A

Foreign. Hi, everyone, and welcome back to the Social Hour podcast, a podcast for Sewist by Sewists. I'm your host, Bethany, and today I am joined by my friend Lena Owens of Quilting with Latinas. Hi, Lena.

B

Hi, Bethany. Thank you for having me.

A

Oh, I'm so excited you're here. Now, typically when I have a guest, we, I interview the guest. But today Lena's acting more of like a guest host because we have a topic we want to discuss and kind of focus on that. But before we dive into that topic today, Lena, I'd love for you to share a little bit about who you are and what you do and even how we met and how we became friends in this industry, which I love that this industry has helped me meet so many amazing people like yourself. So share a little bit about yourself so those who don't know who you are will learn a little bit more about you.

B

Yes. So again, my name is Lena Owen and I, I was introduced to the quilting industry by my mother in law. She's the one that taught me how to quilt during the pandemic. So it hasn't been too long. However, I have been crafty my whole life. So I'm originally from Colombia and I went to Catholic school. So they always taught us how to mend, how to do cross stitch. And now it's just very artistic. And so I was, I didn't do sports as my extracurricular activities. I did painting and all of the. Create ceramics, you name it. I just, I was signed up for all of that. That, and I was so blessed that I had a wonderful mom that just supported all of it. She's like, what do you need? Like, do I need to get you pencils? Do I need to get whatever I needed? She was there just purchasing whatever I needed to just create. And she's. There's a say in English that idle hands are the devil's playground. That kind of a thing. So she's like, wanted to make sure that I was just busy instead of doing naughty things. And so that worked out for me. And. But when I met my husband, I started seeing all of these quilts and she started gifting me all of this, and I was like, oh, my God, this is beautiful. I mean, she's an excellent piecer. And I was like. But I was so busy with my career and children, and one time it occurred to me, it's like, I would, I would love to learn how to use a sewing machine because I'm tiny. Like, I'm like teeny Tiny.

A

And no, I literally could put you in my pocket. I think I say that every time I see you in person. It's like, I forget just how tiny you are. And I'm like, just put you in my pocket and take you home with me.

B

And so she never let me use a sewing machine. So that was something that I always wanted to learn. And so I told my mother in law, like, oh, I would love to, you know, to learn how to sew, how to use a sewing machine I never had. And then many years ago at Christmas, she bought me a little babylock Anna as my. As a starting machine. And she gifted me all the things. At that point, I didn't appreciate the quality that she gave me. Like, she spent a pretty penny on all the things that she gave me. All right, so it was a very expensive Christmas gift that I got, but it sat there for like five years or more in the box because I commuted to a lot for work. And so I worked at a multinational company. And so I just, I was busy. I was consumed by corporate America. And then when pandemic hit and I wasn't doing the transportation, then I'm like, oh, I got more, more time on my hands. And so she.

A

And those hands needed something to do so they don't get in trouble.

B

So then she was like, okay. I was like, okay, now we needed masks. I'm like, I have this sewing machine. I have all these things. I can figure this out, right? And then I got comfortable with the machine. And then I said to her, could you teach me how to quilt? And she was like, oh, dear, no, not in this sewing machine. I was like, don't worry about it. Like, if I love it, I will upgrade to whatever machine you think is suitable for quilting, right? And she was like, okay. And then it's like, don't let that stop you. So she taught me how to do a little hot pot. And then, needless to say, I was hooked. And then quilting just has taken over my life since then.

A

You do quilting with Latina. So tell us a little bit about that mission and your goals with that.

B

So when I learned about, when I learned to quilt, it was through YouTube. And that was. I realized that the Spanish content for. For this industry is not as diverse as we have it. I mean, YouTube, you have a personality for any time. Like, you have a fat quarter shop, you have a Missouri star, you have. You name it, you have crafty Gemini, you have all sorts of people have you. You have so many type of personalities that you can relate. And everybody has a different type of style teaching, right?

A

Yes.

B

And we don't have that in Spanish. And as an immigrant, when you leave your country, you have like this void in you. And finding this industry has helped me fill that gap that I felt when I left my extended family and when I left, you know, everything I knew for my whole entire life at that point. And so it's just been so healing in a sense to me to be in this, in this industry. And so I just took it on and I said, what can I do to bring this. And obviously it's a path that it has not been walked on. And so it's been an amazing journey though. I mean, to be able to publish the very first bilingual quilting book. It has been an honor and to. I got this idea in my head and I went to pitch it to a publisher and they said yes. And then that's kind of like how this whole thing has been. It's like I get this little bug and I'm like, okay, let's see if this happens. Right. And thankfully I had my co writer, Laura, that has helped me because I was working full time. But I wrote this book before we go into one of the subjects and then I knew I couldn't do it alone. I mean, a book is a huge undertaking and there's so much into it. And my mother in law has been so helpful because she has helped me so, so many of the things that I needed to get done because she has the time. And so it changes our whole journey. So in a nutshell, my goal is to be able to bring this beautiful world quilting to my community and show them how beautiful and how committed we are to creating this, that we can coexist into the same. And that this art is for everybody, it's for every community that is artistic. And what I love is that our culture brings so many bold colors and it's so I say aloud and so. And so I just feel that it's fun and it gives it a different twist and something that is not so done and it has not been done right now. So I've been so lucky and Laura and I have been so lucky to be able to work with brands like Riley Blake in translating their. Their sew alongs into Spanish. It's a lot of work, but it's

A

needed because it's a better thing. Well, and you're. That you're championing this to make it more of an industry standard to offer all their education from these brands, not just in English but in Spanish as well here in the US And I think that's very important. I do have a question for you though. You learned to sew and quilt mostly from your mother in law and I'm assuming she speaks English. So you learned to sew based on English terminology. How has that been in translating the English terminology for different types of sewing or notions or whatever into special Spanish? Because we don't always call things the same thing. Has that been another learning curve for you, even though Spanish is your first language?

B

Yes, it has. And so we both took Elizabeth Chapel's course of learn how to write quilting patterns. That's why I felt comfortable to, to get into this quilting, this book, this bilingual book idea, because obviously I wasn't going to do it if I didn't have the expertise I needed or at least some of the knowledge to be able to do. Because you do a book, you do all the graphics, you do all the work, you know, and so that is a huge undertaking.

A

It is.

B

And so yes, when I graduated from her class, I decided that this was going to be my path. So I created a podcast where I interview. It was own Spanish and I interview all the different people that we have in our community that are bilingual. So I got to meet Barushka, I got to meet Vanessa Vargas, I got to interview the owners of our gallery fabrics, and I got to interview even people outside the US that quilted. So I interview owners of quilt shops in Costa Rica, owners of quilt shops in Argentina, owners of quilt shops in Chile se that are just sewers and do crafts. And it does how I did so much research and talking to them and that gave me the confidence that I could translate and be able to, to put it in a way that the language was understood regardless of whether you were in Ecuador, because it's like English

A

in there's different dialects in Texas we

B

speak a thing and when we Texas, it doesn't translate in Wisconsinites, which I live in Wisconsin, so it's the same thing, Spanish. So it was tricky to try to get it into a language that was global and that could be understood by many Spanish speaking people. And so yeah, that's how I got the research. I really, I dove in. I. My husband says that I am hyper focused. So when I have a goal, that's all I can see. And so I kind of like dive into this and geek out or however you call it. And that's all I breathe, eat all of it. I get obsessed. And so if this is my goal, I'm just going to consume this and I'm going to just be around it. And we wanted it to become like a bible kind of for quilting, for this Spanish speaking. And the book talks about the history of ancestry in all the different countries, Brazil, all South America, and like the color and all of that. And so it's just.

