

Will Arnett

That's where the real complaint. Why can't I shoot at the Fox lot?

Timothy Olyphant

When my kids were small, it was great. I'd just show up to work to take naps. So when my kids were really small, I was like, look, I just go to work so I can get some sleep.

Will Arnett

I know we used to have an office. Jason would complain that I didn't want to go to my office. And then I had another office for my company. And I'd go there and I'd show up and see my partner and I'd be like, hang on a second. And I'd go in, shut the door, and I'd get on the couch, take a nap on my couch.

Jason Bateman

Oh, God.

Will Arnett

I know, because I'm tired. I'm tired, man.

Jason Bateman

I know.

Will Arnett

You know, dude, I was. I. In my intro, like, I started going through your credits and I was going

Timothy Olyphant

to start at the top.

Will Arnett

You have so many credits. You've done so much stuff of such variety, it's insane, man. I mean, you were like, you just. You're so unbelievably versatile. And when you started as an actor. Well, first let's. You were born in Hawaii and that you were raised in California, but when you started, when you were first a young actor, did you have like a particular lane you thought you wanted to go in because you've eliminated the lanes? All the dotted lines evaporated for you a long time ago on whatever road you're on.

Timothy Olyphant

Well, you're very kind, first of all, and by the way, back at you, because I just saw literally just a few nights ago. Is this thing on? That's the. That's the title, right?

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

What a lovely, lovely performance. And just so.

Sean Hayes

Isn't he great?

Timothy Olyphant

Lived in and present. Like you weren't, you know that lovely thing where you're like, this just must be what he's like, because, you know, and I. Obviously your comedic work is off the charts. So it was so. He's got it all range. My God. It was really just a lovely, lovely, beautiful, lived in performance.

Jason Bateman

So Sean wasn't terrible in it either. Look at Sean.

Will Arnett

Sean was delightful.

Sean Hayes

My God.

Jason Bateman

Which one were you from?

Sean Hayes

That.

Will Arnett

Yeah, that's a good question.

Sean Hayes

Either I was either Stephen or Robert or something.

Will Arnett

Or Jeffrey.

Sean Hayes

I was one of those.

Will Arnett

You. Now that I look at you, I'm like, yeah, you were there.

Timothy Olyphant

You guys all have this, by the way. You guys all have the crazy range. Sean, you're, like, in your will and grace. You're, like, doing physical comedy at, like, the. The ultimate level of effortlessness. And then you're on stage doing, like, this incredible dramatic work.

Sean Hayes

Well, thank you.

Timothy Olyphant

Thank you.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, everybody's really good.

Timothy Olyphant

Jason, you also. You do the acting and you do the voiceover.

Will Arnett

Oh, you are an actor.

Sean Hayes

It's huge.

Timothy Olyphant

You go from both.

Will Arnett

Right, right. Right. Now, again, this is amazing. I remember you from the OD's.

Sean Hayes

Really amazing.

Will Arnett

Right? So, but, but, but, but it's sort of back to my question, and I don't know, I kind of actually. You know what I'm going to say to all of you guys. But. But, Timothy, I want to hear from you first, because I listen to these Ding Dongs all the time. Did you. When you started, did you. Were you like. Cause I remember I moved to New York. I'll start. I wanted to be a dramatic actor. I thought, because I didn't know any better. I didn't know anything about comedy or how you get to it or. It wasn't even. So I was like, I want to be a dramatic actor. Did you have that? Were you like, I want to be taken seriously. I want to do important stuff. You know, the stuff that we as youngsters.

Jason Bateman

You don't think acting is comedy, you think acting is drama.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, right, right.

Timothy Olyphant

Again, memory's not a reliable narrator here, but my favorite actors were actors who gave comedic dramatic performances. They were. They're just. That's what I. You know, I always felt like De Niro knew he was being funny in those roles. Even the most dramatic roles. He must have known, right? He must. When he's doing Taxi Driver, he knows that's funny. Right, Right, right, right.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

Doesn't he?

Jason Bateman

There's some moments, for sure.

Will Arnett

I wonder. I wonder. That's a good question.

Jason Bateman

He must, right?

Timothy Olyphant

Was I always. I just assume when he's doing that, you talking to me, he knows that that's comedic timing that's happening there, right?

Jason Bateman

Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

Well, did you see him in King of Comedy?

Timothy Olyphant

Exactly. Right.

Jason Bateman

Yeah. I mean, it's just incredible, incredible acting performance.

Timothy Olyphant

So when he did comedy and some people were like, I don't.

Will Arnett

Wow.

Timothy Olyphant

Who knew he could do comedy? I was like, raise my hand. I was like, well, I think it was there from the beginning, right?

Sean Hayes

Yeah. Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

I don't know. You don't?

Jason Bateman

I still. I feel like Will Ferrell.

Will Arnett

Oh, yeah, Will.

Jason Bateman

But Will Ferrell's playing these eccentric characters that are funny because they're eccentric. But it takes great acting chops to be believably eccentric.

Timothy Olyphant

I think this is the flip side which is the best comedic performances are really dramatic.

Will Arnett

I think the through line is always. It's commitment. Right. And so you're committed. We know. You know, as long as you're committed to the bit, whether it's dramatic or comedic, you have to be committed, Jason, to your thing. Like, you can never wink. Which is why when you see people who are doing stuff, when they're too aware, then you're like, okay, I don't buy it as much, but if somebody's committed to the thing, you recognize that is feeling.

Sean Hayes

And then, and then one of the funniest things I think is when people com. Commit to being non committal, you know, like, like, like when you do, like

Will Arnett

when you do, like when you do really.

Sean Hayes

When you do really bad acting on purpose. That's one of the funniest. I love that, you know when you see somebody doing bad acting.

Jason Bateman

For real.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, yeah. Sing for real.

Jason Bateman

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Sean Hayes

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Will Arnett

Timmy, do you know sing for Real?

Timothy Olyphant

No.

