Story: Nathaniel Wood (Intrusive thoughts, UFC) (#547)

A

You're listening to the OCD Stories podcast hosted by me, Stuart Ralph. The OCD Stories is a podcast dedicated to raising awareness and understanding around obsessive compulsive symptoms. I do this for interviewing inspired therapists, psychologists and people who have experienced OCD. Welcome to the OCD stories and welcome to episode 547 of the podcast. And in this one I chat with Nathaniel Wood Nathan. Nathaniel is an English professional MMA fighter who competes in the ufc. He has kindly agreed to share his OCD story. We discussed his OCD story. Hit and run themed ocd, Intrusive thoughts, health anxiety, religious themed OCD medication, fighting in the ufc, having things to focus on, therapy. What helps Nathaniel, Words of hope and much more. And thanks to our podcast partners. Nocd. If OCD is interfering with your life, NOCD can help. They're licensed therapists, specialise in exposure and response prevention therapy, the most proven therapy for OCD with NOCD, effective treatment that is 100% virtual, is available for children and adults with OCD and most members can get started within seven days on average. No hassle, just real science backed help and support between sessions. Begin your journey@nocd.com or I'll put the link in the episode description. So thank you so much to Nathaniel for his time opening up and sharing his story. It was a pleasure to meet him and chat with him and of course, thank you to you guys for listening. As always, it means a lot. Without further ado, here is Nathaniel. Welcome to the show, Nathaniel.

B

Thank you for having me. Yeah, hopefully I can come on here and shed some light and hopefully help some people out there with you.

A

Yeah, brilliant, thank you. Well, yeah, I saw you recently or not too long ago on another podcast, so it's great to see you opening up. Um, I always say anyone in the kind of spotlight or professional athletes or whoever, obviously they're under no obligation to speak because I get the pressure. But I think when people do it, it has such a big impact on people listening and D shaming. So, you know, I appreciate you coming on. So, yeah, you know your OCD story. Where do you want to begin? And the floor is yours, as far