A

So it's bringing your culture into the industry as well as the industry into your culture. So it's going both ways, which is beautiful, by the way. I love that you did that. We have listeners from all over the world that listen to our podcast. I couldn't even tell you how many countries at this point. It's really fun. Every once in a while, go in and look at the stats of just how big our reach is. And it's powerful, which is why I love having guests on that can reach and speak to different cultures that listen to us. But for someone who maybe Spanish is their first language or their only language and they're wanting to do more sewing or get into sewing or. Or even just support your mission, how would they get your book? If someone were. And we'll. And we'll get the link and put in the description. But how could someone go and find your book right now?

B

It's easy. You go to Amazon or your local quilt shop, or you go at Barnes and Novels, you go to, like, all the major bookstores. That's the great thing about having a publisher, is that the book becomes so accessible to anybody.

A

And the name of the book is

B

Learn to Quilt Bilingual Guide. Aprendera Ser Quilting and Espanol.

A

Perfect. Perfect. All right, well, we'll put a link to it in the description below. But if you are in other countries, you can probably find it online as well and get a copy and support Lena's mission. Today's topic for Lena and I, and the reason why we wanted to talk about this today is we're calling it When Creativity Feels Heavy. And this topic came up because Lena and I have been friends for a little while and we were. You guys, if you know me and you've messaged me on Instagram, you know I'm going to respond with a voice memo because my brain and my mouth think at the same speed, but my hands are slower. So if I have to type out a message, it is never going to be what I really want to get across. So I will send a voice memo. And because I feel like in those moments, you can feel I can get my message across, but also get my tone across and like my. My emotions behind what I'M trying to share and connect in a more personal way. I never expect anybody to reply in voice memos, but if you want to, you can. But that's my form of communication over there. But that's what Lena and I were doing the other day. We were literally messaging each other, found that we were both going through similar things and felt like it was nice to know that we weren't alone in what we were currently dealing with and that it should be something that we bring to the podcast. So this topic may feel a little heavy, a little different than what we've talked about before on the podcast, but we felt like it was important to bring the conversation because it started with me sharing something that I'm going through, and Lena's not the only person that DM'd me. Okay, I want to preface that by saying I had multiple people DM me saying that they've experienced or going through similar processes right now. And it just made me aware how while it's really scary to be vulnerable and share the things that you're struggling with because we want to keep everything light and happy on social media, sometimes that we are all struggling with something, even if it's not something like what we're going to talk about today, it's important to be mindful of what you see on social media is just a small drop in the bucket of someone's reality. And we're going to talk about how, you know, how we can kind of work through this as a community of anyone who's going through this, or maybe you find yourself going through this in the future and you can reference back to this conversation and hopefully get some support and encouragement from it. Because me sharing my struggle online helped Lena feel comfortable to message me and go, me too. And then I had other people say, same boat, you know? And so while it was hard for me, when someone does step up and say, like, hey, it's not all rainbows and sunshines, or, hey, this is something I've been dealing with that I haven't talked about. But this has been a struggle for the last six months. And. And how can we come together and find that community to encourage us? So before we dive into this very real conversation we're going to have today, I want to start out with our typical icebreaker question, but this one's a little different. And Lena and I are both going to answer this, but I'd love for you to answer this to yourself. If you feel comfortable sharing it over on the Social Sewist Facebook group, you can share it over there as well. And maybe you can relate and find somebody who can help you through what that as well. But what's something creative you used to love that became difficult during a hard season? And I think this is kind of what started this conversation and is going to kind of kick off our episode today. So, Lena, what is something creative you used to love that became difficult during a whole hard season?

B

So I got laid off for my job at the beginning of October. It was a kind of like, crazy. And so my basement was my day job office slash my sewing space. And when I learned that I was laid off, I immediately gravitated to the upstairs. I did not want to be sitting on my desk and obviously it made it difficult for me to continue to sew and things like that because I didn't want to be on that space. So my desk stayed untouched for. For what. Which means that I wasn't downstairs as often as I would like it and I wasn't sewing as often as I needed to or as I wanted to. Right now that I had all this free time, I just wasn't utilizing the space. So I have my beautiful. Yeah. My thanks to my. My supportive husband. He allowed me the space to. Okay, it's fine. But also pushes me to. I see that you're struggling with this and. But I don't want this to steal your joy. Right. And I think you need to reclaim that space again, you know, and sometimes you need that. That little voice in your head of like, okay, it's okay to. To do it. And it was a lot of misfeelings. That was. October was the month. It was. It was right after Cool Market, which was when we launched the book.

A

I know. I got to see you and celebrate your launch.

B

So it's like, how did you do? Like, how did you deal with all of those mixed feelings, the high and

A

the low at the same time? It's a bit of a roller coaster, especially when you don't see it coming.

B

Yeah. Yes. And so I. And I mean. And I was with my company for my previous company for almost 11 years, so.

A

And it's not in the industry. It's not in the sewing industry. It's outside of the sewing industry. But you were sharing a space, working from home, doing that. Yeah. Yeah. So because of that, you. That. That hard experience in life, it took you away from the thing that you normally turn to during hard times because it. A shared space. And this is what brought you and I together in our conversation because I shared recently that my filming studio, which is the guest room in my house. It's separate from my sewing room that you guys have been seeing most of lately. My, my filming studio was a space that I used every day when in my previous job I was going live almost every day. I was, I use this as my. By the way, I'm in my filming studio right now, if you didn't Notice, over on YouTube. So I have reclaimed my space and we're going to talk about that. But I too like worked from home. This was a shared space. This was my workspace. But then I also filmed my podcast in here and I also filmed my live stream sew alongs in here and did a lot of my content in here. It's set up as a filming studio. I've got all the lights and the cameras and the filming equipment, everything. And when all of that came to an abrupt end with my job, I shut the door on this room and never came back in for six months. Like the only thing I came in here for was to put boxes in here for retreat supplies. Like it became a storage closet. I have thousands and thousands of dollars worth of equipment in here and I wasn't utilizing it, but I now had all this free time to pursue my YouTube more and make more money on my YouTube and do all these things. Like I had all these dreams and goals, but I wasn't able to utilize the space that would help me get there. And I had a hard time overcoming it. And I didn't realize how big of an issue it was until recently. And I was like, man. So I was in the same boat of just trying to find my new identity. And that's going to kind of bring us into the topic of the emotional impact that a job loss can have on your identity as those things shift. And even if it's not a job loss, maybe it's a life altering tragedy. Whatever it may be, we all find ourselves losing ourselves and having to refind ourselves. One thing I noticed that goes very quickly in those situations is creativity, which has always been a very healing and we've talked about this many times on the podcast. A very healing, therapeutic outlet to process things, to create with your hands can make you feel grounded and safe. But when that is taken away or not prioritized, it's really hard to find your way back to it. Sometimes we call it sojo losing your sew. Jo. I think that's different. I think we ebb and flow into what we want to make or what we're interested in. But this is like a complete disconnect because there's like a negative aura, you know what I mean? And so you and I are very similar. As we worked from home, we sewed and worked in the same space. And now that space doesn't feel happy anymore. It doesn't bring us joy, it reminds us of a hurt, it reminds us of a loss. And you know, it's, it's hard to bring ourselves to come back into it. So thankfully I have a separate sewing room that I could go into. But I wasn't filming, I wasn't posting new content on my YouTube channel, which is very important for me to do. I was filming the podcast in there. So it just didn't look as good or sound as good as I wanted it to. I. I really wasn't giving it my all. I was just doing the bare minimum to get by, you know what I mean? And so when I finally was like, I need to take ownership of this space again, it was hard. I feel like it. There's a grief process to this, wouldn't you agree? There's like.