Will Arnett

This thing. Thoreau came up with it years ago, which is. It's so embarrassing. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

It makes your feel real.

Will Arnett

So like if you're driving in the car with a friend or whatever, a song comes on the radio and if you say to the other person, sing for real, they have to sing that song and they can't do any. Like you like, say it's like Satisfaction by the Stones. You can't do like. Ah, I can't. Like, you can't put anything on. You have to do it as real as possible. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

And it's really uncomfortable. It's so uncomfortable. It makes your skin crawl. Like, if I. I had. We did it in the documentary too, but I had Will do it in the car one time and I couldn't even look at him. It was so I could. It was horrible.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Yeah.

Will Arnett

It's the worst feeling.

Jason Bateman

Like driving with your pants off.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

And you're. It's funny you said satisfaction because I don't think of that as being like, singing it for real, but it is. No matter what you really are saying, like this Fucking man comes on the radio. You're right. And telling you how white your shirts can be. And he can't be a real man. Like, you're in it.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. Sing for real. Satisfaction.

Timothy Olyphant

Sing.

Sean Hayes

You have to sing it totally real right now.

Jason Bateman

No.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

Don't make him do it.

Sean Hayes

Do it.

Timothy Olyphant

Me?

Sean Hayes

Yeah, you have to do it. Go.

Jason Bateman

He's not doing it.

Timothy Olyphant

God.

Will Arnett

To do that shit. It's so rough to do that.

Narrator/Ad Voice

See.

Sean Hayes

Cause you just thought about it. You just thought about it. You're like, I can't do it. I can't do it.

Timothy Olyphant

I'm looking at Will and I'm thinking, I have to do it. Based on that reaction. Anything not to do it. You can't give me some lyrics. I just know. Look, this is not singing, though. I don't know. Okay. I can't sing. Let's start there.

Jason Bateman

You can't do, like, a Mick Jagger impersonation.

Sean Hayes

No, you have to do it.

Will Arnett

You have to do it.

Timothy Olyphant

I can do.

Sean Hayes

No, you can't. You have to. You have to sing it like you're recording it for real.

Will Arnett

Okay.

Timothy Olyphant

So I just was listening to this yesterday, and if I'm not mistaken, had I not said. When a man comes on the radio tells me useless information. Is the guy on the radio giving the useless information or is he telling him how white his shirts can be? Come on, everybody. Who's telling him how white his shirts can be and who's telling him useless information just to drive my imagination.

Will Arnett

Let me see. Let me see.

Jason Bateman

The dj. He's yelling at the dj.

Timothy Olyphant

Imagination.

Will Arnett

When I'm driving in my car and

Timothy Olyphant

the man comes on the radio tells

Will Arnett

me how white my shirts can be about some useless.

Timothy Olyphant

What? What? Does he say it there? God damn it.

Will Arnett

No, no, no, no. It's later. Hang on, hang on. Oh, yeah, hang on. Here, here we go.

Timothy Olyphant

I just love my favorite thing about this song, by the way.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

Is that he's Mick, at one point says. Cause he's on a losing streak. And I just love the idea that Mick is having a hard time with the. You know, like, he was having a tough time and that guy was really getting under his skin because he was right. Yeah.

Will Arnett

Let's be real.

Timothy Olyphant

Listen, he wrote it. I'm convinced. As much as that guy sometimes seems like a.

Will Arnett

That guy's never been on a losing streak.

Timothy Olyphant

I know, but he's.

Jason Bateman

Must have been a moment buddy.

Timothy Olyphant

I think there's some vulnerability there.

Jason Bateman

Those songs are too good, right?

Will Arnett

I always wonder about people who write love songs and stuff about Heartbreak. And then I'm like, did they have this much heartbreak, like always? Or, like, what are they drawing on? You know? I don't know.

Timothy Olyphant

Anyway, no one with a happy childhood ever went into show business.

Sean Hayes

Buddy, what was. Was your family in the show business?

Jason Bateman

Higher.

Timothy Olyphant

No. No. Is your family in this?

Jason Bateman

Yeah. Where'd the acting bug come?

Will Arnett

How did that happen? When. How'd that happen?

Timothy Olyphant

It just was late. It was a hunch. I mean, you know, I was just.

Sean Hayes

For you, Nobody else in the family.

Timothy Olyphant

I thought this would be good. If this doesn't work out, I got the ceramics to fall back on.

Will Arnett

But where were you? Where were you geographically when you went? You woke up that morning and you had the hunt. You listened to the hunch. You went, I'm gonna be an actor.

Paris Hilton

All right?

Timothy Olyphant

I'll tell you, the chances of me keeping this short are slim, but here we go. I'm gonna try. Go ahead. 1. I will say that when I was a kid, I really had a whole idea of fantasy of being in, like, show business or in comedy. And when I'd say, I want to do that, like Steve Martin or something, my mom, God bless her, she would always say things like, you don't want to be. You don't want to be like them. They're like, you know, they're, like, on drugs and divorced. You don't want that life. You know? They're all divorced, by the way. Cut to, years later, I was like, you're divorced? What the fuck? Grew up in Modesto.

Will Arnett

Are you on drugs?

Timothy Olyphant

We are. We're in Modesto.

Sean Hayes

Oh, you grew up in Modesto.

Timothy Olyphant

And. Yeah, so I grew up in Modesto, and then I went to college in la. I went to usc. I was a fine art major because I always drew as a kid. And when I found out that was a major, I was like, you know, I thought I was getting away with murder. Couldn't believe me, let me do it. I didn't know that that was a

Sean Hayes

thing like, you could draw. So you have a.

Jason Bateman

You have a degree in drawing?

Timothy Olyphant

They give you a degree for that? Yeah, I went to. I got one like, just. I finally got the. A few years ago.

Jason Bateman

So you didn't finish.

Timothy Olyphant

But I did four years, but I didn't get my degree till, you know,

Jason Bateman

just a little bit ago. It's great. I'll need to hear more about that.