B

as I can remember. So I know for a fact that I think I've had OCD all of my life. I remember now back to when, as far as I can remember, which was probably the ages of like 5 years old, because I remember sleeping in my mum's bed when I was about five and when I'd sleep in my mum's bed it was like, oh, cool, I don't have to do my. My little checks that I have to do. So. Because I remember that I know this OCD must have been, you know, so. Well, so, so young. Which one breaks my heart. And two, also, it's just so frustrating because it's like, if only I had known back then, because, yeah, I mean, I don't know what OCD is. You know, I'm just assuming that I'm completely normal as no one else is having. Like everyone else deals with the same thing or. I thought my mom used to sometimes say, oh, you've got these little habits. And I used to think I had a habit that I was doing and, you know, never thought of OCD. But my OCD's completely vary. I will have. Currently, right Now, I'll have OCDs, typical ones that people would think is driving down the road, go over a little bump, little pothole. Pothole, sorry, Yeah. I get around the corner, I'm like, was that animal? Was that person? Have I just hit someone? And then I've pictured something, I've got to drive all the way back round, reconfirm that there is nothing there. I've not hit nothing. It's a pothole. And then I can go on with my day. Obviously, I know that, you know, that's the worst thing you can do is play into the OCD by giving it what it wants. But it's easier said than done, as I'm sure many people that are listening to this now will understand themselves. But for me, the OCD that is the most. What I would consider traumatizing or just, you know, will not let you get on with life, is intrusive thoughts and just obsessing over intrusive thoughts. Now, like I just said with the car, one, you know, I love an intrusive fall. I'll go back round and then that's kind of the full done. But that would kind of reappear every time I go out in the car. There'll be a time where if I'm on a motorway and you can't just spin round, you're now throughout the day worrying about, have you hit something? You know, could I have been an animal? Could it have been a. And could you be in trouble when you're going to get a knock on the door saying that something's happened that you don't even know that's happened, and just spiraling into things and just kind of. What's the right word? Almost like manifesting something that's not happened and then not being able to get rid of that thought, you know, every second of the day thinking about that same fault. As I say, mine can completely vary. You know, it can go from something about my health, you know, I might have a headache, Google something. Now I think I've got brain tumors and I'm now imagining what the future holds. And it's almost like I'm self diagnosing myself until eventually, you know, I might book a doctor's appointment for them to tell me everything's fine, but then it would be something else the week later. So from the research I've done in ocd, I do find that with me, it definitely attacks what I care about the most. So I won't obsess over things that I don't really care about. You know, when I've gone on holiday with my wife, she'll be really worried about turbulence and things like that. For me, I'm like, hey, you know, don't worry about it, it's fine, there's nothing to worry about. Is standard. But then the same person that's saying that will sit there and, you know, panic all day about something completely different, Something that means something to me. So, yeah, I mean, as I say, when I was young, the biggest fear that I had, which I now would consider was an OCD because of the compulsions that came along with it, is I had a fear of going to hell. You know, when I was growing up, as, as a young lad, I don't even know if I was religious, but I just had it in my head that I'm gonna be burning in hell for just, I don't know, because I nicked a sweet from my friend when I was a kid or because I swore or watched a film that I wasn't supposed to watch, know, just ridiculous things to be worried about. But when you're a kid and I don't know the age of 5, 6, 7, 8, focusing and obsessing over going to hell and thinking I'm gonna burn. And my compulsion was, I always used to have my, to ask my mum, I'd say, I'm not going to hell. And she'd say, no, don't be silly talking about. And you know, for an hour I'd be relaxed and then I'd have to ask again, mom, you promise I'm not going to go to hell? And you know, I'd always said, promise, can you promise? Can you promise? And now it's like, I'll touch wood. You know, that's a compulsion of mine. But back when I was young, you know, I used to have to do all these checks before bed and ask that I'm not going to hell. And if I didn't ask, you know, it meant that I was. And when I explain these thoughts to people, especially people that don't necessarily understand ocd, it can be very. I feel like, what am I talking about? You know, it sounds utterly ridiculous, but when it's in your own brain, it's far from that. You know, it just feels like not your. Your nervous system thinks it's real. It sounds completely feasible. You know, this could definitely happen when in theory, 99.9% it's not gonna happen. And yeah, unfortunately is something that I live with. I don't think there is a cure, if I'm honest. I have been on Sertraline tablets for, I would say, eight years. I've kind of come off them sometimes, gone back on them, higher dose, lower dose. And now I've kind of just got to the point where I'm like, just leave me 100 milligrams and I'm not coming off until someone tells me I have to. I've had therapists and I have definitely learned how to deal with it. I know that when I'm dealing with an OCD scenario situation, etc. That I'm going through it. And like, if you're having a cold, like you've got the flu, I know it will pass. So the days where I'm bad and I'm really down in a rut, I just say to myself, it's going to pass. It might be a day, it might be a week, but it will pass. And yeah, as I say, unfortunately I haven't found a cure for it, but I definitely have found things that help. And hopefully other people with podcasts like this will also be learning things that are going to help them and, you know, just try and live a normal life, as normal as possible, and not be living in hell if you like, you know, in your own mind. So, yeah, that is pretty much my as quick as I could give you story. So, yeah, it goes back as far as I can remember. Yeah.

A

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. And, you know, a few questions. So you mentioned right at the beginning about when you were five, was like your earliest memory and you said obviously the. The nights you could co. Sleep with your mum, that kind of didn't bother you. What were the checks you were doing if you had to stay in your room?