B

I totally agree. Is it's like when I, when I finally said it was like getting close to the three month mark when my husband said, okay, we gotta change something. And so, because I do have a little desk upstairs, it's a tiny little desk where, you know, like, I do other things that I put in there, but it wasn't. And it's like in a common area, like my husband is in the kitchen. It's like an open concept. So my husband's like, you can be working, doing your private job up here because I'm cooking, I'm doing this. I am going into the pottery room and using the toilet and people are going to hear when I flush the toilet. So sorry to be so descriptive, but this is the reality. It is the reality because these emotions are so raw, right? And one thing that I did talk to you and that I feel that is so true and that it's like sometimes we're so forced to say, you just gotta suck it up, buttercup, and just keep going right, or fake it

A

till you make it, or something along those lines. But when you are that, there's an exhaustion behind this emotion. There's a numbness, there's an avoidance, we're avoiding our spaces. And then there's also the self inflicted shame of not doing enough that we put on ourselves. We make excuses. I literally would rather go wash dishes than come into this space. And if you know me at all, washing dishes is literally my least favorite chore. It literally Makes me gag. I love to cook. Don't ask me to wash the dishes. But I was washing dishes. Avoiding doing this, cleaning out this space and making it a functional space again. It really. It makes it hard to want to show up because you know that you're not feeling your best, but it's at the same time you're like. And maybe for my. My situation specifically, there was a lot of hurt, there was a lot of shock in the situation when this happened, when I lost my job. Mine was in November, right before Thanksgiving. We had also just lost a family member and my family, like, the week before, very suddenly, very tragically. And we were dealing with all of that as a family. And that was extremely hard to cope with. And then you're going into the holidays with Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you're trying to put on a brave face and you're just like, I was just trying to get through the holidays. I was like, if I can just get to through the end of this year, then I can wipe my hands of it and start fresh in the new year. There's something to be said about just the switching of one day into a new year that just can kind of feel like a clean slate, even though it's really not. It's just the next day. But you know what I mean? And so I was like, okay, I'm going to change my mindset and I'm going to do these things. And I started working towards those things. And then, you know, some other things happened with the previous employer that put another curveball in things at the beginning of the year and brought up all of that hurt again and hurt me even more and took things away from me that I was told I could keep. So I'm sending now all this filming equipment back that I was told I could keep. So now they've robbed me of the opportunity to reclaim my space because now I don't have some of the key things that I need, nor do I have a job to be able to buy those things again. Like, it's not cheap. Thankfully, like you, I have a very supportive partner. And for Valentine's, which we don't normally do stuff for Valentine's, we usually do our taxes on Valentine's weekend. So that's his love language, is to do my taxes. But this, this year, this year, he. He gifted me the black magic switcher box that all my cameras plug into that I had been using for years and years. Like, I had one when I work at svp. So, like, this is how I've always had My studio set up. I know how it functions. And he replaced that for me. And I was. I cried. I was like, oh, my gosh. This is his way of saying, like, I believe in you. I support you. I. You can do this. What's really frustrating and. And I feel really guilty about is the fact that I left that sitting in the box in this room. I brought it in here, set it down on the table, and then shut the door again because I didn't want to be in this space. And until all of that kind of, like, settled down, it wasn't until recently that I was like, no, I'm taking ownership of this space again. I have got to. Enough's enough. They're not taking my joy from me anymore. I'm going to reclaim it, and I'm going to do that by reclaiming this space. So, obviously, the first thing that left this room were the things that reminded me of that experience. Right. It was very traumatic, and there's definitely some trauma that happened in that experience and a lot of hurt, but I can't let that hold me back anymore. So those things left the room. There were some other things that were in here that I had thrown in here that were reminders of things that had hurt me. Not related to that, but, like, situations with some friends. And I just was like, those have got to go. Those are the first things that came out of this room. And then I felt like, honestly, I could just kind of breathe again. And then I revamped it, and then we brought in a new table. And, you know, I'd like to maybe change up the design a little bit in here eventually, but now it is a functioning space. I got my switcher box set up, I got my camera set up, and I am recording in here again for the first time in six months. And it feels really good to be in here. I've got Biscuit over here on the floor again. She's my little sidekick, my emotional support puppy. And. But, you know, it's took time, and there is no right or wrong answer of how much time it'll take. No, but. And I thought I was doing better, and then I had another setback, and then now I'm doing better again. But I don't. I just. I feel like it just really takes time. You know, we were talking about the whole work from home. I work from home. You work from home. One of. I think people may disagree, but, like, I really like working from home. I'm a very much an extrovert, but I like working from home because I have my dogs here, and it just allows me to. I like to cook, so it just creates a better balance. And I'm not spending here. In Nashville, you could spend an hour and a half to two hours driving home. Okay. Like, the traffic's really bad. So, like, there's a lot of benefits to working from home. When the pandemic happened, that created a space for a lot of people to say, like, hey, I really can find a better work life balance when I can work from home, because I can throw a load of the laundry in while I'm working. And I don't feel like when I check out of work that I now have to do all the chores when I get home because I've kind of been. I did the dishes while I was eating lunch. Yeah, like, it's. It's not like when you are home, you just have chores to do. It's like you can actually enjoy spending time with your family or doing your hobbies or sewing or whatever, and. And it's a little easier. But when your creative space and your workspace are shared, like you and I, and that workspace is lost, then that creative space carries that loss, even though it's not associated now. For me, it was. I worked in the industry and created in the industry, so, like, it was kind of a double whammy. And I think that's why it took me so much longer to kind of get over it.

B

One thing that I do want to say, Bethany, and even in this, we tend to, like, always put in and, like, I don't know, it's not like, really a stereotype, but we have this expectation, oh, it's been taking me six months. That's. Yes, there is a time. But one thing with grief and with going through emotions, you can put a time box into how long it's going to take, and it's okay, because everybody heals in traumatic ways in a different way. And I think this is one of the important things that I do want to bring onto the table is like, don't. I don't want anybody that's listening to us to feel that. You have to. By six months, you have to be ready for.