Timothy Olyphant

He actually gave me the idea, but

Will Arnett

it on the black market, the way

Timothy Olyphant

you're talking about it, by the way, they. I think it was like anything. It was like one of those Covid things where I was like, you know what? And my kids were getting ready to get their degrees and I was like, I gotta. I should. This is the time to do it. This is a strike or Covid. And I went back and finished up. They gave me the honor to go and. USC. Yeah. And worked with my. The same professor. It was lovely experience. Wow. The great Ruth Weisberg, who was my professor when I was there, and she still teaches. And that's wild. She. And I got to do an independent study with her. It was wonderful. And then I got to go speak at the graduation ceremony for the fine art and all that, which I thought was hilarious because all those kids had accomplished in four years what took me like 32 and I was there to give them advice.

Jason Bateman

What were you thinking that fine art degree was going to afford you career wise? What are all these kids. What do you take that into? Like, graphic design and. Well, because one of my daughters is that. That's her jam. She's really gifted as an artist. My eldest daughter is actually a student at SC right now. She's loving it. Absolutely.

Timothy Olyphant

Congratulations. Yeah.

Jason Bateman

Yeah. Thank you. So should I encourage the 14 year old to continue drawing? Were there options explained to you there at the school?

Timothy Olyphant

First of all, of course, you encouraged her to do what she loves doing.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

Beat it out of her. If it's not Lucrat, goddamn it, I'll teach. Nog is she's going to become a coder and learn Mandarin,

Timothy Olyphant

You know? Yeah. What else you going to do? Right? Keep going, honey.

Jason Bateman

She going to code.

Timothy Olyphant

So here's what I understand now. If. If kids who get like a. A Bachelor of Fine arts, they just still have so many different directions they can go and they're thinking. And to some degree, I think they're very attractive in whatever workforce because they were kind of just thinking outside the box all the time and being creative. Once someone gets their master's, they're gonna be like, they're gonna be an artist.

Will Arnett

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sean Hayes

Okay.

Will Arnett

Gotcha. Sean, what's your degree in?

Sean Hayes

My degree is I never graduated, but got an honorary doctorate in music. Yeah.

Will Arnett

Oh, you never graduated?

Paris Hilton

No.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Mm. Mm.

Will Arnett

This is breaking news. You've never. You've. You have buried the lead on this for.

Sean Hayes

I went four years as well, and then I got to honor.

Jason Bateman

I didn't graduate high school, so you guys got me beat.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, right.

Timothy Olyphant

It doesn't show.

Will Arnett

No one's ever said it doesn't show.

Jason Bateman

You know, just start drooling.

Timothy Olyphant

You're doing. You're doing great.

Will Arnett

You are doing great. But wait, so you get this. You get this degree from USC in fine arts and drawing, and you're like, ready. Ready to start, you know, drawing stuff or tagging bridges or doing something.

Timothy Olyphant

And.

Will Arnett

And then. And then you go, at the end of all of that, you go, you know what? So what? You're in LA and you're like, I want to be an actor. Like, how did that.

Timothy Olyphant

I do think I had a certain amount of conscious thinking that I was wanting to put off a midlife crisis, that I was like, whoa. Yeah, I really did. I was like, I think my parents were split and they were. My dad was going through his, and I just thought, that doesn't look fun. And, you know, there's. You always, you know, oh, I always wanted to do this, but. But I never did it. So I became this. So I was considering going to get my master's in fine arts. That's really kind of what I wanted to do. You know, like, when grandparents and stuff would ask you, what are you gonna. That degree? What are you gonna do with it? At first you're like, I don't wanna be an artist. And that. You see the expression on their face, and then you start saying, or I could do commercial work, I could do. You talk about all the things you could do. But I really just wanted to be an artist. And, you know, it was like going to galleries and, like, you know, in LA and museums and Chris Burden and Baldessari. All these people were big inspirations. But there was a bunch of things I always wanted to try that were on my mind. Like, I knew I always wanted to do stand up. I always thought about it'd be fun to be an actor. I thought, oh, it'd be great to be in a band, you know, things like that. And I thought I should try to cross all these off before moving forward.

Jason Bateman

Those all take a great deal of courage, though.

Timothy Olyphant

Well, what doesn't?

Jason Bateman

Well, yeah, Well, I mean, certainly standing up in front of an audience all alone with a microphone is sort of the zenith of balls.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, I was thinking of that on your movie. I felt like they captured this thing that no one prepares you for when you do stand up, which is the moment you step on, the silence that

Jason Bateman

you're created by is just real quiet.

Sean Hayes

Terrible.

Timothy Olyphant

It's so quiet. No one tells you it's going to be that quiet before you say a word.

Will Arnett

Like, the healthy respect I had for standups and what they do before was. Was huge. And then it was just magnified. The first time. I remember the first time going down at this Comedy Cellar, and I was doing it, I was getting introduced as my character as Alex Novak. But I remember the first time going up there and trying to go up as a guy who had never done it before as well. I remember Bradley saying to me, like, we're doing something different. Don't try to rely on tricks. You have to go up and do this as this dude who's never done it. And going up there and standing there, fucking. You're like. You just feel like it's so quiet, and you feel like, oh, my God, I'm about to fall off a cliff here. And it's just. It's the best and the worst at the same time. It's simultaneously just, like, the most terrifying. So, yeah, standup's. What they do is. Is just like, man, like, you tried it, Timothy.

Jason Bateman

Did you?

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, I did it for a little while. Right around the corner from Comedy Cellar in New York was a place called Boston Comedy Club, and I. Oh, yeah, of course.

Will Arnett

Oh, you did, huh?

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, yeah, I did.

Sean Hayes

Do you still remember some of the jokes? I'll tell you some of mine.

Will Arnett

Oh, Sean has a really famous.

Jason Bateman

Sean's got a great opener.