B

So it's so strange I can remember this so vividly considering it was 28 years ago. But before I had to go to bed, I had to check every corner of the room. Don't know where that came from, but check every corner of my fingers. I was scared of spiders. I had to check spiders. But then I had to check the windowsill. I remember I used to have to rub my finger up and down the windowsill. And I think it was like, it might have been like, check the corners five times, touch the windowsill five times, lay down. And I remember sometimes it's like, didn't feel right. So again, check five, five, five. Touch it. Okay. Did that feel right? I don't know if I rubbed the corner enough of the, the window sill so I'd have to do it again. And like, when I explain it now, it's kind of like, I kind of laugh about it, you know, it sounds funny, but it was like I remember probably spending 20 minutes, half an hour of my life just going over, going over it, going over it, when I'm just supposed to be going to bed like a normal kid and just relax, you know, it's in my, my safe haven, just have a nice night's sleep and having to deal with that. So as I say, my dad was a firefighter, so when he would do night shifts, which was two a week, my arm would say, yeah, you can, you can jump in with me. I don't think my mum knew I was doing all these checks because I didn't explain that. I just assumed that it was what you had to do. And I remember when I was in our bed, I didn't have to do it because I'm not in my bed, so it was okay. And yeah, it breaks my heart now having to think if that was my daughter who, you know, when she's flat, is doing all of these checks because if she doesn't, something bad's gonna happen. Yeah, it breaks my heart thinking of it. So unfortunately, I, I, that's what I did. And that was kind of the thing that I thought, I guess was normality, if you like.

A

Yeah, yeah. It just wasn't the awareness when we were younger. Right. About mental health amongst kids and parents. Right, yeah. Whereas now a lot of the young kids I work with, they already come in with like an idea of anxiety and whatever else, which is great. And with the going to hell worry. I know you said you weren't sure if you're religious. Did you go to, like a C of E school, Church of England? Because I have American listeners or any Catholic school or anything like that. Was your primary school religious in Any way?

B

No, nothing. Maybe I saw a film once or maybe, you know, I'd go to church occasionally with family, just like, you know, Christmas times, things like that. I was brought up, I guess, in a Christian family, but no one in my family other than myself now is quite strict in religion. You know, it's kind of like, yeah, we'll go to church, but we're not, you know, fully.

A

Yeah.

B

Involved with it. If you're like. None of my parents or family ever, like, you know, hounded me to go into church or anything like that. So I don't know where the fault had come from. But that was a fear of mine, you know, nothing else. It was like, okay, if I did anything naughty as a kid, like said a swear word, am I going to go to hell for that? You know, is that the punishment? And just not being able to get out of my head and then obviously having the compulsions now makes me think, okay, it was obviously something to do with ocd because of course all kids have fears, right? It's pretty normal for a kid to be scared of something, you know, going to bed, whatever, but being obsessed with it, having to get compulsion so that I could continue and relax, you know, having to think, if I don't touch the window seal and whatnot, is something bad gonna happen or am I going to hell if I don't? You know, the only explanation I have to that is you were dealing with OCD and you just didn't know about it.

A

Yeah, yeah, good point. Yeah. Because AC sometimes uses what's around us as inspiration. Right. So, yeah, that's why I was asking about the school. But no, it's weird. Okay, so what age were you, do you think, when you kind of realized something's not right here? Like, this isn't what everyone does.

