The Daily – “An I.V.F. Mix-Up and an Impossible Choice”

Date: January 16, 2026
Host: Michael Barbaro
Guest: Sue Dominus (Reporter), Alexander “Xander” Cardinale, Daphna Cardinale

Episode Overview

In this episode, Michael Barbaro and Sue Dominus explore the harrowing and emotional story of two families permanently intertwined by an unfathomable error: their embryos were accidentally swapped during in vitro fertilization (IVF), leading both couples to give birth to and bond with babies that were not genetically their own. The episode charts the discovery of this mix-up, the painful choices both families faced, and the creative, compassionate path they forged together as modern definitions of family are stretched—and reaffirmed.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Rise and Risks of IVF

[02:17-04:47] Sue Dominus describes how IVF, though revolutionary, remains underregulated and susceptible to rare but devastating mistakes:

• IVF has enabled countless families but operates largely outside of strict federal regulation.
• Despite its promise, the industry contains a shadow of error: “I have always been curious about what exactly is happening behind the scenes and what kind of possibility is there for error. And when that does happen, what can the consequences really turn out to be for people?” (Sue Dominus, [03:31])

2. Introducing the Cardinale Family

[04:52-07:27]

• Xander (musician) and Daphna (therapist) Cardinale, after a long struggle with infertility, turn to IVF for their second child.
• They are overjoyed upon the birth of a healthy baby girl, whom they nickname “Mae.”
• Early family moments are filled with affection and bonding, especially between Mae and her older sister, Olivia.

3. The Sense That “Something’s Off”

[08:26-11:15]

• Xander and Daphna begin to notice that Mae looks strikingly unlike either of them or Olivia, their firstborn.

• Xander, plagued by doubts, jokes uneasily about an IVF clinic mistake:

  “I would make a joke, like, maybe the IVF clinic made a mistake...I would throw it out there to see what the reaction would be.”
  (Xander, [09:56])

• Daphna, initially dismissive, gradually internalizes the unease, especially after comments from Xander’s best friend.

4. Confronting the Unthinkable

[11:35-15:51]

• At three months old, Mae’s resemblance issues prompt Daphna to speak with Xander’s friend Morgan, who bluntly asserts:

  “I think I’m like 90% that one of you isn’t her parent.” (Morgan via Daphna, [12:20])

• The couple orders a genetic test, which, after some confusion, confirms their worst fears:

  “99.9% positive that the subject is not the father.”
  “99.9% chance you're not the mother.”
  (Test results, [15:01-15:43])

• Neither Daphna nor Xander is the genetic parent of the child they love and have been raising.

5. Devastation and Deliberation

[17:32-19:18]

• Both are shattered; denial and fantasies of “running away” mix with the overwhelming reality.

• They methodically consider “doing nothing,” but ultimately:

  “Every time, it would always end with, what is the right thing for her? And the right thing for her was never just to keep quiet and just pretend like it didn’t happen.”
  (Xander, [18:26])

• A new, darker question arises: where is their genetic child? What if their own baby is being raised by strangers, perhaps even in another part of the world?

6. Locating the Biological Families

[19:46-22:19]

• Lawyers contact the IVF clinic and soon discover another local family is raising a baby genetically tied to Daphna and Xander.

• Both families agree to DNA testing, revealing their daughters had, in fact, been swapped as embryos.

• The other family is revealed to be Asian American and Latina, living just miles away—both mothers had even raised concerns to the same pediatrician about their babies’ dissimilarities.

7. Meeting and the Impossible Decision

[26:59-34:50]

• First, the parents are cautiously optimistic through lawyer-mediated contact, then meet face-to-face at a lawyer’s office.

• Instead of rivalry, empathy blossoms:

  “[At first meeting,] Daphne and Maimie’s biological mother have this deep, deep hug…because I think so many people might see that other mother as the enemy…But they both recognized in each other that almost no one in the world was experiencing the same pain that they each were.”
  (Sue Dominus, [28:45-29:46])

• Together, the families agree on a gradual, compassionate transition—meeting each other’s children first, then phasing in time with each baby to allow emotional adjustment.