Will Arnett

Yeah, it's a great opener.

Timothy Olyphant

He asked me to.

Will Arnett

He's told it before, but. Timothy, just respond to this.

Timothy Olyphant

This relationship is like, hey, Tim, sing for us. Hey, Tim, tell us some jokes.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, perform for us, Mon.

Jason Bateman

He'll keep you like a monkey

Will Arnett

once you. Once you wet the appetite. Here we go.

Sean Hayes

My opening joke was, you know, they say ballet is one of the most difficult things to do, so I just say, don't do it.

Timothy Olyphant

Oh.

Will Arnett

And that's the joke, Timothy. So, I mean, that's. It never gets.

Jason Bateman

Never gets good.

Will Arnett

No. Never gets old or funny, by the way.

Timothy Olyphant

And you will. I appreciate you calling me Timothy, but, you know, you can call me Tim.

Will Arnett

Can I call you Tim? I didn't know. You can call you Tim.

Timothy Olyphant

Sean. You as well.

Sean Hayes

Okay.

Timothy Olyphant

Bateman.

Sean Hayes

Not.

Jason Bateman

Not so much.

Timothy Olyphant

Just.

Will Arnett

You're close.

Narrator/Ad Voice

You're close.

Will Arnett

Do you guys know each other? A little bit? Do you guys have.

Timothy Olyphant

Yes, we work together.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, we did not. Is this thing on? This is where I leave you. Close, close, close. Entitled.

Timothy Olyphant

And. And you remember because, you know. By the way, I'm at Trapechio's office. That's where I am.

Jason Bateman

Oh, are you really?

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, I needed a computer. I guess you can't do your show if you don't own a computer.

Jason Bateman

Do you not own a computer?

Timothy Olyphant

No, I don't it turns out I didn't realize that.

Jason Bateman

Let's start there.

Timothy Olyphant

Well, I mean, I got like a, you know, I got a phone and I got a thing. That's all you gotta do. We're backing up. We're starting from here.

Jason Bateman

I don't buy it. You don't have.

Paris Hilton

You.

Jason Bateman

And you being an artist, you don't have an iPad with one of those little. One of those little stylus pens, pen thingies that.

Timothy Olyphant

No, wait, the pencil in the paper.

Jason Bateman

You don't have a lack of a

Will Arnett

pencil in the paper baller.

Sean Hayes

Wait, you really, truly don't have a computer.

Timothy Olyphant

I don't.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Well.

Timothy Olyphant

Well, I. Let me. Because I think honesty is very important in this.

Jason Bateman

Thanks for not lying.

Timothy Olyphant

We went. I had a. We went and got out a old desktop computer that we still have in the house and plugged it in and started it up. And they were all USB things. And I was like, I. I don't think I can. It won't. I need to get.

Will Arnett

Just for the purposes of doing the podcast you tried to do.

Timothy Olyphant

For doing this. Yeah. There's a lot of sacrifices that went into this, guys. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate. I'm a. I'm. I'm super honored. It's a pleasure to be here. I'm a big fan. I listen. I don't listen, but I read the transcripts and it's very sure, very, very good.

Jason Bateman

It's better and written for the chemistry

Timothy Olyphant

comes across in the print.

Will Arnett

I remember getting a note from our producer saying we're going to be producing transcripts for Tim Oliphant and we're mailing them to him every day.

Jason Bateman

But wait, but Tim, you've never been tempted to buy a laptop or a desktop just to see the landscape out

Sean Hayes

there, what's going on.

Jason Bateman

Like all the different sites you can go visit to felt condescending. Expose yourself to little Jason goes on

Will Arnett

a lot of sites and exposes himself, is what he's trying to say.

Jason Bateman

Hey, gang. Ever seen one of these?

Will Arnett

Hey, gang. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Hey, gang.

Will Arnett

Wait, wait, wait. This is so dope that you don't have a laptop. Jason has a hundred laptops. They're all brand new. Just to look at baseball scores.

Jason Bateman

All these. All this talk about AI and stuff. Not curious to see what the fuss is about.

Timothy Olyphant

But you can do all that on the little phones?

Jason Bateman

I guess you can, but you're always spreading and spreading and clicking and spreading.

Will Arnett

Don't do your fingers like that. Stop doing that.

Jason Bateman

It's spreading and sliding.

Will Arnett

It's just like, how about Chris Nolan doesn't even have a phone. It's, I'm like, ah, so jealous.

Timothy Olyphant

No one or two people without a phone. It's the most exciting relationship when you, if you know someone without a phone and you're like, all right, so we're meeting it like seven, you know, dinner at seven tomorrow. And then on the way there you're like, this is I, I so excited. It's like being in high school, just rolling the dice.

Will Arnett

They said they'd be here, Remember, Remember we're all old enough. Remember? Like being teenagers and being like, hey, so you'll run into people, you'll go, let's do something. And you had to go there. And then, and then you'd run into, maybe they were there and maybe they

Timothy Olyphant

were there and shoot them to the next place. Where were you?

Will Arnett

And the night would unfold. If you go out at night, the night would just kind of unfold the way it was going to unfold.

Jason Bateman

Well, what about directions? What about directions? Remember when you used to have a map, a map book, the Thomas Guide, or even one of those fold out maps or just a sheet of paper with the list of directions, are you going to turn left on such and such, then go a mile, then turn right on such and such, or you

Will Arnett

had to ask people for directions?

Timothy Olyphant

You know what's embarrassing? Embarrassing about having a friend without a phone. As you're going to meet them, let's say it's a seven o', clock, you're meeting them at dinner. You realize that we oftentimes are like, hey, on my way out the door, ETA705.

Will Arnett

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

And then it's like parking, like you're literally giving the play by play on the way there. When you don't have that option, you realize how embarrassing that is.

Jason Bateman

But you do, you do have a phone.

Timothy Olyphant

I have a phone.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, you do have a phone.