B

When I was, I'd say, a officially diagnosed with OCD, it was when I was probably at 23, 24. I had always. I definitely think that my OCD maybe calmed down from the ages of like 12 to 20. I think in my head, what I think is that, you know, I got to the stage where it's like, you're going out with friends and you're distracted and you've got other stuff going on, you know, turn 18, you're going clubbing, you know, you're meeting girls, whatever. And it's kind of like I've got so many things to focus on now. The time where I all of a sudden got really bad and eventually seeked help was where I'm a full time fighter you know, I'm in the ufc. My job is I do a couple of hours training in the morning and I do a couple of hours at night now. There's a lot of free time throughout the day. Now. What I think was my problem was I had too much time on my hands and I let my mind just go away with my thoughts because I personally, when I'm busy, I worry less, you know, if I have things to focus on like most people do. When you work a 9 to 5, you know, you've got the job at hand. My brain has something to focus on and maybe something to be anxious about. You know, I have a deadline for a job that I'm doing or, you know, I'm building a house and I'm working out how, how much time I've got to build it. You know, I've got something to focus on. With me, my life's amazing. You know, I have the best job in the world. I have so many spare hours in the day where for most people it could be heaven. And for me, sometimes it can be hell. Because if you said to me now, right, you've got six hours until your next session, go and relax. I can't relax. My way of relaxing is, you know, I've set up a few businesses now on the side and I'm very active. I've got children now. So, you know, I feel like my, my days are a lot more now consumed with actual things to focus on. Whereas before, I think I just let my thoughts go away with me and instead of having that little distraction that just kind of comes at the right time, I would be sitting there and just stressing and having too much time on my hands. You know, One of my worst times was on holiday. I went to Dubai. I was with my wife. You know, we didn't have kids at the time. And for most people, again, it's heaven. But for me, it was hell. You know, I'm sitting on the beach and instead of just relaxing, I'm going over things in my mind. So even though on the outside it looks like I'm having a great time on the inside, I'm, I'm, I'm stressing, you know, I'm, I'm torturing myself over faults and not being able to get them out of my head. And yeah, I think that for me is the issue. You know, sometimes when I haven't got things to focus on, when I haven't actually got something for the brain to be, you know, figuring out, it comes up with made up stuff. If you like, and things to try and worry about that I don't necessarily need to be worried about, maybe. Yeah.

A

Yeah, you're right. Sometimes that. That excessive amount of time, the. The brain just builds that with them worry and, you know, make makes out worries in the case of ocd, rather than. Yeah. Like you're saying, find something meaningful, something you can focus on, like you do if you've got a Pokemon business on the side. Just for anyone interested in that, I actually saw a side note, a video of you getting your own trading card or hacking out of a pack in ufc. Trading card. What was that like? Kind of now you being on one.

B

It's a cool feeling. You know, a lot of people say to me, how does it feel competing in the ufc? And in the moment, it just feels like no different. And then it's after, you know, I see myself on the TV or, you know, I get my hand raised and I look up at the crowd and it's like, wow, you know, this is the stuff that, as a kid, I once dreamed about. Yeah. You know, having my face on a card, you know, that's cool. So, yeah, it's a surreal feeling.

A

It is.

B

It is nice. Um, I definitely wish that I took it in a little bit more and kind of enjoyed the moment more with

A

it, if you like, still time.

B

Yeah, yeah.

A

Um, okay, nice. And you mentioned therapy. Have you. Have you done exposure response prevention therapy at all?

B

Yes. So I saw a therapist for, I would say about a year. I think I went private because when I originally done it through the nhs, you know, eventually it was such a long way and, you know, I eventually saw someone, but I think it was like, no disrespect to the person, like, quite low end, maybe trainee, if you like. Yeah, eventually I went and went to a guy, but it was quite expensive, so, I mean, I probably did that for about a year, and then I just got to the point where I felt like I can do this on my own. So I still feel like there was a lot of benefits in doing it, but it got to the point of how much money can you keep pumping into something if you can do it on your own? You know, I feel like I'm at that point and I'm very fortunate as well. You know, this is why my heart goes out to anyone that doesn't have people to talk to. But my wife and my parents are amazing. You know, they are like my personal therapists. I think they've got very good advice. I literally can be crying my eyes out, and I don't feel any slight embarrassment, you know, there's no kind of shame or worry that what I'm going to tell them, they're going to judge me, you know, I can tell them whatever. And they know it's ocd, you know, they know what I'm dealing with now. And I feel like I'm very fortunate in that sense because if there wasn't someone to talk to, I mean, I honestly don't think I would be here today. I think there's been times where I'm like, I can't go on like this. And then luckily I have that person that I can talk to and maybe talks me into a little bit of sense, you know, and maybe in my own head I'm thinking I'm completely losing the plot. And talking to them in person just brings it back down to reality, you know, and kind of just get my brain functioning in a little bit of a normal manner. So, yeah, anyone out there dealing with something, you know, if you haven't got someone to talk to, go to the doctors, talk to them, talk to a therapist, you know, whoever it is, I'm sure there is someone out there that will listen to you. Like I've had, you know.