A

That's just how long it took me. And I can honestly say it's never taken me that long to get over anything. I've never allowed myself to live in this kind of, like, I don't know the word for it, but, like, you know what I mean? Like, it just feels this numbness to this space that used to bring me so much joy and it's hard not to beat yourself up for allowing that to happen. But we're human, we have emotions. We're also like not addressing it because we still have a life to live and we still have responsibilities we have to deal with. So it's not like we can sit down and go, okay, I, I'm going to sit here and process all of my feelings so that I can get over this faster. We really don't have the time to be able to prioritize that like we should. And so sometimes it is going to take longer. Sometimes it may not be as long, sometimes it can be twice as long. It doesn't matter. But I think the key thing for me is don't let it become habitual to the point where you aren't getting over it at all or at least working towards it. And that is why I shared publicly about what I was dealing with, with this space and my emotions about it, because I felt, man, it's so silly that I have, I'm allowing a space that is mine in my home that I pay for to have such a negative hold over me and not bring me joy because of what someone else did to me. Like, that's them winning. Like, I can't control what they did to me, but I can control how I respond to it or how much I let it affect me. And when that kind of clicked for me, I was like, I know this. Like, you know, like I know better. But it was just so shocking and so hurtful that I just was like, you know, I'm valid for feeling bad about this. This is my first time really dealing with something like this. I, I can't be expected to always handle it or get over it like I have in some other situations in the past. So like, how do I gotta give myself some grace?

B

Yeah. And I think that you were also, you were also dealing, you're still grieving the loss to your family, right? Yeah. And that compounds where your, your well being takes longer to grieve. And so.

A

And I'm compartmentalizing.

B

Yes, exactly.

A

Very much so.

B

And it's. And which should you concentrate on? Right. And we have in order for it to click. I so I read a lot of books and I, I, I, I listen to lots of podcasts and sometimes it's not until you're ready your, your ears are ready. Sometimes you hear and you have like this filter in your brain. Right. That is communic and everybody has different listening because depending on their like movie that they have in their head and is you weren't ready to listen to the things that you already know. You were not ready to implement the things and the tools that you already know because it's okay to be hurt. Right?

A

You're in survival mode.

B

Yes.

A

You're in survival mode when stuff like. And you're. I feel like since the beginning of this year, or even since November, I have just been taking it one punch at a time. And I'm very much a planner, and I like working ahead. And I have really been frustrated with how I haven't been able to get back to that, how everything has been very in the moment, last minute, rushing, falling behind. And that's not who I am, and it's not how I typically function. And that has caused a lot of, like, sense of overwhelm and all of those things with my workload that I've got on myself for myself. And so it's just like, okay. I clearly am now seeing how this little corner over here in my house is now affecting my ability to do the things even in my other spaces that bring me joy, my motivation to get up and do falling behind on things that I should be way ahead on. And that's not how I like to function. And it weighs very heavy. So for me, I finally got to this head point where I was like, I feel like the only way I'm gonna get through this year is to tackle what I've been ignoring, putting on the back burner for six months, because I know it's still there, and I have now. Does that make it go away right away? No. But I think by sharing it publicly is opened a door for people to approach me and have conversations that they can relate. So now I don't feel so alone. So Lena messages me and goes, I'm dealing with the same thing. And I'm like, oh, well, let's talk about it. And we were sending each other voice memos back and forth, and I said, I feel like we should talk about this publicly. Like, you're not the only person that messaged me. But then I also got a ton of messages saying, I can relate. I've come out on the other side. I encourage you. You're doing great. As I shared little updates of my process, people were like, it's looking so good. I love this. You know, like, they're lifting me up. And I was like, man, I really needed my community. And sometimes your community doesn't know how to show up for you until you tell them. And I told them, this is what I'm struggling with, which was very Scary, Very vulnerable. I don't like to talk about it for myself, let alone publicly, but I knew that I needed to say something because I knew it was going to be the only thing that was going to push me through getting back into this space. And.

B

And you needed to hear a friendly voice that said, we hear you and it's okay. You know, and it's. It's okay, too. And one thing that we do when we're struggling, we isolate. Yeah.

A

Yeah. I have definitely done that this year.

B

I am so guilty of it. I absolutely. That's like a coping mechanism. Right. So you just kind of go into this. Yes, just. I don't have bandwidth. You know, you put in this. I don't have bandwidth to. Because I feel like if I say something, it's going to trigger me to cry, it's going to trigger me to get emotional, and am I going to get out of that? It's true. I isolate. I bury myself. I try not to, but. And I think I told you this to the message. One of the voicemails the other night. My husband just talked to me and said, nayan says, like, you know what, Lina, I'm very proud of you because even though you're going through all of this, I'm seeing how much effort you're putting into not isolate yourself. And to be honest about your feelings and to working through and to show up for the kids fully. Right. And to be there with them and to be there for me and working through those feelings. I'm sure this isn't easy for you, but you're showing an emotional strength that hasn't been shown before. But as we age and as we go through difficult things, we gain tools and we get different perspectives of life and we gain different. I don't know, different awareness. I want to say, in regards of how we, as us, as a person, individually, can handle certain things. So I know that isolating is my. Is my go to. And I have to really be mindful of when I'm doing this. And so for me, when you say that, it's easy to just check up and not say anything, but I know it's like, you know what? I don't want to isolate. I want to tell Bethany that I also struggle with that same thing. That I couldn't use my desk for months and that it was difficult. And then it was difficult to. To get all the paperwork that I was saving for years. And that reminded me of all the different people that were under me and that I supervised and that I've built These relationships with. And that I loved and that they. They became my family, part of my family. Because sometimes when you work in a. And you're in a company for so many years, you're not just coworkers, they become your family. They do have an emotional attachment to these people. And you have this ecosystem that is built that. It also becomes your support system where. Because when you're having a bad day, you know that you can count on those people. And then you feel like you're robbed of that ecosystem that you kind of built for yourself. And so the same thing goes with you. You. You built an ecosystem that you felt robbed of. And it's totally. And you're going to go, I had to go through my closet too, because I'm like, I have clothing that I have to get rid of that is going to remind me of that. And I'm like, that sucks. And excuse me in those kind of words, but it does suck.