Will Arnett

All right, how about this? I was talking about this the other day with people. How about when you have plans, even with somebody you do want to see, and they go, can't make it. And the relief of not having to go to something is so great. When somebody bails, they're like, hey, I can't make it. Because then you're like, oh, no problem. And you're thinking like, oh God, I can't just do it.

Jason Bateman

Found time.

Will Arnett

Found time.

Jason Bateman

It's money in the pocket.

Will Arnett

Yeah. Finding a 20 in an old jacket.

Jason Bateman

Yeah. Hello, friend.

Will Arnett

Hi.

Jason Bateman

Hi.

Will Arnett

Wait. You know, I want to say, talking about old friends and Working together makes me think Justified, which was so good. And you were so good, and it was amazing. And over the. You said it was five years. I didn't realize it was five. You did it with our old friend, certainly Sean, and my old friend, Margo Martindale.

Sean Hayes

Oh, Margo's great.

Will Arnett

We adore who I adore, Margot.

Timothy Olyphant

Would be nice to have one of those. Be one of those people that when people say your name, everyone just goes, well, oh, guess what?

Sean Hayes

Guess what. You're one of those people.

Will Arnett

I think you are.

Sean Hayes

You're one of those people.

Timothy Olyphant

You are, Sean.

Sean Hayes

No, it's true. It's true. It's really true. It's really true.

Will Arnett

I think you are. Yeah. Margo Martindale. I mean, I will say, what an absolute. Just a legend.

Jason Bateman

I haven't had the pleasure yet.

Will Arnett

Oh, dude.

Jason Bateman

I'm a huge fan, though.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, she would love her.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah.

Will Arnett

I remember years ago, she did that. One of Krasinski's movies, and so she didn't know John, and he asked me to introduce him to her, and it ended up being really, really good. And so I said, hey, John, Krasinski wants to call you and can I give him your number? And she was like, okay. And then she called me up, she goes, look, I told him I'm gonna do his movie, so it better be fucking good or else this is on you because you fucking forced me to do this.

Timothy Olyphant

I was like, wait, so good.

Will Arnett

You know, Margo, I mean, that's so on brand for her. And she ended up being wonderful, obviously, but she's the best.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah. I had the pleasure of sitting next to her when she won an Emmy, and. And it was such a lovely moment. I remember. I don't know why it pops in my head, because all that is what I spent a year with. You know, that personality you were just talking about and such a. Like, whether the camera was rolling or not, you just felt like you were getting this authentic, connected, amazing. Just. It was so easy. And then we were at the Emmys, and her category was before mine. So I just remember that when they were sitting. I'm sitting next to her and they're announcing the names and all that, and then they say the winner is. And when they said her name, she squeezed my hand. Like I could have bruised me. Like the squeeze that happened. It was the first time I kind of understood what the awards meant, you know? Like, I was like, oh, that moment when that involuntarily, like, oh, my God. You know, and then it was so moving. Not much of a story, but some. It's just that I remember sharing with her.

Jason Bateman

Well, and then she forgot to thank you. Did she thank you when she got on stage?

Timothy Olyphant

She did. No, she did.

Jason Bateman

She did.

Timothy Olyphant

She was classy.

Sean Hayes

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Jason Bateman

And now back to the show.

Sean Hayes

But, Timothy, you know Tim. Sorry.

Timothy Olyphant

No.

Sean Hayes

So familiar.

Jason Bateman

T Dog.

Will Arnett

T bone.

Sean Hayes

T Dog. Did you. I remember that the other day, and I'm just remembering. I scroll through my feed on Instagram. I saw a clip of you telling the story about Deadwood about. It was so funny. Can you tell what happened again? It was like the worst Deadwood story or something. It was so funny. I mean, I don't want to give it away. And if you don't want to tell it, it's. You don't have to.

Jason Bateman

But it's already on Instagram.

Timothy Olyphant

We'll talk about it later. It's already.

Sean Hayes

I know, but it's so funny.

Timothy Olyphant

It was so small. Well, you know Milch stories. You guys know the Milk. You guys have heard the Milch stories over the years.

Jason Bateman

We've heard some rumblings, but I bet you Tracy is not.

Will Arnett

Not.

Sean Hayes

No.

Jason Bateman

Sean's sister. She's. She's not. She's not hip to the Hollywood stories.

Timothy Olyphant

David Milch, by the way. By the way, his book. Have you read his red.

Sean Hayes

No, I don't. I don't.

Will Arnett

David Milch, for Tracy, created Deadwood, amongst other things.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah. NYPD Blue, Hill Street Blues legend, Deadwood and. And just a legend of a. Of a writer. And one of these guys who, like, you know, graduated first in his class at Yale, had a heroin addiction. You know, like a combination of brilliance and life experiences that often don't go together, you know, and so almost every day on that set was these kind of stories. But we had. Was it the second season? There was. We had a storyline where I'm married to my. Which it wasn't what really happened in real life, which my character is a real guy, Seth Bullock. But anyway, he was married to his brother's widow and was raising his brother's child as his own kind of thing. So we had this whole. This kid. And, like, a lot. I think there was rumblings on set one day that there was some issue with the kid, either his reps or his mother. But David was really upset about something, and I was like, I'm not gonna pay attention. I'm just doing my thing. All I know is that by lunch, there was a knock on my trailer door. And I open, it's David, which is unusual. And I said, what's up? And he says, we're gonna kill the kid, And we're just gonna kill him. This is the next minute. So good. Such classic showbiz moment that happened after that. That he goes, I said, really? He said, yeah, we're. Yeah, we're going to kill the kid. And this is the show. Businessman part. He goes, it's going to be great for you. It's going to be really. It's going to be some really nice, some wonderful.

Will Arnett

There's more room for you.

Timothy Olyphant

Great moment, some wonder moments, these amazing moments. He's going to be. And killed. And you'll be on his. His bad side and he talking to him and as if you're his brother and you're his brother. Your brother and wonderful. And it's gonna be good for the kid too.