A

Yeah, yeah, good, good advice, good advice. So obviously your family there, what, what else helps you? Do you think so?

B

Definitely keeping busy. Not. And when I say busy, I want. I'm not trying to run away from things.

A

Yeah.

B

But I just know that if I've got a week, let's say holiday coming up, go prepared, take some books, you know, take things to kind of keep my mind occupied, you know. Now as I said, I've got two daughters, both one's two and one's one. So they're keeping me very, very busy. So I don't have as much free time now, which for me is amazing. So just being prepared in that sense. And I would definitely say noticing the triggers. So there will be times when I'm like, okay, I'm getting a little bit anxious here, you know, I feel like the worries are starting to creep in. I feel like may I'm focusing on something a bit longer than I should be and that's when I try and nip it in the bud a little bit, you know, that might be why, okay, let's book something fun and go and do something to try and take my mind off things. And you know, perfect example is like if I've got a long drive, which I have this, this Saturday, I've got about three and a half hour drive to go somewhere I'm going to put podcast on, you know, I'm going to make sure that I've got something to focus on so that if I have this kind of little fault. Oh, was that something you've hit? You know, hopefully I won't have that fault because I'm too busy listening to a podcast or listening to good music. Whereas if I'm sitting there in silence, I'll let my thoughts just go away with me and come up with scenarios that, you know, don't even exist. They're the things that I definitely find help. You know, I don't know how much search Relien has helped me. Sometimes I question whether it even does anything because I've been at my worst times on it and I've been at my best times on it and vice versa. You know, sometimes I've come off it and I've been absolutely fine for months and then I'll be bad and I can't tell you if it really does anything or not. But I think it does and I hope it does. So I'm staying on it. But yeah, that those are the best things that I would say. Coming up with things that can just bring you back to normality, you know, it could be a good book. For me at one point it was a coloring book. My dad bought it for me. Sounds silly, but he said, look, this is. He says, this is a coloring book for you. I said, whenever you feel like you're getting a little bit overwhelmed, I want you to color this and go through all the lines and don't go over any lines, etc, and the amount you have to concentrate just kind of brings your brain back down a little bit, you know, just take it out of that sense of urgency or sense of anxiety. The one more thing that I would say that I found very beneficial was it's called the worry appointment, I think. So what my therapist said was that the idea is, let's say it's 10am and I'm having an intrusive fall and I'm stressing about it and my anxiety saying, you need to do something right now. You know, it's focus on this. There's danger. You have to. It's okay. I'm going to focus on this, but I'm going to do that at 7pm tonight. I'm going to write in the diary. I'm going to say 7pm is my worry appointment. So until then I'm not going to worry about it and we'll come back to it by 7pm the anxiety's usually Calmed yourself down. And the fault that you was really worried about that morning is no longer has much power to it because, like, faults that I've had in the past, they have no meaning to me now because it's gone, the fault's gone. It's only in the moment where it's at its strongest. Like a scary film. You watch a really scary film and your heart's pounding and you're like, that was scary. You go home that night, you might still be scared. You know, you hear a little something in the night and you think back to that film. A month later, you're no longer worried about that film. It was just a film. And that's how I try and use that worry appointment thing. You know, when your anxiety is at its highest, that's when the fall has its most power. And I feel like if you can just get out of that for a little bit of time, half an hour maybe.

A

Yeah.