A

Like, I don't think there's a better. And you're so right. Like, we do isolate. It's easy to do so because everywhere we look, especially when it's in our home. You know, when you. When we work in an office and we lose our job, we don't have to go back to that office anymore, right? And when you leave work at an office and you go home, you're leaving work at the office and you come home and that's home. There's definitely a clear separation. Now, sometimes we bring some work home to work on from home or whatever. But, like, if you go to an office, it's. There's a clear divide, right, between home and office. And when those become one and then you lose that job. There's not a clear divide. There is no clear separation. And that's where now your home that used to be your safe space doesn't feel safe anymore. It doesn't feel comforting anymore. And it takes some time to find that again. And I'm glad that you reached out and shared that with me because it made me feel, I hate to say, less crazy. I was really beating myself up over how ridiculous it was that I was allowing a space to have such a negative vibe for me and an effect on me just because of what I used it for, even though that wasn't the only thing I used it for. And I really was beating myself up over how silly I just was. Like, this is so silly. I don't get hung up on tangible things. I don't put it. Emotional attachment to tangible things. That's never been who I am. I know a lot of people do, but I don't. So for me, this was a first time experience to like have an emotional feeling about a tangible space or tangible thing in my home. And I was just like, I don't know how to process this. I don't know what to do with this. I didn't know what it was called. I didn't know how to even wrap my head around what I was dealing with until I finally was like, I really don't like going in there, but I love 90% of the stuff that's in here. You know, like, I worked really hard to make this space, so why am I allowing this to happen? And what can I do to gain control over it again? And I really needed to gain control because I just realized like, that is the only way I'm going to overcome this. So, yeah, we all have hard times. We all can have it impact us in different ways. And for me, this was kind of like a first time experiencing something like this in my. In my. What's. My safe space. And so I was just like, oh my gosh, like, I need to, I need to process this. But I didn't know what to call it. I didn't. And I don't know still what to call it. But it really has slowed me down and held me back in so many ways, which is so not like me. And it's not like you either, because we're very much go getters and we're like, oh, we've got all this free time. This could actually be a blessing. But it can't be a blessing when that negativity and those emotions are still lingering and we haven't dealt with them. And I feel like talking about it is allowing us to deal with it. You're still dealing with it. I'm still dealing with it. Just because I've cleaned out this space doesn't mean it's over. But now I feel like I've peaked that crest and I'm starting to kind of go down. And the further I go down that far side of the hill and I'm getting further from like the peak of the heaviness. The easier it is to be in here, the easier it is to breathe, the easier it is to move forward.

B

Yeah. And I think that also when we start to realize that that's happening, if we're not taking action, it makes us feel worse. It just kind of piles up onto that. And so like, it's like even. It makes us feel even guilter. Like if that's even a thing. And I think that.

A

Oh, yeah.

B

Once you realize and when you're saying, oh, this is making me feel even worse, I think that's where you're saying, I'm coming into a point where I do need to take action when knowing that I have this space that is so suitable that I can be more.

A

I'm blessed to have it. I should be taking advantage of it. I shouldn't. Like, I. Yeah, I. And also, like, again, my partner gave me this switcher box to support me, and I let it sit here for, like, two more months. I felt bad about that. But once I came in here and set it up, he's like, I was wondering if you were ever going to do that. But he also didn't push me because he knew I needed to process. He was also the first one standing at the door, ready to take the handfuls of things out that weren't serving me anymore, that were creating that negative aura. And he's like, where do you want me to go with these? I was like, out. I just don't want to see them right now. I just want to focus on making this space happy. Just go hide them somewhere. I'll deal with them later. Some of them, I was like, this one's broken. Throw it away. Like, that kind of stuff. Like, please, just get it out. But I was like, some of it can go in a closet, so I can only look at it when I want to look at it. It's not looking at me the minute I come in the doorway. Those kind of things have really. He's been helpful with getting the. The wiring, all the IT stuff, setting all of that up. So, like, he. He is supporting me, but he's also not pushing because he's like, she's got a process. She's got to work through this. But I'm there when she's ready. I'm there to catch her. I'm there to support her. And we're so fortunate to have those supports. I think it's great. But also, it's so important to have people that support us in the industry that we're in understand, which is why we're talking about this. And so I kind of want to kind of shift gears kind of. Now that we've talked about what we're going through, how we got here, how it looks for each of us, and it's very different, but also similar. Maybe it's similar to someone that's listening today, how what we are doing now that is helping us begin to heal and what's working or what we have started doing that's helping because I think we want to talk about like, okay, we've addressed that this exists, but now what tools are we utilizing to overcome it and move forward and not continue to live in that negativity when it can feel really heavy. So supportive friendships, I mean, I think speaking up attracts the people that you need in your life. In those moments. I spoke up. Lena came into my life in that moment. Now I knew Lena before, but she was like, hey, I can relate, let's chat about it. I had so many other people do the same and I can't tell you how many, how much that meant to me for us in our conversation. But everyone else that reached out, sometimes we need those supportive friends outside of our immediate family that go, I get it, been there, done that, or going through it myself, let's talk about it. Because even if we're both in the thick of it, like you and I, sometimes just talking about it makes you feel like, I am not crazy. I'm not on an island by myself and it's okay to feel this way.

B

Yeah, Like I told you, like, after talking to you, I feel so much better. On that weekend, I feel so. I felt like easier, lighter. I felt you feel hurt, you feel like, oh, I, I can, I can communicate. I don't feel isolated. I am not in these little cocoon, you might say, where all my feelings are. And I'm just living that through my own. And the thing is that I realize, and maybe it is for every, but my mind goes wild and when I, it just goes and is. And I think it's part of being so creative because we have such a huge imagination. So it's like, is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Right. And so we, we, we love being creative. But when we're going through difficult things that can, that is a double edged sword where our minds can take us into places where we shouldn't go. And so just being able to talk about it and saying, you know what, this is real, what I'm feeling is real and I'm not making it up. And what I'm feeling is a normal thing that, you know, other people are going through. And it's a difficult time right now and I'm gonna be okay. At the same moment, you don't know if you're gonna be okay, but time is gonna pass and then you're gonna look back and I'm like, holy moly, I did get through it, you know, like, I am unhappy and trying to one thing that I would say

A

at

B

least trying to find one thing a day that you, you feel grateful. And I think that's what made, has made it easier for me after the three month mark. And then as like I realized like I need to, I need to feel grateful on everything. So even though I'm still self employed, I'm saying I'm grateful that I have this opportunity. It's nerve wracking. Not everybody has the support system or the financial system to be able to support this. Right. And so I feel grateful that even things are happening and things are switching and things are going to look different. But being in this place and time, it's grateful. And being that, yes, I don't have everything under control. No, I don't.

A

Well, ever. We're all making this up as we go.

B

Do I know what my life would look like between now and six months? No. I don't even know how my life would look like from here to 30 days from now. Right. So that's how. But I can only control what it is today. Right?