Jason Bateman

And he'll free him up for other opportunities.

Timothy Olyphant

And yeah, we did. The whole season was this epic story that, that art that whatever happened that morning turned in to the season.

Will Arnett

That's so amazing.

Sean Hayes

That's amazing.

Will Arnett

Jb. JB is an actor who directs or how cognizant are you of being. Of understanding the process that they're going through when you're giving a note.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, I mean, it's all about. You're gonna get a worse performance if you leave that note session with the actor and the actor feels bad. You know, it's all people skills, right. You just gotta, you gotta prop them up while you're telling them to be different.

Timothy Olyphant

Here's my. I did a movie with Larry Kazan, Just a dream working with him. And he came up to me after I think more than one take. Yeah, it was a couple. Because he said to me, he said, tim, there's a joke there. But we wouldn't know it because you keep looking it up. Should we just move on or do you want to try again?

Jason Bateman

Hey, Tim, you get this right and circles the line.

Timothy Olyphant

Very usable. Like. Okay. Lightning. That was a good.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, I just had another. That you just remind me. I just did this play in New York and the, and, and Lee Silverman, who's brilliant, she's an incredible director and a good friend, and she goes at the first run through, it's a one man show. I did the whole thing the very first time. And I afterwards, I go, I feel like I'm just saying words. And she goes, yeah, yeah, it looks like that.

Jason Bateman

Fuck.

Sean Hayes

Wow. Which was great. Which was great. Yeah, it was the kick in the. I needed a kick in the pants.

Jason Bateman

But you were just so happy you got through it and you didn't forget a line, I'll bet. Probably. Right. I mean, that was a big test.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. But I mean, I needed to actually think about what I was saying.

Timothy Olyphant

Now, on the other hand, I did a couple months with Soderbergh. Forgive me for dropping a name. That's what you do here, right?

Will Arnett

Sure, sure.

Timothy Olyphant

Three months.

Jason Bateman

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

Not a single note. Yeah, that's for three months.

Will Arnett

That's terrifying in its own way.

Timothy Olyphant

Three months. And once I was in a car with him. I was driving. It's just me and him, and he's operating. And I got back in the car and I said, what do you think? And he goes, if on a scale of 1 to 10, that was a 7, maybe an 8. And I was like, all right, cool. So that was technically our one exchange.

Will Arnett

No way.

Timothy Olyphant

One performance exchange.

Jason Bateman

But he's also editing, too.

Will Arnett

No, it's interesting. I was gonna say. Yeah, he is editing. But I was gonna say, interesting you mentioned Soderbergh, because he is operating. And when we were doing our movie with the. Is a single with Bradley, and we're old friends, and he's also operating. Right. Bradley operated that whole film. So he. And as you know, is very close. You know, he's like, camera's in my face. And we'd start to roll. We're rolling, blah, blah, blah. And he put the camera up. We haven't even started yet. And then he'd put it down for a second. He'd look and he's like, this far. And he'd go, no acting. And then the camera right back up, like pre. And he was right. I love that. And it was so disarming. Like, you know, I had one time also, I did. I did one of these. I did two of these Ninja Turtle movies years ago, like, 10, 15 years ago. And we were in. We were in Madison Square Garden, and it was produced by Michael Bay. But he came in one day to shoot all this stuff at Madison Square Garden. We shot it at a Knicks game, and then they cleared out. And then we did this stuff on the floor. And he decided to operate. He wanted to do this one bit where it kind of. And, like, the camera goes off this action. Then up to me in the front row, he goes, okay, reset. And it was, like, chaotic. And stuff was going. And he's really on top of it. He knows where everything is. He's got a crane going at the same time, and he's operating. And he. Cameras down and he's following along the ball. And then you just go like this. And they just. Just goes right up onto me and just goes. Say something funny. Oh. Literally like that. It was a nightmare. And I'm like. And I said something super sweaty. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Will Arnett

I can't Wait to talk a little bit about. Well, you got a couple things coming. You've got this miniseries called the Five Star Weekend.

Timothy Olyphant

The kids moved out. I've been working more than I've ever in my life.

Will Arnett

I mean. I mean, you have.

Timothy Olyphant

I guess I don't have to go to a tennis tournament this weekend, so. Yeah, let's go.

Will Arnett

Alien Earth is renewed for season two. Stick. Season two is renewed for season two.

Timothy Olyphant

We just wrapped that. That was a joy of a gig.

Will Arnett

Adventures of Cliff Booth, which is coming out around Christmas time.

Timothy Olyphant

Speaking of no notes, Fincher.

Will Arnett

Yeah. Talk about adventures of Cliff Booth. I want to know about this.

Sean Hayes

Yeah. What is it? Is it.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

That's the prequel to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, right?

Will Arnett

Is it prequel or sequel?

Jason Bateman

Sequel.

Timothy Olyphant

It's a sequel.

Jason Bateman

Sequel. But is it the time before

Will Arnett

Once

Jason Bateman

Upon a Time in Hollywood?

Timothy Olyphant

If I get this wrong, it wouldn't be that surprising, but I'm pretty sure it's after, you know, it's after. Yeah.

Will Arnett

I love that you're not sure.

Timothy Olyphant

It's the Adventures of Cliff Booth and it's later.

Jason Bateman

Gotcha.

Timothy Olyphant

I think we're in the 70s.

Jason Bateman

And so. Fincher, light touch. I'm not saying that sarcastically, but I would imagine performance notes.

Timothy Olyphant

My favorite thing to do was after we'd finished a take is before he said anything, I'd say, can I get one more? If I could just get one more. Once again, Tracy. He's famous for many takes. We're talking, right? Yes, we're telling Tracy.

Will Arnett

That was good usage of Tracy.