B

Once that anxiety is calmed down, then you're good to go, you know, that's how I find, anyway. I think it's very personal, I guess, how people find things. Some things work better, some things don't for certain people. But for me, the worry appointment I definitely found very beneficial.

A

Yeah. Yeah, that's good to hear. Yeah. I don't particularly use that technique. I'm familiar with it, and there's nothing wrong with it because you've got to find what works for you. But, yeah, what. What you're doing there is like urge surfing or riding that wave because you know the thought's gonna go. If you just hang on and don't.

B

Yeah.

A

React to it. And, yeah, as you're saying, worry time, I think, is how I was trained in it. Same thing, just different word. Yeah. You're just delaying it to the point where the issue is we buy into it, we read into it, we analyze it, and now it's game over, you know, we're stuck.

B

Yeah. I imagine with most people with ocd, I guess they suffer a form of anxiety as well. So I've been on the chart. I'm very extreme OCD and extreme anxiety. So obviously the two thrive off each other.

A

Yeah.

B

Anxieties, you know, thriving. The OCD's thriving. If I can get anxiety out of the way for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour, whatever it be, then the OCD kind of loses its fuel, you know, it kind of loses that power to it. Because if I'm not scared and I'm not anxious about something, I don't need to give it much fault, you know? Like I said with my wife, with things like turbulence, I guess that's her fear that causes anxiety, and she will worry about it on a plane. Me, I don't. I worry about something else. So, yeah, if I can just try and nip that anxiety in the bud and. Or vice versa. The ocd, the other one seems to calm itself down. So, yeah, for me, it's always just, if I can get calmed down a minute, then I'm good to go.

A

Yeah, yeah. It's a good way of looking at it. Looking at it. How does OCD affect your fighting? If it does? Or does the fighting a break from the ocd?

B

So I actually think that the OCD is like a superpower when it comes to the fight career. Um, it's definitely kept me training. You know, there's been times where maybe I should take a day off, but mostly it's like, hell, no, you need to get in that gym. If you don't, you lose your fight. You know, if you're late to the gym, you'll lose your fight. And even though it's not healthy, it could definitely be beneficial for my fight career. So, yeah, that's one positive out of it. You know, having OCD sometimes can be a bit beneficial, even though it's not something that I wish on my worst enemy. But it has, you know, kept me very straight on the narrow when it comes to fighting. You know, along the. The years of growing up, there's a lot of distractions, but being so obsessed with something, you know, it's kept me on the straight and narrow. I do sometimes have things like, you know, I might be on the treadmill when, you know, my OCD will go, right. You got to do another 10 minutes, otherwise you're gonna die or something, and I have to do even longer. I am getting to the point now where I've kind of. I've kind of played OCD against itself. So sometimes if I have a fault like that, I'll quickly go on the flip side and say, no, if you play into that fault, something bad will happen. So on turn, I don't have to do it. But, yeah, it's definitely kept me training harder than a lot of other people, I think.

A

Okay. Yeah, yeah. What. What got you into fighting? Originally?

B

If I'm honest, I didn't want to work, you know, Okay. I left school. I did carpentry at college, and I hated it. I really did. And I thought, I don't want to be in an office. I'm no good at carpentry. My dad was like, what do you actually want to do with your life? And as I said, all I've ever wanted to do is be an athlete, you know, and the only sort of sport I was already a fan of, mma. And the only sort of sport, I think, at the age of 16 that you could maybe pursue a career out of was mma. You know, if football, you need to be pretty damn good by the age of 16, like, with anything. But MMA is almost the jack of all trades. So I thought, why? I don't need to be great at everything, but I need to just be good all around, put the work in and I'll reap the benefits. So, once being a fan, I just thought, you know what? I'm gonna go for this and I'm gonna try and make a career out of it. And for eight years, you know, I didn't have a pot to piss in. Like, literally was living on, I don't know, 50 pound a week, and eventually got to the UFC when I was 25, and then obviously was able to make some decent money. And so far, I'm doing all right. You know, it's. It's paying the bills that way.