A

And so just focus on those small wins and do, just do something for today that you can be proud of. And it doesn't even have to be like a tangible thing. It could be like me posting and being vulnerable. That was a small win. That made me go, okay, I'm gonna throw this out there. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm the only one. But you know what? It opened up conversations. Having, I think me being vulnerable and sharing that also made others feel like they could be safe to have a honest conversation with me about it because they could relate. I think there's showing. Making a space where you can be relatable creates a safe space for others to feel safe to relate to you. So it helped me, it helped you, it helped others in those conversations. A big thing for me in sharing that vulnerability was needing accountability to have those people cheer me on, which helped me clean out my space. It didn't make it a whole lot easier, but I didn't want to let you guys down because I put it out there, right? Like now I'm not just letting myself down for like the last six months of ignoring this space, but now I would be letting you guys down that I shared it with publicly. And I love you guys so like, and you guys have cheered me on and supported me for many years. So I don't want to let you guys down. So I'm like, you know, I think there was, the first day I posted it, I was like, Today I'm gonna tackle this room. Six hours later, I posted don't ask me how much I've done in this room, because it's nothing, and I don't want to do it. But then I got up and I did it. You know, I ignored it for six or seven hours, and then I just was like, nope, I'm gonna start, even if it's just a little bit. And so again, I'm purging stuff out. And then I got it all kind of cleaned out and got the desk set up in here, and. And then the next day, I came in and started setting up the cameras again and connecting my new switcher box. And, like, it's just. That first step is so hard. It feels like a mountain in one step. But just reclaiming your space, giving it new life. Lena, maybe you're gonna go down to that basement space and paint it a bright shade of yellow that makes you. Or your favorite color or a bunch of favorite colors. I've thought about coloring this whole back wall instead of having the. The brick on there. I. Whatever you gotta do to, like, make it feel fresh and new, make it have a disconnect from before. I definitely think I need to change some things up in here to make it feel less like before. But just getting some of the things that were creating that negative aura out, maybe it's rearranging furniture, maybe moving your sewing machine in front of the window, you know, so you have a pretty view now. It can easily change your perspective on all of it. But I think really, like. I think finding my community again has been the most helpful thing I've done over the last month. I think realizing who is in my corner and who's no longer serving my corner has helped me move forward as well. Because sometimes things that aren't associated with that negative space that you have in your home, like mine, but they can be adding to it in ways that you don't even realize. Sometimes removing those other things can help you start the process. I think I removed some negative things out of my life before I ever stepped foot in here to clean out this room. And if I hadn't done that, I don't know that this room I'd be sitting in here right now filming with you. We'd be in the sewing room, and it'd look a hot mess, and that's fine. But like this, I am reclaiming my space, But I'm also reclaiming the scenes in my life. And if they serve me or not, it can be a physical thing. It could Be a personal thing, it could be an emotional thing. It could be a person. You know, like, people come and go, and that's fine. But I'm no longer going to try to force. Hold on to things that aren't serving me in a positive way. And I think that's a big, big, like, you know, it's one of those emotional triggers and. And that can show up in a lot of different ways, like this space or other things. And sometimes you just gotta let it all go clean slate. And you never know. When I did that, I was like, man, I'm gonna be all alone over here. And you know what? I'm not. Because now I get to hang out with Lena on this podcast.

B

And I think I. I read something somewhere and just kind of resonated with me. And it's like, you know, like things and physical things and people in your life are like seasons, right? So they come into your life, and there's some that don't have seasons and are perennials and come and will always be forever, and they are. That do only have a season in your life, and that's okay with it. You know, it's just like seasons. There's spring, there's summer, and they're good for certain things, and you appreciate certain things of it. I love the winter because you don't have books, you know, and they all die. I love it. But I also understand the importance of having books and, you know, all of the things and, you know, we're in this ecosystem. The same goes with people and physical things. On that moment in time, you needed that object or you needed that, that. That person to teach you and to make you become the person that you are today. So I'm of the believers that I would never want to say I want to or. But that's just me. I would never, like, want to say I want to redo or I want to skip an experience because if I would, I wouldn't be who I am today. You know, I don't. I. I don't want to skip the hurt because that hurt makes us stronger, built my character and gave me the knowledge I have today. I don't want to be 18 or 20 years younger anymore because then I don't have the wisdom that I have today, right? So I end up. I have that belief system, right, that we. We go through life and all of this happened to us because we needed to learn from it. We needed to become more mature in that very specific way. One thing about me is that I don't have patience that's not one of my strongest virtues.

A

I don't think it's mine either. But I've learned not to ask for it.

B

And so life continues to give me things because I need to learn that I need to be more patient. And so I, I can preach, you got to be patient to my kids. But they're my karma because they're just like me. They just don't have patience. And it frustrates me that they don't have patience. And I'm like, Lena, you're the same way. You don't have patience, you get frustrated. So until I actually gain this wonderful virtue of patience, there are certain things that are not going to happen. But you know, workaholics tend to not have patience. And I am a workaholic. I will put so much on my plate because that sometimes, or maybe it's a generational thing, but that's how we were raised. That's how we were taught. I was raised by entrepreneurs and I worked since I was 5 years old and I worked in my parents business. I never bent, I, I, I never hang out with, when I was a teenager, I never really hang out with friends because they knew I was busy, I was working, they would come to visit at my business, at my parents businesses to just say, hi, hey, we're going out to and occasionally mama's like go, go with a soda and have a soda with them. We got this right. But then I'm like, oh, so busy, you know. And so that was just my life and it's just the way it is. And so that entrepreneur mindset doesn't give you a lot of patience. And so I have gone through certain things of life where I have to learn that. So I just wanted to say that to your audience of like my goodness, things happen because we need to learn from them and we don't want to learn from them. And it's hard, but we will all be better, you know. And if you enter a friendship, for example, it's because you need to come into new ones because they're going to teach you different things, right? The season ended and it can be beautiful and you just, you know, people just need to, people just move on.

A

I think for someone, for someone like me who's like a serial people pleaser, I, I have a hard time when people kind of walk away and without any sort of closure or understanding because like you said, my mind, our minds will run wild and we're like, what did I do? What did I say? But I don't think that's the case, I think just people find it easy in today and age to just ghost. And that's sad because on online, you know, out of sight, out of mind kind of thing, but silence can be very loud and it can be very hurtful, more so than just having an honest conversation. And that. That's hard. I think that you see that happen with friendships, you see that happen with family, you see that happen with employers. Like, it just ended. There was no opportunity for a conversation. And. And that's hard to like. It makes it harder to move on without having some sort of, like, closure. So I. I kind of want to shift gears real quick before we wrap up and just have a couple of questions that we can kind of tag team answer. What would you say to someone who's currently in the theater, thick of it? Kind of like, we are, but we're coming out of it. What would you say to someone who's currently in the thick of it, who's just not even started to find that. That light at the end of the tunnel yet?

B

I just think that at that moment, they need to, first of all, give yourself grace and at least try to find some sort of happiness or joy in your single day. When you're going through the thick of it. I also think that if people force you, like, oh, you got to get through it, it's only going to make you want to dwell on it even more. So get yourself some space because you're not going to be able to. It's going to come to a moment that is going to click. When is that going to happen? You don't know. And it's not a. We don't have a timetable of where

A

it says a magic ball tells us the future.

B

Oh, here in three weeks, you're gonna feel better. Yeah.

A

No fortune cookies over here.