Timothy Olyphant

Hey, thanks. Yeah. So we would do. Yeah, we did. I did a scene. Yeah. For like two days. Day and a half. I didn't. We, like, it was. I'd never done that. Anything like that. I felt like I was pledging a fraternity. Felt a little bit like. Like, oh, let's go again. Let's do it.

Jason Bateman

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

I want to be part of this. Let's go.

Will Arnett

Was it technical? Yeah. Was it mostly because of technical and

Jason Bateman

framing and composition thing?

Timothy Olyphant

Honestly, it's. It's often times multiple. It's oftentimes a. Everything. It's okay on that moment. You know, maybe this. And then when you lift your hand up, show me where it is. Okay, now move it just an inch left. Okay, now down just a half an inch. Lift it right there. And you're like, okay. It's a lot of that. So it's everything from when you lean forward. Don't lean quite that far. A little there. It. It. So everything. It can get super, super technical, visually, but it can also get very, very specific about, you know, when you do that. Maybe it's more of a. An order. Maybe it's more of a.

Jason Bateman

Like, so will sometimes be performance.

Timothy Olyphant

It's almost like doing a run of a play, you know, like a scene. But you're doing it so many times. You're doing it the master. You're doing, like 20 times, and then you're pushing 20 times, and you're like. So for a day and a half, you're just doing this scene.

Jason Bateman

What was the most number of pages you did on one day? Was there ever more than three pages in a day? I bet there was.

Narrator/Ad Voice

No.

Timothy Olyphant

I'm very briefly in it. So I just. I'm showing up for this. This thing. And I don't know how many pages that was, but we shot it for a day and a half.

Will Arnett

Wow.

Timothy Olyphant

But, yeah, we didn't. My coverage was day two. It was kind of. It was fascinating and because you so. I loved it. I really loved it. And I. I think years ago, when I was reading about him, I just thought, no fucking way. Life's too short. But for whatever reason, at this point in my. It's. I just was like, yeah, you. Let's do 30 takes. I've. Great. Oh, man. I'd sweep.

Will Arnett

It's an experience, if nothing else, but

Timothy Olyphant

it throws you to a. There's a surreal quality that starts to happen that you don't expect, which is you're doing it so many times, it's hard to shut out the voice that feels like you're doing it wrong.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

You know, and that's the kiss of death. Right. So you have to. So it's hard to. You also start to lose your instincts. Because, I mean, it really does. It really is like a. You know, it's like, all right, pledging the fraternity here, and they're gonna break me down, and I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna cry.

Jason Bateman

He's talked about that. He's talked about some of the strategy as to, like, if you do a

Timothy Olyphant

great take, you know that feeling, right. Jason, you finish a take and you think, that just felt so money. The fact that you're gonna do 15 more after that take, you start to go, maybe it wasn't that good. I don't know. But.

Paris Hilton

Right.

Timothy Olyphant

You have to shut that voice out because you just have to realize.

Jason Bateman

But he talks about that some. Sometimes he'll do a bunch of takes just to get the actor to stop acting, you know, because you just run out of acting ideas, and then you just End up just saying the lines. And that's. Sometimes what he's looking for is, I don't want performance. Just say the lines and.

Will Arnett

Yeah, let's just slide down the wall. Just fall out of frame.

Jason Bateman

Right, Exactly. You're doing too much.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, but isn't. I feel like I've gotten my. I mean, say this with a grain of salt, but for the most part, my technique for the last decade or so has been memorizing the lines and then memorizing them to exhaustion. So I show up hopefully in that place. So then to show up and then keep going. It's like you have to readjust.

Will Arnett

Sean's motto is always like, does this put me on the 405 this next day? You know what I mean?

Jason Bateman

What do they need?

Will Arnett

Sure.

Timothy Olyphant

How do you expect me to act like this? How would you expect me to act that? Well, when you've seen the craft service table and we both know that's fucked up.

Will Arnett

Yeah. Terrible. Wait, so we have to. Because we. I can't believe it's been an hour already. I feel like I could talk to you about this for ever. Talk about Lucky. Lucky is about to come out. This new series we have to mention. Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

So I got Lucky is also. With the same preface as the. Whether it was a prequel or a sequel, if I get some of this wrong, it won't be surprising.

Will Arnett

Okay.

Timothy Olyphant

But I believe Apple is on Apple tv and this Anya, Taylor, Joy, Annette, Benny. Lovely. Tropper wrote it. The movie you and I did together. It's kind of a thriller.

Will Arnett

Friends and neighbors. Jonathan Trapper, Right?

Timothy Olyphant

Correct. There you go. There you go. So that was cool. And then there's this. That was fantastic.

Sean Hayes

That sounds. That's good.

Will Arnett

No, that's good.

Timothy Olyphant

Very good job. I think people are leaning forward and I'm going to cut. I'm going to move on. So that just leaves them wanting more. And then there's the. The five star weekend with Jennifer Garner and Peacock.

Sean Hayes

It.

Timothy Olyphant

That's lovely. That was.

Sean Hayes

Look at you. You just go, go, go. I love it, dude. It's really awesome.

Will Arnett

It's insane. It's kind of insane.

Timothy Olyphant

And. Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. And then. Yeah, I don't know, the kids moved out. It's just. I think there's a lot of time on. On the hands.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

And then the. What was it? The Larry David thing? I think airs after Curb your enthusiasm. Before this. No, that 250 year thing.

Sean Hayes

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

So that was fun.

Jason Bateman

Oh, he's gonna play at Trump's 250 year celebration.

Timothy Olyphant

He's filling in for Milli Vanilli. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm. I'm just doing percussions for you.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, Playing the maracas.

Sean Hayes

I'm in that too, Tim.

Timothy Olyphant

Oh, yes.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

And it's fun.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, super fun. When I think it comes out soon. Like in June or something. Or July. Well, July.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah. July, right.

Will Arnett

Oh, Sean, do you want to talk a little bit about what you got coming?

Timothy Olyphant

No. Tell me, how was it? Did you enjoy it?