A

Yeah. Well, good for you for going for it. Yeah. I was thinking, I know you said you did MMA to not work, but part of me is thinking, like, because I. There's a very small amount of boxing I've done, it's like one of the hardest things I've ever done physically.

B

Yeah.

A

So the idea of how hard you guys actually train is. Is hard work for me.

B

I always use the term play fighting.

A

Yeah.

B

Because growing up, I was always very boisterous. You know, I loved wrestling and WWE and things like that. For me, this is just an extreme form of play fighting. But, you know, there is a rule set. I'm not this type of guy that would go out and have street fights and, you know, where there's no rules. With us, it's sanctioned. We have a wall set, we have a referee, we have a green guard, gun Shield, you know, etc. Etc. So I just love what I do. I just love com. Competing competition, you know, I love training, fitness, being healthy, that side of things. And yeah, you know, a lot of my friends say the same thing, that I can do what you do, but I reverse that. And like, mate, I couldn't get up at six in the morning to go on a building site and knock IT home till 4. I just couldn't do it. You know, I feel like to me, that' work me. I'm just playing man, you know, it is. There's obviously. Yeah, there's obviously the cons that come with it. You know, there's a lot of sacrifices that we have to make, but I love what I do, you know, I really do. So, yeah, I'm very fortunate and blessed that I did go with it. You know, I didn't kind of stop halfway through when I was taking losses and, you know, people telling me, go get a job, because with ocd, those folks were always there, man, what if this doesn't work? And what if I don't get this? And what if I don't get, you know, any money out of this? What am I going to fall back on? But then there comes the compulsion, and it's like, we'll go and train. That's your compulsion. You know, get in the gym and do more than the other person, and you will make it work. And, yeah, luckily, it's turned out all right.

A

Yeah, well done. Well done. And do you have a fight booked?

B

Nothing booked, unfortunately, just yet. I'm waiting by the phone, so hopefully something soon. I'm still training every day. Just like, you know, take the intensity down a little bit.

A

Yeah.

B

And I get to eat what I want instead of having to diet down and, you know, take a weight class.

A

Yeah, true. Okay, so let me think. Other questions, I guess just words of hope for anyone listening. What would you tell them my words

B

of hope would be? It will pass. You know, like I said, if you have a cold, snotty nose, sore throat, you're bunged up, you got the flu, you got the fever, you know, you're thinking, I can't live like this, but you know it's gonna pass. You know, you have food poisoning. It's horrendous. If you've ever had bad food poisoning, man, you know, I couldn't live like that. But you know it's gonna pass. If you're having faults, your ocd, your mental health, your anxiety, sky high through the roof, just remember it will pass. And that's what I try and, you know, live with now. Whenever I'm going through that stage where I think I can't live like this, just know it will pass. You know, it might be a day, it might be a week, but it always does, especially for me. And you'll get through it. That's the. The best advice I can give someone. And it's the. What I think is the truest advice. You know, sometimes if you're in the worst state ever, there's nothing that someone can just say that's just going to change it. You know, there's no magic pill that's just, oh yeah, take this and it's all gone and you're back to normal. Yeah, you just have to give it time sometimes and yeah, just remember it will pass.

A

Absolutely. So, you know, let's say I had a time traveling phone you could, you could pick up and call, you know, yourself back at a time period. Let's say you could pick out that phone and call that five year old you. What would you tell him?

B

I would tell him that you're not a weirdo. You know. You know, a lot of the phrases that I'd used in my own head was thinking that I was strange, weird, a nutcase, whatever. You know, why am I getting these faults? Just go back and tell myself it's all good. You're just dealing with something, you know, you've got an illness, unfortunately, it's just invisible, you know, no one can see it other than just you in your own head. But you are normal and it's just your brain working against you. So I'll just tell myself to relax a little bit, you know, give yourself a little minute and yeah, try not to overthink it because at the end of the day people are dealing with mental health. As far as I'm concerned. You're not a weirdo, you're not any of these terminologies that people might use against themselves. You're dealing with a health issue. And unfortunately right now there is no what I would consider cure for it. But I believe that one day there may be, you know, one day there may be something, a magic pill that you can take and you know, like if you've got a blocked up nose and you take something to clear your nose, you can also clear your mind off of these faults. So yeah, that's, that's my advice.