B

But just based on the situation, trying to find something to be grateful of, even if it's like, oh, I got my cup of coffee today. Oh, I'm grateful that I'm drinking my cup of coffee today. Oh, today is sunny. Oh, my goodness, it's gotta be. We can control. And for control freaks like me that want to control everything, there's so many external things in your life that you can control. So what you can control, as you say, always, is how I can react. And I can react to being grateful that I saw the sun or that it's raining. Oh, my goodness, the grass is going to grow greener. Right? You always have to look on that. Just trying to always keep that positive mindset of like, the mind the most little things sometimes can bring you the most joy. And I guess that's my biggest thing. It might sound silly, it might sound, I don't know, yeah, I can do that. But when you build that and you do that on a scene every single

A

day, it's the repetition of creating positive habits that is important. Like for me it was like, today I'm gonna get dressed. Today I'm gonna blow dry my hair after I take a shower instead of just putting, putting it up in a wet bun. Today I'm gonna put shoes on and leave the house, even if it's just to go pick up a grocery order. Today I'm gonna put a face mask on my face and take care of my skin, you know, a little self care. Today I'm gonna go sit outside on the sunny day under my umbrella with a Diet Coke and just be in silence and just sit and soak up the sun with my dog, you know, for 30 minutes even. Like it was just every day I was trying to do something little that made me feel human again instead of numb. And I think that's really important. How can listeners give themselves grace without giving up on themselves? That's so hard. I. I think back to what we just said, like doing something little every day. Even if it's just writing down in a journal, like, or on a post, it. Like, today I'm thankful that it rained, you know, like you said. Or today I'm thankful for, I don't know, anything for getting out of bed, like brushing your teeth. It doesn't matter. Like, it can feel so heavy that even just taking care of yourself sometimes can feel really hard. And we're always really good at taking care of ourselves last over everyone else. So, you know, even if it was just like a little something that you did today, like today I made my coffee and actually sat and drank it before it got cold. You know, like finding those positive habits that you do every single day and you just kind of take a moment. It's not just doing it, it's acknowledging that it's being done that creates that positive shift in your mind that will help you find more grace to be human versus beating yourself up over feeling stuck. And you can definitely feel stuck, I think for me, connecting with others. And I know that's so hard. Some people are not gonna put themselves out that in that way. You don't have to do it publicly on social media. It could be to a friend and if that friend doesn't resonate to a different friend, to a family member. But if you don't talk about it even to just one person, you're continuing to kind of live in that, that sedentary space of where that negativity is holding you down, that it can feel so heavy. So for me, speaking up, and me speaking up publicly online wasn't the first time I talked about it. I've been talking about it for months privately, and I got a little help here and there along the way. But I finally was like, this is the last push I need. I know it. It didn't happen overnight. I didn't go straight to social media and post what I was struggling with. I don't. I mean, this is the first time I've talked about my family's loss that happened in November. I've not talked about that publicly at all, partially because it's. It's my family, but it's not my story to tell. And so, like, people have no idea what else is going on, weighing you down, what's happening, and you can't really talk about it. So it's nice to be able to finally start opening up to people in your inner circle, maybe branching out and having conversations, maybe going to a class to start like sewing classes. If you're struggling with being in your sewing space, move your sewing space somewhere else. You moved it upstairs. Some people can go take a class, you can go to a retreat. That can be a really helpful thing to get you in front of new people, make new friends, and then start opening up and talking about what you're struggling with because they might be too. You just never know. I think the people that need to be in your life will show up when they need to be there, but you have to be willing to talk about it. So I'm encouraging you to speak up. If you want to speak up to me, you want to speak up to Lena. I know Both of our DMs are always open to help you out and cheer you on. Lena, what does resilience actually look like now for you?

B

Oh, my goodness. For me, resilience has been a constant. And to me, as being able to have the mindset that I. It's going to be okay. I'm going to. Tomorrow is another day. All right? And it might not be perfect, but I get to wake up and have another day. We sometimes get so consumed in our own sorrows that we don't have that perspective. That are many people out there that did not wake up and that did not get the opportunity to get a brand new day and try and feeling so Blessed to be able to see my kids and spend time with them another day that. And with my husband. And when that's just priceless and that that doesn't. And we, and we just for us or the human mind kind of takes it for granted. Right. It says like, we expect that we're going to get up the next day. Right. But that's not necessarily true. Right. And you don't know when. You don't. You don't have that aspiration day because kind of like grief, you don't know what's going to happen. It's just wake up. And that's resilience. For me, resilience is have that openness of like just being grateful. And yes. That doesn't mean that you're going to have that mentality forever. Yes, you're going to have a day where today sucked. Today I struggle. But you know what? Tomorrow I'm going to give it another go and I'm going to, I'm going to do my best. And it might still suck tomorrow, but I'm gonna try to, to have a positive mindset. And if it doesn't work, it's okay. But just having that going into the next day, I'm gonna give it my best and things are gonna change and you don't know and, and just go to bed and say, under all the circumstances, I try to do good and tomorrow I'm gonna have a. That for me is that resilience is of wanting to, to come to that brand new day. Yes, within. And that in that kind of mentality of like, all right, let's try to

A

do this a little better for me. I. I will say that there's days like today where I get up and I'm motivated. We're recording a podcast. I'm in my studio. I did my hair and makeup. I put on clothes. I still haven't put on shoes yet, but that's okay. But. But then like yesterday I. My hair was wet in a bun all day and I barely functioned yesterday. And even just the little things of, like picking up the grocery order was hard, but the day before that I was productive. And I have to remind myself and give myself grace on those low days, but also give myself permission to have them. Like, they're gonna come and go and it doesn't matter what you're struggling with. We all have low days and productive days. We can't consistently be performing this productiveness consistently. That's not realistic. And I think in our culture and with the expectation to just do more, do More, do more, produce more, produce more. That there's this, like, weight of expectation that we put upon ourselves just because of the narrative in our world that we have to keep doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. We're not doing enough. And so those days that we aren't able to do anything but, like, a load of laundry, at best, you know, like, it's. You beat yourself up for that, man. I. But rest is productive. And for me, that's my body's way of saying, like, hey, it's okay to slow down. Today we're gonna regroup, and then tomorrow we're gonna show up and do something else, and it's gonna be a great day. And I will say, resilience for me now is accepting those low days as not a negative or not beating myself up over them, but actually like a. Okay, I'm mentally brain fog today. Like, I'm all over the place, but let's see what I can do. Let's talk about the little wins I can do. Maybe my keys end up in the refrigerator. That's fine. I still open the fridge and ate a meal today. That's productive. Okay. Like, I am always trying to find things that I can now those negative days, I'm not beating myself up over anymore. I'm. If I start to have that mindset, I'm going, no, nope, it's okay. It's just another Tuesday. It's just another Thursday. It's just another day that ends in Y, and I'm still here. And I can be grateful for what I am capable of today because tomorrow I'll be able to do more because I accepted today for what it is, and that's fine. I feel like I've really learned how to give myself grace in this process more than any other thing I've ever faced. But I am ready to do have more productive days. And the more that I have worked through this, I have found that the low days, that while they still happen every week, they're not majority of the days of the week. Now it's shifted where majority of the days of the week are positive and productive and less low. Does that make sense? And that's a win.

B

Yes, that is a win.

A

It's not a light switch overnight. It is a progression. And sometimes we take a few steps back, and that's okay. But we. As long as we are not letting it hold us there for too long and we're continuing to wear, and if it starts to hold you there too long, that's when you reach out to a friend that's when you talk to somebody because again, when you start verbalizing it, it doesn't. It releases it. I don't know how to explain it, but just being able to openly talk about it released the hold that it had on me. So I'm hoping that this podcast resonates with even just one of you. Maybe you've gone through it in the past, maybe you're going through it now. Maybe it's something that is gonna. I hope it doesn't happen to you in the future, but this is just kind of life. Right. Like, we're always throwing curveball and we have ups and downs, but don't let it steal your joy of being creative because that creativity is such a safe space for us. It took that from us because it was a shared space. So if that is something you can relate to, like we're working through that, we're learning to regain our safe spaces again and bring them joy again. So I'm hoping that by us sharing this publicly leads by example to give you permission to do it as well. Gives you the encouragement, the hope, the gentleness to start the honesty that it's okay. And just to start small.