Sean Hayes

Yeah, it was fun. What did you do? What was your scenario? So the concept is Larry David did a show for HBO to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the United States, and he put himself into historical scenarios to reenact them. And mine was the Wright brothers, and it was me, Jon Hamm and Larry David and Jon Hamm, and I played Orville and the Wright Brothers, and he played Lawrence Wright, the third Wright brother. And he was complaining about the middle seat on the plane that we just invented. And yours is what?

Timothy Olyphant

That I'm okay Corral.

Sean Hayes

Oh, good.

Timothy Olyphant

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm one of the Earp brothers, and Larry, the whole okay Corral. Larry sets it off. It's all. It was him.

Paris Hilton

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

It seems like plenty of opportunity to hire me.

Will Arnett

Well, our phone numbers must. We hadn't changed in a minute. That's weird.

Jason Bateman

No.

Will Arnett

Yeah. Well, I just look that up. I'm gonna.

Jason Bateman

Maybe I should check my junk mail.

Timothy Olyphant

It was more on you because I feel like you should have said something on their behalf.

Will Arnett

Yeah, I know.

Sean Hayes

Sorry.

Timothy Olyphant

You know what I mean? You're seeing them all the time.

Jason Bateman

I do feel like everyone in town has been on Curb youb Enthusiasm. Will. Did you do it?

Will Arnett

No, you and I did not do it.

Jason Bateman

You and I did not. I don't think he likes us.

Will Arnett

You know what Larry actually said to me last? This is a true story, so I can say it. He said to me about six months ago, how come you were never on Curb? And I go, you never asked me.

Narrator/Ad Voice

Yeah.

Will Arnett

And he was like, huh? And then I said, I think I'm too tall. Anyway, I did say that to me.

Jason Bateman

We've had him on the podcast.

Will Arnett

We have?

Narrator/Ad Voice

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

I've never been in a Bateman project. Should we just get to that right now?

Will Arnett

Sean, you and I have never been in a Jason Bateman job.

Timothy Olyphant

Wait, you guys haven't either?

Will Arnett

No.

Jason Bateman

Wait, What?

Timothy Olyphant

He's directed, like, a bunch of things.

Will Arnett

Oh, are you going through a canyon? You can't hear us right now? Are you guys.

Jason Bateman

Can you hear Me.

Will Arnett

Do we lose?

Jason Bateman

I hear you. Can you hear me? Guys, I'm gonna call you back. I'll call you back.

Timothy Olyphant

David. You send me a call sheet. I'll show up. You know what I mean?

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Jason Bateman

I'm gonna do. I'm gonna put all three of you in one scene.

Will Arnett

Come on.

Jason Bateman

All three of you. And then I'm gonna cut it.

Will Arnett

What do you mean cut it? You won't be able to cut this. It'll be so vital. Speaking of vital, you're vital to showbiz. Tim Oliphant. You are just an absolute gem. And it's been awesome having you. Dude. Continued success. Keep staying busy. Cause it's so great watching you, dude.

Jason Bateman

Yeah. And give Kara and Christine their office. Back.

Timothy Olyphant

Back.

Will Arnett

Yeah.

Timothy Olyphant

Back at you guys. It was a pleasure. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Will Arnett

Pleasure. We look forward to it. Five star weekend. Lucky. All this stuff. Congrats. And what a joy. What a joy. The great Tim Oliphant. Thank you. You're gonna get a round of applause.

Jason Bateman

Yeah, I think that's the first. That's the first. Goodbye applause. We've done.

Will Arnett

I think so too.

Jason Bateman

Have warranted.

Will Arnett

Yep.

Timothy Olyphant

Gentlemen, it was a pleasure.

Sean Hayes

Likewise, Tim.

Jason Bateman

Thanks, Tim.

Will Arnett

Thanks, dude.

Jason Bateman

Bye, buddy. So, yeah. What about that Tim Oliphant, huh? He's a good dude. He's a real good dude. He's easy on the eyes. He's got talent. You know, what's not to love? That's why I work so much.

Sean Hayes

And he does have a reputation. That is. He's one of the nicest guys.

Will Arnett

That's his reputation. Everybody loves him. Remember Margo saying how much she loved him back in the day?

Jason Bateman

Do they say that about any of us?

Will Arnett

About us? About John and me?

Sean Hayes

Yeah. I don't think so.

Will Arnett

Yeah, they say about John and me all the time.

Timothy Olyphant

Time.

Jason Bateman

You ever heard anything bad about me?

Will Arnett

Let me just say I would not look it up. Where are you if you want to have a continued good rest of your day? I would not investigate.

Timothy Olyphant

Don't dig.

Jason Bateman

No need to dig.

Timothy Olyphant

Don't.

Will Arnett

Everybody loves Jakey Bates.

Jason Bateman

You can find some naysayers, I'll bet.

Sean Hayes

No,

Jason Bateman

but boy. That Tim Olant. No, you'd get. You'd get. Get tens across the board.

Will Arnett

Did we forgot to plug. We. We forgot to plug Hollywood. Yeah.

Sean Hayes

Really? Oh.

Jason Bateman

Oh. Go ahead. Maybe just roll the tape on that.

Will Arnett

October 17th.

Jason Bateman

What?

Sean Hayes

What do you do?

Will Arnett

Hollywood bowl. You go to smartless.com live and you get tickets. Sorry. You go to smartless.com live, and you get tickets. Who's this for the Hollywood Bowl October 17th.

Jason Bateman

We're going to have some surprise guests there.

Will Arnett

We're going to have surprise guests.

Jason Bateman

Two or one.

Narrator/Ad Voice

A couple.

Jason Bateman

Okay.

Sean Hayes

Yeah, yeah.

Will Arnett

You go to smartless.com live and you can get tickets for you or for a friend. Sean, you can. They're not free. You do.

Sean Hayes

What do you do if you get them for a friend? You have to.

Will Arnett

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Jason Bateman

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