8. The Baby Exchange—Love and Grief

[35:16-37:44]

• Despite their thoughtful plan, the process proves intensely difficult; extending visits only allows bonds to deepen with both babies, making goodbye more painful.

• Three weeks after initial contact, a “final switch” is made.

• The parents continue to struggle with guilt and grief:

  “Pretty much, like, wailing in the shower…the only super private place I could get was, like, the shower. And so I would take a shower at night and just completely fall apart.”
  (Daphna, [37:09-37:31])

• Daphna reaches a turning point, realizing her obligation and love for Zoe must come ahead of her grief:

  “I’m the one for Zoe, so she deserves to have me be fully present…If I get hurt the same way again, I get hurt in the same way again. But she has all of me.”
  (Daphna, [38:58-39:59])

9. Building a New Kind of Family

[40:17-42:15]

• Rather than sever ties, the two families form a close bond—creating a “pandemic pod” during COVID and celebrating holidays and milestones together.
• The girls, Mae and Zoe, develop a unique “sister/best friend” relationship:

  “They talk about each other like sister, best friends, best friend, sisters, sister, friends…sometimes they feel like sisters and sometimes they feel like friends.”
  (Daphna, [41:40])

• The families’ openness is portrayed as a triumph of humanity over circumstance.

10. Reflections on Love, Family, and the Future

[42:15-end]

• Michael Barbaro notes:

  “This has been a story about the choices we make to love…” ([44:08])

• Sue Dominus concludes:

  “[They] were making a choice, you know, either to close their heart or to make it bigger. And it’s to everyone’s benefit that they were able to make the choices that they did.”
  ([44:55])

• The story is framed as both a cautionary tale about the risks of IVF and a testament to the evolving, elastic boundaries of what a family can mean in the 21st century.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Xander’s anxiety on not seeing himself in his baby:

  “I was arguing internally with myself and trying to convince myself that everything was fine constantly.” ([09:56])

• On the pain of letting go:

  “For me, falling apart. Not to be super dramatic about it, but pretty much, like, wailing in the shower…” (Daphna, [37:09])

• On making space for new definitions of family:

  “There will probably always continue to be new permutations of family that we haven’t anticipated…our idea family might only continue to expand over time.” (Sue Dominus, [42:58])

• On the decision to forge a connection:

  “It was like, oh, this is just family now.” (Xander, [41:12])

Chronological “Moment Map” (Timestamps)

• 02:17 — Sue Dominus introduces IVF’s promise and pitfalls
• 05:13 — Cardinale family profile and desire for a second child
• 08:26 - 11:15 — Initial doubts about resemblance
• 12:15 — Outside friend voices suspicions explicitly
• 15:29 - 15:51 — DNA tests confirm neither is parent
• 18:26 — Moral reckoning: “What’s right for Mae?”
• 22:04 - 22:19 — Discovery of the other family
• 28:29 - 29:46 — First heartfelt meeting of mothers
• 35:16 - 37:44 — The transition and emotional rupture
• 38:58 - 39:59 — Daphna’s resolution to give all to Zoe
• 41:40 — The children’s “best friend/sister” relationship
• 44:08 - 44:55 — Reflections on the resilient choice to love

Tone & Style

The tone is intimate, honest, and reflective, interweaving personal vulnerability, scientific context, and ethical complexity. Both host and guests speak with candor, empathy, and an eye toward the hopeful despite profound difficulty.

Conclusion

This episode, through careful reporting and open-hearted storytelling, illuminates how a once unthinkable error forced two families to confront—and expand—what it means to be family. It’s a meditation on the power of chosen love, the challenges of modern reproductive technology, and the boundless potential for grace in the face of tragedy.