B

Yeah. Take it at your own pace. Yeah. Like it's. There's not a guideline or a manual or anything that says it has to be. It's kind of like motherhood. Right. Who gives you. Or parenthood. Who gives you a manual on how to raise a child. There isn't such a thing. Right. So the same with. Comes with grief with. With this digital world where we're able and we have the freedom of working from home, but also has its drawbacks. Like everything, like beautiful roses have thorns. Even nature shows us that. Right. And so it's not a thing that that just happens to us. It happens to animals. It happens to all things that are alive. It happens to flowers, it happens to insects. It happens to everything. And so just looking through that and give yourself grace and don't let this. I also want to say this and I do want to close out into. Don't let what Sometimes social media show us things that that's the constant. There's always a behind the camera and the more we push that and the more realistic conversations like this go makes it more human because this is a valuable resource that we can use for good. But in order for using it for good, we have to be truly honest in regards of the good and the bad. You can't portray only the good because then just creates an unrealistic expectation and makes humans feel Pressure to, oh, I'm feeling sad today. I shouldn't be sad. Look at this person. She's always happy, she's always perfect, she's always. It just, it isn't. And you know, you can. Just because you have a positive mindset doesn't mean that you don't get sad. Just because you're going through. Two things can coexist at the same time. You can have grief and laugh at the same time. You can have sadness and you know, and be jump bungee jumping. You can have all of that together. And we have like sometimes society puts in this kind of box that, oh, you can only have happiness. No. Happiness can also coincide with sadness. Right. It all can coexist in the same. We are just such a complex beings and it's okay. And I guess that's my biggest thing. I just wanted everybody to know that it's okay and that we do the best we can and as long as, as you do your best and you're a good person, it's all that matters.

A

Yeah, well, and you know, we always talk about on the podcast, like the comparison trap, not comparing your sewing journey to someone else's, but also not comparing your healing journey to someone else's. While Lena and I connected on similar scenarios, our journey has been different and we were able to learn from one another. And that's what brought us to the point of having these conversations. I also want to mention that if you reach out to someone or someone reaches out to you who's struggling with something that just listening, they don't need you to have the answers. I didn't have answers for Lena. She didn't have answers for me. But just by talking and relating to each other in a shared safe space, going through that similar but different scenarios, it creates an opportunity for healing to begin. I didn't go to Lena for help and answers to solve my problems, and she didn't come to me for that. We can encourage each other and thank each other for creating that space to be open and vulnerable, but that's what we really needed, was just someone who could listen and understand what we were going through. So if someone is needing that from you, or if you're needing that from someone and they want to try to fix your problems, which a lot of people love to fix problems. You know, I'm a problem solver. I'm guilty of that. But tell them like, I just need a listening ear. I just need someone who is gonna acknowledge my feelings so that they don't feel so big by myself. You know, sometimes releasing it can make them feel less heavy. So I'm hoping today that you will find your voice to release whatever is bothering you. I hope that you find the strength to start being creative to get again. If it's taken some of that joy from you and if you need anything, you know I'm here to support you and help you. It's honestly helping others and talking about it with others helps me in the process. We're. We're all learning as we go. So this week I'd like to wrap up, as we always do, with our. You love to see it. This is something that has made us happy this week, something that has brought us joy or just put a smile on our face or something that just is a positive that we want to wrap up the podcast on. So, Lena, what is your. You'll love to see it this week.

B

I. For me, this week has been my garden. Seeing it grow from seeds and now to just looking at my big leaves. I know I share the photos with you.

A

Yeah.

B

Hey, now I've been. I'm kind of obsessing over it, my obsessive compulsive tendencies. And so that, that. And also, I don't know, but I heard from my doctor and that also there's something called green therapy where if you. I suffer from migraines and so if you surround or even by like a red light, a red light, a green light, and you get into the room, it. It helps you reduce headaches.

A

Okay.

B

And so now I'm like. Or seeing something green. So I'm like, I'm going to see my plants every day and that's going to be my green therapy. And so I wake up in the morning and I woke up in the morning and I just looked and my sunflowers are just like going wild and their lives are now like super huge from like this tiny little thing that I grew. And I haven't gardening for over 15 years. So I was like, do I even have a green thumb anymore? Like, I don't know how this is going to work out. But yeah, something as simple as that as seeing my. My plants. And then, you know, I'm the garden crazy lady that talks to the plants. So I'm like, oh, you look so big and pretty today. And so, yeah, that's. That's my love to see it today. My love.

A

I love it. I love that. I will have to say, and this is kind of on topic, but may you love to see it, is that I'm back in my studio. It's not perfect. As I mentioned, I'm still revamping some things, but. And fixing some things. My connections on some of my cameras. But I'm sitting in here and it's actually making me happy to be back in this space. And that's my. You'll love to see it.

B

It's.

A

It's a victory that has been six months in the making, and I'm so proud of you. Thank you. It feels good to see it. It feels good. And I hope that my smile shows up on camera that you guys can see in my voice if you're listening, or my face on YouTube. You can see the joy that being back in the space is starting to bring to me. It's still a work in progress, but I finally feel like I have taken ownership of my space, which is ownership of my future that I want. And that's really exciting. So that is my. You'll love to see it this week. Coming up next week, I am going to have a guest on. Her name is Amy Chappell with Ama Rooney Designs. So I'm excited for that interview. She's a sweet friend of mine. We finally got to meet at H and H a couple weeks ago, so she's going to be here to talk about all the things that she's got going on. And then after Amy's interview two weeks later, when we're back for another episode, Lena's going to be back with me and we're going to talk about finding your voice in the sewing industry. Another topic that her and I talked about recently as we were going through this process of discussing things, and we were discussing about where we're at and what we're overcoming, but also what we want in the future. And it's kind of a topic we haven't really discussed a whole lot. So we're going to talk about finding your voice in the sewing industry and what that could look like or what that might look like for you, if that's something you want to pursue. And we'll go from there. But Lena will be back in a month and I'm so grateful that she hung out with me today and was willing to take on kind of a heavier topic with me today. I know this has been a longer podcast for us than normal, but I felt like it needed to be said. If you felt like you resonated with this, awesome. If this wasn't really something that you could connect with, that's okay. But maybe you've got someone in mind that you're like, I feel like they need to hear this, please share it with them. Follow us on YouTube, follow us on Facebook and Instagram, the Social Hour podcast. And if you want, join our Facebook group, the Social Sewists. We'd love to have you over there and continue the conversation. That is a safe space for us to continue to chat and build a sense of community. Community here. All right, thank you guys so much. Thank you, Lena, for joining me. And I'll see you in a couple weeks. Happy sewing.