A

Yeah, I like that. And then you've got a billboard where you live. What do you want written on that billboard?

B

How do you mean?

A

Well, it could be anything and you could have any message in the world on it. What would, what would, if you had a billboard, what would you want the world to see?

B

To see. Be nice because you never know what people going for because the times where I've been at my very worst, like when I was on holiday in Dubai, I could show you a picture, picture of me and my wife and I looked like the happiest man on earth. But inside, you know, I would have been potentially jumping off a bridge if my wife wasn't with me, you know, I was what I would consider, in my own head, suicidal. Didn't want to live anymore, had enough. You know, I was like, I cannot live like this. But in the picture that I've got, where I'm standing, it's next to a big fish tank in the hotel, a big smile on my face, and I look like the happiest man. But little do people know through that picture, right, there was a man that was kind of broken, you know, not in a good place. Luckily, my wife was fully aware, and she was the best support I could have ever had, and I was very lucky that I could talk to her. But inside, I was. I was dying, you know, I wasn't in a good place at all. So, yeah, just be good, you know, be nice to people. And always remember that people are potentially going through something that you can't see.

A

Yeah, yeah. Really important. I think in this day and age, especially with social media, we just attack people without thinking.

B

Yeah. I try and remind myself, you know, sometimes you go to a supermarket, you go somewhere someone's rude, you know. Yeah. And I get it. I think, you know, bastard. But little do I know, maybe he's going through something and everyone is potentially going through something done. You know, just try not to take things to heart and just remember that, you know, you can't see what's going on in someone's head.

A

Yeah. It's a good reminder. And then lastly, anything else you wish you could have said or shared today,

B

anything else that I wish I could say, I would definitely like to share that. If you are dealing with ocd, anxiety, you know, many other health conditions, I'm not going to go through everything. And you're still here listening to this podcast, you are stronger than you believe, because coming from a UFC fighter, someone that, you know, competes against the toughest opponents on the planet, the toughest opponent that I've ever faced is my own brain. It's my ocd, it's my anxieties. And if you're still here now, it shows just how strong you are because you are winning. You know, I don't care what people say. Most go, oh, ocd. I'd love to have that mean my house would be nice and tidy. And I'm sitting there in my head trying not to buy it, because that's the furthest thing from the truth. But if you're going through severe ocd, severe anxiety, depression, and you've. You're still here now, you've already beaten that. I think you can do anything with your life. So, yeah, I definitely think that people need to realize just how strong they are. Beating or dealing with these health issues, you know, dealing with them and still being here today shows that you are a warrior. So keep going and. Yeah, just. Just keep going and stay strong. Yeah.

A

Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much for coming on. It's great to hear your story. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.

B

Absolute pleasure. So, yeah, thank you for having me on and thank you for doing what you do. You know, I imagine you're helping a lot of people out there, and, you know, some people don't have people to talk to or listen to. So the more we talk, the better the world does.

A

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you for listening to this week's podcast and thank you to our Patreons who helped make this episode possible. And if you would like to find out more about Patreon and the rewards and benefits, then there will be a link in the episode description. If you enjoy the OCD Stories podcast and would like to support us, please subscribe and rate the show wherever you listen to the podcast. And thank you to NOCD for supporting our work. If you want to find out more about nocd, you can click the link in the episode description. And quick disclaimer. Guys, this podcast is not therapy. It is not a replacement for therapy. Please seek treatment from a trained professional. And until we speak, take care.